Polar Night
by belladonnacullen
Summary: From the wedding, to the honeymoon and beyond. This is Edward & Bella's sequel to Prelude. Mostly from EPOV. Rated M for future chapters. Begins in canon, but plans for some AU twists and turns in the future.
1. Prologue

**This is Edward and Bella's sequel to Prelude. It begins with their wedding and follows them through the honeymoon and beyond, mostly through Edward's POV. Hopefully, it will tie up all the loose ends left over from Prelude. You should be able to read it on its own, but I tend to exist in my own little Twi-universe, and all of my stories weave in and out of one another. So consider checking out my other stories posted on here while you wait for updates!**

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I never originally intended to write this story, but so many people have asked for it, I've been swayed. I do want to honor the other fan fiction authors that have told this story before me, and with such artistry that I've been in awe. My favorites are Vixen1836, KatieBelleCullen and LauraACullen.

I have the utmost respect for Stephenie Meyer (who owns Twilight in all its glory, and who owns the characters I write about,) but to continue Prelude this story had to change, because all of the characters in Prelude changed as well. My intention is to keep all the good stuff, the stuff everyone asked me to write about, and to keep you guessing about the rest.

**xxx, m**

* * *

Thousands of lights twinkled in the trees and ribbons were wound around the ancient cedars that lined the drive. Cars were parked along the winding road. The din of thoughts grew louder. For once in my existence I didn't want to block them out. I welcomed the thoughts of our guests today. I didn't want to miss a thing. I'd lived a century waiting for this day. In less than an hour, I would marry Isabella Swan and make her my own.

"_The house looks lovely. And look at those flowers! They spared no expense, I'm sure."_

"_I've never seen Dr. Cullen so excited. He's always so calm. And his wife, too. How sweet."_

"_Bella is so lucky. Look at this place. She's set for life. And she gets to spend her life with Edward Cullen."_

"_I'm so happy for Bella, I can't wait to see her!"_

But there was one voice that I searched for among all the rest.

"_They're back!"_

Alice's ears had picked up the sound of Emmett's Jeep on the drive. I knew she was with Bella. From the direction of her thoughts, I could tell she was in the third floor bathroom. I listened as closely as possible for a sound I knew better than anything else on earth. And very faintly, amidst all the other noises in the house, I could make it out. A very faint, surprisingly steady, "_thump thump, thump thump."_ Bella's heart. I concentrated on it as the house came in to view.

More ribbons and twinkling lights were wound around the railing leading up to the front door. Two enormous arrangements of orange blossoms, lilac, freesia and roses were perched on either side of the entrance. From inside the house came the calming strains of Bach's Prelude in C Major.

Emmett slapped my shoulder. "Are you planning on getting out of the car, Edward?" Suddenly I noticed that the Jeep had stopped, Jasper was standing next to the passenger door, and Emmett had his door open, waiting for me.

I felt a smile break over my face. "You couldn't keep me away from the house today if you tried, Emmett." I threw the car door open and almost hit Jasper in the process.

"Sorry, Jazz."

"No worries, Edward. I can tell you're a little jumpy. You want some help with that?" Jasper grinned.

"No thanks, Jasper. I want to feel everything today, all the excitement, the nerves… " But my voice trailed off. The sensation coursing through my body didn't have a name that I knew of, and I didn't want to belittle it with my attempt to explain it. But I felt it coming off of my body in wave after wave. If I didn't know better I'd mistake it for a heartbeat. It was the closest thing to alive I'd felt in over eighty years. Yes, Bella had brought me to life again.

And with that thought I wanted to see Bella, to hold her, and explain to her how she made me feel. I wanted to thank her for agreeing to this, for humoring me, for honoring me today. As my brothers and I walked up the drive to the house the feeling became stronger. I saw myself walking up the steps, then continuing up to the second, the third floor, possibly picking up Alice and moving her out of the way, closing the door behind me and taking Bella in my arms. She would be nervous. She'd want to see me. I could hold her small hands in mine, feel her warm fingertips on my lips, and kiss her one last time as Bella Swan.

No, Alice would have my head. And somewhere in the dim recesses of my mind I knew that I'd like to do this as traditionally as possible. I should wait.

"Emmett, you'll have to keep me from Bella. I won't be able to stay away on my own. And please, make it inconspicuous for our human guests."

Emmett's smile was unabashed. "Sure bro. I'll keep you in line. But after you're man and wife, you're on your own." He gripped my shoulder in his large hand and steered me toward the front door.

Emmett bent his head to hiss in my ear, loud enough for Jasper to hear, "There's a spot out back, just on the other side of the river. If you and Bella ducked back there later, no one would know."

Jasper and I both growled and I watched Emmett try to suppress his smile. "You don't let up, do you, Emmett? Trying to get an angle to win the bet even now?" Jasper teased.

But I was actually grateful for the thirty seconds of distraction. I was thirty seconds closer to meeting Bella at the altar.

We were about to mount the stairs when Rosalie ran through the front door and jumped into Emmett's arms. He pulled her in for a long kiss. The two hadn't seen each other for about eighteen hours, but by the sight of them, one might have guessed it was eighteen years.

A voice in my head told me that now was my chance. The path to the door was clear. "Emmett, I'll get away," I hissed in his ear.

Emmett swung Rose to the ground and with some effort, was able to disentangle himself. "Sorry babe, I've got a job to do." He clamped his hand back on my shoulder.

"Another one?" she pouted.

"I'm on Edward patrol. He doesn't want to see Bella before the wedding."

"Edward, I never thought I'd say this, but she looks beautiful! Just wait. Her hair is perfect! I did it." I took advantage of Rose's thoughts to admire Bella. She was still in her slip, a look of utter shock on her beautiful face as Rose offered to do her hair. Rose quickly realized her mistake. Her mind jumped to a picture of Emmett in his boxer briefs. "Ha!" she teased, smiling mischievously at me.

Then Rose turned to Jasper. "Jasper, you have a job to do as well. Alice needs you to go pick up Phil and Renee."

Jasper rolled his eyes. "If I didn't know better, I'd think she didn't want to see me."

Emmett shook his head. "Sometimes I just don't get that little pixie. Here, take the Jeep." Emmett threw Jasper his keys. Catching them easily in one hand, Jasper trudged back down the drive.

We finally made our way into the house and Carlisle and Esme met us on the landing. Esme wound her arms as far around Emmett as she could. "I could kill you for leaving us that way!"

"I don't think that's possible Esme," Emmett joked as he picked her off the floor with an enormous bear hug.

"Son, can we talk?" Carlisle asked Emmett.

"Uh, sure, Carlisle. Rose, can you take Edward if he tries to make a break for the stairs?"

"I'd be more than happy to tackle him in front of all these guests," she said sweetly, placing one last kiss on Emmett's lips.

*

It was the first time Rose and I had seen each other in four weeks. I didn't know where to begin.

"Rose, --"

"Edward, --"

We'd both started at the same time. We paused to smile awkwardly at one another. Things had never been easy between Rose and I. Out of all of my brothers and sisters, I think our relationship was closest to human siblings. Of course, most human siblings were never intended for one another like Rose and I were. It was no wonder that our relationship was a rocky one.

I took Rose's hands in mine. "Rose, there's something I wanted to say to you."

"No Edward, I have to talk with you."

"But, please --"

"Shh, Edward. Let me get this out, or I might never say it."

Rose took a second to straighten her dress and square her shoulders before looking me in the eye and smiling. "I've been unfair, Edward. I couldn't understand the love Bella has for you. But I get it now. It's more love than I could ever give, even to Emmett. If I had the choice, I couldn't…" Rose paused to look at the ground. She continued, looking intently at our feet. "So you better be good to her, Edward. You've been given an enormous gift." Rose peered up at me, her lips were pressed together and her eyes glowed amber in the evening light. It looked almost as if she might cry.

"No Rose, you're wrong. You just gave as much. I underestimated you. I never dreamed you would do half as much for Bella and I. I'm sorry I thought so little of you."

"I didn't give you any reason to think better of me."

"I'll never let them take you, Rose. You belong with us. You always have. Do you remember the first time we met?"

"Not really, I was human."

"In a room full of voices, yours came through loud and clear. It was the only thing that evening that stopped me from feeling sorry for myself."

"I'm sure I only distracted you in order to hate me."

"No, I was amused. Carlisle has always picked wisely, and you are certainly a singular being, Rose. He was right to choose you. I'm so grateful that he did."

I hugged Rose to me and laid my head against hers. I was sorry that in all these years I'd never said as much.

"Watch the hair!" Rose cautioned, pulling away from our embrace. I chuckled and pulled a few strands out of her elaborate up-do on purpose. "Hey!" she swatted at me.

But before Rose and I could torment each other further I felt a warm hand on my shoulder. "Edward." It was Charlie Swan.

"Charlie." I turned around and surprised the man with a hug. His body tensed immediately and I let him go. We both took an awkward step back. "You've met my sister Rose?"

Charlie had to raise his head to take in all of Rose. He smiled at her shyly. "Actually, I don't believe I have. Nice to meet you, Rose."

Rose ran a hand over her hair and smiled with a twinkle in her eye. She was as consistent as the first day I'd met her. "Chief Swan, can you keep an eye on Edward? We're trying to keep him from Bella. Thanks to him, I have to go fix my hair."

Rose didn't give Charlie time to answer. She left a little quicker than was humanly possible. Charlie's eyes went wide; he puffed his cheeks and released the air slowly through pursed lips. "Hmm, that sister of yours is… fast."

He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and rocked onto the balls of his feet. "This is it son. Are you ready to marry my little girl?"

I could feel the smile taking up my entire face. "Absolutely sir. I've never wanted anything more." It took a great deal of restraint to keep from hugging Charlie again, but I took pity on the man.

"And you'll take care of her --"

"Forever." I finished for him. "I won't leave her, ever. You can count on it."

"Thanks, Edward." He patted me on the back. I listened to Charlie's thoughts as he considered bringing up last night's Mariner's game. But then we saw Sue Clearwater walk cautiously through the front entrance, led by her son Seth. "Excuse me, son," Charlie said with some relief, walking quickly to meet the newest guests.

*

Voices and thoughts wove together, creating a tapestry in my mind. It was as if every stray thought and each uttered word coalesced to support Bella and I, lifting us up in celebration. I basked in it, reveled in the love I'd never believed I deserved. My feet felt like they were hardly touching the floor.

"_He looks completely in love."_

"_They're always together."_

"They're going away to college together back east."

"I heard her gown is hand-made, from France!"

"_I hope the weather holds out."_

"_The whole family looks so happy."_

"Did you see him in that tux?"

"How did they get the lights so high in the trees?"

"_Such a mature thing for a young man to do. Gives me hope for the future."_

I was literally shaken from my reverie as Seth Clearwater came bounding in my direction. The floorboards reverberated with each of his heavy steps.

"Edward, Charlie says to stay away from Bella." Seth gave me a strong hug that warmed me through my tux. "So did you give Alice her gifts? Did she like them?"

"Thank you so much for your help, Seth. We managed to surprise her. She had no idea."

"Cool!"

"But I may have miscalculated with the trip to the desert. I don't think she could get Jasper back there for all the world."

"_Back_ there?"

"It turn's out he's already been to the Middle East… Seth, have you heard from…" I swallowed, unable to get the name out on my wedding day.

Seth's expression changed to one of apprehension and he reluctantly nodded his head.

"What have you --"

But I was interrupted by a clatter from the direction of the front door. We turned to see Eleazar and Carmen towing Billy Black and his wheelchair up the front steps of the house. Both vampires were grinning broadly, and Billy was tolerating their assistance with resignation.

Carmen and Eleazar held hands as they came to stand in front of the Quileute chief. "We understand you were a great help to our family in their time of need. We're in your debt," Eleazar murmured.

Billy nodded awkwardly. "Don't mention it." Carmen and Eleazar nodded their heads in parting before turning in my direction.

"Edward!" Carmen was quickly at my side. "I never thought I'd see this day!" she exclaimed, hugging me.

"No one is more surprised than I am, Carmen. I'd like you both to meet Seth Clearwater. Seth, these are my cousins Eleazar and Carmen."

Seth shook both of the vampires' hands enthusiastically. "Cousins, huh? Nice to meet you."

I enjoyed the look of shock and Carmen and Eleazar's faces. I'm sure they hadn't actually touched a werewolf in either of their long lives.

"Excuse me guys, I should go keep Billy company. See you later, Edward." Seth loped off in Billy's direction.

Eleazar recovered quickly and patted me on the back. "Look at you, Edward! It's so good to see you like this. You're not the same man. I told you that you would find your own way."

"I didn't find anything, Eleazar. Bella found what I needed. I would still be lost without her."

"I can't wait to meet this girl!" Carmen said, smiling warmly.

That was all the prompting I needed. I took Carmen's hand. "Come Carmen, I'll introduce you."

*

I turned to the stairs and felt two pairs of strong hands on my shoulders. "Not so fast, buddy," Emmett growled under his breath.

"Yes, Edward, I didn't mean right this second," Carmen said with a laugh.

Carlisle was suddenly in front of me on the stairs. "Son. Stay put. In just ten minutes no one will stand between you and Bella ever again."

Ten minutes? I froze in my place. Bella was about to be mine. I knew the moment I fell in love with Bella that this was what I wanted. But I never believed she would want me back. Even after I was certain of her love, she freely admitted that she had no desire to marry me. But somehow, here we were. Over the past month things had changed so much between us. Now she wanted this, she wanted to marry me, and I knew it. Finally, my every desire would be made manifest…

Carlisle took me gently by the arm. _"Son, we have human guests. Try to move a little and blink," _he thought at me.

I'd been frozen in place, deep in thought. I spotted two nurses from the hospital glancing at me suspiciously. I peered up at Carlisle. My father looked amused.

"Cold feet, son?"

"No, something else entirely." I felt the ever-present smile reclaiming my face, and exhilaration and triumph consuming my heart.

"_Thump thump, thump thump."_ The sound of Bella's heart was getting louder upstairs. I wondered if the humans would be able to hear it soon. I clasped Carlisle's arm.

Carlisle beamed back at me. It was possibly the happiest I'd seen him since he married Esme.

"Let's go find Rose," Emmett said, steering Carmen and Eleazar into the growing crowd.

"Son…" Carlisle put his hands on my shoulders. "I've never been more joyful than I am today. Over the years you've fought yourself tooth and nail. Now, to see the man you've become… I'm so grateful that my _entire_ family can finally live in a state of peace and contentment."

"Thank you, father."

"Thank you, Edward, for believing in yourself enough to bring Bella into all of our lives."

Esme was suddenly at Carlisle's side and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She was so excited that she seemed to be vibrating. "There are no words for how happy I am today, Edward." She practically bounced over to me and took my chin in her hand, smiling fiercely.

"I've waited so long to see you this happy; my entire existence." She wrapped one arm around Carlisle and one around myself. "We both waited for this day, not always with the patience we should have. But we only wanted the best for you. Enjoy the day Edward, it's been a long time coming."

"_Oh, this is beautiful! Alice is a genius! The flowers… the ribbons… the satin on the seats. I can't wait to see her! My baby, getting married! I hope I don't cry before the wedding even starts!_" I turned my head toward the sound of Renee Dwyer's thoughts. When she saw my parents and I, Bella's mother rushed over, leaving her husband Phil standing awkwardly with Jasper.

"Dr. & Mrs. Cullen, this all looks so beautiful. Thank you so much for having the kids' wedding here!"

"Please," Carlisle said, "it's Carlisle and Esme."

"I know, I know. You two are so much younger than I am, but I always feel like a child in comparison for some reason. Edward!" Renee gave me a quick hug and then stepped back to look me over. _"I have one lucky daughter_."

"Edward, you look so handsome, and so happy." My smile grew impossibly bigger. If I were human the muscles in my face may have hurt by now. "Have you seen my daughter?"

Carlisle grinned, "We're doing everything in our power to keep that from happening, Renee. Alice's orders. She wants everything perfect, including the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding."

"Oh, of course. I wasn't thinking. Where is she?"

"I could take you there," I offered with a grin. Carlisle encased my arm in his iron grip.

"She's in the third floor washroom, Renee. Here, let me show you the way," Esme offered.

"F_inally, I'll get to see the little human that Edward wants to play house with_." I recognized the owner of the thoughts immediately. Two sets of footsteps came quicker than humanly possible up the drive.

"Stand by me, Kate."

"Yes, Tanya."

"We must find Carlisle right away."

"Of course."

"It's Tanya and Katrina," I whispered to my father. We turned to see the two walk through the door. Katrina wore an enormous smile, and Tanya's face was arranged in an impassive mask.

Tanya was murmuring in Kate's ear. "It's always a production with our cousins. Kate, don't you think this is a bit --" Tanya's eyes met mine and she stopped mid-sentence. I saw a flash of brightness in her eyes, but nothing else gave her away outwardly. "_Oh, my. I was wrong. He's radiant."_

"Kate, I just can't. Please go say hello for me." With that Tanya ducked into the kitchen, out of sight.

Kate ran to meet Carlisle and I and threw her arms around me. "I'm so happy for you Edward!"

"Thanks, Kate."

"Carlisle, we're so sorry we didn't come last month. We should have been here."

"Of course. But it can wait until tomorrow. Today is about celebrating my son and his soon-to-be wife."

"_She's his mate. I can see it. Poor Tanya."_

"I'm so happy to see you Edward. And I'm curious to see your… mate." The last word was forced out with some difficulty. I felt for Kate, who was obviously so glad for me, but was struggling to hide her conflicting emotions.

"As am I, Kate. I can't wait to see her."

I heard Tanya's thoughts drift toward me from the kitchen._ "No, I won't believe it until I see her, until I see them together."_

"It won't be long now, son. I should probably start to get people seated," Carlisle offered.

Just then, Bella's voice carried down the stairs, only loud enough for the vampires in attendance to hear. "_Mom, dad… you shouldn't have_." She sounded near tears. The three of us turned in the direction of Bella's voice and I took a step toward the stairs.

"She's fine, son," Carlisle said soothingly, tightening his grip on my arm.

I noticed movement around me. Guests were finding their places, settling in their seats. Rose was suddenly seated at my piano, surprising me again. I'd had no idea she was planning to play.

"Thump thump, thump thump." I could hear Bella's heart accelerating. I saw a quick vision of Alice pushing a garter up Bella's leg. My heart leapt into my throat.

"_Keep out of my head, Edward. You should know better."_

"Edward?" I turned to see Angela shyly edging up to Kate and I. _"Edward's whole family is just as intimidating as he is!"_

Her father, Reverend Webber had his hand on her shoulder a bit protectively. "Good to see you, son."

I shook his hand and he jumped slightly with my touch.

"Edward, I'm so happy for you and Bella. This is just so beautiful, and romantic, and…" Angela ended by shaking her head, at a loss for words.

"I know, Angela. I've been somewhat speechless myself."

Angela giggled.

"Son, we should get in our places," Reverend Webber advised.

"Yes, certainly."

Angela's father and I walked down the aisle to take our place. I somehow felt more aware in this moment than I ever had before in my vampire existence. Time broke itself down into fractions of milliseconds so that I could absorb even more than I was usually able to. Each footfall, each whispered aside, the light in my mother's eyes, Renee's hushed sobs, the strains of Pachelbel's Cannon echoing off the high ceilings, the odd fluttering in my chest, the pressure of Carlisle's hands as he clasped them over mine, the scent of each individual flower in the canopy over my head.

I looked at my family seated in the front row. Esme was clutching Emmett's hand for support. Jasper raised an eyebrow in my direction and I shook my head. I didn't want this feeling dulled.

"Thumpthump, thumpthump, thumpthump, thumpthumpthumpthump."

"_Focus, Bella. Edward is waiting for you down there."_

"Thumpthumpthumpthump, thumpthump, thump thump, thump, thump."

"_Yes, Edward. Okay."_

And then Bella's scent wafted down through the stairwell, stronger and sweeter than all of the flowers surrounding us. The scent that drove me mad, nearly undid me, and then put me back together again better than before. The piano easily transitioned to Wagner's wedding march. My family and friends took to their feet.

"_Don't let me fall, Dad." _

I heard Bella's footsteps on the stairs. My dream was becoming reality.

* * *

**I know this is really just a teaser chapter, but a kind review would help get the next chapter out quicker! m**


	2. I Do

**There are some direct quotes from Breaking Dawn in here. They're not mine, they are Stephenie Meyer's, as is Twilight and all of the characters therein. Quiet Night of Quiet Stars is also not mine.**

* * *

"_Don't let me fall, Dad." _

I heard Bella's footsteps on the stairs. My dream was becoming reality.

*

Alice was walking gracefully down the aisle smiling from ear to ear and sneaking little waves at classmates and family. I heard Jasper take a quick breath when he saw Alice in her shimmering silver gown, followed by a quick flash from both of their minds. Alice had kept Jasper away on purpose, to make their reunion all the more special. I watched the look of love and longing between them and desperately tried to stay out of their thoughts.

With a wink, Alice turned from Jasper to smile in my direction. Breaking her own strict rules about proper wedding etiquette, she pranced up to me, stood on tiptoe and gave me an enormous hug.

"For you, big brother," she whispered, "I couldn't wait." Alice's thoughts washed over me. I saw Alice hugging me after I had returned from a hunting trip to find her and Jasper had moved into our house, Alice throwing her arms around me after I'd graduated from medical school at Oxford, Alice with her arm around my waist as we walked away from our house in Denali that last time. Then the visions changed and I saw myself dancing with Bella at the prom, my arm was wrapped tenderly around Bella in the plane on the way back from Volterra, holding Bella's hand as we officially told our family we were getting married, and then I cradling Bella in my arms in our doorway only two days ago. I wasn't the same person Alice met in the driveway in 1950; that much was clear.

Suddenly Alice had me looking down at the wedding from above, spinning out to encompass the reception area in the back, then higher, and when we came back to earth I was embracing Bella in moonlit water, then I was showering kisses on her freckled and sun burnt nose on the daylit beach as we lay on warm white sand.

"Congratulations," Alice whispered in my ear.

It had all happened so fast, less than two seconds. The humans in the audience smiled at Alice's impetuousness, and the vampires were left to guess what Alice and I had communicated between us. I would never tell.

Then with a dramatic flourish from Rose, the music swelled and two sets of footsteps could be heard coming closer on the stairs. One set was steady and even, the other was tentative, light and halting. Bella. _Thump thump, thump thump_. As she moved, her scent intensified, and my entire body was set on fire. I clutched my hands at my side and tensed in anticipation.

Alice had artfully set up the chairs so that I would be the last to see Bella. No doubt she was angling for added drama. I suffered as I heard the murmurs and sighs of others, I heard thoughts about how beautiful she was, and how nervous she looked. And then I began to see her, from a dozen different perspectives, her gown, her bouquet, her intricately woven hair, her face, blushing pink and perfect. I wanted to knock each and every person out of the way to see her for myself. I actually took a half step forward.

"_Son,"_ Carlisle silently shouted at me. He knew me well. I stood in my place.

Instead of moving, I strained my eyes. I could see hints of white lace, the flash of a delicate satin shoe, the top of Charlie's head. And after sixty painfully long seconds, Bella stood before me at the end of the aisle on her father's arm.

It took a split second for my mind to recall the first time I'd seen Bella in her wedding gown on her father's arm. It was an icy January morning on the bank of the river behind the house when I'd decided to leave Forks for good. That vision had caused so much inexplicable pain; it had ultimately kept me from leaving. The next time I saw Bella on her wedding day, the picture was much clearer. I'd seen Bella's delicate body encased in a filmy white lace dress, I saw her face glowing with happiness, I'd heard the strains of Wagner in the background. That day in biology class I'd been consumed with jealousy, and I'd decided to make Bella a part of my life.

What I didn't know so long ago was that the visions were very real, and that I was the one Bella had been walking towards. I would never have dared to dream as much. It was the only time in my long existence that I could claim precognition.

But today the old pain and jealousy were gone forever. I was exultant in this moment.

I watched Bella's big brown eyes search the crowd, she was anxious and my breath hitched in my throat. But then her eyes found mine. They softened, grew wider, and filled with joy and love. When I saw that change in them, it conquered every last shred of doubt that I carried with me to this day. I silently rejoiced as I watched Bella quicken her steps, loose her grip on her father's hand, and push against the pace of the music to make her way to me. She was coming to me, coming home; she was about to be mine, forever.

I couldn't wait for Charlie and reached for Bella as soon as she was within my grasp. Charlie belatedly offered me Bella's hand, and finally I was able to touch her. Her hands were soft and warm, and I gently encased them in mine, and stared deeply into her eyes, losing myself in their depths.

I let everything around me blur and buzz. I watched Bella's eyes, full of boundless love. They spoke silently of what I had been and what I had become. They told me the story of how I was saved. I watched water fill them until they were overflowing, and one warm tear trickled down her cheek.

_Bella, don't cry._

I bent my head closer to hers and felt her breath wash over my face. I took all of her in, not wanting to miss a thing. I felt her blood pumping through the tiny vessels in her hands; I listened to her lungs and her heart. I watched her bite her bottom lip, then hold her breath. Her eyes never left mine.

From far away, a somewhat familiar voice asked, "Do you, Isabella Marie Swan, take Edward Anthony Cullen, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"

Bella's eyes brightened, she clutched my hand, and I held my breath.

"I do," she sobbed in a whisper.

It was the most amazing sound I ever heard. And my face broke into a smile that would have put the sun to shame. I could hardly wait to hear my vows before announcing to the world, "I do." I heard my voice ring out triumphantly. With that it was Bella's turn to smile; a smile so joyous it looked as though she might laugh out loud.

Bella's hands shook as we placed the rings on each other's fingers, tears flowed freely down her face and I felt an unfamiliar sting in my eyes. I was blinking rapidly as looked from her wedded hand to her face.

"And by the powers vested in me, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Bella was mine, before our family, before my god, before each other. My angel, my home.

Carlisle's words from earlier in the evening came back to me. There would be no one between us for the rest of our existence. It was up to me, and me alone, to keep Bella safe. I moved toward her slowly, like I was touching her for the first time. I cupped her face in my hands, like I was caressing the wind, and brought my face to hers. I could smell her tears, salty and warm. I could taste her scent in my mouth. Her lips were slightly parted, her eyes didn't blink, and she stayed impossibly still. I brushed my lips against hers carefully, pressing gently.

It was as if a match had been struck. The fire that sparked between us was bright and hot, and with that, Bella threw her arms around me and pressed her small body against mine. Taking me for hers. For all of my careful tenderness, Bella's kiss was blinding in its intensity. He lips moved against mine, her lips parted, her tongue touched my lips, her hands wound through my hair, her heart hammered against my chest. I was caught in her embrace. I gave in. I was hers and she was mine.

I would have happily stayed under our arch, intently kissing forever. I'd never felt joy like this, I'd never felt anything like this in all the time Bella and I had spent together. I had everything I could want. Nothing else mattered except her and I.

But thoughts of others eventually broke through our embrace. With regret I pulled my lips from Bella's and smiled at my wife, my WIFE. She was unabashed, and would have kissed me again, if I didn't hold her away from me. Her eyes were for me only, and I had to turn her to face our guests. And then applause and love filled the first floor of our home. Emmett hollered, along with some of our former classmates.

The only thing I cared about though, was Bella's hand in mine. I watched her beaming at me from dozens of vantage points as our guests rushed to congratulate us. It wasn't until Bella's mother broke through the crowd sobbing, that Bella looked away from me. Through the embraces of all of our family and friends I didn't let her hand leave mine.

*

Alice waited until the crowd had parted to open the glass doors to the backyard. The sky glowed pink and orange behind the clouds, accentuated by thousands of lights wrapped intricately around each of the cedars in the yard. A canopy of orange blossoms hung over the grass, and petals floated gently to the ground stirred by a warm and salty breeze. The river burbled gently, satin tablecloths shimmered in the lights, humans, vampires and a lone wolf made their way into the yard.

Bella's hand was still in mine, and I gently caressed it with my thumb.

"Bella."

"Edward."

"I love you."

Tears filled her eyes again, and one escaped and trailed slowly down her pink cheek.

I caressed her face with my thumb, wiping the tear away. "Don't cry, my love."

"I can't help it. I'm so…"

"As am I." I bent to kiss her gently, and this time I was the one to pull her body to mine, pressing her soft flesh against me. I was on fire again, and my hands explored her lace-covered back, and wound through her hair.

"_Edward!"_ Alice silently hollered from the lawn. I lingered in the embrace for another minute before pulling away. "We should find our guests."

"Do we have to?"

"Do you want to spend eternity with Alice angry at you?"

"Good point."

I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist, and basked in the warmth of her body where it touched mine. When we walked through the back doorway the crowd erupted in applause again, and silverware clinked on glasses.

Bella turned to me with a wide smile and blushing cheeks.

"Well, if they insist," I murmured in her ear, making sure my lips brushed against her as I spoke. I wrapped my hands around the back of Bella's head and kissed _my wife_ again. Our kiss was simple and sweet and when it was over I could see my reflection in Bella's eyes. I saw happiness incomparable to anything Alice had shown me in her visions. Bella's joy reflected my own perfectly and I carefully squeezed my hand around her waist. She rested her head against my chest and I sighed, at peace.

*

Seth was the first to greet us, accompanied by his mother and Billy Black, Charlie Swan's oldest friend and the chief of the Quileute tribe.

"Congrats, guys," Seth exclaimed with an enormous grin on his face. It's good to see things work out for you man. I'm happy for you." Seth threw his arms around me spontaneously.

"_If nothing else, this brought my son home." _

I stiffened in the hug. It had been Billy Black. His son was home. I raised my eyebrows and gave Seth a quick knowing glance as he stepped back to his mother's side. He easily guessed what I wanted to know.

"_He's trying to make it here in time. It's okay if you listen in to my thoughts. I'll keep my eyes and ears out so that I know as soon as he's here."_

"Thank you Seth, that means a lot to me."

I turned to Sue Clearwater and Billy Black. Billy's eyes and ears were attuned to the night, waiting expectantly for Jacob's return. I forced a smile on my face. This would be fine. Bella was mine now, she loved me, she chose me. My brothers had assured me that they would be on the lookout for the wolf. My heart only hurt a little thinking of how happy Bella would be to have the dog here.

"Thank you, as well. For letting Seth come. For supporting Bella today."

"You're welcome," Billy nodded gravely.

Angela and her parents, Ben, Mike and Jessica were next. Mike's impure thoughts about my wife while he held Jessica's hand only mildly annoyed me. My attention was divided between gazing at _my wife_ and Seth's thoughts, as he listened for signs of his pack. I was distracted enough that I was overwhelmed by Tanya's cool embrace.

"Ah, Edward, I've missed you." Tanya and I had known each other for nearly my entire existence. Her thoughts picked up seamlessly where her voice left off. _"She smells lovely, Edward. I can see why you kept her a secret for so long."_

With an easy and fluid motion I disentangled myself from Tanya's arms and held her at arms length. She pushed her shoulder against my hand so that it was flush with her silken granite skin.

"_It took a wedding and a human to bring us this close, cousin."_ But she quickly eased herself backward and I was able to step back to Bella's side. Bella's face had gone pale and her eyes were wide. I took her in my arms and tried to reassure her wordlessly. A small chuckle eased the tension that was building inside me.

"It's been too long, Tanya. You look well."

"So do you." Her thoughts continued where her voice left off. _"Keeping a human suites you."_

I didn't want any confusion. "Let me introduce you to _my wife_." It was the first time I'd said it out loud and the word exploded from my lips and rang out in triumph. I felt Bella's body relax against mine. Our eyes met and the warmth, the fire, the boundless love grew around us, uniting us as one. I heard the titters of my cousins and looked back at them. Kate, Carmen and Eleazar gazed at us adoringly; Tanya's eyes were wide, and I saw her work to compose her face.

"Tanya, this is my Bella."

"_Yes, she is, isn't she?" _There was resignation in her thoughts, but none showed through to her face as she turned to look at Bella.

"Welcome to the family, Bella. We consider ourselves Carlisle's extended family, and I am sorry about the, er, recent incident when we did not behave as such. We should have met you sooner. Can you forgive us?"

I felt Bella tremble in my arms. "Of course. It's so nice to meet you." Bella clutched my hand and I squeezed it back. She was too good. Tanya didn't deserved Bella's good will or her apology. My heart swelled with love for her again. If Jacob showed up tonight, I would manage to be as gracious as _my wife_.

*

One by one we greeted each of our guests. I called Bella my wife twenty-six more times in the space of half an hour, and the word never ceased to amaze me. I used Bella as an anchor during that time, for my heart was soaring above the trees.

Suddenly Alice was ushering us over to a towering white cake, adorned with flowers and pearls. I stood behind Bella, wrapped my arms around her and placed my hands over hers as we cut the first ceremonial piece together. Alice stepped in and quickly had a piece of cake and two forks lain out in front of us.

I saw Bella balk and take a step backward, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back to the table. "You don't like cake?" I smiled.

"But --"

I could hear Emmett's thoughts ringing through the crowd that had gathered around the table. "_He's gonna' do it!"_

Alice whispered in Bella's ear, "You'll _never_ get another chance at this, Bella. Enjoy!"

I managed an encouraging smile, even as my jaw clenched reflexively shut and my teeth ground together. Finally, Bella smiled mischievously. I noticed the vampires had crowded in the closest, full of disbelieving anticipation, similar to human children crowding around a classmate that was about to eat a worm. Any other day, I would have preferred a worm.

Bella and I neatly filled each other's mouths with large pieces of fluffy white cake. I reminded myself to chew even as the venom in my mouth turned it into a frothing, bubbling ball of stomach-turning sludge. I worked to keep the smile on my face, as I physically forced myself to swallow the offending stuff down. Emmett guffawed and the rest of my vampire family chuckled and nudged one another. The humans looked around nervously, wondering what joke they had missed.

But Alice made up for it by having large pieces of cake quickly passed around. She made sure to hand one to each human and vampire in attendance. The vampires looked askance at the food, and quickly walked away into the night with it. I was sure clean up would include fishing cake out of the ferns.

Bella had scarcely finished when Alice corralled all of the single woman out onto the dance floor. Much to Rose's chagrin, Alice towed her out onto the dance floor as well. As far as the humans in attendance were concerned, Rose and Alice were also unmarried. Emmett winked at Rose and she rolled her eyes, but nodded in assent.

"Don't you dare, Rose," Alice whispered under her breath.

"Fine, I won't catch it, but _my_ wedding is next, Alice."

"Again!" Alice sighed.

When Rose was in place, Alice managed to pull a glaring Tanya and a giggling Kate out to the floor as well. The vampires all hung back, and I watched as the humans kept casting nervous glances over their shoulders. So it was a mere accident that Bella's bouquet landed in Angela's unsuspecting arms.

Bella rushed to give her friend a hug of congratulations, and Alice materialized at Bella's side with a satin-covered chair in hand. Jasper was suddenly pulling me forward.

"Alice's order's, Edward," he said under his breath, trying to suppress a grin. I watched Alice push Bella down into the chair.

"_Careful, Edward, it's mine. And I want it back." _

The picture I'd seen in Alice's head from earlier flashed into my mind. Alice's garter. I heard Bella's heart accelerate for the first time since she'd met me on the altar. Her face was flushed and she couldn't meet my eyes. I caught her shimmying in her seat, and realized she was moving the garter down her leg.

I bent down on one knee in front of her and placed my hands on her thighs. "That's enough, love. Any farther and there'll be no challenge," I cooed.

Bella froze, stunned, blushing, her eyes wide.

Very slowly, my hands pushed the silk and lace of her gown up to her knee, revealing a slender calf and a hint of her thigh. I sighed. A vision of Bella at my window in my room flashed through my brain. "_Concentrate, Edward_," Alice silently reminded me. I snapped back to the present and I planned on thanking Alice in the future. It took a second for Alice to see my plan and she smiled back at me.

"_You're welcome."_

I kept my eyes fixed on Bella's as I lowered my mouth to her leg. And very gently, I clutched the silky garment in my teeth, intentionally grazing her thigh with my lips. By the time I made my way down her leg, my lips were on fire. I could see the rapid rise and fall of Bella's chest, and her leg was trembling. I knew enough of her by now to know that it wasn't from the cold.

"_God, Bella's hot."_

My head shot up to identify the owner of the voice. Mike Newton. I used the full force of the elastic band to snap the garter at Mike, hitting him squarely between the eyes. He jumped, startled, and Ben and Tyler both laughed out loud. Mike looked flustered, and Alice added to it by walking over to him and grabbing the frothy lace from his lap where it had fallen.

"Excuse me Mike, but I believe this is mine."

Jasper was suddenly at Alice's side and I heard a faint rumble in his chest as he glared at Mike. He knew Mike's feelings for Bella as well as I did. I'd have to remember to thank my brother.

I turned to focus my attention back on Bella who was still blushing, her heart still fluttering. I pulled her to her feet and held her body close to mine.

"I can't believe you just did that," she said in a breathless voice.

"You're _my wife_ now, Bella," I whispered in her ear. "I think that was a perfectly reasonable thing for a husband to do." I held her body close to mine and glassware clinked again in the dark. My lips, still burning with her touch, pressed against hers eagerly.

We remained in a tight embrace until the first notes of Quiet Night of Quiet Stars hit the night air. Bella and I were both stunned enough to jump away from one another. Alice was at our side.

"That wasn't the effect I'd hoped this song would have," she smirked.

"Alice!" Bella and I both chastised in unison.

"I only listened for the song. I didn't see anything, I promise. Now go on, you two. Everyone's waiting." Alice gave us a small nudge out onto the dance floor.

To my surprise, Bella didn't hesitate. I wrapped my arms around her and gazed into her eyes. Bella's eyes were tearing again, and I kissed her, brushing her warm tears with my lips. I held her body against mine and we moved easily around the dance floor. The lights twinkled in Bella's eyes, reminding me of our dance in front of the fire two nights ago. It seemed like another lifetime, everything had changed with a set of simple vows.

_I want life to always be like this_

_With you right next to me…_

_And I, who was sad,_

_Having lost faith in this world_

_I found you, and then I knew_

_What happiness is, my love…_

Vampires are possessive by nature. To be mated is forever. I held Bella in my arms and remembered the hundreds of other times I'd held her. That first time in my room, the first night we spent together in her bed, the first night we'd spent together in mine. Those times I'd held her it had been a fervent wish, an impossibility. But now the truth was staring me in the face, in the form of Bella in a wedding gown, held in the hushed silence of family and friends. From now on when I held her in my arms, she would be mine.

As if Bella could hear my thoughts, her eyes glimmered and she smiled. Her face was close enough to mine that I was warmed with its heat.

"Enjoying the party Mrs. Cullen?" I whispered. I let my lips trail over her delicate skin just behind her ear and inhaled deeply.

"That will take a while to get used to."

"We have a while."

Did she hear the admission in what I'd said? I didn't want anything but eternity. And with that thought I crushed Bella's lips to mine for the fourth time as man and wife. I pulled her body impossibly closer. My restraint was losing out in this battle. With each kiss I needed more of Bella, wanted to claim her completely. I searched Emmett's brain, hoping for the location beyond the river. Maybe…

But the song was too short and the music changed. I felt a tap on my shoulder.

Bella released my lips and blushing, avoided her father's eyes. "You still taste like cake!" she whispered. With mention of the cake, my stomach turned violently. I wouldn't be able to hold it down much longer.

"Edward, uh, son, I think it's my turn to cut in."

"Of course." I gave Bella another soft kiss on the lips, before handing her over to her father. That made five times.

*

I was quickly making my way toward the house to rid my body of the human food, when Esme stepped into my path. "Edward." Her smile was warm and her hands clasped mine. "You're not going to duck out on me, are you?"

"No?" I looked longingly at the house.

"Edward!"

"Sorry, mom." As soon as the words were out of my mouth, Esme's face softened into a look of love. I knew I could always win her over by calling her mom.

"What is it, son?"

"Cake," I croaked.

"Oh! Do you need to go?"

"I think I can make it through our dance." I braved a smile and swung Esme out under the canopy of flowers.

"Thank you, dear."

The strains of Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World" pierced the night air.

"I remember when you would go see him play at The Cotton Club. Then you would come home at the end of the night and replay everything on the piano for Carlisle and I. Tanya said you played better than they all did at the club. I believe it too. To hear you play jazz piano! You could transport us all to another world."

With mention of Tanya I felt another waive of nausea. Had she loved me even then?

"Edward, what is it?"

"Nothing, Esme. Just the cake." I watched Bella dancing awkwardly with her father. Charlie was talking food, but thinking about how much he loved his daughter. I felt a pang of regret. Charlie and I had a strained relationship, if you could call it a relationship at all. But it hurt to think that I was taking his daughter away from him in the most absolute sense of the word.

As the song faded into "Come Away with Me", Bella was passed off to Phil. Esme looked at me with complete concern. "Go, quickly. Get it over with and get back out here and enjoy your bride."

I looked back at Bella laughing up at Phil, actually dancing without a care in the world. She caught my eye and smiled. "She'll be here when you get back."

"Thanks mom." This time it was said with sincerity.

*

My trip to the bathroom was unpleasant but necessary. When I returned to the reception I chuckled to see Bella tolerating her time on the dance floor with Mike Newton. But his thoughts had me at her side immediately. All it took was one predatory glance and Mike stepped cautiously to the sidelines.

"Still not fond of Mike, eh?"

"Not when I have to listen to his thoughts. He's lucky I didn't kick him out, or worse."

"Yeah, right." Bella shook her head dismissively. I couldn't let her speak about herself like that tonight of all nights.

"Have you had a chance to look at yourself?"

"Um. No, I guess not. Why?"

"Then I suppose you don't realize how utterly, heart-breakingly beautiful you are tonight. I'm not surprised Mike's having difficulty with improper thoughts about a married woman. I am disappointed that Alice didn't make sure you were forced to look in a mirror."

"You are very biased, you know."

"Biased, am I?" I was certainly biased, but I was also very aware that there wasn't a man that could keep their eyes or thoughts far from Bella this evening. I spun her across the dance floor to the glass walls of the house, and turned her toward our reflection. Bella took in a quick breath and her hand came to her mouth in surprise.

Reflected back at us was a stunning beauty, whose exquisite frame was encased in an ethereal white gown. Her cheeks glowed pink under the light, her eyes lit up her delicate features, and her hand held mine. It was the first time I had seen us together as man and wife, and I held my breath, awed at the picture in front of me. A stray thought blew threw my brain, I wished my human mother could see me now, could see her ring on Bella's finger. I clasped the hand Bella had brought to her face and wrapped it around my waist. Her full lips glistened and I bent my head to bring them to my own.

A din of thoughts hit me at once. "_He's here!_" Seth shouted silently.

"_Edward!_" my brothers silently called out in unison.

"Go ahead, Jacob, you didn't come to hide in the bushes," Sam Uley urged his pack brother.

And then came the voice I'd grown to loathe. "I can't, guys. I can't."

"Oh," I sighed.

Bella stared at me inquisitively, and I worked to quickly make my face as pleasantly surprised as possible. This was for Bella; it would complete her night. I had been the one that invited him after all. I had no one to blame but myself.

"What is it?"

"A surprise wedding gift."

* * *

**A/N: Perhaps the fluffiest chapter I've written in all my life. Edward, you old softy... Please let me know if you liked it. Reviews brighten my day! Thanks for your words of encouragement so far. m**


	3. The Past and The Future

**There are beautiful quotes directly from Breaking Dawn in this chapter. I am so thankful that Stephenie Meyer lets us use her characters and her words this way. Not all authors are as supportive of fan fiction. m**

* * *

"_What is it?"_

"_A surprise wedding gift."_

"Huh?" Bella cocked her head to the side and the little crease I loved puckered between her brows.

I needed to control myself. I could look happy and calm, but I didn't trust my voice to explain further. I'd let the dog explain for himself. So without a word I spun Bella out onto the dance floor. I made sure to press her closer to my chest than I had all night. I wanted my scent to cling to her, and I wanted her to remember me while she spoke to him. It was silly, I suppose. I didn't doubt her love. But I certainly didn't doubt his love, either.

I felt Bella's heart flutter as I held her in that tight embrace. Her lips immediately sought out my own and I was happy to oblige. I kissed her as deeply as I dared as we spun towards the tree line at the edge of the yard. We came to a stop and swayed together at the edge of the dark night, kissing, Bella's hands running through my hair, as we waited out the end of the song.

"_I get the picture," _a thought growled from the dark.

My head turned toward the darkest of the shadows. I made sure that my face gave nothing away. I wouldn't scowl, for Bella.

"_I came. You've made me want to vomit. Are you happy?"_

"Thank you. This is very… kind of you."

Suddenly, I felt Bella go tense in my arms. She looked away from me to the black forest. I knew she couldn't smell his stench like I could. She couldn't see the vague outlines of the three shape shifters.

I sensed my brothers behind me. "_Jasper and I have your back, Edward. It's gonna' be cool. Don't worry_." I breathed a sigh of relief, grateful for the support of my brothers.

"Kind is my middle name," Jacob said out loud. Can I cut in," and he added silently, "_bloodsucker? Or did you just ask me here to rub my nose in it?"_

Bella went from tense to completely weak in my arms. Her knees buckled beneath her and I held her up as her body collapsed into mine. She'd stopped breathing.

My chest ached as I realized that marriage hadn't changed Bella's feelings for the dog. I wished I could be the only one that would make her feel that way. But what were wishes in this world? I stayed still and strong and held her up. I would be strong for her.

"Jacob? Jacob!" Bella called. I heard the hope and happiness in her voice.

"Hey there, Bells," Jacob called from the shadows.

I hated that he used the same term of endearment Bella's father used. It was too familiar. I gripped Bella's elbow in response, but quickly calibrated my hold, careful not to hurt her. This wasn't Bella's fault. This was a mess I'd made, and I would have to live with it.

When I was sure she could use her legs again, I led Bella in the direction of the dog. I watched Bella straining her big brown eyes to catch site of him. When she was within his grasp, Jacob held out his arms and Bella tumbled into them. He'd grown so that he was taller than me by a head, and his large hot body seemed to engulf Bella. He pressed his cheek against the top of her head.

"_A moment, if you don't mind?" _he thought as his eyes flashed up, assessing me, sizing me up.

I heard Bella trying to suppress a sob and I ached to take her back in my arms. But this was for her. I would have given her to Jacob forever, if that was what she wanted. I could certainly give her a few minutes on her wedding night. At least, that's what I tried to convince myself of.

"Rosalie won't forgive me if she doesn't get her official turn on the dance floor," I said by way of an excuse.

"_Thank you_," Jacob silently growled.

I backed away slowly, and the sounds of Bella's sobs tore at my dead heart. I tried to ignore the venom that was filling my throat until I was nearly choking. Taking a deep breath, so that I could hold a piece of Bella with me, I turned and walked quickly back to the reception. My brothers immediately flanked me, and each put an arm around my shoulders.

"You okay, dude?"

"Of course he's not okay, Emmett. How would you feel?" Jasper asked.

"Well, I'd have killed him months ago. But that's just me."

"Is she happy, Jasper?" I asked as I peered over my shoulder at the couple in the shadows.

Jasper looked at me reluctantly. "Yes, she is."

"Then I'm fine, Emmett. Would you two keep an eye on them? It would be inappropriate for me to intrude. And, I don't think I could…" I stopped and swallowed another wave of venom. "There are wolves watching as well."

"What's that filthy dog doing here?" Rosalie snarled behind me.

"It was Edward's idea," Emmett answered as he wound his hand around Rose's waist.

"What?"

"I don't get it either, babe."

"Rose, would you do me the honor?" I asked motioning towards the dance floor. "I could use some distraction."

Rosalie's eyes lit up. "You're asking me to dance?"

"I believe I just did."

"This a first!"

Rose took my hands and we spun underneath the lights. Petals rained on our heads and lights twinkled in Rosalie's eyes. "You played beautifully tonight, Rose," I said in an attempt at conversation.

"And now you're complimenting my piano playing! Bella _has_ changed you."

With mention of Bella, my head reflexively turned in her direction. Rose put her hand to the side of my face and forced me to look at her.

"It's not polite to look away from the lady you're dancing with, Edward. She's going to be fine. Emmett would never let anyone hurt her."

"Yes, I know." But somehow this didn't make me feel any better. I tried to smile bravely.

"Edward, she loves you. She chose you; she's giving you everything she possibly can. Please, be happy tonight! No one has ever had more proof of someone else's love."

At that moment Alice ran over and clasped Jasper in her arms. A feeling of love and desire surged through the crowd. Humans murmured and shifted awkwardly, some blushed. Katrina rolled her eyes and giggled, and Esme playfully pinched Carlisle's backside.

"Okay, maybe Alice is right up there with you. From time to time we all have proof of Jasper's… love."

I chuckled. The night was lovely, and now it was perfect for Bella. My family was together and happy. And finally, tonight, Bella was officially one of the family. She would be, forever. My life was complete in a way I never thought it could be. I felt a weight lift off of my shoulders and I smiled at Rosalie in thanks.

"That's better. That's the look of a vampire that's finally about to get some."

"Is he, now?"

I spun Rosalie around to face the owner of the voice. Tanya's honey-colored eyes glittered in the lights.

"May I cut in? She asked innocently. But she continued in her mind, "_It seems this dance is for the losers_."

Tanya nodded her head in the direction of Bella and Jacob. The two were swaying back and forth in each other's arms, speaking in whispered voices, and staring into one another's eyes. Our ears could easily pick up their conversation.

"You can have as many dances as you want," Bella assured the dog sweetly.

I felt my jaw tighten. I stopped dancing. Rose interpreted this as agreement on my part to let Tanya cut in. She hugged me, before walking off to ask Eleazar to dance. I hardly noticed as Tanya took my hand and wrapped her arm around my waist.

"That would be interesting." Jacob replied. His thoughts filled the night around me.

*

In his dream, he spun Bella onto the dance floor and kissed her underneath the lights. When my family went to pull him and Bella apart, his pack leapt out of the shadows and engaged us all in battle. Meanwhile, Jacob and Bella spun in a slow circle in the middle of it all, Jacob kissing like Bella and I never could.

*

"Cousin, please." Tanya tugged at my arm. I hardly heard her. Tanya intentionally blocked my view of Bella. "You can go and break it up, but your bride might be disappointed. Or you can pass the time and dance with me. We have much to discuss. There is too much unsaid between us. You can't go off married leaving strings untied, can you?"

I noticed that my entire family was now watching Tanya and I standing in the middle of the dance floor. Carlisle and Esme exchanged a knowing glance. Alice nodded her head at me, "_This is the time, Edward_."

Emmett was trying to figure out were he'd missed signals of some sort. I felt a wave of reassurance from Jasper. "_We're watching Bella; now's the time for both of you to clear the air."_

I held out my arm and Tanya took it without hesitation. "You could have been more civil to my wife."

"I believe I said all the right things."

"It wasn't your choice of words. Your actions said something different entirely."

"I'm sorry if I offended your _bride_." She said the word with disdain.

"I don't want any confusion, Tanya. For me, this wedding means everything. But let me speak plainly for you, one vampire to another. Bella is my mate. There is no other. There never will be."

"But she's human."

"For now."

Shock moved across Tanya's face, but left no evidence in its wake.

"_This isn't easy for me, Edward,"_ Tanya said wordlessly as she gazed past me into the night sky.

There was an unusual vulnerability in Tanya's face as she turned to me. "I'm sorry to have offended your mate. I'm honored to meet her. I always hoped you would find someone who would… who would…" Tanya's voice trailed off. There was no mistaking the sorrow in it.

"Tanya, I'm sorry. I never knew the true extent of your feelings."

"You never wanted to," she accused. "It is what it is, Edward. I'm glad to see you so happy. Finally. You're hum--, your mate, I mean, must be a very special female."

"She is," I agreed as I felt an uncontrollable smile take over my face at the thought that she was my mate, my female, and my bride.

Tanya and I both turned to look at Bella in the shadows with the dog. "She's lovely, Edward. I can see how much she means to you. Does she know how lucky she is?"

"She's not the lucky one. She saved me from myself. I can only hope that --"

"Sshh." Tanya put her finger to my lips and then drew it quickly away. I thought I saw a look of pain flit over her face. But it was gone so quickly I may have imagined it.

"You've given yourself, completely. We should all be as lucky as Bella Swan."

"Cullen," I quickly corrected. I heard the unmistakable ring of pride in my voice. Suddenly, I wanted out of this dance. I wanted to be back in Bella's arms. I looked at Bella still dancing with Jacob. I heard him preparing to ask when she wanted to be turned. I wondered what she would say, if she would answer.

"Yes, Cullen, right," Tanya replied, distracting me from my thoughts.

"There was always a connection between us, Edward. We are similar, despite all of those times you said otherwise. Who would have thought, succubus and incubus, cousins?"

"Tanya, that's enough."

"I don't mean to offend you, cousin. I've just watched you struggle for so long, and now, with two very dissimilar legends as your guide, you've balanced things perfectly. You've taken Carlisle's chastity and propriety, and I'd like to think you inherited my family's… love… for humans. Now tell me, is it true what we spoke about so many years ago? Do you see the beauty around you now? Does it outshine the darkness?

Against all odds, Tanya managed to warm my heart. I remembered how she tried desperately to save me from myself almost eighty years ago on the banks of the Hudson River. I was so lost that night. She'd been a true friend. "Yes, it even outshines the darkness within myself."

"I knew it would when you finally found love." Tanya smiled at me. "Now, there's something else you never let me say."

"Tanya, I don't think now is the time --"

"It's nothing like that, dear. Those words, as humans say, I will carry with me to the grave. Or in my case, I'll just carry them forever. Those words need never be spoken now that you have a mate." Tanya paused, and I could see that she was trying to compose herself before going on.

"First of all, never let her get away. Not this one. Honor her and let yourself have true and eternal love. We are given the gift of this life, this world. Enjoy it together, for there are no guarantees afterwards."

"Secondly --" But Tanya didn't get the chance to finish.

*

"Ow, Jake! Let go!" Bella's voice was hushed, but she might as well have been shouting in my ear.

"_Edward!"_ Jasper silently called out.

"Bella, have you lost your mind? You can't be that stupid! Tell me you're joking!" Jacob hissed.

My mind was suddenly assaulted by my worst nightmares, but the thoughts were coming from Jacob Black's mind. Bella lay underneath me hemorrhaging, limbs broken, crying. Bella was screaming out in alarm as I sunk my teeth into her neck. Bella was suffocating underneath me as I fell on top of her.

"Jake - stop!" There was fear in Bella's voice this time.

My brothers may have been close by, but I managed to get to Bella's side first. Jacob had Bella's arms in his iron grasp and his eyes were on fire. She was shaking with the force of his grip.

"Take your hands off her," I managed in a voice so steady, even I was surprised. I didn't want a fight. Not tonight. I wouldn't let this animal ruin Bella's night. Seth was instantly by my side. I felt the present of my brothers behind me. I watched two Quileutes shift into wolf form in the shadows.

"Jake, bro, back away. You're losing it," Seth coaxed. "You'll hurt her. Let her go."

"Now!" I growled, taking a step towards Bella.

Jacob's eyes flickered toward mine and he dropped his hands to his sides. I had Bella in my arms and out of harm's way in an instant. I should have stood between her and the wolf, but I couldn't let her go. I kept her tucked under my arm as I stared Jacob down.

"You will never touch my wife like that again," I snarled.

"_What the hell are you thinking?"_

Two wolves moved between us; one black and one brown. "_We'll take it from here, mind reader. Jacob won't hurt her. You have our word."_

Seth wound his arms around Jacob and tried to pull him back into the forest, but Jacob wouldn't budge.

"_You married her just to kill her? I thought you said you_ loved_ her!"_

"C'mon, Jake. Let's go," Seth urged, tugging on Jacob's sleeve. He pulled hard enough to tear the shirt at its seams.

"I'll kill you. I'll kill you myself! I'll do it now!" Jacob shouted out loud this time.

The black wolf circled around Jacob, growling and trying to lead him into the trees.

"_You're very calm for a leach that's about to die. But you never show emotion, do you? Do you even have emotions? Is that how you can so calmly plan on killing your _wife_?"_ I saw the air around Jacob quiver. I pushed Bella behind me, and knew that my brothers would have her out of the way if Jacob shifted.

"Seth, get out of the way." I hissed. I didn't want anyone else hurt if it came to a fight. I would take Jacob Black alone. This was between him and I.

"_Don't you worry about Seth. I would never hurt my brother. _I_ don't hurt the people I love," _Jacob silently accused.

Seth finally managed to pull Jacob backward. "Don't do it, Jake. Walk away. C'mon." The large black wolf pushed his muzzle into Jacob's chest, and Jacob was forced back another few feet. The brown wolf continued to guard the space between Jacob and I.

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered from behind me.

I spun around and pulled her body to mine. "It's all right now, Bella." I murmured as I cradled her head against my chest.

Then the brown wolf addressed me silently._ "Sam will take care of Jacob, mind reader. We have no reason to kill you, yet. We won't violate the treaty. But we'll be watching to see if you do."_

"All right," I nodded to the wolf. I could hope for no better.

Bella was shaking in my arms. "Let's get back," I quietly suggested, rubbing her bare shoulder.

"But Jake --"

"Sam has him in hand. He's gone." I kissed the top of her head, but Bella pulled away from me.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. I was stupid --"

"You did nothing wrong. --"

"I have such a big mouth! Why would I… I shouldn't have let him get to me like that. What was I thinking?"

"Don't worry, Bella," I begged as I caressed her cheek. I knew my words of comfort were spoken as more of a plea than as reassurance. But the interaction with Jacob had me shaken. "We need to get back to the reception before someone notices our absence."

*

Bella asked for time to pull herself together. Outwardly, I kept my strong façade intact. I managed to be reassuring. I held her, supported her as we walked back to the reception.

But my mind was a whirlwind of emotions. Jacob was right. Everything he said was true. I claimed to love Bella, but I was always the one that hurt her. And now, my plan, it put Bella more squarely in harm's way than she ever had been before.

In my mind's eye, Bella lay naked, bloody and broken on my bed. Alice's visions battled with Jacob's, but it was no use. I could feel the raw power that coursed through my body every time Bella and I had been close to intercourse. Neither of us knew what we were doing. How could I even entertain the idea?

When I resurfaced from my thoughts, I found myself on the dance floor with Bella in my arms. She was staring lovingly into my eyes.

"It's over. Let's not think of it again tonight." Her words were like a caress that I didn't deserve. It was all it took for my outward strength to crumble.

"Edward?"

Her gaze was full of trust. I couldn't bear to look. I didn't want to betray what I saw there. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against hers, letting her support me. "_So much for being strong,_" I thought to myself.

"Jacob is right. What am I thinking?" I murmured.

"He is not! Jacob is way too prejudiced to see anything clearly." Bella's voice was soft, but her words were full of conviction.

"I should let him kill me for even thinking --"

"Stop it!" Bella's voice was fierce and her warm hands were suddenly holding my face, pulling it away from hers. I opened my eyes to see Bella beautiful, powerful and full of fire and light. "You and me, that's the only thing that matters. The only thing you're allowed to think about now. Do you hear me?"

"Yes," I sighed, giving in to _my wife_. I was supposed to be the strong one.

"Forget Jacob came. For me. Promise that you'll let this go."

I concentrated on Bella's eyes. I'd come to depend on them so much, to measure myself in them. And searching, I found a shred of the faith I'd come to rely on.

"I promise."

"Thank you, Edward. I'm not afraid."

"I am," I whispered.

"Don't be," Bella cooed. With a warm smile she added, "By the way, I love you."

I felt my heart surge into my throat with those three gentle words. "That's why we're here," I managed. And somehow, Bella carried me until the song came to an end.

*

I felt Emmett's presence beside me before I heard his thoughts. "_Edward, Jasper wants to talk. I'll take over for you here, buddy."_

Out loud, he said, "You're monopolizing the bride. Let me dance with my little sister. This could be my last time to make her blush." Bella gave me a quick peck on the lips, before letting Emmett sweep her off her feet. I heard her giggle as I went to find my brother.

Jasper was sitting alone on the back steps.

"Hey, Edward."

"You wanted to talk."

"I can feel how shaken up you are. You shouldn't let that wolf get to you, you know."

"Jasper, I can handle his feelings for Bella, and I can live with her feelings for him. But he was right. The idea of a honeymoon is criminal. It's insane. In all your existence have you heard of something like this? Where the woman lives? Why are we all just going along with this idea?"

"Edward, none of that matters."

"What?"

"The only thing that matters is you and Bella. Do you know how much she loves you? I've never felt love like that from any other human."

"All the more reason not to put her life in danger."

"Edward, you told me how… close the two of you have become this past month. Have you hurt her at all?"

"That hardly matters. You yourself said sex itself was incomparable to anything else."

"I didn't lie, Edward. But to see the change in you, I have faith it will work out. I was away for four weeks, and in that time your love for one another has grown exponentially. And now you know each other intimately. How could it not work, if it's what you both want? Besides that, my mate wouldn't let you put her best friend in danger. Alice must have said something to you."

"There's no way of knowing, Jasper. The future changes."

"Edward, take a minute and look at the big picture. Bella is your singer, but you've become closer to her than anyone else in the world. You married her! I don't even think you want to eat her anymore. I don't feel that coming off of you at all.

"Instead I feel your desire to protect her, and to love her. Own that instinct. You exist to protect Bella, and to give her everything she wants. She is your mate. A vampire would never hurt his mate. He would do anything for her.

"It will be intense, but only as intense as what I've just explained to you. You'll be consummating those intense desires and wishes. Physically, you've already proven that you can restrain yourself."

What Jasper said made some sense. "But then you'd lose your bet," I joked.

"I knew last night after we spoke that I didn't have a snowball's chance in hell. I trust you completely, Edward. Go take that girl and make her yours."

With that, I suddenly had no other desire. I felt my physical need for Bella growing steadily. "Thank you, Jasper. You can cut it out though, I think I can handle my emotions from here."

"No, buddy, that's all you. But, uh, I think I'm going to go find Alice, if you don't mind."

"Did I hear my name?" Alice was instantly at Jasper's side, smiling between the two of us. Undoubtedly, she'd known beforehand what we would have been talking about.

"Absolutely," Jasper replied, pulling Alice into his lap and kissing her full on the mouth.

Alice struggled futilely in his arms. "Jasper! We have guests. "

"Blame Edward," he mumbled as he trailed kisses along her neck.

Alice managed to partially extricate herself from Jasper's grasp. "I came over here to see you, Edward." Then she brushed my cheek with her hand.

*

I could see Bella lying on the sand with seaweed tangled in her hair. She was at the shoreline, and waves were breaking gently around her. I was holding myself over Bella and her sunburned nose crinkled as she smiled up at me.

*

Alice took her hand away and the vision disappeared. "Two and a half weeks away. So you see Edward, you should really make sure Bella wears sunscreen," Alice giggled as Jasper pulled her back into his arms.

"All over," Alice added. She laughed out loud as Jasper picked her up and carried her away.

I smiled despite myself. Whether it was my own emotions magnified through Jasper, or Jasper and Alice themselves, I wanted nothing more than to have Bella in my arms at this moment. Jacob Black meant nothing to me compared to what I felt for Bella. I would do anything for her; I would protect her, even from myself.

I was at Bella's side in an instant, easily spinning her away from Tyler Crowley. I wound my arm around her waist and pressed her body firmly against my mine. Bella responded to me immediately. Her heart hammered in her chest, her breaths came quick and shallow, and her scent intensified and enveloped us both until I couldn't see beyond the two of us. I didn't care to.

I knew Bella could feel how much I wanted her, and she pressed her body impossibly closer.

"I could get used to this," she murmured. Her voice nearly sent me over the edge on it's own.

"Don't tell me you've gotten over your dancing issues," I managed to joke. I was almost positive that wasn't what she meant. But I wanted to hear her say it.

"Dancing isn't so bad – with you. But I was thinking more of this."

Bella suddenly moved against me and my breath caught in my throat. Her hand pushed into the small of my back, where it burned like fire. Her other hand wound around my neck, trying to pull my head to hers. Her eyes pierced into mine.

"Of never having to let you go," she whispered in a voice so low, only I would have heard. With those words, her warm breath swept across my face and I was lost.

"Never," I heard myself whisper back as I bent my head to hers. I tried to hold myself back in the kiss, but it was impossible. The warmth of her body consumed me and her scent overwhelmed me. My lips moved urgently against hers and she pressed back just as hard. My hand lingered just below her waist, and I pressed her against me. I felt her heart pounding against my chest, and I heard her gasp into my mouth.

"_Go take that girl and make her yours."_

It couldn't be soon enough. Before I knew it I'd picked Bella off of the ground. Her right leg began ever so slightly to wind itself around my thigh. Heat was radiating off of her body in waves.

"Bella, it's time." I heard from a distance. But with every move Bella made, with every little sound from her mouth, a wave of electricity coursed through my body.

"Do you want to miss your plane?" Alice was suddenly closer. I fought the urge to push her away.

Instead I growled at her. "Go away, Alice."

"Bella, do you want to wear that dress on the airplane?" Alice growled right back. "I'll tell her where you're taking her, Edward. So help me, I will."

With a sigh of resignation, I lowered Bella to the floor, all the while glaring at Alice. "You're awfully small to be so hugely irritating."

"_Like you're not about to have weeks alone together. Please!"_

Bella was flushed and glowing and I could see her trying to decide whether to follow Alice, or to jump back into my arms. I'm sure the look I was giving her wasn't helping at all. Finally she gave in to me, wrapped her arms around my neck and brought her lips to mine.

"Oh no you don't!" Alice tugged Bella's arm, and Bella gave in easily this time. Everyone knew that it was useless to battle Alice. Bella turned to look over her shoulder as she made her way into the house. "I love you," she mouthed.

I heard Emmett and Rosalie laughing behind me. Emmett slapped me on the back. "Boy are you in for it! Good for you."

*

It only took three minutes for me to make my way up to my room and change out of my tux. I could hear Bella talking with Alice, Esme and Renee in Alice's room. I suddenly wondered at the thickness of the walls. Would Bella and I come back here after the honeymoon? Would she want to be changed that first night? Ultimately it mattered little, because we would most likely have to leave immediately. If we breached the treaty, we'd have to move quickly to avoid the wolves.

But as I looked around my room, at what remained of the bed, at the couch pushed up against the wall, I hoped Bella would grant me just one night. I looked at her clothing hanging next to mine in the closet. I opened the top drawer of the dresser and ran my hands over her under things. Did Alice see the possibility that we would stay? I hoped I could persuade Bella to wait a night. Or two.

These were my thoughts as I made my way back down the stairs. So I was surprised to feel a firm grip on my wrist as I paused on the second floor landing.

"I didn't get a chance to finish earlier, Edward. The pup interrupted us. I wanted to catch you before you left." It was Tanya. With her soft steps and her wordless mind, she had an uncanny ability to catch me unaware.

I could hear Bella saying her goodbyes upstairs. "Tanya, I don't have time for this."

"I'll be quick, Edward. Consider it my wedding gift. One night, many years ago, you asked me how I… well, anyway. You never let me finish. This is information you may be able to put to use, imminently."

I took a step away from Tanya, not fully understanding what she was offering. But her hand tightened on my arm. She moved to my side and bent her head to mine, and whispered in my ear words of advice garnered over the centuries about how to love a human.

I was speechless and found I couldn't look Tanya in the eyes when she was finished. "You're welcome, Edward. Have a happy honeymoon." And with that she was gone.

I was still trying to digest everything that had just transpired, when Carlisle met me at the bottom of the stairs.

"Son, I just wanted to let you know that Esme and I leave in the morning. We should be in Rio de Janeiro by nightfall. But I still don't believe it's necessary."

I'd asked Carlisle to be on hand in case anything happened to Bella. I didn't want to be left alone if she were injured, or if… well, I didn't want to think of the other possibilities.

"Thank you, Carlisle. I appreciate it. Hopefully, you and Esme can enjoy your time together and I won't bother you."

"Yes, son. I'm sure that will be the case."

I felt my confidence building as I stood there. Jacob was a boy, a wolf. What did he know about Bella and I? How could his worries compare to the assurance of my family? I was as prepared as I could ever be.

I caught sight of Bella as she made her way down the stairs and couldn't help the smile that overtook my face. I don't know how she did it, but I saw signs of a compromise in her attire. Bella had on a short blue skirt and delicate blue flats, which were obviously Alice's idea. But she was wearing a plain white tank, topped with a lightweight hoodie. Definitely Bella. She clearly wasn't going to be the fashion pushover Alice planned on.

I watched Bella's face search the crowd that had gathered to see us off, and when our eyes met, she ran to me and jumped in my arms.

"Are you ready?" I asked.

"Almost." She looked through the crowd. "Have you seen my dad?"

I took her hand and we made our way through our family and friends. When we found Charlie, his eyes red with tears, and Bella fell into his arms.

As they whispered their parting words, my family lined up to hug me and wish me well. We embraced wordlessly, for after this evening, what else was there to say? I had more love and support than any being deserved.

Alice hugged me last of all, but I held on to her before I'd let her go.

"I haven't had a chance to thank you properly, Alice. For everything. Only you could pull off a stunt like you did this past month. And for that I'll be forever grateful. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart."

She smiled. "I was afraid you would be angry."

"If I found out any sooner, I would have been."

"I know. It almost killed me trying to keep it from you, and from Carlisle and Esme," she whispered.

"You'll tell me though, if anything like that happens again?"

At that moment Bella wound her arms around my waist, hugging her body to mine.

"I'm ready now, Edward."

"You guys better leave… The chances of you missing your flight are growing by the second!"

Our friends and family filled the landing, and lined the steps down to the drive. There was more that needed saying between Alice and I, but now obviously wasn't the time. Bella pulled me toward the front door. I looked back at Alice and she smiled lovingly in our direction, waved, and blew a kiss.

I kissed Bella one more time in the doorway, a kiss full of gentle promise. And then I held her hand firmly as we ran to the car amidst cheers and a shower of rice. I tried to shield her as she stepped into the car. Her foot slipped on the rice, and I had to catch her in my arms. I used the embrace as an excuse to kiss her again. That made eleven times as _my wife_.

"Be careful, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered. We both laughed as I helped her to her seat.

* * *

**A/N: Reviews? Please? Thanks! m**


	4. Travel

Reality hit with the slamming of the car door. It was just Bella and I, husband and wife, no limits, no restrictions, only promises to fulfill. She was mine to endanger and protect, all rolled into one. Her eyes darted up to meet mine for an instant before she blushed.

"I love you, Bella," I said, as much to reassure myself as to reassure her.

"That's why we're here," she smiled, repeating my words from earlier in the evening.

I leaned over to kiss the top of her head before starting the car and speeding away into the night. The rapid acceleration and the purr of the car's engine soothed my sudden nerves. I concentrated on my breathing and the road in front of me. Bella's hand reached for mine and I clasped it over the gearshift. I felt the warmth of her skin and the gentle pulse of blood over tiny, delicate bones. Her small hand belied the strength that had grown to characterize Bella in my eyes. I glanced at her quickly and she smiled shyly.

"I did it." Her voice was barely a whisper, warm and tremulous. I couldn't be sure if she was speaking to herself or me. Either way, it sent a shiver up my spine.

I peered back at Bella and her eyes caught mine.

"I married you," she murmured in an awestruck voice. Her eyes glittered as she spoke and I felt a flutter in my chest.

"I know, I was there. I married you too," I gently quipped.

Suddenly, visions of the forest at night assailed my brain. Something, someone animal-like, was straining to outrun those chasing him as he made his way toward the highway. In my mind, I heard loud panting and paws pounding the damp earth, sounds that faintly echoed in the distance. I gunned the engine and a baleful howl faded behind us.

Bella's hand squeezed mine, but we both fell silent. When I glanced over again, she was looking out the window at the black night. Had she heard the wolf? I couldn't bring myself to speak Jacob's name.

"Regrets?" I asked instead.

"No!" Bella spun around to face me. Silence hung thick and loaded between us.

She shook her head a little and the atmosphere in the car gradually changed. "It's funny. This… you and I together, feels very normal, very right, but so… so unbelievable." Bella's eyes quickly traveled the length of my body. I tingled in response. "You're really… mine?"

I smiled broadly, uncontrollably. "How very possessive of you." A voice danced through my brain of its own accord. _She'll make a good vampire someday_. Possessiveness was a part of our nature. I worked to dispel the thought. She was still human, as long as she wanted to be.

"I'm sorry," she apologized quickly. "Do you mind? I mean, you're your own person, I wasn't trying to…"

"Bella, I love it. I love hearing you say that I'm yours. I am, forever. I always was. And now, we've done it properly." I intertwined my fingers with hers.

Bella smiled back and wriggled closer to me on her seat. I saw the mischievous glint that I'd grown to love light up her eyes.

"And that means that if I want to do this," with her free hand she traced a warm finger from my knee to my hip, "I can." She bit her bottom lip and her eyes looked up at me, questioning, checking to see how I would react.

"Yes," I managed steadily. I savored the trail of fire her touch had burned across my thigh. I worked to concentrate on the road. It was amazing how hard that was; I wanted nothing more than to stop the car and take her, right then, right there.

"It seems too good to be true. I think I need you to pinch me to make sure that this is real."

"No!"

"You've pinched me before," she pouted.

I had, just last night. I looked over at Bella, and my eyes ran from her ankles to where her skirt met her thighs. Bella blushed and moved her eyes from my face to our intertwined hands.

"But I forgot about your request, until just now," she said as the pink of her cheeks bled to her ears.

Right, my _request_. Somehow, it had been easier to be so cavalier when there were limits on what I would allow with our intimacy. Now that those restrictions were gone, I was actually grateful that Bella had forgotten my words from the night before.

"I'm afraid I need a little more time before you try to put that one into effect."

"Are you still nervous, then?"

"Yes, more now that we're alone. It's more real, somehow. And you?"

"Like I've just been given the best present in the world and I don't exactly know what to do with it."

I chuckled a little. I shared her sentiment completely, but struggled to find the right response. I didn't want to make a promise I might not be able to keep, but I didn't want to come across too negatively. Instead, I chose to tactfully change the subject.

"I believe the wedding gift I was given was far superior. Bella, your gift was the only thing that could calm my nerves this morning… I don't know --"

"Wait… Calm _your_ nerves?"

"About the wedding..."

"_Your _nerves? About the wedding?" Her eyes were wide and incredulous, and I was reminded of the ridiculously idealistic view she had of me.

"It was nothing, ridiculous --"

"You sound like me, you know. I didn't think you would be nervous about _anything_. _You _were _nervous_?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"I like that." She nodded, her smile self-satisfied, irresistible. "And you liked the gift?"

"I didn't just like it. I can't adequately explain how your writing honored and humbled me. How much joy it brought me. It's something I'll treasure for the rest of my existence. I know you cherish your ability to keep your thoughts hidden…"

"I needed you to know, Edward," Bella quickly interrupted. "I'm supposed to be the person closest to you in the world. I can't have you listening in on everyone's thoughts, never knowing how _I_ really feel."

"You always give me things that are so precious, so invaluable. My wedding gift to you pales in comparison."

"What? A gift? You didn't have to..."

"As your husband, I reserve the right to lavish gifts on you. At any rate, I didn't have to spend a thing." I pulled the photograph from my jacket pocket.

Bella looked it over, her brow furrowed. "A house? A _free_ house?"

"I found and purchased it in 1958, then had it restored years before you were born. So it hardly counts. The photo itself cost a few dollars to develop, of course." I watched as Bella's finger traced the peaked roof of the Victorian brownstone. "It's not just any house, Bella. It's the home I grew up in, in Chicago. I haven't lived in it since I was human. I kept it for myself, and now, it's ours. I hope, someday, you and I could live there for a time. Together."

"Chicago?" she asked, without looking away from the photo.

Perhaps I'd hoped, assumed too much. "Would you mind Chicago?"

I watched a smile slowly brighten her face as she continued to stare at the picture and I tried to imagine Bella and I in the home, _our home_, together. I had no clear memories of the place. I could see bits of paintings hanging on the walls, the tin ceiling as I lay in the dark, the sun reflected through glass canisters lining the counter in the kitchen, my small hands practicing on piano keys as I stole looks out the large front window.

My heart swelled with the idea of bringing _my wife_ there, to my family home. There were five bedrooms. Wistful feelings overtook my mind and I quickly dispelled them. It was a useless emotion, an empty desire. I might as well wish to be human.

I focused back on _my wife_. She was still smiling happily at the photo.

"A house, just for us? Our own home! When can I see it?" She looked up, turning that sweet, eager smile on me.

I smiled back at her, relieved. "It depends. It wouldn't be prudent to install a newborn in the heart of a major city. But it's stood for one hundred and twenty years, so it will be there when you're ready."

"Humph." Bella crossed her arms in front of her.

"Bella, if you're angling for immortality, two or three years is a small stretch, really."

"I guess. So we're not going to Chicago for our honeymoon, then?"

"No."

"A hint?" she asked, her smile returning to her face. I tried to give Bella a stern look, but she fired back with her one sure-fire weapon, "Please?"

I shook my head, but relented. "Alice asked me to remind you to wear sunscreen."

She nearly jumped in her seat. "Warm and sunny? _Sunny_? … How?"

A dull ache throbbed in my chest. Keeping her from the sun was only scraping the surface of the limits a life with me would put on her, or the limits she would endure for herself once she was turned. Things were easy in Forks. We'd blended in with the town. Did she want to go to Hawaii? Fiji? L.A.? What other sunny places was I keeping her from? Not to mention the sunlight itself.

"Edward, stop it." I jumped at the sound of Bella's voice. Sometimes I thought that _she_ could hear _my_ thoughts.

"Did you forget already? And here I didn't think vampires forgot anything… Edward… I get to do this now." Bella placed her fingertip on my knee again and traced it slowly upwards, letting it stray more toward my inner thigh than my hip this time.

"And so do you," she continued in a low, husky voice that sent a thrill of anticipation through me. With that I let her pry my fingers from the gearshift and she placed my hand on her thigh. I felt goosebumps come to life underneath my hand, and her warm skin trembled with my touch.

"Much better than the sun," she murmured, as she laid her head on my shoulder.

*

As we made our way toward the city, human thoughts began piercing through the quiet solitude of our drive. These voices grew louder as we circled around the maze of on and off ramps leading up to the airport. Human travelers were always so frantic and their thoughts clawed like crows at the edges of my mind. But as I looked over at Bella, I didn't see a trace of panic. Instead, she smiled at me sleepily. I was so lucky that this human was mine.

I held Bella's hand as I led her through the airport terminal. She'd insisted on pulling her own luggage, even though I was sure Alice had packed enough that it must have weighed as much as Bella herself.

We passed the international corridor and in a flash of memory I saw Bella and I as we returned from Volterra, less than six months ago. She had been asleep on her feet, she'd lost weight, there were dark circles under her eyes, and the ends of her hair were dry and frayed. I'd held her like a prayer, hoping that I could set right what I'd almost destroyed, but knowing it could never be the same.

Yet here we were again, in the same place, but now we were husband and wife. If I were able to sleep, I would have been certain the wedding had been a dream. I checked her ring finger just to be sure. Yes, her ring was still there; we were married. Bella caught me looking at her hand. Her eyes glittered.

"Can you believe it?"

"Actually, that's why I was checking."

"Maybe _I_ need to pinch _you_."

"Maybe later I'll let you try." I let go of Bella's hand and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her body closer to mine.

We piled onto the underground train that would bring us to our gate. It was crowded, even at this time of night. I leaned against the wall of the train, and wound my arms around Bella, resting my chin on the top of her head. Although we were packed tightly inside, the humans kept at least two feet between them and me, sneaking furtive glances in my direction. I listened to their fear and their wonder at the sight of me; I watched my skin glowing inhumanly under the fluorescent lights in their minds' eye.

"_That dude sure is creepy."_

"_What's with his skin?"_

"_What's that babe doing with the scary guy? She's so hot. The things I could do to her..."_

Venom filled my mouth and my eyes lit with fire as I scanned the crowd, ready to fight for my wife, searching out the… small chubby kid with saggy shorts, a studded belt and a dirty concert T? When my gaze locked on his, the boy looked nervously at the ground, sidled to the opposite end of the train and looked like he might cry.

I looked at the floor, embarrassed by the predatory effect I exerted on the humans around me. Is this what Bella wanted in a mate? Is this what she wanted for herself? As inconceivable as it was to me, I knew that the answer was yes. So I tried to stay positive, tried to stay docile, and to concentrate on the way her warm weight pressed against me, and the friction it caused as the train bumped along the tracks.

When it stopped, I focused on grabbing Bella's luggage instead of the other humans around us.

"But…" she objected.

"I'm all for equality of the sexes, Bella. You'll just have to be quicker next time."

She huffed and crossed her arms before rolling her eyes in resignation. "You just wait, Edward. I'll be as fast as you are someday."

And as much as I wanted to preserve Bella's human life, I knew that somewhere along the line I had begun to wait anxiously for that day too.

*

The first class cabin was nearly empty, just one other quiet couple near the rear. They smiled politely as I stowed our luggage.

"_What a sweet young couple."_

"_See the way he looks at her? So in love."_

Bella and I settled into our seats and I lifted the armrest that separated us. With Bella's head on my lap and her legs tucked to her chest, her small body fit nicely on the padded leather. Bella wrapped her arms around my waist, burrowing her face into my shirt and inhaling deeply. She sighed.

"Edward, I think that was the best wedding ever." Her voice was sleepy and content.

I smiled as I ran my hand through her hair. "I agree. But I think we may both be biased."

"I didn't realize how good it would feel to have everyone support us that way."

"Thank you for indulging me," I murmured as I buried my nose in her hair. I felt her arms tighten around my waist in response. Then Bella scooted up so that she was half-sitting in my lap.

"Kiss me?" Her eyes glittered, her arms wound around my neck.

I placed my lips gently against hers as I pushed her hair from her face. Bella fell into the kiss like she was falling into a sigh. She relaxed in my arms and let me support her. It was a kiss of surrender, and when it was over she nuzzled her head into the crook of my neck.

Bella's mortal body's needs began to assert themselves; her subconscious veiled her eyes as she slowly blinked and then faded, giving in peacefully, trusting that I would be there when her eyelids first fluttered as she woke. She was like a kitten lying in the nest of a hawk, but in these quiet moments, I was the one that would often purr with contentment. "Rest, my love," I murmured in her ear, my lips brushing against her soft skin.

"Would you get me water when they come around?" she mumbled.

"Of course."

I found a blanket folded between the seats and tucked it around Bella, brushing her bare legs as I did so. I removed her shoes and stowed them under the seat, then gently rubbed her soles and her calves through the blanket. She sighed, and then finally drifted fully to sleep.

As I watched my sleeping wife, my mind wandered back to the plane ride returning from Italy. Bella had been so worried I would leave her that she forced herself to stay awake the entire trip home. She'd been so hesitant to speak and to touch me. Now, to see her wound around my body, to see the complete trust that she placed in me, I was awed. I thought I'd lost this forever. Did she know how something so simple, sleeping in my arms, could bring me such peace? Something that I'd never quite found in a century on the earth.

I gingerly ran my fingertips through Bella's silken brown hair, thoughtlessly counting the strands. I felt the rise and fall of her chest, the way her head grew warm as she fell more soundly into sleep. How much longer would she feel this way in my arms? How many more nights would I watch her dozing? Thirty more? Less than that? I listened to the soft patter of Bella's heart. It was as if it was counting down the beats of her life.

But while I longed to preserve her humanity, a new realization was tugging at the edges of my firmly-entrenched belief system. I had no doubt that Bella and I were destined for each other. If I weren't what I was, vampire, I would never have found her.

Perhaps I was always destined to end her life, just not in the way I thought. Could I take her life and save us both in the process? Or did damnation just pale in comparison to having Bella by my side forever? Maybe the universe worked in a way I didn't fully understand, in a way that fell outside of my strict ideas about right and wrong.

No matter the answer, I'd finally accepted Bella's eventual immortality. And in ways that I didn't want to admit, I'd begun to wait for it expectantly. To run with her by my side, no longer limited by her mortal body; for her to see the world through eyes like mine, sharp and vivid and strong. How I longed to kiss her like she deserved, our teeth clattering against each other's, my tongue pushed deep into her mouth, passionate and unrestrained. How I longed to nip at the spot behind her ear like I'd seen others do. A vampire's teeth were one of the most sensitive parts of our body, yet mine had never touched Bella, and as long as she was human, they never would.

Teeth. My mind jumped to the reception and Tanya's words of advice echoed in my mind. She'd ended on teeth,

"_If she is to live to see another day as a human, always remember your teeth. Thoughts will fall away, one by one, your mind will narrow, your instincts will take over, to mark her and make her yours. Let your last thought be of your teeth. If not, she is lost."_

My last thought. I'd had nothing but thoughts for the past eighty-eight years. There had been no reprieve from the punishment of my mind. But from all I 'd heard from Carlisle, my brothers, and now Tanya, I didn't think I could give in and allow myself that reprieve, yet. I couldn't trust myself to go without thought. As much as I hungered for that release, it was another thing I would wait for. Eagerly. I indulged myself with those forbidden thoughts until we arrived in Houston, the first rays of dawn breaking over the horizon.

I lowered the window shade and nudged Bella gently awake.

"A couple more minutes?" she mumbled.

"Bella, love, its time. The plane's landed."

"We're here!" She jumped from my lap and reached for the window, but I held it shut. She realized her mistake and quickly drew her hand away.

"Sorry," she gasped.

"Don't apologize."

Even so, she touched my hand, to try to make it better. "Where are we?"

"Just in Houston. The first stop."

"Oh, I forgot… and the next is?"

"You'll see."

Bella gritted her teeth, narrowed her eyes and tried to look menacing. "All this secrecy on an empty stomach is liable to make your new wife very angry." The combination of her hilarious attempt to instill fear in a vampire and her use of the word _wife_ pushed my desire to the surface.

I tangled my hand in her messy hair and pulled her head to mine. "Kiss me?"

She placed her hand over her mouth. "Human m…" Of course she would be worried about her breath.

"Sshh," I interrupted, gently pulling her hand away from her mouth, running one finger over the curve of her lush bottom lip. "I plan to wake at your side every morning from here to eternity. I can't have you running away from me every time you wake and I want you. I love your scent, every scent. Kiss me."

Bella's eyes at first went wide, then her lids fell and her eyes glowed at me through her heavy lashes. Her hands dropped to her side. I stroked her cheek, red and patterned with the texture of the airplane blanket, and then very gently brought my lips to hers. I felt Bella's heart begin to hammer against my chest. I loved that I could make her feel this way. I would try to make it happen as often as I could while she was still human. I hoped for a long honeymoon.

*

We had to walk quickly to make our connecting flight. Bella was still sleepy and I resisted the ridiculous urge to carry her through the terminal to get there on time.

"Rio de Janeiro?" Bella asked. I heard an edge of alarm in her voice. I'd never understand the things she feared and those she didn't. Myself, for one; Jacob, for another. With us, she didn't flinch. But for some unfathomable reason a flight to one of the most beautiful tourist destinations in South America instilled deep-seated fear. I grinned at Bella; her reactions were always a mystery to me.

"Another stop," I said by way of comfort.

Bella sighed.

We were alone in first class, this time. The thoughts of the passengers in coach were only a distant hum. After some fruit and a croissant, Bella crawled into my arms again, and promptly fell asleep again. I rested my cheek on her head and closed my eyes to better hear her breathing and her heartbeat, to concentrate on the warm weight of her in my arms, to feel the way her scent coated my dry throat. I stayed vampire still and let time slip over and around Bella and me, freeing my mind to wander where it wanted.

I thought about what I'd learned of Bella in the last month, what I'd learned about myself. Was it enough to do this safely? Carlisle thought so, and he was on his way to Rio just in case. Alice said Bella would be safe, and her gifts to me, her visions, flashed through my brain, simultaneously easing my mind and setting my body on fire. My own fantasy played through my mind: Bella on the shore, warm waves surging around us, and I heard Tanya's advice about my hands, my teeth, my…

I took a deep breath to calm the burning in my body, and another to ease my mind. I settled into the rhythm of Bella's human heart, breathing in time to its patter.

But then Jasper's words hit me like a battering ram_. "The first time you have sex is always significant, for vampires and humans. But it's much more intense for a vampire. And when you've found your mate, there's nothing else like it. There's a force, like an energy that's generated. It just blows you away. Then afterwards, you're changed."_

This would be more intense than anything I'd felt with Bella so far. And again, my body began to long for it, ache for it, at the same time my mind shrank away in fear from that kind of an uncontrolled release. I saw Jacob's nightmarish visions; they were so similar to my own, and suddenly I didn't know which were his and which were mine anymore. With Bella pressed against me I was burning and aching and suddenly scared. Really scared.

The pressure in the cabin changed as we began our descent to Rio de Janeiro, and Bella stirred next to me. She yawned and I watched consciousness bleed into her sleepy eyes, I watched her body become animate with her awareness. I waited breathlessly for her body's reaction to my presence. It was always thrilling to me. As she blinked up at me, her heart gave a few fitful beats and her breath was suspended in her throat. And then she smiled, a look so serene, love lighting her eyes and pinking her cheeks. I wouldn't let her see what a mess I was inside.

"We're almost there now, love," I whispered in her ear.

I saw nervous excitement dance in Bella's eyes and she looked out the window. The colorful lights of Rio glittered beneath us, surrounded by Guanabara Bay and a vast black expanse of ocean. I gazed out at the Atlantic, and spotted a tiny speck of land out in the middle of water, far beyond the lights of the city.

"It's just the next stop, though?"

"Yes. One more leg to go after this."

Bella was completely awake by the time we stepped out into the humid night. The city's heady scents hung in the air and traffic congested the streets. Bella tightened her grip on my hand. I looked down at her, and she was staring straight ahead with a determined look in her eyes that I knew so well. She was trying to act confident. I had such a brave wife, and she was such a bad liar.

I hailed a cab and directed the driver to the docks in flawless Portuguese.

_"Conhece o trecho localizado a Norte do porto da Praça Mauá?"_

_"Claro, a Avenida Perimetral?"_

_"Sim, obrigado"_

I'd hoped my confidence would reassure Bella, but she seemed stunned by my speech and backed into the corner of the seat.

_"Desculpe, você tem um sotaque perfeito. É português?"_

_"Não...Eu estudei, um pouco __a língua__**,**__ há muitos anos __atrás__"_

Bella's eyes went wide with our easy repartee. Her heart was suddenly hammering in her chest. I glanced between her and the cab driver and Bella forced a smile in my direction. Her hands fidgeted nervously with the strings on her hoodie and her breathing was erratic. Was she frightened that I spoke Portuguese? Once again our differences had been called into sharp contrast, and I silently cursed myself. Then she jumped a little, as if something stung her; she began sifting through her bag and finally pulled out her cell phone, her brow wrinkled.

Thankfully, the tension in the back seat suddenly evaporated and Bella giggled. "Look," she held out her phone to me. It was a text from Alice.

"_Breathe."_

"Sound advice for a human," I quipped.

Bella rolled her eyes at me. "I'm not sure if it's more helpful or annoying yet, having a sister that knows everything."

"Welcome to my world," I grinned as I turned on my own cell. It buzzed to let me know that I had a message as well. It was a text, from Jasper. Bella glanced over my shoulder.

"_Just do it."_

"Ha, ha!" Bella laughed out loud. "Sound advice for a vampire," she whispered into my ear, chuckling. Finally, she seemed at ease.

*

"_Uma gorgeta de 50 reais! Ele deve ser um mafioso. Ele vai levá-la para ali para a matar?  Vou já sair daqui."_

I couldn't help smiling a bit at the cab driver's thoughts. In his eyes he was speeding away from a dangerous mobster, if he only knew the truth. His thoughts quickly faded into the background hum of mental noise from the city. Carlisle's yacht was in the slip just as I'd seen it in his mind. I held Bella a little closer and longer than necessary as I helped her into the boat. She looked around nervously.

"I'm an excellent driver, Bella. Don't worry."

"Right." She wasn't convinced.

The sleek craft was built for speed, which served two purposes nicely. It would speed Bella and I to the island quickly, and it would calm my nerves at the same time. While I was anxious for this journey to be over, I was just as frightened for the honeymoon to begin.

As we made our way out of the bay, the hum of human thoughts faded into silence. There was no sound but the motor and the waves crashing against the prow. I was completely alone with Bella. There was nothing keeping us apart except for our clothing and my fear.

I concentrated and tried to make my brain focus to quell my fear. I ticked through a list: how much pressure I could use to hold her, where she liked to be touched, what I could safely trust my mouth to do, what I could safely trust myself to let Bella do. I tried to keep it clinical, unemotional. The warm, damp wind whipped through my hair, pulling at its roots as I steered out of the bay and into the ocean. It nearly calmed my mind.

"Are we going much farther?" Bella's small voice rose over the noise of the engine.

"About another half hour," I replied as I turned to look at her. She was clearly terrified, her knuckles white as she clutched her seat. I couldn't help but smile. She'd never get used to my fast driving, whether in a car or a boat.

"It's okay, Bella, really." I motioned for her to join me at the helm, but she shook her head emphatically. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the bow. I could just make out the outline of the island on the horizon. I waited a few minutes before pointing it out to Bella so that her human eyes would be able to see it.

Isle Esme had been an anniversary gift from Carlisle. He found it when we were visiting in Brazil in the early seventies. Esme loved the beach. We had a small cottage on Fire Island in New York, but for reasons Carlisle, Esme and I didn't like to mention, we didn't return often. _(See The Newborn for details.)_ In honor of their fiftieth anniversary, Carlisle presented Esme with not only a beach house, but also the beach itself. They'd returned every year since.

"Bella, look there."

I saw her eyes straining in the darkness. "Where are we?"

"This is Isle Esme."

"Isle Esme?"

*

As soon as the boat was docked and my hands were free, I gathered Bella up into my arms, holding her close, running my nose along her neck as I made my way toward the house. My entire body was alight with anticipation and I needed her weight to moor me to the earth.

"Aren't you supposed to wait for the threshold?" she asked.

"I'm nothing if not thorough," I murmured, "_and blessed, awestruck, suddenly frightened, hopelessly in love, and dying to take you for my own_," I added silently.

The docks led to a sandy path, and then to Carlisle and Esme's home. Bella's heart began pounding; her breath was stuck in her throat. I peered at her face, held against my chest, trying to discern what had caused this reaction. Was she as excited as I was? Was she afraid? She purposefully looked away.

My feet continued along the path, and with each step Bella's heart rate accelerated.

Her heart was pounding visibly through her tank top by the time we reached the front door. I turned her face to look at mine. "Bella." She looked up at me, her eyes huge and dark, and I saw the fear she could no longer mask. "My love, _my wife_, do you remember your own words to me? You told me to think of everything we've been through. That we can defy these odds as well."

Bella's eyes glittered, suddenly damp. "I remember."

"Do you still believe that? I'm here for you, to do what you want. Is this what you want?"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Then take a deep breath and let me take you over this threshold properly, _Mrs. Cullen_." I bent my head to hers and our lips swept across each other's as we made our way as man and wife into the house.

I quietly showed her around, turning on the lights so she would be able to see, holding her close the entire time.

I saved the master suite for last, hesitating in the doorway after I turned on the light. The night was completely silent, just the sound of Bella's heart and her breath, and the waves crashing against the shore. There were no more excuses, no restrictions, nothing between us but a few layers of clothing. There was no reason not to lay her on the bed, and slowly remove that last barrier. There was no reason not to lie naked with one another and feel her warmth bleed into my cold skin. Jasper's words echoed in my mind. Bella was my mate. I would give her everything she wanted and I would protect her, even from myself.

I reached out for her sweatshirt. The room was very warm; I could take it off, go from there. But suddenly, I couldn't, and I pulled my hand away. Bella's heart was accelerating again, and it mirrored my emotions completely. I wished I had a human outlet for my nerves as I watched Bella walk slowly towards the king sized bed, situated on a raised platform, overlooking a wall of windows. A stage. Suddenly I had stage fright.

"I'll… go get the luggage."

I felt small and weak retreating to the front of the house, but I didn't want Bella to see the terror I was sure was showing in my eyes. I needed to steel myself to continue. I could do this. Just not on that stage, not yet. I listened to the waves crashing against the shore. The water. It hadn't been part of my plan. God, did I have a plan? Well yes, to lay her on the bed and slowly pull off her clothing.

But then I knew that my plan had a flaw. If I knew anything about Bella, I knew she'd want to shower, wash her hair, and brush her teeth. Fine then, I'd calm my nerves with a swim while she showered. Should I wait for her on the bed? On top of the sheets? Below? Clothed? Boxers?

No, I'd wait in the water. It would be easier. My mind flashed back to our afternoon in the hot spring. It was the inspiration for this honeymoon. Alice's vision stirred in my brain; I was waiting in moonlit water. I hadn't realized it was tonight, but now it seemed so obvious. Her vision gave me courage; I'd made the right decision. I rearranged my facial features to exude calm confidence, and I let myself feel just an edge of the desire that was carefully contained within myself, then I took a deep breath and walked back into the house.

Bella hadn't moved in two and a half minutes I'd been gone. She was facing the bed, her heart hammering away. Beads of sweat glistened along her hairline. After last night I'd called ahead to ask the caretaker, Gustavo, to turn the heat up by another two degrees. Just to make sure. Maybe it was too warm? I ran my finger along Bella's neck, wiping away the moisture, and then licked it from my finger. God, she was delicious, salty and sweet.

"It's hot in here. I thought…"

"Yes, I know. Thorough," Bella said, finally turning toward me. She placed her hands on my hips. "See? You remembered. And you were worried."

I managed to smile. This was only the first piece of the puzzle to remember, the easiest by far. My skin trembled, my limbs trembled. I pulled away from Bella just slightly, hoping she wouldn't be able to tell.

"I was wondering if… first… you'd like to take a midnight swim with me? The water will be very warm. This is the kind of beach you approve of."

"Sounds nice."

"I'm sure you'd like a human minute or two… it was a long journey."

"Yes, I guess I would." Her eyes searched out the door to the bathroom.

I pulled her closer and felt the tips of her breasts rub against my chest. I slowly unzipped her hoodie and slipped it off her shoulders as I brought my lips to hers. My lips slid down her neck as the sweatshirt slid off her arms. I traced the line of her neck, brushing my lips and my tongue along her shoulder, slowly pushing the strap of the tank top out of the way. I rubbed my cheek against her bare skin.

That's when I noticed we were both holding our breath. I chuckled. Perhaps we both needed this time to calm our nerves.

"Don't take _too _long, Mrs. Cullen," I whispered in her ear. I made sure my eyes met hers and I squeezed her hand. Bella's eyes were bright and her smile was forced, nervous. "I'll wait for you in the water," I assured her, holding both her hands in mine. I brought her hand to my lips, brushing my mouth against her skin.

"Mm hmm," she managed.

I took one last look at my wife, flushed and frightened, beautiful, mine. I was doing this for her. She was my mate. I would give her everything she wanted, and I would keep her safe. _Don't worry Bella. I'll keep you safe, even from myself._

* * *

**A/N: Don't blame me for this chapter, blame Edward! Or maybe not, it's not his fault that his mind never turns off. Should we blame Carlisle, then? Hmm, I don't know.**

**Thanks to my friends and betas: sheedevil16j, Jess A Brown and Lindz (nom nom) for their help with vampire psychology, commas, and keeping me from throwing my computer out the window! Also, thanks to Paula [Feline Frenzy], without her Edward's Portuguese would not have been flawless!**

**I hope you liked this chapter. Please review and let me know! You know I love to hear from you...**

**Next... Deep Water :)**


	5. Deep Water

**It goes without saying that Twilight, Edward & Bella are sadly, not mine. Also not mine: "Think of the Soul" by Walt Whitman, and "Sonnet 57" by Shakespeare. Enjoy...**

* * *

_Think of the Soul;_

_I swear to you that body of yours gives proportions to your Soul some-_

_how to live in other spheres;_

_I do not know how, but I know it is so._

-Walt Whitman, Think of the Soul

The warm damp night caressed my skin as I swiftly removed my clothing and walked toward the water. The nearly full moon left a trail of silver light from the shore to the horizon. I walked toward it, like a beacon.

My skin matched the moonlight, blue-white and luminous. I looked down at my arms, my chest. Deep blue veins stood in sharp contrast to the ghostly pallor of my skin. For a vampire, my chest and arms were small. I was changed while I was quite ill. While I was strong, I could never compete with the build of most male vampires, something my brothers would often tease me mercilessly about. And for a human to see me, the continuous chalky expanse of my body, no tan lines, no marks, just an unending expanse of white, was unnerving. But Bella said I was beautiful, and I would have to take heart in that.

My toes touched the water. A gentle wave rippled around my feet, and rushed backwards. The tide was on its way out and sand ran around my ankles as it was pulled into the ocean.

From the house I heard the faint hammering of Bella's heart. It would rush and patter quickly, then settle back into a normal rhythm. Just listening to its fitful beat caused my limbs to tremble and my chest to heave. Bella seemed so frightened all of the sudden. Had she finally realized what she was asking of an undead monster?

But I wasn't here to agonize; I was here at the water's edge to settle my nerves. So I slipped into the water, fell into the warmth, and let it surround and buoy me. My body warmed to it, my limbs went limp, and I was finally still. I traded human fears and quivering muscles for vampire stone. I pushed off from the sandy bottom and swam straight and fast for the moon, along its trail of light, pushing as far and as hard as I could go. Within two minutes I was a mile from shore.

I turned to look at the tiny island. Bright light glowed from the windows of the little beach house. From this distance the scene was idyllic, beautiful. Palm trees swayed in the balmy breeze and the white sand glistened in the moonlight. I could just barely make out the murmur of a beating heart, and I saw a feminine silhouette in the window light. It could have belonged to any woman preparing to meet her man, to give herself completely. But it wasn't any woman; Bella was the most important thing in my world. And she wasn't meeting a man; she was meeting me.

Bella believed from the beginning that there was something more than the monster in me. She'd come to believe that I was something, someone that would keep her safe. And ironically, it was the monster, the instincts of a vampire, to love, cherish and protect his mate, that had turned me more human. To keep Bella safe, I'd had to put aside my vampiric nature, and uncover the gentle soul that lay dormant underneath. It was a part of me I thought I'd lost a long time ago. But Bella unearthed it from the wreckage of my humanity, and now with her, I was almost whole.

I gazed out at the glass blocks of the bathroom window. Was Bella showering? Washing her face? I'd waited like this for Bella to come to me three hundred and twenty-four times. Night after night I'd struggled to stay seated as Bella's heart beat out a rhythm along with the spray of the water on shower tiles. I would sit still and dream of her warm and wet, and her scent would escape the confines of the bath and drift under her bedroom door. Three hundred and twenty-four times my breath caught in my throat and I struggled against myself to sit, as I imagined her stepping from the shower, flushed and warm, toweling dry, brushing her hair.

This was like every other time, but it was the first time as Bella's husband, and the last time I might make myself wait.

I lay on my back in the ocean, thoughtlessly counting the stars. Somehow, having Bella in my life had changed the way I saw things. At first she masked the beauty of the nighttime sky, but then she began to add to it, until the world with her in it burned with a brightness and potential that I'd never seen before. Without her, it was nothing. The stars were just old light; gray as the chalky undertone to my skin. But now the stars sparkled pink, yellow, blue and silver, moving through the black night with intensity and light.

I coasted back to the shore, listening to Bella's heartbeat, letting it guide me to her. It was erratic again, rushed and uneven. "_Don't be a coward_," I heard her whisper. I couldn't help but smile. I don't think I knew anyone braver than Bella. But if she was nervous now, maybe this _was_ insane. Could everyone in my family be wrong? Did they all have more me faith in me than I deserved? And while there were no thoughts for me to hear on this island, the words of my family floated through my brain supporting me, and giving me the strength to go on.

"_You never choose the easy way, Edward, in all things, love included. I trust you to make the right choice. And if this is your choice, I believe that Bella will definitely remain unharmed."_

"_It will be intense, but only as intense as what I've just explained to you. You'll be consummating those intense desires and wishes. Physically, you've already proven that you can restrain yourself."_

"_And compared with what I remember a human kid being able to do, dude, you are going to blow Bella's mind."_

More than anything else, Emmett's words relieved my tension. From the first day of his vampire existence, my brother could always bring a smile to my face, or elicit a growl of good-natured aggravation. I smiled at the little house, thinking of the things I could do that might 'blow Bella's mind.'

Then I heard Bella moving through the house, lingering by the back door. My breath suddenly lodged itself in my throat and I turned to look at the moon. I thought staring at Bella as she made her way toward me might make her more nervous, and I also worried I might fall to my knees. So I concentrated on the moon's silver light and the silence in my brain. I kept time by Bella's heart, and miraculously, its beat steadied as I did so. Bella's feet moved purposefully to the water's edge. I could hear the waves lapping against her languidly.

"_Hmm_," Bella sighed.

I smiled and closed my eyes; I knew Bella would enjoy the warm water. Bella waded to my side. Warmth radiated from her body, and her scent was heavy in the humid air. I was standing still as a stone; I didn't trust myself to move just yet.

Bella rested her hot hand over mine.

"Beautiful," she murmured.

Her voice was soft, hardly more than a whisper blown away on the warm breeze. The sound of it caused me to draw in a sharp breath, coating my mouth and my throat with Bella's scent, and suddenly I couldn't stay still anymore. I felt my limbs loosen, my body come to life.

With Bella by my side, I changed; the world changed. Everything moved into her orbit and danced to life in her presence. The water itself was lovelier because it held Bella's body, the grains of sand were more important because they supported her. Somehow everything paled in comparison to her, but was made better through her, myself included.

"It's all right," I murmured as I turned to look at my wife's face. Bella's eyes were dark brown, shining with certainty. Her skin glowed silver in the light of the moon, and her damp hair was brushed from her face and tumbled down her back, already slightly tangled in the wet ocean air.

I turned my hand over, warm from the water, and twined my fingers with hers. Her body shuddered and I heard her quick, soft intake of air.

"But I wouldn't use the word beautiful, not with you standing here in comparison."

I moved my eyes, taking in the beauty that was my wife. She was all silver, slender, gentle curves, soft angles. The soft swells of her breasts, dark nipples hardening under my gaze, her hips flaring to meet the surface of the water. I saw Bella's cheeks flush darker, yet she took a step toward me, unfazed.

With that step, I fell in love all over again. I loved this forceful woman in front of me. I loved her stubbornness, I loved that she wouldn't _ever_ take no for an answer. I loved that, despite my secret travel plans and the fact that I piloted Carlisle's boat, she was the one that brought me here and was the one making me take her in my arms.

Bella placed her hand on my chest, over my heart. The shock of heat from her hand burned deep into my chest, lighting my body on fire, shaking me from my stone reverie. My breath came fitfully as warmth was drawn from some deep, dead point within me, waking it to join with Bella's light. It was a sensation of being awake and alive that I'd never felt before, it was something so vital it was almost painful. My body jerked, my skin felt like it might shatter. One look at that soft hand against my stone chest, quaking with intense desire, and all of my doubts returned.

"I promised we would try," I whispered, looking down at Bella's wide brown eyes. "If… if I do something wrong, if I hurt you, you must tell me at once."

Bella nodded. Her eyes were serious and sure, and she took another step toward me. She was standing in front of me, within an inch of my chest. I felt the heat from Bella's torso burning her silhouette onto my body.

Bella leaned her head forward, and let her forehead rest on my chest. Her eyelashes fluttered against me, her damp hair clung to my skin, and her warm hands held mine. It was a posture of surrender. She was giving herself to me as much in this moment as when she said 'I do' at the altar. "Don't be afraid. We belong together."

"Forever," I agreed, completing the exchange of private vows. Now Bella and I were bound as more than man and wife, but as eternal beings, forever. She was my female, my mate, and my wife.

And with that one word, I saw that Bella finally understood my admission. She understood what I wanted, what I'd been hinting at for weeks. Her head darted up to look at me; her eyes met mine, happy and questioning all at once.

I nodded, almost imperceptibly, and I saw her eyes grow bright and light come to her face. "Thank you."

Holding her hands gently in mine, I led her into deeper water.

"We're going swimming?"

"Would you like to swim?"

"No."

"What, then?" I murmured as I moved my hand to Bella's hip. She shuddered and I began to pull my hand away. But she placed her hand over mine reassuringly.

"No."

"Am I?"

"I was surprised. At how you feel. It's like… like we're the same."

And somehow in that moment I felt very much the same as Bella, like I was just an inexperienced boy with a girl, not sure what to do next.

"Someday, soon, it will feel like this, forever… when you touch me?" I saw hope glowing in Bella's eyes as she asked.

"Yes," I smiled with the thought of touching Bella forever.

"I wonder if I'll miss it. Your touch… it's all I know. It's what feels normal to me. Well, better than normal… really… wonderful."

I pulled Bella in toward me and rubbed my nose along her neck, bringing goose bumps to life on her skin.

"Yes. That… I love that… I love you, Edward."

"And you don't like this as much?"

My hand moved to her back, and I traced the length of her spine with my fingertips, the delicate bones that held her human body erect. Bella was stronger than these bones, the strength of who she was wasn't held in her body, it was in her soul. It was strong enough to change me, and strong enough to will herself into immortality. Her skin under the water felt almost cool to my touch, yet my fingertips burned all the same.

"No, god… that's amazing."

And then, like a feather at my hip, Bella's fingers reached out to shyly stroke me. I felt a rumble build in my chest and heard Bella's nervous laughter, like water tripping over stones.

"What?"

"I don't know which I like more." To demonstrate her point, she kissed my lips, and my mouth felt like it had been lit on fire. Her hands stroked my hips, and moved to my chest, gentle, soft and strangely cool.

I moved my lips to Bella's ear and carefully pulled her lobe between my lips.

"_Oh_," she cooed.

I pulled Bella's body flush with mine. The same. The warmth of the water had bled into my skin, and neutralized the feel of her heat. I greedily pressed myself into her, feeling the length of Bella's body aligning with mine in all the right places. Her breasts pushed against my chest, soft downy hairs whispered against my thighs. There was a cold burn where the length of me pressed up against Bella's abdomen.

"Which do you prefer Bella?" I whispered in her ear.

"You, Edward. I just want you."

I wrapped my arms around her and held her, gazing into her eyes. I felt a smile spread across my face, as I looked down at my wife, my mate, my everything. "You have me."

Bella's hands were soft against me, her touch was light as a feather as she explored my back, and then swept lower over my backside. I throbbed when she touched me there. I felt Bella tense, but then move more firmly against me.

"You… are mine? Really?" she asked in a small voice.

I leaned my head against Bella's shoulder, giving in to her touch, giving myself up to her. To hear her say those three words, 'you are mine', sent shockwaves through my body and made me inexplicably weak in the knees. Bella chuckled a little.

"What…"

"I love it when I can make you do that."

"What?"

"Purr."

I hadn't realized that I was, and I smiled again as I leaned my head on her shoulder. "I'm beginning to think there's nothing you couldn't get me to do," I admitted.

"Really? Nothing?" Her voice was a husky whisper. Suddenly everything she might want danced before my eyes, everything I might want, everything I'd held back from Bella, and all those lines I'd drawn in the sand were erased.

"I could stay here, holding you like this forever," Bella murmured as her legs twined with mine. That hadn't been what I'd been thinking about doing, _at all._

"If that's what you'd like, I could do that." I pulled my arms firmer around Bella, no space left between us, anywhere. "I'll just _hold you_ here, for eternity," I teased.

Bella smiled at my joke and went in for a kiss, but I turned my head.

"No, sorry, just holding you," I chuckled.

"Edward!" Bella pulled away and I let her go. She splashed me, and warm salt water splattered against my face.

I dove for her, carefully wound my arm around her and pulled us both under the water. We emerged standing, my arms wound securely around Bella. "Like I said, I'm happy to stand here forever," I grinned.

But one look at Bella, wet and glistening, water streaming from her hair, and I could no longer joke. I brought my lips to hers a little harder than I intended, muffling Bella's gasp. But she pushed back ferociously, allowing just the tip of my tongue to meet hers. Her one arm wound around my waist, and her other hand ran through my hair, hot, twisting and pulling.

"Pull harder," I growled under my breath.

And she did. I tried not to get lost in the sensation of her body, like a whisper, tricking and tempting me, ghosting against my frame.

I kissed Bella as deeply as I dared, our tongues teasing each other, taking her lips between mine, until I felt her trembling in my arms. My mouth trailed to her earlobe, gently licking and sucking, and then along her neck, and I listened to the blood pounding feverishly in her jugular, reminding me that she was still human. I gently moved my hands lower, cupping her bottom, running my fingertips over her soft skin, and picking her off her feet, so that her soft folds pressed against my erection.

"Oh!" Bella's legs clutched my sides, and despite the water, her center was warm against the length of me, heat radiating from her at that point. I felt myself throbbing, aching, and suddenly I was pushing against Bella.

Bella's mouth was at my neck, a trail of warm kisses leading to the spot just behind my ear. Her velvety tongue was a tickle of fire. I held her bottom in my hands, and moved her up so that I could kiss her shoulder, then her chest, higher out of the water, bringing her breast to my mouth, warm water streaming from her hair and spilling over my face. The friction that this movement caused made me tremble, her heat, needling the most sensitive part of my body. My lips were on fire as I licked and tasted, reveling in the feel of the springy skin of her areola and her hardening nipple. My tongue circled her nipple, I covered my teeth with my lips and nipped and sucked at the firm peak, before moving to her other breast, and starting over.

Bella was panting; her back was arching towards me, her fingers digging into my back. I heard her ragged breath from somewhere above me, and a low growl rumbled in my chest. All there was in this moment was Bella and I, and the world began to fall away. My vision narrowed. I pushed my hard length against Bella, rubbing myself against her hot folds, and I ached and throbbed, moving faster. Her soft breast was pushed against my face, her nipple firm and warm. Suddenly I wanted to nip there with my teeth, to feel the blinding ecstasy of my teeth against her skin. Mine. I felt myself slipping towards something and I stopped. I held still.

"Edward?"

It only took a second to bring myself back to the present. Bella, human, trusting, tempting, fragile in my arms. I was her protector. I had to stay focused. I had to remember, my hands, my weight, my thrust, and my teeth. My teeth.

With a groan, I slid her down in my arms so that we were face to face. The friction of her body against mine set all of my nerve endings on fire. She landed on her feet in front of me and I pulled her back against me. Perhaps I_ could_ stand like this forever, with my erection hard against her belly and the soft skin of her bottom under my hard palms. I brought one hand up to tangle in her wet hair, pulling her head toward mine, bringing my hard mouth against her soft, supple lips.

Her body molded into my hard planes. Our limbs intertwined, her hands ran along my back, pulling herself impossibly closer. Bella wrapped one of her legs around my waist, using it to bring her hot center firmly against me, again. Her breasts bobbed at the surface of the water.

"I love you," Bella whispered.

"That's why we're here."

"We look alike, tonight. Our skin." I let her pull my hand from her hair and she held it between us. Maybe to her human eyes we looked alike. But Bella's glow was lit from deep within, my skin reflected moonbeams unnaturally.

"I'm nothing compared to you," I murmured. I let go of her hand to lightly trace the outline of her breast at the water's surface.

But Bella shook her head. "You are my life, Edward. Don't say tha…"

I didn't let her finish. My mouth was on hers again as I lifted her off the sandy ocean floor, and her legs wound around my waist again. We didn't hold back, I moved Bella against me, hot and soft against my icy penis, her legs clutched my sides, her heart beating against my chest. And then I was there. Bella pulled herself upwards. With one motion I would be home.

_No, not yet_. I fought my body and commanded myself to speak.

"Bella." My voice was little more than a breath. I felt her pushing against my hands, trying to move down.

"Bella, wait."

She finally seemed to hear me. "What?"

"Wait."

"Why?"

"I'm taking you to bed."

"Finally."

*****

"_Being your slave, what should I do but tend_

_Upon the hours and times of your desire?_

_I have no precious time at all to spend,_

_Nor services to do, till you require."_

-Shakespeare, Sonnet 57

Edward held me in his arms, and I was out of the water, speeding over white sand, and across another threshold. Suddenly the air around me was warmer than the water had been. It was thick and heavy with humidity. The only thing that could cut through it was Edward, cool, smooth and hard against my side. Within a second, I was lying on my back, my legs slightly bent, my head resting on Edward's arm. He was on his side, his one arm behind my head, the other caressing the back of my thigh. I turned to look at him and his eyes were centimeters from mine. I gasped.

His eyes searched mine, and I could just see the hint of fear that he was holding inside. I knew we were both terrified, and I didn't know what I could say to make it better for him. Right now there were no words in my brain, just a picture of Edward, staring back at me, humbled by my presence. _Thank god_ I was lying down…

Lying down on an enormous bed, on white, downy soft bedding, with white netting hung about our heads. There were soft, fluffy pillows everywhere and I wondered at that, seeing as how the Cullens didn't actually sleep. My skin was damp, seawater mixed with sweat from the overheated room. I could feel beads of perspiration along my forehead and between my breasts.

But I could hardly think of anything besides Edward's hand, moving back and forth across the back of my thigh, never straying from its course, back and forth. I felt his sweet, cold breath on my face and the room swam before me.

Edward smiled, lighting the dark room. His golden eyes sparkled with yellow specks of sunlight, even in the dark. "Bella, breathe, remember?"

"Right," I said, inhaling a mixture of Edward's cool scent and the humid air in the room. My body tingled in response, and suddenly I thought I might be able to move.

I very lightly traced a path across Edward's chest and down his side. He was as hard and cold as marble, but he flinched with my touch. I let my hand come to rest on his hip.

"God, Edward, you're so --"

"Pale?" he offered.

I pressed my lips into a small grin. "That's not what I was thinking."

Edward's smile mirrored my own, and his eyes looked down toward the bed, as if he were shy. This made me feel braver and I wriggled closer to him on the bed, until my body just barely touched his. That's when I noticed that Edward wasn't breathing. He didn't need to, but it unnerved me, nonetheless.

"Edward, could you breathe? It would make me feel better."

His eyes were still focused away from mine, but I saw the hint of a smile pull at the corners of his lips. "That was advice for the human," he quipped, his eyes finally meeting mine.

"Then, should I remind you of the advice for the vampire in the room?"

Edward's eyes grew soft and the golden light they emitted became warm, somehow. "Are you ready, Bella?"

I nodded my head slightly. "Are you?"

"I'm so afraid of hurting you."

"You won't hurt me. I know you."

"Bella." My name was a sigh as Edward crushed his lips against mine. Our bodies were flush with one another; I pressed myself up against granite come to life. How was it possible that he was cold enough to set me on fire? My body burned where I touched Edward and I expected to see steam, or flames, or something.

But instead there was glowing white marble pressed against my pinking flesh, slippery and wet with warm water. Edward's hand finally left my thigh and he gently eased his body on top of mine, bracing his weight on his hands. His skin whispered against mine, and I thought there should be flashes of light, because my skin felt like it was bursting into flames.

His long, hard, weight pressed against my belly, and I took a deep breath. He was so cold at this spot, as if whatever had given him life concentrated there. I felt my breath coming rougher, thinking of him, that piece of him inside of me. What should I do? I wasn't sure.

Edward's lips gently encased my earlobe. "Nine," he breathed. A giggle erupted from my throat. His list, his favorite places to touch me. His one hand caressed the side of my breast, and then swept across my nipple.

"Four?" I asked, trying in vain to use my brain while my body was on fire. I couldn't hear his response, his words tripped against one another, soft and quick, like wind whispering in the trees. But then his mouth swept downward to the hollow of my throat, while his hand was at my waist, my hip, caressing my thigh. His mouth moved to my breast and I shuddered and arched my back. The things he could do with his tongue, his lips. I felt its effects everywhere. A thin sheen of sweat was suddenly covering my body, and the spot between my legs ached. Did I just groan?

Edward moved his mouth back to mine. His lips were so cold they burned. "Three?" I asked.

"It's all one, Bella. You, I want all of you." Edward's voice was rough and intense, almost a growl. Then everything seemed to speed up and slow down all at once. He grasped my thigh, and carefully moved it to the side so that he could fit between my legs. I felt him heavy and cold, against me, stroking me, so cold it almost hurt. I shuddered and my breaths came faster and harder. I was more exposed than I had ever been, did I look right? Did he like what he saw? I felt so insignificantly human underneath this god of a man. Suddenly, his hand was no longer on my thigh, but gently stroking my face. "Isabella, are you okay?"

It was like he'd heard my thoughts. I was so touched; I blinked my eyes quickly so they wouldn't tear. I couldn't cry, _now_. I couldn't let him know how I felt. It had taken superhuman powers of persuasion to get Edward here. I couldn't give him a reason to stop. "Of course." My answer was little more than a breath.

"You'll tell me, stop me, if… if…"

"Yes, Edward. Please… _please_." But at the same time as I begged, I was terrified. Not of Edward hurting me, but of everything that was a part of this moment. Right now was usually when things ended physically between Edward and I, but tonight it was just the beginning.

* * *

**A/N: I couldn't write this without psychological and technical support... thanks Sheedevilj16, J.A. Brown, and Lindz (nom nom). **

**And I wouldn't want to write this without all of the readers and reviewers that have been so faithful to the story... Baynewen, Annabella Cullen, J.T. Law, msREDpen, Scrimmy (and everyone else I'm probably forgetting!) Thanks for writing reviews, sending PMs and showing the love. I helps me keep going when I want to throw Edward and the computer out the window!**

**That said... would you review, please? m**


	6. Finally

"_See how in their veins all becomes spirit:_

_into each other they mature and grow._

_Like axles, their forms tremblingly orbit,_

_round which it whirls, bewitching and aglow._

_Thirsters, and they receive drink,_

_watchers, and see: they receive sight._

_Let them into one another sink_

_so as to endure each other outright."_

-Rainer Maria Rilke, The Lovers

* * *

"Isabella, are you okay?"

"Of course."

"You'll tell me, stop me, if… if"

"Yes, Edward. Please… _please_."

*****

For a split second Bella looked like a frightened animal beneath me, and something in my chest… my heart... lurched. But when I asked her if she was okay, her answer was as confident and sure as I'd ever heard it. And then she begged, Bella begged to have me inside of her. I closed my eyes and groaned.

Then it was Bella's turn to stroke my face. "Edward?"

I opened my eyes and was awed by the vision in front of me. Bella lay beneath me, glistening, glowing pale white in the moonlight, the most stunning sight I'd ever beheld in my long existence. The humid air brought sweat to the surface of her skin. I wanted to lick it off of her. And while another night I might have tried just that, tonight I was terrified. Frozen.

"Edward?"'

I looked into Bella's eyes and they reflected myself back at me. I saw a man, frightened and in love. We were both frightened and in love. Part of my brain told me to get up, to leave. If we were so afraid, then this was wrong. But Bella's eyes had me rooted to the spot. They were reassuring, certain, beautiful, deep, and warm. And the warmth wasn't only in her eyes. Warmth emanated from her body; caressing me without actually touching me. Her scent was more potent than ever, deep and musky with her desire, enticing me in a way that made the hunger for her blood pale in comparison.

"Edward…"

She trailed her finger along my bottom lip and brought me back to life. My entire body tingled with the touch from just her finger, burning a trail of fire across my lips. I felt the faint tremble of blood in the tiny vessels in her fingertip, radiating warmth with each little pulse. I reached up to hold her hand, pressing her soft flesh against my lips, letting them reverberate with her humanity. I wrapped my lips around her finger, kissing, sucking, licking - more confident when I could concentrate on this small piece of her.

Bella's breath came faster and shallower and I looked down at her, my eyes meeting her warm gaze.

"I thought I lost you, there," she barely whispered, the hint of a smile at her lips.

"You could never."

"Kiss m --" But I'd already been bending my head to meet hers, and her request was lost against my mouth, her breath cascading inside of me, down my throat, expanding my lungs. Breathing in her desire. I brushed my cold dry lips against hers, so wet, full and soft. My kiss was barely a whisper, but with it a spark was ignited and my hesitation was consumed in an instant. My body had one instinct, one desire: to make her mine. Completely.

I braced myself over Bella, so that my torso just barely brushed against hers. Her body was like a lick of flame against me; her heat and her perspiration bled into me, her humanity finding its way under my skin, setting me afire as well. I rested my weight on one elbow, and my other hand quickly trailed over Bella, warm and wet, from her cheek, down the midline of her throat, between her breasts, over her naval, through soft springy hair, until I was there. My fingers trembled as I teased her warm skin, uncovering the firm pearl hidden within her lips.

Bella mewled with her lips pressed against mine, and her hot breath swept over my mouth. Her arms wound around my back and she wriggled underneath me, trying to pull me closer, pushing herself against me.

My finger circled Bella's clitoris and her hips moved hesitantly, her scent hung heavy in the air - sweet, salty, almost earthen. It clung to my body; it coated my mouth and my throat. It was intoxicating, and my brain spun wildly out of control. Images sprung to life in my mind, things I could never do while Bella was still human. I held my breath. How could I restrain myself like this when her scent brought impossible desires to the forefront of my brain? But one look at Bella beneath me, surrendering herself, trusting me completely, and I knew I had no choice. I had to. And I wanted to. I'd never wanted anything more.

I felt her fevered pulse as I gently rubbed my fingers against the spot between her legs. She arched her hips, pushing herself against me. Her panting breaths were interspersed with moans and half-formed words.

"Edward, ohh…ohh, I…love, I love… I _love you_."

Nothing moved me as much as hearing my name that way, uttered with love and sweet abandon.

I knew she was ready for me; her scent left no doubt. But I wanted to make this as easy as possible for her. I moved my fingers down, tracing her folds, finding a way between them, and finally, I took another breath. Her scent hit me like a wall. I was staggered. Bella pushed her hips against my hand and quicker than I'd intended, my finger was inside of her. My finger was drawn deeper, and somehow she was all soft warmth around me, yet she clenched my finger tightly. My instincts were divided. The protector shouted at me to stop, but Bella's lover, her husband, shouted to continue. Thankfully, there was no other voice; the monster within me was silent. This alone gave me the confidence to continue.

I arched my finger inside of Bella, and quickly found the sensitive spot deep within her where she liked to be touched. I brought my mouth to her breast at the same time I swept my finger against her sweet spot. Her hips rocked, her hands wound in my hair. I licked her nipple in time with the motions of my hand; using the small, steady movements she'd shown me herself. Bella gasped and moaned, her hands pulled at my hair, driving me on.

And suddenly, her muscles let go, warm silky wetness washed over my finger. I plunged another finger inside of her and her hips jerked off the bed. I continued, stroking, pressing rhythmically, while I grasped her nipple firmly between my lips, biting as I wrapped my lips around my teeth. My teeth tingled, my groin ached and Bella was lost in sensation. Her muscles began to throb around my fingers; the little noises she was making turned husky, her words were strangled in her throat and I knew it was time. She was moving closer to the edge.

"Uh, unh, Edwa… oh – _please_…"

I quickly counted through the list of things to remember: my hands, my weight, my thrust, my teeth. I could do this. It was a short list. I calibrated my touch, I knew how hard I could hold Bella, and I knew how hard she liked to be touched. She squealed underneath me as I adjusted my pressure. I could do this. I'd keep her safe. Tanya's advice was nearly meaningless. I wouldn't let myself give in. This was for Bella. I'd keep my head, and keep her safe.

There was no more reason to stall. I quickly slid my fingers from Bella and carefully grasped her waist, lowering my hips, pressing myself against her, running the length of myself between her honey-coated folds. Her eyes shot open with awareness, and my eyes were there in front of her holding her gaze, asking a wordless question.

She nodded faintly, and I brought my lips to hers.

Intense heat came from her in wave after wave, making it near impossible to stay still, I moved myself against her in time with the waves of scalding heat and Bella moved her hips up to meet me, burying me in her folds. I felt my chest vibrate, my growl seemed to come from a distance, loud and low enough to shake the bed.

Her brown eyes gazed up at me, her lids heavy, her lashes brushing against her cheeks. I held her gaze, concentrated on the love and desire in her eyes, reaffirming her faith in me, her trust. I used it to steady myself. I cupped her cheek in my hand, I held my breath and I pushed myself gently against her opening.

"Yes… please… pl --"

Heat, soft heat.

Both of our eyes went wide and I stopped myself, just barely inside of her. Bella clutched my lower back, trying to draw me further. She wound her legs around me. Her heat, the feel of her around me, holding me in place… Suddenly everything around me came into sharper focus, the world was clearer before my eyes, but Bella was the only thing I cared to see. My body changed, hummed, was lit with awareness that I'd never had before. Yet, time seemed to draw itself out, and minutes and seconds lost all meaning. I was pulled up out of my body at the same time I felt it's inner workings more clearly than I ever had.

Soft feminine panting pulled me back into the moment. Bella was glowing, pink and glorious before me, biting her bottom lip. I pulled myself back so that I was poised at her opening again, and again, I slid myself inside of her, pushing farther this time. Bella gasped and I held completely still. I was about to ask if I'd hurt her when she sighed and rocked her hips. It was the most unbelievable feeling, holding me tightly inside of her, rocking me within her, flames of wet heat encasing me. I quickly moved my hand from Bella's face to the bed, clenching the bedding in my hand, feeling fabric shred. I held my breath, I held on, I focused, I counted through the list in my mind, and I managed to stay moored to the earth this time.

"Edward --" Bella breathed my name. I knew it was a plea to continue.

Slowly, gently, carefully, I drove myself deeper. _My god_. Could she get hotter than this? My penis was reaching for her flaming center, I was holding onto my senses with all the strength in my free hand, which was shredding the bedding at Bella's side. I pulled out just slightly, and again, pushed deeper. How could I be held so tightly by something so soft?

I allowed myself shallow breaths and I was hit with Bella's scent. Again, I clutched the bedding and I grit my teeth. They were stinging in my mouth, tingling as if they hoped they might play a part in this, somehow. My _teeth_. I held myself, checked my hands, my weight. I hadn't done anything that could be called a thrust. And my teeth were tingling. Yes, I would remember my teeth.

When I thought I could trust myself to move, I pushed once more into Bella, and stopped, finally meeting resistance. I breathed deeply. The idea of hurting her, of breaking any part of her, of causing her pain…

"Are you okay?" Bella gasped.

"Oh god, yes." I pushed her hair from her face, stroked her cheek, careful not to move myself inside of her.

"Please, Edward. What… what's wrong?"

"That's as far as I can go, without hurting you."

"Oh."

Bella's arms were quickly around me, rubbing my back, comforting me?

"Edward. I'll be fine. I want this; I want you. I want you, Edward. Please."

Bella pushed her hips against mine and I felt muscles throb inside of her. A grunt erupted from deep within me and my hand flew to the bedding, tearing through it again with my fingers.

"I am yours, Edward. That's why _you_ have to do this. This part of me is _yours_." With that she rocked her hips again. I'd have to buy Esme new bedding. My fingers dug into the mattress.

"Oh Bella, you don't know how…"

"Now, Edward."

I looked down at Bella panting, flushed, the rise and fall of her breasts, her nipples soft, supple and full. I wanted them in my mouth. Very carefully, not trusting myself completely, I licked at her nipple, and brought it to life in my mouth. It was salty with excitement. Bella panted harder, her scent intensified and I needed her, to have her.

I pulled the length of myself out slightly, and then with a harder stroke than I'd attempted yet, I plunged myself past her barrier. Suddenly I saw lights, blinding lights. The scent from her skin, the scent from her sex was joined with the most beautiful, mouth watering, exciting thing I had ever smelled. Bella's blood. I felt it coat myself inside of her. Venom dripped from my teeth, fire lapped at my throat and I took my mouth off of Bella's breast.

My body froze but my mind took me away. I saw myself plunging deeper into Bella, until I was completely sheathed in her, and then I drove myself deeper, pounding, bucking, showing her what a vampire could do, taking her, making her mine, really mine.

I gasped and the faint smell of tears pulled me back through the darkness. I blinked and suddenly I saw Bella beneath me. A tear trickled down one cheek and her eyes sparkled in pain. She looked like she was gasping for air. I'd been adrift on bloody fantasies with Bella in pain beneath me.

"Bella." My voice was a low whisper. "My love." I kissed her tears away, ashamed at myself.

"Do you… do you need to… leave?" she gasped.

We'd spoken of this just two nights ago. I'd said I might need to get away from the blood. But leaving was inconceivable now.

"Never, Bella. I can't leave you like this."

"But, are you okay?" Was I okay? She was in pain, and she was asking if I was okay?

"Bella, I won't leave you." And then I noticed there was no venom in my mouth, just a dull burn in my throat. My concern had wiped my baser instincts away.

"Should we stop, Bella?"

"No! _Please_." Her hand caressed my cheek. "Please, Edward?"

I moved inside of Bella. I could still smell the coppery scent of her blood; I felt it mingling with her own honey wetness over and around me. But the sparkle in her eyes and the way she tried not to wince as I moved inside of her left me with no other desire besides taking her safely, carefully.

By now I was completely inside of Bella. Her impossible warmth surrounded me. My eyes raked over her pale skin, her soft, sumptuous breasts, her flat belly shaking with her pulse, her hips, like delicate wings, spread like a request to be held there, her dark hair pressed against mine, golden brown. I felt my mind shutting down, my body moving, and I clenched my jaw and held myself to the earth, held my hand on the bed.

Gently, carefully, I moved slowly, heat coursing through myself with every motion. Every cell of my body screamed to go faster, harder, but I held myself back. Then, without warning, Bella raised her hips to meet me, in time with me, as I moved to fill her.

"Oh!" We both gasped.

"Edward," Bella whispered, looking into my eyes.

"Bella?" My voice was rough, almost a growl.

"Please, I'm fine." Her hips moved up to meet mine again. And I moved against her, with her.

"Yes," she breathed.

I moved with her again.

"Yes."

And again. She whimpered. And again, we moved in time, to the beat of her, to her heart, her lungs, in time with her humanity. I relaxed. I knew how to hold her, I let myself breathe heavier, I knew what she could handle, she pressed her hips against me, and I gave her a little more.

"Yes!"

My hands… gently grasped her hip, pulling it upward. I groaned with the new pressure this created and Bella cried out in pleasure. My weight… I braced myself above her, letting myself rub against her nipples with each thrust. My thrust… pushing gradually harder, watching what she liked, thrilling at the warmth and the friction.

"Yes, oh, oh, oh," Bella panted, and one of her hands clutched my shoulder; I felt her nails at my skin. Her other hand stroked my cheek and I looked deep into her eyes.

Bella's eyes were heavy-lidded but sparkling and unfocused, lost in the moment. And god, her body… her legs wound around me, her fingers clawed at my shoulder, her breasts shook each time I plunged into her, her nipples just brushing me. _I _could do this for her,_ to_ her; _I_ made her feel this way. And this felt… like heaven… maybe the closest I could get… I moved with her, faster, pushing. Her scent wrapped around us, pulling us together, uniting us, surrounding us. And then something solid was bringing us together. My legs began to shake, something unnamed, bigger than me, stronger than me, was welling up from deep within me.

Bella looked around, startled. Did she feel it?

"Oh my g… oh my..."

She looked suddenly lost and I pulled her face to mine. "Bella, Bella." I growled her name with each thrust. "Bella, it's… it's --"

Her eyes found mine and focused, intense and beautiful. "We belong to each other now," she whispered. And that was it. She knew it. She knew what was happening, human or vampire. And the force grabbed both of us, joining us, filling the space under the netting with joy. It was light in the darkness, pushing us over the edge, to a place where we were both certain this was right. We were bound together, for eternity. A half-smile glistened at Bella's lips and her eyes were nearly closed. I brought my nose to her neck. Her smell - intoxicating, her blood - like nectar, pounding so hard, so hard, so hard, for me. She was mine, I'd make her mine, I'd made her…

And one by one everything fell away and I was in a space where thoughts disappeared like smoke.

*****

There was nothing but air rushing in my ears, and Bella filling my field of vision completely. Her eyes lit with love, looking only at me, her mate. Mine. I felt every distinct sensation with new clarity, but my mind - nothing, over and over and over. I needed to remember… to remember… but then Bella filled my sight, and I was moving toward her, toward something, with each torrid thrust.

"Edward, harder," her rough whisper was urgent and pleading.

Mine. My mate. Whatever she needed, wanted. She wanted me. I plunged deeper.

"_Yes!_"

I had to…keep her safe… I had to… think. I held on to her, to keep her safe. I held her close, memorizing the look in her eyes, and the feel of her damp skin under my fingertips. I had to concentrate. Bella was in front of me, under me, lost in my arms. _I'll hold you. I'll keep you safe from_… But then her hips moved in time with mine and the thought was lost.

"Hold me, Edward, hold me… _Edward!_"

Of course.

I wound my arm around her, pulling her chest off the bed, pulling her breast into my mouth. I could feel each rib as my fingers pressed against her. A warm wave of heat boiled under my skin. I caught my breath. With each thrust the heat within me threatened to burst into flames. My hand flew to Bella's hip, then her thigh, lifting it, so that I could move farther, deeper, until my body rubbed against her.

"Aaahh, aaahhh, AAAHH…"

Bella's voice tore through the air like I'd never heard it before, and then there was only her, in a haze of white light, and I moved toward… _remember_, _REMEMBER_… one last thing.

"Edward! Ooohh, _Edward…_"

Shocks began in my groin, and moved outward, until my whole body was tingling. Bella, my everything, was beneath me, her head lolling, her back arching, the blood pumping through her veins…. Mine. Giving herself to me.

My teeth were tingling, as I cradled her head in my hand, my fingertips tracing the lines of her face. Pressing my lips on hers, her breath in my mouth. A growl ripped from my throat, shaking Bella's lips, and she wrapped her hands around my head and pressed her lips harder against me.

"Oh, oh, oh --" the sounds were shaken from within her, husky and low.

And with each thrust my chest reverberated, the bed shook with my snarls and grunts. Her fingernails scraped at my back, my fingers pressed against hers. Remember her safety; remember...

My mouth was at her ear. "Isabella, Isabella, Isabella, I love you Isabella. You are mine now, Isabella."

My lips tingled as they brushed against her ear. Her skin was so soft. I was drawn to the softest spot, the place just behind her ear. My lips pressed there, inhaling, my body moving, one hand pulling her hip up to meet mine, thrust for thrust. Tingling, everywhere. Mine, my Bella.

"Edward! Edward." Then, with a blinding force like lightening, I felt myself shatter, come apart carried in wave after wave. My teeth were bared. My teeth. My _TEETH_. _REMEMBER MY TEETH_. And in a split second I moved my mouth to the side of her and my teeth ripped into something soft and white. I bit down hard, harder, a growl ripping through the thick night air as my teeth gnashed together and Bella throbbed around me.

"Edward! Oh my god, Edward. I'm… I'm --"

And then I felt myself spilling into her, a wave crashing against her, and I wanted it inside of her, deep inside of her. Bella throbbed around me, her fire lapping at my icy discharge. I crushed my lips to hers, she pressed back greedily, gasping for air. I moved my face from hers. Her face, her human face, my love's face, my delicate human mate's face… Oh god. Was she…? I gasped, breathing deeply. Was she hurt? What had I done?

"Bella, my Bella." My voice was urgent as I pushed her damp, sweaty, salt-watery hair from her flushed face.

"My love, Bella."

Her eyes were suddenly bright, wide. "Yes?"

"Are you…?"

"Perfect," she smiled listlessly.

I buried my head in the crook of her neck and took a deep breath. Perfect. Perfect. Bella said she was perfect. My breath became more even. I let myself rest heavier against her and I wound my arms around her. "Really?" I asked without unburying my head.

"Yes," she giggled. "_My god_, yes." Bella pressed her body into mine; I felt the soft pillow of her breasts hot against me. Suddenly, I needed her again. It had been less than a minute, but I felt myself come back to life inside of her. I felt Bella's sharp intake of air, reacting to me.

She put her hand beneath my chin and I let her move my face so that I could look into her eyes. They sparkled mischievously, a sly smile at her lips. "It's almost like I never really knew you, until… until now. I didn't think there was anything I didn't know. But, Edward, _my god_. You are so… so… I didn't --"

I couldn't keep my lips from hers any longer and I crushed her mouth with mine. She loved me, everything about me. I'd lost myself in her; I'd been more of a vampire than I'd ever been in her presence. And still, she loved me; she wanted me, more than ever. And she was safe. She said she was perfect. She was happy. We were both so happy.

I ran my tongue along her lush bottom lip and slipped it between her wet lips. Bella sighed and ran her hands from my hair, over my neck, down my back, and squeezed my backside. After a century, I had a lot of time to make up for. I moved experimentally inside of Bella. Her eyes shot open and I saw the edge of a wince.

"I told you, well, that if anything felt, umm… I'm a little sore, Edward."

Of course. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't say that. Not now. Do you know how… how?" Bella shook her head, unable to finish. I smiled at her. I think I knew just what she meant. In all my existence, never had I felt anything close to that. Not even when I'd tasted Bella's blood.

I went to pull myself out of her.

"No!"

"What? I thought --"

"Umm, well, you're so cold… again, it umm… makes me feel better."

Bella blushed. "Could you keep your… self there a little longer? Would that be asking too much?"

"You could never ask too much, Bella." Now that I'd been inside of Bella, I'd be happy to never leave.

"Here, then." I pulled her close to me, and carefully rolled Bella on top of me and settled her against my chest. She was warm and pink and moist and perfect. Perfect. I was calmer than I ever remembered being in over one hundred years. She seemed to float over and around me, the world hung in balance, a true miracle. We were coated in down. _Down_. My _teeth_.

"Bella, are you okay?" I scanned her neck, the spot behind her ear, but found only intact skin.

"Better, than that Edward," Bella mumbled. Her body settled against my chest and her head grew warm. Sleep, she was going to sleep. "The best I've ever been."

"Me too, Bella," I murmured in her ear. She was unharmed, happy, peaceful. I was blissful. Complete. My hands trailed over her body, something I'd learned to love as Bella and I had practiced before the wedding. But now it meant so much more. I was trailing my hand over my wife, over this woman, bound one to another in every way possible. Still bound to one another. I ached to move inside of her, but held myself still.

I waited until she was soundly asleep before carefully slipping myself from between her legs. She groaned a little, and I held my breath. I knew there was no hemorrhage, no damage, my vampire senses told me as much. She was just sore. Any human would be, right? My mind scanned through all of the thousands of human conversations I'd tried to shut out. Yes, as a human, she would be sore.

I waited for the guilt, the inevitable guilt. If I knew myself, I knew that would come next. Tonight was supposed to be for Bella. I'd taken advantage of the situation; I hadn't restrained myself. I'd fallen and risked her life for my own pleasure. But there was nothing; the guilt didn't come. There was no room in my body or my mind for guilt. I was consumed with quiet bliss, alive with pleasure, and focused on keeping Bella safe and satisfied forever.

I let go of time, the closest I could come to sleep. My mind wandered as my body shifted to the time of Bella's humanity. Her heart beat steadily and her breathing was deep and even, her heat, her softness, her tiny movements against me – all combined to make me want her all over again. I suppressed a groan from time to time, my desire now unleashed and unquenched. How long would a human remain sore?

Because now I didn't think I could restrain myself. Up until now I'd held on by a thread, but now, the possibilities... Now that Bella lay unharmed in my arms, how could I ever touch her again without bringing us both to this place of intense pleasure and intense release? I counted the ways I wanted her, the ways I would cherish her, take her. In the water, on the beach, the shower - I'd been aching to take her in the shower forever.

*****

The hours passed timelessly as I lay still. Shadows traced a path along Bella's body as she slept. I saw the outlines of the palms, the shadow of a cloud on her cheek as it crossed the moon. Time drifted… Suddenly I was alert, aware. Time drifted. How much time? An hour. The shadow was still on her cheek.

My mind replayed my actions from the night before. I'd pressed my fingers against her cheek. I brought my fingers to her face; the shadow mirrored the shape of my forefinger. My eyes ranged over her back, her arms. Bruises, gray-blue in the early morning light, blossomed and grew as I watched. My hands.

She wasn't _fine_. She wasn't perfect. How much pain was she in? Why didn't she say? What had I done? I scanned the spots over her vital organs, could there be internal bleeding? Would I smell it? I gently pressed against her kidneys, then I snaked my hands under her and examined her abdomen, looking for signs of ascites or internal damage. She slept easily and nothing alerted me to life-threatening injury.

But the bruises multiplied with the hours. And that terrible bruise on her cheek darkened and swelled. She looked battered. I'd battered my wife. Her bottom lip began to swell and I couldn't look any longer. Guilt came crashing in. I hadn't changed, aside from the fact that I let the monster within me batter my wife.

I was Bella's mate, and I'd hurt her. I'd endangered and hurt her by giving in to my own desire. I was worse than any other monster I knew. No mated vampire would ever hurt his mate. I was the worst; I'd always been the worst. I should never have come here. And Bella, what had she done? What had she wed herself to?

And then Bella's heart stuttered against me, her breath caught in her throat and I felt her eyelids flutter against my chest. She stayed still, as if she could keep her consciousness a secret. I didn't move, I didn't look at her. I didn't trust my eyes, my reaction. I'd disgusted myself, but I didn't want Bella to think she disgusted me.

My hand seemed to move of its own volition, I trailed it along her spine. I knew her body wasn't as strong as her spirit, but I'd lost sight of that last night. I was loathsome and selfish. Bella tightened her arms around me. This excited me, and another wave of disgust washed over me.

Bella giggled. The sound was disarming given my mental state.

"What's so funny?"

And with my words, Bella's scent filled the morning air. She trailed her nose along my neck and then raised her face to meet mine. Her eyes sparkled and her hot hand caressed my chest. Bella was fully awake and fully aroused. I struggled to hold on. I would not become aroused.

"You just can't escape being human for very long," she said in a voice somehow happy and embarrassed, no trace of discomfort.

She certainly couldn't. She'd physically bound herself to a vampire for all eternity, and it only took a few minutes after that for me to bruise her entire body. Did she ache? Was she in pain? Why would she giggle?

"Edward, what is it? What's wrong?"

"You have to ask?"

* * *

**A/N: Whew! As always, thanks to my betas Jess A. Brown and Lindz (nom nom), who graciously edit my smut.**

**That one was for all of my readers that have been asking for that chapter for months... octoberland, snewman, AngelLamb, Nora Lance, Lily, and many, many others... **

**Please review. m**


	7. Bound and Broken

**There are direct quotes from Breaking Dawn in this chapter. They belong to Stephenie Meyer, not me, of course! **

* * *

Bella lay in my arms silently. She was deafeningly silent. I tried to decipher her emotions from the look in her eyes, something I _thought_ I'd become quite good at. But although Bella was staring at me intently, I couldn't be sure what she was feeling, and I couldn't dream what she must be thinking. Her brown eyes were deep, mysterious pools, and I was completely out of my depth. She _seemed_ equal parts happy, confused, disappointed and hungry. Her face showed no trace of pain, anger or fear.

It didn't make sense. Did she care about herself so little that she could dismiss her own injuries, without a thought? She said she would tell me if I hurt her. Why didn't she stop me? Had I frightened her? Did she endure last night for my sake? Was she trying to make this easier for me by pretending she wasn't hurt, like she had after her birthday, like she had after the blood last night?

The longer the silence persisted between us, the more concerned Bella looked. Her forehead was furrowed, but her eyes were full of love. I didn't deserve this kindness. I had to know what was going through her mind. Finally, I broke the silence.

"What are you thinking?"

Her eyes narrowed, pensive. "You're upset. I don't understand. You said… You told me that… that --"

"How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth – don't try to downplay it." I steeled myself for the response.

"Hurt?" Bella looked stunned, as if pain was the farthest thing from her mind.

I watched her sit up and move her arms and her legs, wriggle her fingers and toes. She was like an otherworldly goddess, coated in white fluff, her hair cascading in messy waves down her back, her breasts trembling with her every movement, her delicate lines, the scent of her sex.

I sighed and looked away. Could I think of nothing else besides how I wanted her? I was incorrigible. I studied the ceiling and it was easier to focus on the way she had gingerly moved her right arm, the way she'd held her neck protectively as she shook her head, and the little gasp she'd made as she flexed her thigh.

"Why would you jump to that conclusion?" she asked in inexplicable astonishment. "I've never been better than I am now."

Despite the pain she was obviously in, she was emphatic that she was unharmed. When had she become such a good liar? I looked at her out of the corner of my eyes. She looked so earnest, and so dewy in the slanting mid-morning light. I closed my eyes, desperate not to get another glimpse of her nude body. It drove me insane with desire and guilt. "Stop that," I muttered.

"Stop _what?"_

"Stop acting like I'm not a monster for having agreed to this," I growled, acting every bit the monster.

"Edward, don't ever say that!" But even as she disagreed with me, I felt her drawing away from me on the bed. It was a safe move on her part. It was about time. Nevertheless, her reaction killed me, and I squeezed my eyes shut wishing that I could take it all back. But I knew I couldn't, and neither could she.

"Look at yourself, Bella. Then tell me I'm not a monster." I turned my head to the wall and held my breath.

She gasped. "Why am I covered in feathers?"

_Of all the questions_… "I _bit_ a pillow. That's not what I'm talking about."

"Oh." Bella fell silent. "But it was the pillow. I'm f --"

"Do not say the word _fine_. If you value my sanity, do not say that you are _fine_." I grated from between tensed jaws.

"But I am. I don't get it Edward. Last night you were so… happy. More than happy. You were blissed out, Edward. I know you were."

I spun around and took hold of Bella's hand, stretching out her arm. I'd moved fast enough to make her gasp. "Look, Bella! Look at _that." _I placed my four fingers across the marks on her forearm, a perfect match. I turned her arm over to reveal the darker mark that I'd made with my thumb.

Bella stared at her arm wordlessly and I let go of her. She looked over her body, attempting to brush away the down. Again, I looked away. Her tentative motions reminded of the way a new fawn moves, slender and tentatively graceful, discovering itself with each hesitant movement. And then the way her breasts shook as she brushed herself... I gritted my teeth and focused on the ceiling again. I stared so hard it should have caved in with the force of my glare.

"Oh," she breathed in surprise.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I knew better than this. I should not have --" But I couldn't bring myself to say it. I shouldn't have let myself get carried away when I made love to you. I shouldn't have let myself come while I made love to you. I shouldn't have enjoyed myself while I made love to you, because any enjoyment on my part involves monstrous impulses that are likely to kill you. "I am more sorry than I can tell you," I managed between clenched teeth.

I pressed my hands against my eyes. They ached and stung like they never had before.

"They're black and blue marks, Edward. It's no big deal. It happens. I'm human."

"I know, Bella. Perhaps that's something we both should have considered more seriously."

"God, Edward, it's all we ever think about! Have two people ever talked more about being human? I doubt it. We knew this might happen. I'm sure this kind of thing happens a lot when two _humans_ have sex."

"Yes, you're right. Human lovers injure each other all the time. It's not the kind of behavior I'm looking to emulate."

"Not on _purpose_, Edward. It was an accident. Humans get bruised, and then we get better. Maybe you don't remember how it works for most of us."

I lowered my hands and opened my eyes enough to look at Bella's face. Only her face. I wouldn't look at her body. She was angry; her cheeks were flushed. Her eyes were wide and bright and wet. I didn't want to make her angry, I wanted nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her I'd make it better. But taking her in my arms was dangerous. I couldn't trust myself to touch her, and the pain this caused was physical. My eyes ached, my arms ached, and my stomach lurched. This bodily reaction was equal parts astonishing and agonizing.

Bella reached out to touch my hand. I flinched.

"I'm sorry. But, Edward... I. Am. So. Happy. And I _know_ you were. I _know_ it."

"I can't think of it like that now, Bella. Now that I know I've hurt you."

"It doesn't hurt."

I clenched my jaw and I could feel my eyes glowing brightly. Bella looked down at her hands.

"It didn't hurt last night. I would have told you."

"That's all the more reason not to try _that_ again. You weren't aware; I wasn't aware. It was foolish."

"Don't say that! Edward, I don't know about vampires. But for a human, it doesn't get any better than that. We knew this was going to be tricky. I thought that was assumed. And then – well, it was a lot easier than I thought it would be. I think for the first time, not knowing what to expect, we did amazing. With a little practice --"

I couldn't let her finish that thought. "Assumed? Did you _expect_ this, Bella? Were you anticipating that I would hurt you? Were you thinking it would be worse? Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it? No broken bones – that equals a victory?"

"Experiment? Experiment! Is that what this was to you? Something you could report back to Carlisle about? Something unique that 'Bella the human' would like to try?"

"That's not what I meant. I'm sorry, that was a poor choice of words." I glanced at her, vibrating with anger and sadness, stung. I shook my head; I didn't know how to do this right. No matter what I did or said, I was hurting the person I cared about most in the world. I was hurting the person I was bound to for eternity. "I don't want to hurt you any more than I have."

"Then get over this, Edward. Don't ruin this, don't ruin last night for me, for us."

"I've already ruined it."

"No! I won't let you do this. I _won't_. Last night happened and, dammit, it was perfect, Edward. I had no idea what it would be like, and then… then, you and me... I didn't dream it would be like that. You can't take it back. You can't make it bad.

"I remember what you said about time, how when you remember everything, what happened is always there. Last night will always exist. Don't try to change it for my _frail human mind_."

"You're right. The past is past and I can't do anything to change it. I can only change the future. I won't make the same mistake again."

"It wasn't a mistake, Edward. Stop it! Stop trying to tell me that it wasn't good. That _I _wasn't good."

I paused, stunned. How could Bella think that I objected to her? That I hadn't enjoyed being with her? That's not what I'd meant at all. I sat up and carefully touched my fingertips to Bella's, looking into her eyes. I took a few deep breaths, and concentrated on speaking in a calmer tone.

"Bella. I didn't dream that you would construe the way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't… well, the best night of my existence. But --"

"Really? The best ever? In your whole existence?" Bella glowed with happiness at my words. She grasped my hand and I resisted the urge to pull away. It was so warm; she was so trusting. It sent a vibration of pleasure through my body. I clutched her hand tighter.

"Yes, of course, Bella. And nothing, no amount of practice, not talking to Carlisle, my brothers, not bits of thoughts I'd tried to avoid over the years, nothing, could have prepared me for what it was like, with you, last night. Vampires say that sex the second best thing to human blood. But I've tasted your blood, Bella. Last night was something more."

"It _was_ more. It was _everything_." I couldn't help but agree with her.

She was right. It _was_ everything. After last night I had everything I could ever want in Bella. I wouldn't destroy that. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"But it was wrong. My enjoyment doesn't change that. I won't make love to you again. Not while you're still human. Not until you are changed. I won't hurt you like this again."

"What?" Bella pulled her hand from mine, astonished.

"I'll do whatever I can to make you happy, but I won't do _that_. What else can I do to make you happy, Bella?"

Bella was silent. Her eyes glazed over, suddenly dull and emotionless. She gingerly slid from the bed. I couldn't help groaning. Her face, her neck, her shoulders, her arm, down her torso, across her left breast, her hips, her inner thighs… In the past I'd killed men for as much. Bella stood in front of the mirror in the dressing area, looking herself over. She was quiet and subdued. She didn't answer me. What else could I do to make her happy?

I sighed before moving quickly out of the bed and dressing from the waist down. Bella looked up and gasped. I'd moved too fast. She held on to the wall to steady herself, trying to look like she wasn't alarmed. It was just an everyday occurrence, her husband moving faster than she could detect.

"I'll never get this out of my hair," she murmured turning back to her reflection, trying to pick white fuzz from between the tangles.

I took a deep breath and moved to her. I was behind her, at arm's length. I wanted so badly to caress her bare shoulders, to wind my arm around her waist. But I couldn't. I couldn't touch her. Images from the night before flashed through my mind. I'd had no control. And it was all I wanted to do, again. Always. Constantly.

To distract myself, I began carefully plucking the feathers from her hair. I relaxed a little, grateful that I could manage this much contact. "It's not your hair I'm concerned about, Bella."

"Edward, I'm fi --"

"Shh," I interrupted. She looked away from our reflection. I worked for three more silent minutes before she turned back to look at us. I managed a faint smile.

"I'm going to have to wash it out, I think." Bella's voice was flat. Her eyes met mine in the mirror. "Would you help me in the shower?" she asked hesitantly, just a hint of hope in her voice.

I'd been counting on taking a shower with Bella this morning. After all of those hundreds of nights of waiting, I thought this morning, her and I, the water, the tiles, my skin against hers... I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. "I'd better find you some food."

*****

Edward left me standing in the bedroom, naked and partially coated in down. He'd succeeded in getting at least half of the sticky fluff out of my hair, but I still looked like a freak. I wound my hands around myself, oddly more self-conscious now that I was alone. I heard Edward opening the refrigerator, then the clatter of pots and pans. He was really going to make food. Now? I was stunned. Part of me wanted to march into the kitchen and talk. This wasn't over, not by a long shot. But I'd have to get dressed first; my bruised and naked body wouldn't make things easier. Another part of me just wanted to hide. After I'd given myself to Edward, finally, completely… this was his response?

So I retreated to the bathroom to regroup, looking over my shoulder, hoping to see Edward stealing a glance at me. He wasn't there.

I turned the hot water up so that it was practically scalding, hoping that it might ease some of the soreness in my muscles. I _was_ sore, all over, like I'd been weight lifting and then ran a couple of miles.

The steaming shower in the already hot room quickly turned the teak paneled bathroom into a sauna. I found some eucalyptus shower gel and took my time lathering up. The scent filled the room as I tenderly rubbed my aching muscles and joints. I took advantage of the time alone to close my eyes and replay last night for my own personal viewing pleasure. I wanted to hold onto that night for dear life. It would be up to me to remember it now. Now that Edward thought it was wrong. I'd been counting on him remembering it for me after I was changed. But I couldn't be sure he'd ever talk about it again. So I had to make sure I remembered every detail, until I had the chance to write it all down.

It was going to be hard. Last night was like a blur. The most amazing parts stood out more than anything else. I remembered how Edward's eyes glowed almost yellow; they were intense and timid all at once. And, of course, I could never forget the feel of _him_, impossibly cold, hard and heavy inside of me. So cold it burned. I don't know what it's like to be with a human, but I knew it wasn't like that. And how did he know, how did we _both_ know how to do that? I mean, the practice helped with his hands and his mouth, (god, I was getting excited again just thinking about his hands and his mouth), but _everything_ else. I'm pretty sure we were good at it. Amazing.

And to see how he changed… At first he was so gentle that it almost killed me. I thought he'd never be inside of me. It seemed like he pushed millimeter by millimeter. But then, when he was finally, completely inside of me, I was filled more than I ever thought I could be. I'd been astonished; we fit together, perfectly. It was right after that when suddenly, Edward was more than a man; he was a vampire. He stopped trying to be human for me. He was whole and complete and amazing. Finally! I mean, I'm in love with a vampire, and last night I finally got to meet him. And my god, did I ever get to meet him! I could still feel his growls vibrating in my ears. I could still see the feral flash in his eyes, feel his icy come slipping onto my thighs. Last night was a revelation, seeing Edward finally let go. Really let go.

And there was that point in the middle, right before things really got intense. I don't know exactly what to call it. But for a minute I was sure that there was something else there with us, that kind of wound around us and held us together. Up until that moment I couldn't believe that Edward was mine, but after that, I knew. It was just certain, done, somehow. Even now, now that he'd rejected me, I still knew he was mine. That's what made this all so hard...

Then, at the end, everything was so fast, so impossibly fast; Edward's hands and his mouth were everywhere. He moved so gracefully and so quickly, well it would have done me in just to watch him. The way his lips curled, the way he showed his teeth, and the way he said "mine."

It was weird how that one little word could make me feel: weak in the knees and light-headed. I'd never wanted to be someone's property. The thought, rationally, made me uncomfortable. But the way Edward said it, like he was laying claim to my body - it shouldn't, I know it shouldn't - but it made me die a little, in a good way. To think that this body, this fragile human thing was Edward's to, well, there's no other word for it, but to _ravage_. It made the spot between my legs ache and it made me want him all over again.

_Mine_. I shuddered. _Mine_. I suppressed a groan. I gently rubbed myself with my finger and a sob escaped from my lips, surprising me. I didn't know I was crying, but sure enough, my tears were mixed with the water from the shower. I pressed my face against the cold shower tile to smother my voice, and it reminded me of how Edward felt when I pressed myself against him.

Never. Again. Not as a human. How could he say that? How could he make that decision for us? I wanted him so badly, more now than ever. But one night with me, and he never wanted to touch me again. Because of these bruises. Because of my delicate human body. But now, now, I wanted this body more than ever. I needed him like that again. I wanted days, weeks, months, yes, even _months_, with nothing but him. Him and I naked and tangled in the sheets. And then in the morning we could talk and giggle and whisper and do it all over again.

I looked down at myself; my body was practically shaking with desire. I fought the very real impulse to run out there and try to force myself on Edward. I knew very well that wouldn't work. I had over a year of experience in that department.

I pressed my body into the corner of the shower and I thought of Edward, of his enormous, hard body, and of how carefully he touched me, down there. I tried to mimic his movements, but I didn't get it quite right. I pressed my breasts against the tile, pretending it was him that was hardening my nipples, I pressed my face against the tiles, and I rubbed my thighs together. But as much as I fevered for Edward, my body knew this wasn't him. It wasn't working.

I spun around and turned the water from hot to cold, ice cold. I unhooked the nozzle and sprayed it between my legs, as hard as the water would go, on the most intense setting.

I held the nozzle there and gasped, my fingers clawing at the wall. Before I knew it, my legs crumbled beneath me, and I was kneeling on the floor of the stall, my breath coming hard. I tried to be as quiet as possible as I brought myself over the edge. Still, Edward probably knew. He could hear and smell everything. Fine, let him know. Let him know what his wife was doing without him.

When I could stand again, I turned off the water and wiped the tears from my face. I dried myself and carefully combed the rest of the down from my hair. Then I took a deep breath and cracked the bathroom door. Edward wasn't in the bedroom. I could smell eggs from the kitchen. My stomach rumbled. Human, I was sickeningly human. I was starving. I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast on the plane yesterday. I pulled the towel tighter around myself and walked quietly into the bedroom. I could be as quiet as I wanted, but I knew Edward heard me.

I looked through the clothing Alice packed for me. Why hadn't I stopped her? Everything, down to the underwear and bras, were brand new. They were very lacy, very small, and very honeymoon-ish. Even if Edward wanted me, I would have been embarrassed. I pulled on the least revealing bra and panty set of the bunch, which wasn't saying much, then searched for something that would cover as much of the bruises as possible. I found a white jersey dress with short sleeves. I considered tying a scarf around my neck, but I thought it would have been too obvious.

"Bella? Eggs are ready." Edward heard me. He always heard.

"I'll be right there."

I rooted around in my bag and fished out my cell phone. I slipped back into the bathroom and prayed for reception. Miraculously, I had four bars. They'd probably installed their own cell tower here on the island, I thought to myself sarcastically. I dialed Alice's number. I needed to talk to someone, and Alice was the only one that I could confide in about the vampire part of it all. _"Come on, Alice, answer. I need you!"_ But it went straight to voicemail. Didn't she see that I'd be calling? If Edward and I ever needed one of her visions, something happy and positive about the future, we needed it now. I sighed and shut the phone. I didn't leave a message. Alice wouldn't need one.

"_That's fine_," I thought. Edward was my_ husband_. We'd work this out together. I could be rational; Edward was always rational. Well, until this morning.

I took a deep breath, took one last look in the mirror, squared my shoulders and made my way to the kitchen.

*****

Edward was sliding an omelet onto a plate as I walked into the enormous stainless steel and glass kitchen and eased into a chilly metal chair. "Enjoy your shower?" he asked in that voice that made me want to melt. How could he manage to sound so sexy and unruffled when I was so angry and sad? And what did he mean, enjoy my shower? Damn him.

"It was _fine_." I used the word on purpose.

I saw him pause for a spilt second, before he turned to me, an impassive smile on his lips. "I'm glad."

He put the plate before me and my stomach rumbled. It smelled delicious.

"You cook?"

"Food Network."

"Right." I hungrily forked the eggs into my mouth. They were amazing, perfect. Of course they were perfect.

"I haven't been feeding you enough," Edward observed as he sat across from me.

"I'm not a zoo animal, Edward. I'm a human. You don't have to feed me. I can feed myself, thank you. And I was asleep. Not in eating mode." I felt instantly bad about my tone and my choice of words. But really, what I said was the least of it.

I saw just a hint of pain in Edward's eyes, but that same smile remained on his lips. "You're still unhappy."

"Unhappy doesn't quite capture the full extent of how I feel, Edward."

Edward's chair was immediately next to mine. He almost touched my shoulder with his hand, but then drew it away. "Bella, I would do anything to make you happy. We're here for your enjoyment."

"Anything?" I asked turning to meet his eyes. They were flat, like unpolished bronze. His face was carefully arranged into a look of concern, but he was hiding something. I knew him well enough to know that. I was suddenly inspired. I'd learned that when he hid his feelings, I could often touch him and bring it out. I tentatively grabbed his hand. Edward flinched. But instead of caving in to me, it was like he locked himself inside even more.

He could only meet my eyes for a couple of seconds, before turning to look out the glass wall at the beach. "There's snorkeling, a waterfall if we hike inland, tide pools to the north, caves along the water's edge on the western shore…"

Edward's voice trailed off and I didn't respond. He'd intentionally misunderstood my request. I wasn't going to beg for sex. I'd done enough of that for nearly two years. Not now. Not with my husband.

"That sounds lovely." I wasn't as good at this as Edward was. There was an edge to my voice that I couldn't mask. I saw him wince again. "The waterfall sounds nice," I offered woodenly.

I figured that we could hike there fully clothed; I could cover up most of the bruises. We'd walk at human speed. With my penchant for tripping, that could take all day.

Edward turned to smile at me, and his eyes nearly sparkled. How was he so good at this? Pretending that everything was all right. Pretending. It reminded me of last September, before he left me. It wasn't even a year ago. That thought cut like a knife and I gasped a little and looked away.

"Bella, are you alright?"

_Was he serious?_

I waited for him to say something else. Instead he lightly stroked my cheek. His touch almost made me crumble, right there. It brought back all of the memories from last night and compounded the fact that I would never experience that again. I was angry with him, and I was angry at my own skin that bruised if the wind rubbed it the wrong way.

I turned back to look at Edward. His concern was real now, at least. He looked like he was in pain. I could feel my eyes watering and I tried desperately to keep the tears at bay. I wouldn't cry. "Kiss me, Edward?"

Edward's lips brushed against mine. I felt its effects through my entire body; I was buzzing, aching, like he just breathed life into me. I clenched my fists, I would not try to pull him to me. I stayed rooted in my seat. I wouldn't jump into his lap. Edward's lips pressed against mine harder, his hands came up and rested on my shoulders, but almost before it registered, they were back at his sides. There was no mistaking his desire. He moved his lips urgently, pressing them into me. In another instant he'd have me on the floor. I heard a sound from his throat. Was it a purr, a growl? No, it was almost pain… like a groan… but worse. Then, suddenly, he was across the room, opening the refrigerator. Inhumanly fast.

"I'll pack you some snacks, Bella."

"Thanks."

*****

The hike _was_ actually lovely. The island was beautiful in a tropical way that I'd never seen before. It was lush and green like Forks, but the leaves were all waxy and enormous, and there were bright splashes of color everywhere. Vibrant yellow and pink orchids grew from tree trunks, orange and red flowers grew from the ground, and some dangled from the limbs of trees. And the delicious heat, I couldn't get enough of it. It snaked around my limbs and filled my throat, so fragrant and heavy I could almost drink it. It was dim under the forest canopy, but every once in a while, light would filter down and glance off Edward's skin, shattering into thousands of crystal rays.

Edward held my hand to help me over tree limbs, to catch me as I slipped on wet rocks and fallen fruit. He told me about Brazil in the early seventies; the crowded streets of Rio, coursing with people, thick with the smell of human food and exhaust. He explained the differences between the rainforest on the mainland, where they'd settled, and the flora and the animals on this island. He pointed out the names of different flowers and trees as we walked.

The Cullens came to Brazil to avoid the Vietnam draft. It was easier to leave the country than to keep moving as soon as one of them was supposed to have come of age. I'd never thought of that.

"You didn't want to fight?" I asked.

"We couldn't. First of all, there's the blood to consider. Emmett and Jasper, and even myself, we would never have had the willpower necessary to remain composed in a killing field. And then there would be medical exams, bullets bouncing off of our skin. There was no way, especially for a war we didn't believe in."

Suddenly, I wished I could have seen Edward in the seventies. What kind of clothes did he wear? Polyester? Bell-bottoms? Was Alice a hippy? I'd never seen pictures. They must have pictures. But I guessed they wouldn't need pictures, with perfect memories.

"World War II was harder," Edward continued. "Emmett and I both wanted to fight. I knew it was impossible, but it was difficult for us to keep Emmett from enlisting."

"How did you?"

"Rosalie did. She was the only one that could talk sense to Emmett those first years."

"Because she's his… mate?" The word sounded awkward coming out of my mouth. It was the first time I used it like that, to refer to a vampire couple.

I thought Edward's head turned to look at me a little quicker after I said it. "Yes, I suppose."

We fell into silence.

I wondered why I couldn't talk sense to Edward, then. Maybe it wasn't the same between us, because I was human. Would I have more influence over him when I was turned? Would I be his… _mate_, then? What if when I was turned, he didn't think of me that way? That thought caused me real, physical pain.

After last night I felt so attached to Edward, in a way that seemed like so much more than sex. And I thought he felt that too. No, I almost knew it. I was there; I _wouldn't_ let myself forget it. But now, he was so hard and cold. How could he keep himself from me when all I wanted was to be able to throw him on the ground and rip off his clothes?

Edward reached for my hand. "Are you okay?"

I hadn't realized that I was suddenly breathing like I'd just run a marathon.

"It's nothing. Maybe just jet lag and the hike." His hand squeezed mine lightly before he let it go.

*****

We didn't make it back to the house until well after sunset. Bella seemed tired and unsettled, and even more pensive than usual. The actual silence between us was compounded by the reprieve I'd had from the thoughts of others. It had been nearly twenty-four hours. Not a whisper of a thought in all that time. But I was actually glad that I couldn't hear Bella's thoughts today. Mine were enough to deal with. If I had to hear Bella's thoughts about how badly I'd ruined our first day together as man and wife, well, I wasn't sure what I'd do. But it wouldn't be pleasant.

Bella threw herself into an armchair as soon as we made it through the door. She looked thoroughly exhausted.

"Are you hungry?"

"A little. I'm tired."

"I could make you something."

She smiled a little. "What else did you learn on the Food Network?"

"What would you like?"

Her eyes narrowed as she considered my answer. "Do you know how to make everything, now?"

"Not everything," I conceded.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Maybe just some of the fruit we picked. I'm not that hungry. I just feel weird. It must be jet lag. I'm all off. I slept all day on the plane and then I was up all…" She closed her eyes. "Maybe just some fruit."

After twenty minutes with some cut up guava and papaya, Bella put the bowl aside and stretched languorously. "I think I'll get ready for bed." She glanced at me, and I wasn't sure how to respond.

"Perhaps you should sleep in the blue bedroom. The other one is covered in feathers."

She considered me silently for ten long seconds, her expression flat, unreadable. "Right." Bella turned on her heels toward the bathroom.

"Bella?" I'd almost forgotten. I knew Alice's plans for Bella's honeymoon wardrobe. I'd thought ahead and stowed away some of Bella's favorite clothing for the trip. I thought it might make her more comfortable. But with everything that had happened, I hadn't had the chance to bring it up.

"Yes?"

"I know my sister well. I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier. I packed some of your things in my luggage. I thought that it might make you feel more at home while you're here."

Bella peered at me. "You thought I might like to sleep in my own things?"

I nodded. "Something familiar."

"You don't want to see me in what Alice packed?"

"Bella, no, that's not what I --"

"Fine, Edward." Bella marched into the bathroom. It wasn't long before I heard the shower running. Was she trying to kill me with all the showers?

But I took advantage of the moment, slipped my cell phone from my pocket and slid out the back door, grateful that Carlisle had a cell phone tower installed three years earlier.

*****

"Carlisle."

"Edward, what is it? I hadn't heard from you. I thought that meant that Bella was fine."

I gritted my teeth. If one more person used that word, I would scream.

"There are bruises all over her body, Carlisle."

"And?"

"I battered my wife," I growled through clenched teeth.

"She has _bruises_?"

"Why are you rubbing this in?"

"Edward, child, she is human. She's going to bruise. Is there anything else? Bleeding? Internal damage?"

"No!"

Carlisle sighed on the other end. "_It's fine,"_ I heard him say under his breath. Was he talking to Esme? Telling her that _it was fine_?

"You call this _fine_?" I worked with some difficulty to keep my voice low enough so that Bella couldn't overhear me.

"Edward, get a hold of yourself. You knew this was going to be hard, you knew it was dangerous. All things considered…"

For three seconds I stopped listening to my father. Obviously, Carlisle didn't care about Bella like I did. What if I tried explaining this to Bella's mother and father? Their daughter left my bed bruised from head to toe. They'd call me a monster and they would be right. Carlisle wasn't seeing this clearly. He was biased. Calling had been a mistake.

"… and as a first attempt, one might have guessed there would be minor contusions, not to mention --"

"You expected this?" I interrupted. "Who else expected this? Did Alice see this? Does she also think hurting Bella was acceptable?"

"Edward, how does _Bella_ feel?"

"She won't say… She says she feels _fine_."

"Maybe you should listen to your wife." For the first time he sounded irritated. But for all the wrong reasons, to my estimation.

"Carlisle, how would you feel if you injured Esme?"

"That's impossible, son. Esme isn't human."

"That's not what I mean..." I took a deep breath. "Carlisle, Bella is mine. After the wedding, after last night, Carlisle… we're --"

"Yes, son. I know. You're bound, she's yours."

"Yes… and I hurt her. Have you ever encountered one so callous and selfish, that he would… _hurt _his mate? Vampires don't do this. And then, with every word I utter I hurt her more. Silence seems to be worse."

"Edward, Bella is not a vampire. Did you think that marrying Bella, that having intercourse with her, would somehow make your relationship a vampire relationship?"

Had I thought that? Surely not. But what had I expected? I remembered back to Carlisle and Esme when they were first together, the unbreakable bond between them. Their complete accord and acceptance of one another. And then there was Rosalie and Emmett. Their physical union was stronger than anything else. They never had a doubt about what they shared physically. These were my two models of newly mated couples. Perhaps I'd been unrealistic.

"Edward, humans sometimes hurt one another accidentally. Humans often argue, disagree. It's their nature. Their bodies are malleable, their emotions and their minds are unfixed."

"But I'm not human, Carlisle. I don't know what I'm doing."

"Son, you've been doing this all along. You and Bella have always argued and disagreed like humans. It's more drama than this family has seen in many years. You must know this. You must have an idea of how you've changed."

"I won't hurt her physically again, I can't bear it. You and Esme may leave whenever you'd like. There will be no possibility that Bella will get hurt for as long as she is still human."

He sighed in resignation. "Son, your relationship with Bella is unlike any other that I've seen. But I've known many, many vampires over the years. I don't know that it's physically possible for you to stay away from her, after last night."

"Not without some difficulty," I replied. Not without actual, physical pain. The attraction, the desire, the need, was unrelenting.

"I can't fathom how you're able to talk with me on the telephone so calmly," he continued. "Perhaps everything is turned on its head when dealing with a human." That was putting it mildly.

"Go talk to your wife, Edward. This is a discussion you should be having with her."

"I'm afraid, Carlisle, of hurting her again. I'm afraid of what she must think of me."

"Bella may be human, Edward, but the strength and consistency of her feelings for you is somewhat superhuman. You need to talk to her, son."

Just then I heard Bella turn off the water in the shower. I heard her feet padding on the tiles, her heart beating regularly. I pictured her, pink, glowing and soft. I could feel her on my fingertips, taste her on my tongue. I _couldn't_ stay on the phone calmly. I couldn't stay this far away from her… from her warm, wet, intoxicating body, from her beautiful face, from her silken hair.

"Carlisle, I need to go," I managed.

* * *

**A/N: Hmm... it seems this chapter had been lodged somewhere in my heart since I first read Breaking Dawn almost a year ago. I'd love to hear what you think... **

**Thanks to my fearless and supportive betas, Jess A. Brown and Lindz (nom nom)! And thanks so much for reading and for all of the reviews so far.**

**Oh, and if you're wondering what the heck happened to Alice, that story is in The Necklace, Alice and Jasper's sequel to Prelude. Because really, why didn't Alice call for weeks and weeks in BD??**

**xxx, m**


	8. Men and Monsters

It took less than a second to hang up on my father and walk across the threshold, my need for Bella growing with every step. My impulse was to run to her and take her in my arms, all wet, warm, and fragrant. But then what? Then what?

I froze next to the bed in the white room; pillows ripped open, sheets torn, the room covered in a layer of down. How could I stop myself without hurting Bella's feelings all over again? How could I stop myself, period? If I were honest with myself, I didn't want to stop. I wanted Bella naked, in my arms; I wanted myself deep inside of her. I wanted to feel that fire, I wanted her to scream for me, over and over. And the mere thought had my teeth tingling, had my erection straining.

I forced myself to sit on the bed, sending a cloud of feathers into the air. No. It was too dangerous. We were lucky this time. There was no telling what I would do to her.

I should talk to Bella, just talk, like Carlisle suggested. But what should I say? Everything I'd said up until this point had been wrong. With every word I'd made the situation worse. But perhaps if I could just tell her what last night meant to me. How much I wanted her. How my body hummed when I was next to her, how the connection between her and I was now palpable, how her every movement drew me in, how her every breath was like an invitation to take her again. And how I couldn't risk losing her, because she was like air or water to a human, suddenly I needed her to survive.

My love for Bella was like a gentle breeze compared to the way I fiercely needed to be with her now. After Carlisle married Esme I'd rolled my eyes when he quit his job at the hospital to spend night and day by her side. I'd done worse with Rose and Emmett; I sneered and I'd asked them to leave. But I didn't know, I couldn't have imagined a feeling, a need, this strong, stronger than myself. Would Bella understand this? Would this frighten her? The intensity of what I felt last night frightened me, until now I had no idea what to do with myself, or with Bella.

How could I explain that there was no way I could risk her life, that after everything, after having faith in myself, after trusting myself, there was still the same dangerous creature beneath it all? The same base monster that would bite her and crush her, and destroy everything he loved.

Minutes passed, stretching like years. The moon rose over the horizon, casting gray shadows about the white room. I heard Bella move from the bathroom to the bedroom, the door clicking behind her. I hadn't reached any conclusions. I hadn't found a formula that I thought would work. But I couldn't stay away from my wife any longer.

*****

I stopped outside of the bedroom door, steeling myself to continue, preparing to walk the tightrope of explaining to Bella how much I wanted her without giving into my baser desires. I listened to her heart beating quickly, her breath deep and unsteady. It sounded like she was sitting on the bed. On the bed. Suddenly, in my mind, Bella was underneath me on that bed. I saw the blue satin sheets slipping along her skin, sliding over her nipples, under her backside, bringing out the rosy undertone to her skin, as I ran my tongue along every inch of her.

I hesitated, then knocked. "Bella."

For a moment, her heart stopped. I heard her shift on the bed, but she didn't answer.

"Bella?"

"I'm going to sleep, Edward. You don't have to worry. You've fulfilled your end of the bargain; you kept your word. I'll wait. You've made the choice for me. That was the last thing I needed as a human. Now I'm done with it."

"What?" I hadn't expected that at all. "Bella, please, can I come in?"

"Why?"

Why indeed? Because I wanted to make it better. Because I couldn't stand hurting her anymore. Because staying away caused an ache unlike anything I'd felt before, worse than when I left her, worse than when I thought she was dead. Because I was selfish.

"Yeah, I don't know why you'd want to come in either. You might have to look at me, at my skin. I might try to touch you."

"Bella, please." Her breaths were coming harder, muffled. Was she crying?

"I don't get it, Edward. Please, please tell me why you're doing this. Tell me something that makes sense. Not just that I have bruises. Tell me how you can smile and pretend that this isn't bad. Tell me that this isn't what you wanted. Tell me that this hurts you, and then tell me why you're doing it. Because _I don't get it_. I don't get how you can act like this. Is it because you're a vampire, so you can just turn it off? Is that it? You can wake up and be a different person. Is that what being with you is going to be like? Is that what_ I'll_ be like?"

"It's because I don't want to hurt you, because I can't trust myself not to hurt you."

"This hurts worse."

"Let me make it better."

"How?"

"I don't know. Let me try to find a way."

"Please, go away, Edward. Let me sleep. Let me think."

"But --"

"You've made all the decisions, set all the boundaries. Even now, now that we're supposed to be married! For once I'm making a decision in this relationship. Please, Edward, go away."

"Bella."

"Please." Her voice was strained, high-pitched. She was crying.

"Bella."

"Don't knock the door down. Don't come through the window or the wall. It's not fair that you get to decide how much of me you get. If I have to wait until I'm changed, fine. But don't come in here and kiss me and hold me, and then tell me that's all you want. I can't do that anymore Edward. It's not fair."

"Bella."

"Go away."

I couldn't. I stayed rooted to the spot, my forehead leaning against the door. My body attuned to every minute sound, every scent from behind the door. I could smell Bella's tears; I listened as a pen scratched against paper, as she breathed deeply, unevenly. She wanted me to leave. She wanted me to leave.

I took the door off the hinges over a hundred times in my mind. I took her in my arms, pulled off her clothing and made love to her like she wanted. She was in my arms, finally happy, finally fulfilled. She moaned and shouted my name. She had no bruises; I could love her without hurting her. But instead, I stood vampire still against the door. I was a monster, a danger to my wife, the person that was making her miserable. Bella's breathing slowed, I heard her settle into the bed.

In my mind she came to me and opened the door. She was wearing just my shirt, naked beneath it, like she had been six nights ago now. I took her in my arms, pushed her against the wall, and I pushed myself inside of her, my mouth on her breasts, her hands pulling at my hair. "Harder," I growled in my dream.

But instead I stood vampire still against the door with an aching erection. Bella's breathing was steady and even, with the hint of a snore. She was asleep.

I couldn't stay away. I pried the door from its hinges, laid it against the wall, careful not to make noise or splinter the wood. Bella was sprawled across the bed, her cheeks stained with tears, her hair damp and tangled around her face. I made a small, involuntary noise. She was wearing the tattered T-shirt that she wore that night. The first night I laid next to her in her bed. The first night we really talked. That night I told her more about myself than I ever thought I could tell another person. That night she slept and I stayed.

"_When you said 'You are my life now,' that changed everything for me._

"_I meant it."_

"_I know."_

It was like another lifetime when we sat in the meadow and talked about that first night. It was hard to believe it was just a week ago. One week. I hadn't dreamed she could mean more to me than she did then.

Why was this so hard? I loved Bella more than anything, and she wanted me more than her life. This should be easy.

I circled around the bed, drawing closer to Bella. Her scent pulled me in and her warmth was like a fire, thawing the surface of my skin. The bruise on her cheek was a dusky purple, her neck was red and swollen where it met the collar of her shirt, and I could spot the edge of a bruise peeking out from her sleeve. To see her battered and bruised, to see what I'd done, the pain was almost too much to take.

I knelt at her side, and laid my hand as gently as a whisper against the bruise on her cheek.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I can't love you like I want to. Like you deserve." I placed my hand on her neck. It looked as though I'd tried to strangle her. Flashes of long buried memories shot through my mind. A woman in Byztherczebana, struggling for air, her neck purple and black. Her husband was dead at her side, a look of fear frozen in his eyes, a smear of blood on the wood floor. A red-eyed monster licked his lips before stalking off into the night.

"I'm sorry Bella. I thought I was better than this. I'd hoped. I thought, maybe, as long as I had faith in us. I just hoped."

Without me by her side, the warm air had Bella's skin burning and covered in sweat. I gingerly wound myself around her, resting my hand over the shoulder that I'd noticed was swollen and discolored this morning. How could I have done this? How could I destroy what I loved?

My eyes still ached, my arms still ached, and my stomach felt like it was full of stones. But I was better next to Bella. I'd stay here until she woke. She'd never know. She was right. It wasn't fair to her. And it was wrong for me to be here now. But I couldn't leave. Didn't she know that?

Lying there with Bella, my fantasies changed. We talked on the beach, we walked hand in hand and she smiled up at me, the sunlight dancing in her eyes. She hugged me as I made her breakfast. Little things, the things that hadn't happened today. My mind drifted back to Forks. I saw Bella's clothing in my closet at home, I saw us in my room reading books, watching her as she brushed her teeth in my bathroom, sitting at the edge of the river behind the house. I'd do whatever I had to, to get us there, without hurting Bella. Without killing her.

*****

Bella shifted in her sleep, her eyelids fluttered. I was on my feet, by the door.

"Edward?" Her voice was thick and slurred. Was she talking in her sleep?

"Edward?"

I didn't know whether I should reply. Would she be angry that I was here? I saw her eyelids struggle to open, her eyes straining in the dark room. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Were you just here, with me?" It almost sounded as if she hoped I was.

"I still am. Bella, I'm so --"

"Touch me again?"

"What?"

"Like you were just now. Where I'm sore."

"What?"

"Where it hurts a little. Your skin, the cold, it makes it better."

"Show me where it hurts," I murmured. Bella rubbed her shoulder, then ran her hands along her ribs. I was at her side in an instant, my top on the floor so that I could press my torso against her ribs while I rested my cheek against her shoulder. Bella sighed.

"Bella, we need to talk."

"Mm hmm," she mumbled, still half asleep.

"Please, tell me, honestly, how much it hurts. Don't hold back for me." Bella opened her eyes and turned to look at me warily.

"Like I was lifting weights, or working out really hard." Her voice was hushed. "My muscles feel achy and my joints feel loose, kind of. And the black and blue marks are sore to the touch. Tender, kind of." Then she reached to grab my hand, and looked me in the eye. Her touch was like fire, like life itself. "But it didn't hurt last night, Edward. I said I'd tell you. I would have."

I nodded. It was a relief. It felt good to hear the truth. I should have listened earlier.

"Now, you, Edward. Tell me where you hurt, honestly. Tell me why."

"I've been in pain all day, Bella. It actually hurts to stay away from you. I didn't expect that."

Bella narrowed her eyes. "That's weird, but that's not what I meant."

"I know. It's hard to put into words. It's hard to talk to someone about this after being a solitary creature for so long. My family has been paired off for over seventy years. They each tend to confide in their mates. I haven't had that. I'm not good at this."

Bella sighed.

"I'm sorry. It's not an excuse." I reached my hand out tentatively to stroke Bella's hair. My fingertips burned, hot as embers.

"I love you so much, Bella. I thought, I hoped, that I'd changed. But last night was worse than I could have imagined."

"What? You're going to start this again!" Bella was immediately awake, sitting up, pushing my hand away.

"No, please. Let me start over. Please, I'm trying so hard, Bella."

I reached for her hand again, but Bella's eyes flashed and I drew it away.

"The things you've made me feel, I thought it was long gone. And I never, ever felt this way for another creature. I didn't think I could. Everything changed, physically changed, the more I loved you. Do you know how long it's been since I've hungered for your blood? How I don't want you like that, at all? How your scent _calms_ the monster in me? I'd hoped that meant that I could love you. But I can't Bella. That creature is still inside of me, ready to hurt you."

"Edward, you _are_ that creature."

I flinched. It hurt to hear that from her lips so matter-of-factly.

Bella looked equal parts exasperated and impatient. "Edward, I love _you_. I love you more now that I saw that side of you. I love that I know what you are really like. Do you realize that you've been hunting like a million times, since we've been together?"

"Fifty-two, if you don't count the months we spent apart," I corrected.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Right. Anyway, that's a big part of you I've never gotten to see."

"I told you, it's too dangerous."

"No, Edward, last night I saw you. You were right there with me, in the same bed as me, _inside_ of me. And it was the most wonderful, intimate, amazing thing I've ever experienced. I don't want a pretend human. I love all the human parts about you. But I love _all_ of you."

"Bella, I could have killed you."

"How?"

I was speechless. What did she mean, _how_? How not? That would be a much smaller list.

"Tell me what you wanted to do. Please."

I looked away. I couldn't say.

"Edward," Bella murmured, stroking my arm. I fought the impulse to jump from the bed and leave the room. "Please, talk to me."

"I wanted to bite you," I admitted, my head in my hands.

"To feed? I thought you said you didn't…"

I shook my head.

"Then what?"

When did talking become so painful? "Bella, I can't."

"Edward. Everything you did last night, I wanted, but I didn't even know it. I wanted you to growl, I wanted you to hold me like that, to pull me against you. I even wanted shredded sheets. I wanted you to say mine, over and over and over."

I closed my eyes. "When I came, I wanted to bite you, for pleasure," I nearly whispered.

"Pleasure?"

"To mark you. As mine."

"Oh… Really? Wow. That would feel good?"

"I can only imagine," I managed, quietly. But the monster within me shouted yes, shook me, commanded me to press her into the mattress and taker her right there. I clenched my jaw and balled my hands into tight fists.

"That's it?" Bella asked.

"That's it? That's it!" Had she heard what I'd just confessed? "I lost control, Bella. All of the control you and I worked to master, it all went out the window. I couldn't pay attention to how I should touch you, to any of the things I should have been concentrating on. And look at you! I've killed men that did similar things."

"If you killed the men that did that to their wives, then you killed the wrong men."

"They were all the wrong men, Bella. My greatest fear, after everything I did to myself those dark years, after throwing away my humanity, was that I'd incorporated the darkness of those monsters into myself. After so many years, I'd hoped I'd escaped that. After you, well, I was sure I was somehow better. But I'm not, Bella. I'm a vampire _and_ a monster of a man, all rolled into one."

"Stop saying that, Edward. Why are we right back to square one? I thought you'd put this behind you. You are _perfect_. You're not a human, but you're not a monster. I love you. I love you _more_ because you left Carlisle and his lifestyle, and then found a reason and the strength to stop. Because you've been trying to make up for it ever since.

"Edward, if I've understood everything you've said over the years, you could have turned me into dust last night. You let go, and I have _bruises_. _Bruises_! You let go, and you didn't bite me. You may have wanted to, but you _didn't_."

I didn't say anything. She may only have been bruised, but I wanted to throw her on the floor and pound myself into her until she dug her nails into my back and screamed my name. That would cause more than a bruise.

"So, was it was so hard to restrain yourself, then, so difficult, that you don't want to have sex with me again?"

"No! Bella, don't you see? I can't risk hurting you, but it's near impossible to keep myself from you, now that… you're mine."

I saw Bella's eyes light up. For the first time since she woke this morning, there was a glimmer of happiness in her face. What had I said?

"You're mine," I tried again, looking deep into Bella's ebony eyes. She smiled and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Her eyes welled with tears.

"Don't cry," I murmured, wiping a teardrop from the corner of her eye. I resisted the impulse to taste it on my fingertip.

"It means something more now, doesn't it? Like with Rosalie and Emmett," Bella asked, leaning her head into my palm. I gently rubbed her cheek, concentrating very intently on keeping my hand on her face, not letting it trail over her breast, not holding her hip, not letting it slip under the waistband of her sleep shorts… Wait, what had she asked?

"Rosalie and Emmett?" What did they have to do with this?

"What we were talking about earlier. Rose was the only one that could talk sense into Emmett. Because she was his mate."

"What do you mean, Bella?"

Bella looked at her hands, winding themselves through the blue satin sheets. "I don't know, Edward. I feel attached to you, or something, in a good way. Maybe it's just that we had sex, but it feels like something more. I thought I saw your eyes when it happened. I thought maybe you knew it too."

"That's what I've been doing a very poor job of explaining to you. For a vampire to consummate his relationship with his love, it's a very powerful thing. Everyone told me: Carlisle, my brothers. But I didn't understand, I couldn't have, Bella. I didn't think you could mean more to me than you did. But now you're everything, you're so much more. I can't hurt you. I can't stay away from you. I want you so much that it hurts."

Bella looked up from her lap and grasped my hand. "Then take me," she whispered.

I groaned and gently pulled my hand away. "Please, Bella, I can't. "

"Then you know. You know how much it hurts me to hear you won't touch me. How much it hurts to go take a shower alone. How much it hurts that I don't know if I should touch you."

"I didn't know how you felt."

"Edward, you didn't listen. I want you and I to spend forever together, naked. And when that's over, I want to do it again." With those words, my mind wandered into dangerous territory and I struggled to bring it back to the present. I focused on Bella, her heart-shaped face, her slender frame under the T-shirt. I could see by the outline of her breasts that she wasn't wearing a bra. I pressed my eyelids shut in an effort to compose myself.

"I'm so sorry to have hurt you. To have ruined your morning, our first day together." I glanced up to see how she took my apology.

Bella rolled her eyes. "You didn't ruin the _whole_ day. Just when I woke up, and my shower, and breakfast," she smiled mischievously.

We both gazed at each other, smiling, aching, and the room was lit with the force of our love, it brought us together even though we weren't touching. Bella put out her hand to stroke my face, but pulled it away. "Sorry."

"How can I make it up to you?"

"Say mine, like you mean it. Like last night," she offered.

I very carefully bent my head to Bella's ear and growled. "_Mine_."

And sure enough, I could tell that she liked it almost immediately.

"Edward, I don't mind if you stay with me tonight. Just stay. Tell me what it will be like for me to be yours forever."

Bella laid down shyly, awkwardly, scared to reach for me, unsure of herself. It reminded me so much of that first night we spent in her bed that I nearly chuckled. I pressed myself against her, before pulling her flush against me, her back to my chest, something I never would have done that night.

"I love that you wore this tonight, Bella," I whispered, rubbing my fingers along the seam of the worn cotton T-shirt.

"I love that you packed it," she replied, snuggling closer.

"Don't you know that I don't need to see you in lingerie to want you, to think you're the most desirable thing in the universe? I couldn't care less what Alice packed, as long as you're in it."

Bella sighed and I could feel her body relax against mine. "I remembered your request. From the other night," she rasped.

A growl escaped from my throat. Bella giggled. I pressed myself against Bella's backside. "Don't ever think I don't want you, Bella. I want you more than you know."

And somehow, despite all of my missteps, Bella and I managed to talk until the sun grew light with dawn, when she fell asleep in my arms.

*****

* * *

**A/N: I know this was a short one, but the chapter just seemed to end there of its own accord... how long do you all think it will take to get to the fateful night in the blue room? In the book it took a week. But how long will these two really hold out?**

**Thanks for all the reviews so far! I think it might be the reason I update this story more than any of my others. To paraphrase Edward, your reviews are like air or water to a human, now I need them to survive. He's so melodramatic, isn't he? Don't you love him? m**


	9. TwentyEight Days and Counting

I woke up just as the sun was slanting all pink and red through the bedroom window. My heart immediately stuttered in my chest. Edward was topless and wound around me, his body pressed against my back, his arm tight around my chest; even his leg was draped over mine. I couldn't keep the smile off my face. After our long talk last night, I knew he wanted me, I knew how much. That was something. To have him this close, that was something too. And the feeling of having Edward wrapped around me had changed; it was now a physical representation of how I felt: wonderfully, happily bound, forever. Something _more_ than love.

And because I knew we both felt this way about one another, I also knew he would change me. There was no question. Even better, I knew he _wanted_ to do it.

And then we could have sex again. With that thought, a dark cloud edged in on a corner of my bliss.

I turned the thought over in my mind and tried it out again. I could have sex with my husband once I was also a vampire. No. It still didn't sit right and left a bitter taste in my mouth besides. And somehow I'd ended up in the exact position I'd tried to avoid last night, despite my best intentions: partially clothed and just cuddling with my husband. I guess I'd proven that I was definitely incapable of setting boundaries, even when I tried with all my might.

A little voice whispered in the back of my brain. _But he hurts, he just doesn't trust himself, he wants you, a lot._ He wanted me, almost always. Isn't that what he said? Edward began lightly stroking my cheek and he shifted his weight against me. He almost always wanted me. At least he wasn't hiding it like he used to.

"Morning," Edward whispered in my ear. I shivered, as much from his frozen breath as the way his voice affected me. Just his voice made me want him all over again. More than before, now that I knew what I was missing. I wanted to hear him say my name like he did the other night: all rushed and low and rumbling, his cool breath against my ear. The word '_mine_' reverberated in my mind and my body shuddered involuntarily. I buried my face in the pillow, aroused, embarrassed. All Edward had said was 'morning.'

Edward chuckled a little under his breath, nervously, I thought. "Or should I say evening?" he whispered, brushing my hair behind my ear.

"I slept all day?" I asked with my voice muffled by the pillow I was still hiding my face in.

"I did keep you up all night," Edward replied.

An awkward silence fell over the room. Those words from his lips, the way he was pressed firmly against my back, so hard, so cold. It didn't matter that all we did was talk and hold each other all night. Or maybe it made this moment and his words even more intense. I don't know. But I desperately fought the urge to turn over and throw myself at Edward. I could see what I would do quite clearly in my mind: my lips against his, my hands going for the top button of his khakis. Yes, his pants.

"What are you thinking, love?" Edward's voice was a low rumble in my ear. He was holding me tighter all of the sudden.

… And when I had his pants undone, then I'd hold him, so cold in my hand, and try to make him growl.

"Do you really want to know?" I asked, biting my bottom lip.

"I think I have an idea." And before I even noticed I'd been moved, I was facing Edward, his eyes flickering and intense, less than a centimeter from mine. I gasped and then Edward's lips were on mine, hard, darting his tongue into my mouth, his hands winding themselves in my hair, his erection was rubbing against my abdomen, his chest was vibrating. It was so much, so fast, so intense, I almost came right then and there. But then Edward was on the other side of the bed, breathing heavily, looking like he'd seen a ghost.

"Yep," I gasped. "You got it right." The bed was still cold where he'd been laying and I let my body roll into the dent he'd left in the mattress.

Edward nodded his head and looked away, running his hand through his hair. "I thought so," he replied humorlessly.

"So what now?" I asked, still struggling for air. My question was sincere. What the heck were we supposed to do now?

"Is there _anything_ else you would like to do?" Edward asked, hazarding a glance in my direction.

Anything else? Not really. Anything else? My mind struggled to keep from thoughts of Edward naked and on top of me, inside of me. Anything else. Come on, Bella! You're on a tropical island. Tropical fruit, tropical flowers, tropical… water. Warm, crystal clear water… "Maybe a swim?"

Edward shot me a wary look.

"Just a swim. It doesn't_ have_ to be like the other night. I mean, we never really got to swim."

"Of course. Sorry," Edward mumbled. I watched him try to collect himself, and within seconds his face beamed with positivity, a small smile playing at his lips. Then he was standing across the room, a white T-shirt shirt suddenly hiding his torso. I tried to tell myself he wasn't rejecting me. He wasn't lying to me. He wasn't pretending, like I'd assumed yesterday. Or was he? I sighed. Why were things always so complicated with us? It should have been easy.

"Edward?"

He smiled reassuringly in my direction, but his eyes were flat and had lost their glitter. Yes, when I looked really closely his eyes almost always gave him away.

"Umm, you know, it's okay if you let me see, how this… is difficult for you. It's weird to know you feel one way, but then you don't show it."

"You'd prefer me to mope through your honeymoon?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in question.

"_Our_ honeymoon," I corrected. Edward smiled a little more at that. A smile that I could see was genuine.

"And, well, no. It's not all miserable, is it? Just, I don't mind that there are hard parts. No, that's wrong. I do mind that… _a lot_. But it would feel better if I didn't feel like the emotionally unstable one in this… marriage, like I'm the only one let down by it. And it would feel better if I didn't wonder when you were pretending to be happy, and when you weren't."

Edward was silent for a few minutes, a far away look in his eyes. He turned to me, and his eyes begged me to understand him. "That's difficult for me, Bella. My mind doesn't work the same as a human's. It's difficult to focus on one emotion and let it show on my face. Perhaps that's why I tend to show no expression at all when I'm most relaxed. I don't want to say that I'm always disappointed in how this turned out, that wouldn't be accurate. Because I'm likewise always amazed by the incredible good fortune I've had in finding you, and you loving me back, in the fact that against all odds, I'm married to you, and that we'll never be separated for the rest of my existence."

With those words, Edward's eyes grew brighter and more intense, all while his facial features softened and the corners of his mouth turned up into more of a real smile. "A few weeks without intercourse is painful, and difficult, and after the other night, it's nearly all I can think of. So the disappointment in not being with you is very real, and _always_ present."

Faster than humanly possible, Edward was by my side, his head bending so that his eyes looked directly into mine. "I feel the loss of our intimacy constantly, Bella. But it would be unfair to the both of us, to let that one little emotion be the only one you saw, when all the others: love, happiness, fulfillment, gratitude, are just as important." His voice ended in a whisper, his lips so close to mine, his cool, fragrant breath washing over my face.

"Okay," I managed with a little more enthusiasm, my heart trying to pound a hole through my chest. "Thanks for explaining it like that." I reached my hand out to touch Edward's fingertips. It was almost like an electric shock passed from him to me and we both jumped.

I heard Edward's sharp intake of air, and he looked at me with hot, glowing yellow eyes. I shuddered as he lightly grasped my hand, a cold burn working its way up my arm and through the rest of my body. "You're right. I shouldn't be scared to show you how I feel." His eyes glowed with an intense light, like fire, like the sun, like, like… like they would _consume_ me. Like he _wanted_ to consume me. Is this how he felt? Always. Oh my god.

Edward dropped my hand, and the intensity dissipated just slightly. But at least I was able to breathe. Edward was standing in the doorway again, quicker than was humanly possible. He was moving that way more and more lately, letting his guard down a little more, maybe. Being the vampire I loved. Baby steps.

But as I glanced at Edward standing in the doorway, something seemed off. The door! It was literally off: off its hinges. "Wait, what happened to the door?" I asked, incredulous.

"You said not to break it down. You didn't mentioned taking it off its hinges," Edward smirked.

"I'll remember to be more specific in the future," I joked back. And with those words, the forever stretched before me, something I couldn't imagine, really. I could only look forward to it with faith.

"Let me make you something to eat while you change. You must be starving, living on eggs and fruit," Edward offered.

"Thanks, that would be nice."

*****

I already knew what was facing me in the bathing suit department. Alice hadn't packed anything like my black one piece from home. I made a mental note to try taking back just a little control over my wardrobe once Edward and I were back. But until then, I had five very small bikinis to choose from. After a minor anxiety attack, I decided on a chocolate brown knit string bikini with raspberry piping along the seams. It matched my eyes, it covered most of my butt, and it almost made the bruising lighter if you looked at me in the right light and from the right angle. But, well, aside from the times I hadn't worn anything at all, it was the skimpiest thing I'd ever worn in Edward's presence.

Oh well.

I strolled into the kitchen trying my best at nonchalance. I enjoyed the look on Edward's face when he turned around. "All Alice's fault," I said in my defense.

"I'll try not to hold it against her," he managed, his eyes focusing on my face with some difficulty. I grinned a little, actually pleased, and moved to sit in a chair. Edward followed my every move. I smiled wider and sat straighter, crossing my legs, uncrossing them. I thought I heard a low growl, but it could have been just hope on my part. Suddenly pancakes and bacon were on a plate in front of me, a bowl of fresh cut pineapple on the side. Edward slid into the chair across the table, studying me intently.

His eyes were burning brighter than they'd been in the bedroom, if it were possible. "Should I cover up? Would you prefer that?" I asked.

"You asked that I be honest with you. Honestly, no. Would _you_ prefer a pleasant smile?"

I gulped, the spot between my legs ached. "No," I breathed. As I tentatively bit into a piece of pineapple, I noticed that Edward wasn't breathing. A nervous giggle erupted from somewhere deep in my throat. "So, umm, a few weeks until my birthday," I said weakly. A few weeks. A few_ weeks_. This was insanity. We couldn't wait a few weeks.

"Twenty-eight days," Edward rasped, his golden eyes piercing into mine. It seemed to take some effort for Edward to turn his head to look out the glass wall. "Quite a lovely evening for a swim." Edward's voice was rough, and each word was clipped and hard. His hand was clutched in a tight fist at his side.

"I can't wait," I answered quietly. I could have been referring to the swim, but I wasn't.

*****

After all the intensity and close quarters in the house, it was actually a lot of fun to relax in the warm water of the small bay behind the house, where waves were just about as scary as the ones in my bathtub. Nothing like off the coast of Forks, thank goodness. The slanting sunlight glanced off the water, coloring the late afternoon sky dusky pink, and turning the water silver and crimson. Edward kept a more than respectful distance. I knew how he felt, I think. I tried not to concentrate on my beautiful, muscular, soaking wet and nearly naked husband.

I enjoyed the look of shock on Edward's face as I dove into the water and swam straight for the horizon. Thanks to Renee's fear of drowning, oddly shared by many desert parents, I'd had swimming lessons at the public pool since I could walk. Of course, Edward effortlessly caught up with me and pointed us in the direction of the nearest coral reef, a snorkel and fins slung over his shoulder.

Snorkeling was nice; the reef was pretty in all its white, pale yellow and sky blue beauty. Of course, the fish darted for cover whenever Edward came near. I caught a hint of orange and black before it disappeared in the coral, and managed to glimpse a neon yellow fin every now and then.

After that, Edward led me further down the shore to a small cove, where a little river cascaded into the ocean. The fresh water crashed over stones, bubbling and frothing where it hit the seawater. The water was really deep, even close to the shore, and Edward guided me to a spot where I could finally stand. I was grateful. I was pretty exhausted, in a good, natural, non-jet-lagged kind of way. Finally, maybe I'd start to act more normal, like sleeping at night.

"Stay here, for a moment, Bella," Edward called as he moved toward the beach.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be on the shore."

"Why?"

"It's a surprise," he smiled. "Just stay still and calm."

"Calm doesn't work like that, Edward. It's like saying 'don't think about purple monkeys.'"

"So human," Edward said rolling his eyes in mock frustration.

"And you, Mr. vampire, what if I told you to calm down and not think about penguins in pink tutus?"

"I'd dispassionately ask you to remind me what it was I shouldn't be thinking of," he smirked. I rolled my eyes. By this time Edward was sitting on the sand, leaning back on his hands, the sunlight reflecting off of him, and scattering prisms of light on the surface of the water, over my skin.

"I don't buy it. You know your brain is screaming out 'penguins in pink tutus!'"

"Shh," he whispered, and motioned for me to turn slowly around.

There was something black or dark gray moving at the mouth of the cove. I was suddenly very scared. They were fins. Sharks? "Edward, I think you need to get in here, now." I nearly turned around to make a break for it. But then I heard a low clicking and a muffled high-pitched squawk. The fins drifted purposefully closer. Dolphins!

"Edward, do you see --"

"Shh. Stay quiet. Let them come to you."

The dolphins swam steadily nearer, passing closer and closer, then swimming back to the mouth of the inlet, and back again. Then finally, one of the larger dolphins jumped into the air, catching the scattered rays of sunlight from Edward's skin, and falling back in the water with an enormous splash. One jump was all it took; after that it was like an instant dolphin party. They jumped alone, in pairs, twirling, flipping, and dancing in the rays of sparkling sunshine reflected off of Edward. They were giddy, and brushed their soft and slippery skin against me, squealing with obvious delight as they raced around the little cove. I dipped underneath the water and they swam shoulder to shoulder with me, until they surged towards the surface to throw themselves into the air again. When they came crashing back under the water they screeched in celebration.

As quickly as it had stared, it was over. Without warning the dolphins darted out to sea, their clicks and calls fading in the distance. I spun around, looking for Edward on the shore. He was no longer sparkling as much, now that the sun was hovering at the horizon. "Did you see that?" I asked stupidly. Obviously, he'd been right there the whole time.

Edward smiled back at me, a little sadly I thought. Well, I told him not to keep his emotions to himself. I sighed and quickly made my way to the shore.

"Thank you. That was just amazing. How did you know we'd find them here?"

"Something Esme and Carlisle observed over the years. The pod passes by the cove on their way to out sea for the night. My parents noticed that the dolphins were attracted to the reflected light, as long as we remain on the shore, of course."

I sat next to Edward on the sand, as close as I dared. We were almost touching.

"Will you mind sitting on the shore next time?" Edward asked under his breath.

"My husband or a pod of fish? Hmmm. I'll go with the fish," I giggled.

"I'm serious, Bella. And they're mammals."

I tried to catch Edward's eyes, but he was studying the sand at his feet. "I'm sorry, but that's truly a ridiculous question. I couldn't stay human now, Edward. After… _everything_, we're together forever now, right?"

"Yes," he smiled at the sand, letting his fingers trail over mine.

"Then suck it up, Edward. I'm going to be with you forever. Just deal with it." I know immortality wasn't the kind of thing Edward joked about, but well, things had been so heavy around here the past couple of days. I reached my hands around to the back of his thighs and tickled the spot I'd found, when was it, just a week ago? It was amazing how much could change in a week. I saw Edward immediately go tense all over and dig his hands into the sand as his deep laugh vibrated through the thick tropical air.

When I saw how hard he was working to stay still, I stopped tickling. "You're trying not to hurt me, aren't you?"

"Just wait for immortality, Isabella. I won't hold back," Edward smiled, his eyes finally gleaming again.

"Oh yeah?" I challenged.

Suddenly I was on my back, on the sand. Warm waves were lapping at my feet. Edward was braced above me, his face centimeters from mine, his bronze hair just barely tickling my forehead, his instantaneous erection pressed between my legs. "Oh yeah, Isabella. Just wait," he growled, his lips brushing mine.

He was sitting at my side before I could blink my eyes, and I was left gasping for air.

*****

Could a vampire's day pass in a haze? Because mine certainly seemed to. A haze of desire, overlapped with physical need, and dawning intimacy and honesty. I remembered each second distinctly, but never before had I felt quite as much like I was swimming in a pool of raw emotion.

I let Bella guide me. It was the only way. How was her every suggestion the right one? I'd existed on the earth for almost eighty years more than she'd been alive, but her impulses were proving right over and over again.

Something as simple as letting her know what I was feeling. While this was difficult, I was often feeling more than ten things at once; I had made a practice of hiding my most dominant emotion from Bella. I'd told myself it was to protect her. But, I realized with some chagrin, that I'd been protecting myself as well. From the beginning I'd feared rejection. I was scared that I'd frighten her with the intensity of my emotions. Vampire's feelings were so much more profound than human's: exquisite, quickly changing, often overlapping one atop another. It would overwhelm most humans.

But my wife was not like most humans. And if I were to believe her, the intense way that I desired her attracted her to me even more. So I practiced letting go today, something I'd nearly never done, ever. I let the emotions swim towards to surface: desire, sadness, fear, _desire_, love, confidence… DESIRE. It was disarming and freeing and fun and awful all at once. I wondered if it was closer to the way humans felt, pulled by the tide of uncontrollable spirit. How did they manage?

And how would I? By allowing myself this openness, allowing my desire to show through so completely, it was even more difficult to keep myself from Bella.

The sun was clinging to the horizon, red flames lapping at the dark blue water's edge, as Bella and I made our way silently back to the beach house at human speed. Thankfully, this silence was different that yesterday's. It was silence laced with understanding. We had no more need to agonize with one another about how we felt; we knew. We'd talked about it all night. And at Bella's request, I stopped trying to mask it from her. And truthfully, I didn't think it would have been possible to hide one another's desire, because Bella and I were desire incarnate. It took the barest touch of my skin against Bella's for my body to feel consumed and out of control.

We walked up the beach toward the sliding glass doors of the white room. Bella paused on the little wooden deck, turning toward the sunset, leaning against the railing. She took a deep breath of salty ocean air.

"It's so pretty. It's a shame I missed so much of the day."

"I could wake you early tomorrow," I offered.

Bella sighed and clenched her jaw. "Sure. Why not?" she asked, a bit of hopelessness in her voice. "We could check out the tide pools, or those caves you mentioned," she said half-heartedly as she glanced up at me, looking for my approval of her plan.

"Bella, don't feign interest in tide pools for me."

She smiled a little. The red and slanting rays of the sun brought out the auburn highlights in Bella's hair, and made her eyes flicker from brown to crimson. A vision of Bella as a newborn shot through my mind: her thick lustrous hair tumbling down her back, and her jeweled skin shattering the sun's rays as she turned her bright red eyes on me. Twenty-eight days. A little less than two and a half million beats left in her heart.

"Edward, I've always loved tide pools," Bella replied, bringing me out of my trance. "It's strange, but totally true. But they do seem completely silly and insignificant compared to other things I'd like to… to --" Bella turned to look into the sun. "Other things I'd like to do to you," she ended in a hushed, yet determined voice. Her cheeks grew the same scarlet as the setting sun.

I gripped the railing in my hands and heard the wood cracking. I quickly let go before I managed to ruin Esme's deck as well as her bedding and bedroom door. I couldn't think of an appropriate response.

"Are you hungry?" It was the best I could come up with.

"I could eat a horse. All that swimming, I guess. I can cook for myself, though. I don't mind. Something big and easy, and then maybe we could watch a movie or something?"

"Let me help, at least. It seems wrong to watch you prepare your own food on your honeymoon."

"You don't have to watch. You could do something else," Bella offered.

"I wouldn't want to," I said a bit too vehemently.

I watched Bella hesitate, taken aback. She'd asked for honesty. Vampire honesty. I didn't want to miss a second of her. Her life was beating toward the end, and I treasured every movement, every heartbeat, every breath, every blush. And I wanted her in front of me as a reminder that she was still human, breakable, still off limits. And I wanted her for other reasons, of course.

"All right, then," Bella conceded, seeming a bit nervous. "We can cook together." She looked down at herself. "But not like this. I've got to at least rinse off, and put on some clothes.

_Another_ shower. She was going to have to shower, I silently reprimanded myself. I'd best get used to it. Nevertheless, I blinked hard, clenching my eyelids. When I opened them, Bella was turned toward the edge of the deck where there was an old-fashioned outdoor shower.

"Oh," we both breathed in unison.

"Come on, Edward," Bella said in a small voice, without looking away from the showerhead. She reached back and grabbed my hand and flames seemed to sear through my vampire flesh. Bella must have felt it too and let my hand drop almost immediately.

"Edward," she looked back at me with exaggerated puppy-dog eyes, "_please_? I know you want to."

She turned and took a few steps toward the shower area, but I beat her there. Bella jumped a little seeing me suddenly in front of her, but she quickly recovered with a coy smile. Her hand went to untie her bikini top, her heavy-lidded eyes never leaving mine.

My hand was immediately over hers. Fire traveled from the point of our touch to my _every_ extremity. "Suits on. Please."

Bella dropped her hand to her side. "Fine. Suits on," she agreed begrudgingly.

Was I really about to do this? Of course I was. I was being ridiculous, worrying about standing under a stream of water with my wife. Quickly, so I had no time to give the matter another thought, I turned on the water. It sprayed over the two of us hard, and ice cold.

"Ah!" Bella jumped out from underneath the spray.

I quickly turned the water off and was to the house and back with a large towel.

"No, it's okay. Just shocking." Bella turned the water back on and eased herself back underneath the flow. I tried not to watch her nipples harden under the stream of cold water. Instead, I watched the water pelt her hair, turning it black and silver in the fading light. And I followed the stream as it cascaded down her neck, over her shoulders, along the upward rise of her breasts, then down their supple curve to the small crease where her breasts met her torso, over her flat stomach, into her navel -

"Ahhh," Bella sighed, and I wrenched my eyes back to her face. Bella's eyes were closed, her head lifted to meet the spray, hands running through her hair, her back arched, and her scent… tinged with excitement. She relaxed under the freezing spray, her blood pounding, her body pressing closer to the showerhead. It was inhuman, almost. Didn't humans loathe freezing water? Bella hated the cold.

Bella opened her eyes and caught me staring at her. I looked away.

"Edward, in the four minutes since I proposed this shower you've looked scared, excited, disapproving, excited, apologetic, excited, and now confused."

"You said not to hide my emotions."

"Right," she said casting a quizzical glance in my direction. "I get the other emotions, but why confused?" Bella turned off the water. "And turn around please."

"What?"

Bella spun her finger in a circle. "Turn around, _husband_, and then tell me why you were confused."

I turned around, and no sooner was I facing the ocean, than I heard wet fabric hitting the deck. I closed my eyes tightly, my body vibrating with need. "You seemed to enjoy the cold water more than I would expect," I managed to rasp.

"I've discovered hot showers aren't as much to my liking these days," Bella cooed, taking a small step in my direction. "Cold ones remind me of you. I've been taking a string of _cold_ showers lately." She was right behind me. I only had to turn around. I took a half step backwards as the same time I grasped the railing to try to hold my body in place. I cracked the wood this time.

My heart, if I had one, was caught somewhere in my throat, my body ached with need, my erection was impossibly harder, throbbing and cold and pressed against my abdomen. I heard the rustle of terry against skin and I finally turned to see Bella retreating into the house, and towel loosely wound around her body, her swimsuit lying out to dry.

_Take her. Take her now. _

I heard the dresser opening in the white room where our clothing was still stowed.

_Just walk through the sliding glass doors. _

There was only a loose towel and a pair of wet swim trunks in the way. I forced myself to turn back around and focus on the last silver glimmer of light as the sun disappeared over the water. But I couldn't ignore the hard, even pounding of Bella's heart. I listened to the sound of cotton slipping over skin.

_Easily torn. _

Footsteps padded in my direction.

"All safe, Edward."

I turned to see Bella, annoyed and beautiful and still slightly damp, wearing a pair of tiny white shorts and a navy halter-top. _Alice_. I gritted my teeth.

"Thanks," I managed through tight lips.

*****

Bella and I quickly prepared spaghetti and meatballs the easy way: a box of noodles, a jar of sauce and frozen meatballs. She wasn't kidding about being hungry and ate two plates of food. I savored the experience of watching her eat almost as much as she seemed to savor the experience of actually eating. With my eyes on her, she was self-conscious and overly careful. It made me smile.

"Either I eat, or I go completely without food when I'm nervous. It's one or the other," Bella explained as we walked into the den. That certainly explained her recent eating pattern.

"So you're nervous?" I asked.

"Not exactly. Tense, I guess." I shook my head in agreement, looked out a window, dug my fingertips into my palms. Yes, incredibly tense. I understood.

"Very tense," Bella mumbled, looking through the large selection of DVDs. "What do you do when you're… tense?" Bella asked, taking a break to look at me seated on the brown leather couch.

I stared at her evenly. What was she asking? I chose to ignore any subtexts.

"I run. Or drive. It's the only time I can almost let go. Something about the speed."

"What do you think I'll want to do? I don't think I'll cook. And I hope I won't want to… eat more."

"You will. We all do. You wouldn't believe the release. I'd never felt anything like it until..." I chose not to finish the statement.

"Well then, that's perfect! Problem solved. I'll take all my tension out on you Edward," Bella smiled playfully. "I'll be allowed then."

"Who says I'll let you get tense in the first place?" I was suddenly standing by her side, my hands cradling her face, my eyes burning with need. I'd gone too far. I felt Bella's knees go weak, and I wound my arm around her waist to keep her from falling. Bella reached out and grabbed the shelving for support.

"So, movie ideas?" I asked, changing the subject.

Bella glanced through the titles. Most were classics, black and white. I wondered how many she'd seen. I thought of all the thousands of movies we could watch together in the future. My top one hundred sorted itself out in my mind. I wanted to see everything again with Bella by my side, to see it through her eyes.

"Brazil?" she asked.

That certainly wasn't the one I thought I start with. "Have you seen it? It's not a documentary. Not exactly honeymoon-ish, if you ask me."

She read the summary on the DVD case. "Uh, okay, maybe not. What about…" trailing her finger along the spines, "Blue Lagoon?" Bella smiled at me mischievously. "I've seen that one. Definitely honeymoon-ish. Renee wasn't too happy about it, though. I was eight."

"Out of the question," I said looking away, chuckling, wondering who among my family had purchased that one.

"Is watching a young Brooke Shields too much for you? Or are you jealous of Christopher Atkins?" Bella grinned at me.

"Not quite, Bella."

"Come on, Edward. There are too many. What do you want to watch, then?"

"How do you feel about Hitchcock?"

Bella made a face. "Like Psycho? I don't think so."

"I enjoy his movies. So much fear over such insignificant problems: birds, vertigo, mistaken identity." I was across the room, lifting a DVD case out from the suspense section. "Here, this is perfect." I held out a DVD case to her.

"Notorious? What's that about?"

"Nazis in Brazil in the late forties. It's a love story. One of Emmett's favorites, actually."

Bella smiled. "Because of the Nazis?"

"Sure, that's what he'd say. But to this day, Rosalie refuses to acknowledge Ingrid Bergman ever existed. I'm afraid this movie has disappeared and mysteriously reappeared well over twenty times since we first bought the VHS tape."

I knew from Emmett's thoughts that his obsession with Notorious wasn't necessarily because of Ingrid Bergman. Rosalie was needlessly jealous. Emmett was just a helpless sucker for a good love story. And one where they were out to catch Nazis, well, he was helpless to resist it, really. If only there were a bear in it at some point, we'd never pry him from the screen.

Two hours later, Bella was sniffling on the couch as Cary Grant confessed his secret love to a half-poisoned Ingrid Bergman, carrying him in her arms, away from her condemned Nazi husband. "That was amazing," she sniffed. "Emmett's got good taste."

I smiled, amused and awed by her easy tears. I wished I could catch them in a bottle and preserve them. "Just don't mention it while Rose is around," I chuckled, and doing my best Cary Grant impression, I swept Bella into my arms and gave her a melodramatic tight-lipped kiss on the lips. Bella giggled and attempted Ingrid's signature sultry-eyed pout. She was adorable, and I kissed her again spontaneously, seriously, harder. My feet seemed to move to the blue bedroom of their own volition.

"Edward?" Bella broke the kiss. "What are we doing?"

I stopped and lightly place her back on the ground. "I don't know. You're right. Sorry."

Bella shook her head. "Sometimes I could kick myself, me and my big mouth," she mumbled. She bit her bottom lip. "Listen, I'm not tired, but I should probably try to get my days and nights straight. Maybe I should get ready for bed. We could talk until I fall asleep. Okay?"

"Certainly. I'll wait for you. Then we can… talk."

*****

As I sat on the bed in the blue room, there was one thing on my mind. Somewhat of a feat for a vampire. I wanted to have sex with my wife. Badly. Constantly. Desperately. But I would not. I couldn't hurt her. I couldn't risk losing her. In twenty-eight days she'd be changed. I'd been on this earth for thirty-eight thousand, three hundred and eighty-one days, yet the next twenty-eight stretched before me like infinity, Purgatory, impossibility.

Twenty-eight days, such a short time. The length of Bella's waning humanity. There was so much to talk about. We hadn't discussed any of the specific details. Perhaps that's what we could focus on this evening. It was something innocent and practical we could discuss to pass the time.

"Mm mm." Bella cleared her throat and my eyes were instantly across the room, gazing at my wife.

My breath caught in my throat, and my instinct was to freeze, to shut down. But I quickly stopped myself, letting my desire make its way to my face. Bella blushed and looked down at her toes, polished red since the wedding. God, she was breathtaking. She wore a slim fitting, creamy silk negligee. I could clearly see the dark outline of her nipples and the dark hair of her sex through the filmy material. No lace, no ribbons, just silk accentuating her slender frame, her curves, brushing her thighs, barely covering her, thin straps I could so easily break…

"I'm staring, I'm sorry," I murmured.

"You like it?" she asked without looking up.

"I like _you_. The negligee's not bad."

"Do you mind? Me wearing it, I mean?"

"Are you kidding?"

"I just figured, I mean… we are married. Even if we don't act like it," she said, biting her bottom lip.

"Yes, we're married. I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Thanks," Bella smiled at her toes.

"Please, Bella. Come to bed."

Her head shot up. She looked at me, her eyebrows raised.

"In just an hour, it will be twenty-seven days. We have a lot to discuss."

I heard Bella's heart begin to pound in her chest. She looked shocked, but not completely disappointed.

"You mean, about becoming a vampire?"

I didn't understand her reaction. "Have you changed your mind? I thought it's what you've wanted."

"Of course it's what I want. But we never really talk about it. You especially. I didn't even know you wanted it until, I don't know… the reception, maybe. No, not even then. When I heard you say forever in the water. Then I had an idea. After we made love, then I knew for sure."

"It may be the most selfish impulse I've ever had, but I need you forever, Bella."

Bella's eyes glittered, her smile broadened and her teeth shone in the moonlight. "So, what should we talk about?" she asked as she settled herself next to me on the bed.

"First of all, when would you like to be changed, exactly?"

"It usually takes three days, right?" I nodded. "Four days before my birthday, then. I don't want to be nineteen. I'm pretty sure that would make our marriage a crime in a few states."

"I believe one hundred and five is well above the age of consent," I murmured, attempting a wry joke. But the humor didn't work and I sighed. It hurt a little to hear four days fall by the wayside. Twenty-four days left.

"What else?" Bella asked.

"Where," I said, turning back to Bella, concentrating on her face. Letting the seriousness of the conversation distract me from my other desires. "Carlisle seems to think that the wolves may overlook changing you in Forks. He plans to meet with Billy and Sam when he returns."

"When he returns? Where's Carlisle?" Bella asked, confused.

"He's taken Esme on a long-deserved… vacation."

"Oh."

"At any rate, he's set for it to happen at the house, in his study."

"No!" Bella clutched my arm and dug her nails into my skin. Sparks flew with her touch, my body quivered with need, my erection sprang to life. It was the wrong response. I was disgusted with myself and fought the urge to pull her hands off of me, to keep things from progressing, to keep me from feeling this way about her during this conversation. We were talking about taking Bella's soul and subjecting her body to three days of gruesome pain. I shouldn't mingle that with my desire for her, it seemed completely wrong. Bella's eyes went wide as she read that in my face and she dropped her hands, looking them over. She must be thinking my disgust was for her.

"Sorry," she mumbled. She'd misunderstood my reaction, as usual.

"No, I'm sorry. You're too tempting, nearly naked, in bed." I took a few deep breaths and closed my eyes. I heard Bella's ragged breathing calm, and I listened to her heart slowly regain its regular rhythm. "Why did you say no like that, Bella?"

"First of all, I can't risk harming my family and friends. I'd be too close to people."

"We would guard you. We wouldn't let anything happen."

"Like you guarded Esme and Emmett?" Bella challenged. Esme and Emmett each had slip-ups when they were new vampires. And that was being kind as far as Emmett was concerned. He couldn't be considered newborn in 1949. Or in 1957. Or in '63.

"We know better now," I explained to Bella. "And we have Alice and Jasper. It would be seven against one."

"I'd rather avoid that scenario, if you don't mind. And I don't want to risk your treaty with the wolves over me. Jake is… or _was_… my friend. I don't want his family trying to kill my new family."

"Do you have someplace in mind, then?"

"Don't you have a house in Alaska? In the middle of nowhere?"

"Denali?" It was actually a good idea.

"I guess. I just don't want to be in Forks. I'll have to leave anyway. I can't stay. So why not leave from the start? Do you think your family would come to Denali for me?"

"They're_ your_ family now, Bella, and they would do anything for you."

Up until recently I hadn't known how true that statement actually was. Jasper volunteered to be tortured in the desert for a month, and Emmett and Rose pledged their lives to the Volturi if Bella wasn't a vampire by the end of the year, all in exchange for Bella's life. A trip to Alalska. It wouldn't even register as significant.

Guilt nagged at the back of my mind. I knew I should tell Bella about what had happened with those three, what they had endured and promised. But not on the honeymoon. And if it were all over in twenty-four days, what was the point? I could tell her after she was changed, when the threat was over. Then I'd always know she changed because she wanted to, not to save Emmett and Rose, and she'd feel less guilty about what they had done for her, for me, for _us_.

"Edward, what is it? Do you think they'll mind? Is Alaska a bad idea? Is it… is it Tanya?" Bella asked, confused by my silence.

"No. It's actually a wonderful idea. Tanya's family has often helped us in the past with new additions to the family."

"Really? How?"

"That's a long story. We should finish talking about you, about us, first."

"Okay, but I want to hear about Tanya. Promise?"

"Certainly," I agreed. I mentally added it to the growing list of things I was avoiding telling Bella about.

"Now, what else?" Bella asked eagerly. She was actually excited about the conversation. It was still difficult to know Bella so completely and intimately and accept that she had such a totally different view of immortality than I did. I kept waiting for her to change her mind, to realize…

"Edward?"

"There's how," I replied, forcing myself to rejoin the conversation.

"I didn't know there was more than one way."

"We've learned a lot since Carlisle changed me. With me, he only knew to replicate what happened when he was bitten. It made things much… harder than they needed to be."

Bella reached her hand to touch my wrist in a gesture of sympathy, but she pulled her hand back at the last second. "Was it terrible?"

"Yes. Horrifying. I knew I was dying, I thought I was delirious. I'd been in and out of my own feverish mind for days, so I thought the transformation was the end, the worst of the illness. I fought against it with everything I had. And the voices in my head. I thought I was insane. The pain only intensified with time, until I thought I was being burned alive."

My voice trailed off. I looked out the window at the dark night sky, sprinkled with stars. How could I agree to this? When I said I didn't want to hurt Bella, this pain would be incomparable to anything else. It was going to tear me apart to see her writhing, screaming…

Bella touched my hand and then placed her fingertips gently on my cheek. I let her turn my face toward hers. "I want this, I want you. You're worth it to me."

"It doesn't have to be quite as horrific for you, Bella. Carlisle changed things with Esme and Rose, and then he got an idea when he turned Emmett."

"With Emmett? What?"

"Carlisle… well he… bit his heart," I admitted.

"What?" Bella asked, incredulous, her eyes wide, amazed.

"His heart was exposed already. He needed to work quickly, so that Emmett's heart would beat on its own again. At the end Carlisle and Rose were pumping blood through his heart with their hands. Carlisle decided biting the heart would be the quickest way to get the venom there. Emmett's transformation was the quickest and the least painful out of all of us."

"Carlisle wants you to bite my heart?" Bella whispered in disbelief.

"No! He's designed a metal syringe, where I can place my venom and we can inject-"

"NO!" Bella's voice was loud and firm.

"What?" I was surprised by her vehemence.

"No way," she said, shaking her head, crossing her arms in front of her.

"This is no time to let your fear of needles --"

"I won't do it that way. It has nothing to do with needles."

"Bella, listen, you're not being rational." I reached out to grab her arm, hoping my touch would disarm her enough for some sense to bleed into her mind. She shook my hand off instead and got up off the bed.

"You listen to me, Edward. When I asked that it was your venom, I didn't mean in a stainless steel tube. That's gross. I want you. I want your lips on me, and I want to feel your teeth against me that last moment I'm human. I want you to be the last thing I remember. Your teeth, Edward."

"But --"

"And I thought you'd said something about multiple bites, sealing in the venom, that would make it easier and quicker."

"Yes, that would all be part of it," I agreed.

"That part sounds fine to me. But I'm sorry. This is my transformation, and I say no sterile syringe."

"Then at least there will be morphine to help with the pain," I muttered out loud.

Bella paused. "_Right_… the morphine for pain."

"What?" Did she object to morphine as well? This was insane.

Bella looked up at me, some struggle evident in the lines of her face. She clenched her jaw before turning to walk to the window. "Nothing," she whispered.

I was off the bed in a human heartbeat, by her side. "Bella, what about the morphine."

"I should have told you and Carlisle earlier. I don't really think the morphine worked so well last time." Her voice was barely a whisper. And her eyes reluctantly met mine, embarrassed.

"What!" I almost masked my anger, but then decided to honor Bella's policy about honesty.

I saw a flash of fear in her eyes and she took a step away from me. I instantly felt guilty and softened my expression.

"Well, last time… the pain was very, very real," she breathed.

I was aghast. I couldn't believe what she was telling me. "Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't want you guys to feel bad? I guess I do that sometimes. And… um, I thought maybe that if you knew, you'd say no."

I felt sick. I'd been counting on the morphine, on the injection to the heart. There was no way around the torture, the fire, the all-consuming pain. The idea of seeing Bella writhing on the table in agony, for days on end… "Bella, I don't know if I can do it," I gasped, suddenly, surprisingly feeling the need to sit. I fell into the mattress, covered my eyes. What had I agreed to?

"But you promised. It's what we both want."

"I _wanted_ it to be easier for you. That's what _I_ wanted, Bella. Please, the venom in your heart could --"

"No. That's not how I want to die. I'm the one that should get to say how _I _die. Your teeth, my throat. Your hands on my face. _Please_?" I felt Bella's warmth, smelled her scent, and heard her heart as she perched next to me on the bed. She gently stroked my hand and little sparks seemed to erupt with her feather-light caress.

"No, you, _please_, Bella. I cannot let you to suffer needlessly. _Please _--" I was merciless and reached out to touch Bella's face. I felt the electricity ignite between us. Bella gasped. I didn't move my hand. "Consider it. To make it easier for you. Faster, less painful." I placed my other hand on her bare knee, so soft, so warm. "How will I live for three days watching you in pain? You can't know what you're asking."

Bella turned her head and like a wet lick of fire she tenderly kissed my open palm. She placed her hand on the back of mine, pressing my palm to her lips. I felt my hand shaking, my body lit with desire.

"_Please_, Edward. It's what I want." She moved closer to me on the bed, pressing her naked thigh against me. That was all it took.

And then I was pulling Bella's body against mine, hard, pressing myself against her soft flesh, pulling off my T-shirt so I could feel the soft, warm heat coming off her body with each pulse, feel the dewy moisture on her skin. She pulled herself onto my lap, pressed her breasts against my chest, wrapped her hands around the back of my head, through my hair. Her lips pressed into mine, begging for more. She moved her hips against me, and I groaned, growled. I could feel her naked, wet, impossibly hot center moving against me. My body ached, my mind screamed yes.

I was powerless to stop. I ran my lips from Bella's mouth and kissed and licked my way down her throat, where I could feel her blood pounding against my cold flesh. And again my mind called yes. Isn't it what I'd wanted from the beginning? And this is what she wanted. This is where, this is how, this is what we both want. My teeth tingled.

No! It was monstrous. It was all monstrous.

"Bella, I can't," I said, pushing her away, off my lap.

"_Please_," she begged. I knew what she was asking. For me inside of her, and then in twenty-four days, for me to take her life with a kiss. If she only knew how close I was to doing that right now.

I went back to the window, my eyes trained on the black night, breathing heavily. I turned to see Bella flushed, wide-eyed and alone on the bed.

"I'm sorry Bella. You only have twenty-four days, and another minute like that and it could all be over tonight."

"I understand. But would you think about what I want? Your kiss, your teeth. Let me die in your arms, Edward. Finally taking me the way your body has wanted to from the beginning."

Venom dripped from my teeth. The monstrous way I'd wanted to end her life, stealing her from the world of the living. Yes, I wanted it. And I wanted her vital and alive. And I wanted her naked in my arms. And I wanted her strong and immortal so that finally I could share my life with her completely. I wanted it all.

"Edward?"

"I want it, Bella. You're right. Part of me wants that ferociously. But I also want it to go as quickly and painlessly for you as possible. Can you understand that?"

"Yes." I saw the flicker of hope in her eyes. "Can you at least consider my request?"

I sighed and nodded my head. "Fine. I'll _consider_ it."

Bella smiled. "And can you… pick up where you left off over here?" she asked, patting the bed next to her.

"Not tonight. After all of this… there's venom, my teeth, my desires are all intertwined with one another. More than usual."

"I'm sorry," she said, not hiding her disappointment in the least.

"Don't be. You were right. We should be honest about what we feel. I'm glad you told me what you want, even if I think it's dangerous, needlessly painful, and strangely and darkly… romantic." I sat cautiously on the edge of the bed. Bella balled the satin sheets in her hands.

"Are you tired?" I asked quietly.

"Not even close," she answered, not meeting my eyes.

"Is there _anything_ else you would like to do?" I asked, grinning a little at repeating my words from this afternoon. Perhaps I should record the phrase. I looked at the clock. Twenty-three days now. A very long twenty-three days.

Bella smiled at me mischievously. "Blue Lagoon?" she asked.

"Fine, Bella. Blue Lagoon."

* * *

**A/N: Whew! The longest chapter I've ever written by far. Consider it a holiday gift... I hope you all like it (no returns!) Thanks to my wonderful beta Jess for helping my writing to grow by leaps and bounds. I can use commas now! Thanks to EVERYONE for reviewing. I try to respond when I can. I appreciate every comment. Thank you!**

**Things really start to change from BD in this chapter. Please, don't be shy. Let me know if you like Bella and Edward in this AU universe. **

**Happy Holidays! m**


	10. Mine

**A/N: I hope you all had a happy holiday/solstice/winter break! Thank you for all of your reviews. I've also gotten a bunch of questions: **

**1) Will Bella get pregnant, will her transformation be different from the book, will she have a different vampire power? (I'm probably forgetting some others about the future plot.) You'll just have to wait and see. I've been thinking about all of it, though. **

**2) What about the disagreement about the syringe to the heart? Bella and Edward are both really stubborn. There's definitely a compromise in their disagreement, but both are a little too bullheaded to see it right now. Look for more on that in future chapters.**

**3) Why won't Edward allow any intimacy, like in Prelude? In Prelude he hardly trusted himself to be with Bella physically. Now, the overwhelming need he feels after that first sexual experience has him frightened to death. He had never let go before, and when he finally did, Bella came away with bruises. He can't be sure what he would do the next time, and can't be sure he would stop himself with just a little intimacy.**

**Well, I hope that settles some things for you guys and I hope you enjoy the next chapter. m**

* * *

In my dream, Edward was topless and spearing fish in the shallow water of the bay, throwing them at my feet after he caught them, one after the other. They were the same orange, black and neon yellow fish that I'd almost seen when we went snorkeling. They gasped for air on the beach, beautiful, marvelous and nearly dead. I stood up to gather them in my arms, a squirming, fishy bouquet, when I noticed that I was only wearing a tattered scrap of a nautical sail. I smiled as I watched sparkles of light reflecting off of Edward's skin dance across the rough fabric. I turned to gaze at him, muscular, pale and crystalline, like a silhouette in the negative, white against the vivid aquamarine sky where enormous fluffy clouds were billowing in a celestial pillow fight.

The clouds kept coming, covering the sky like spilled milk, and the warm wind picked up, blowing my hair across my eyes. A storm was coming in. I pulled the sailcloth tighter around my body and held my hair behind my head so that I could see. The emerald green leaves of the palms whipped in the wind, fronds fell at my feet, but as I spun around, Edward was nowhere to be seen.

A small rowboat bumped against the shore. I climbed in and rowed out to sea, in search of my husband. The weather turned cold and freezing rain began pelting my bare skin. Gray ice floes crowded the boat, bumping against its sides with unexpected force, nearly knocking me overboard, and tearing the oars from my hands. Wind whipped around me, ice screeched against the tiny hull of the sailboat, and finally, a low gray landmass came into view.

I recognized this place. I'd been here before. I breathed a sigh of relief because I knew what was going to happen. I'd hear Edward's voice, he'd tell me that it was going to be okay, and then a path would open in the ice. The sun would come out and I'd make my way to the shore.

I waited. The sleet tore at my tattered rags, until I was left standing naked in the cold, my arms wrapped around my body. Wood splintered as the ice tore at the hull. Edward's voice didn't come. Instead, the water came swirling into the bottom of the boat, quickly covering my feet, my ankles, and then my knees.

I leaped from the boat, running and jumping between thick slabs of ice, diving for the safety of the snow-covered shore. I didn't stop when I reached land. I picked myself up, racing through swirling snow, wind and ice, past rows of red-caped figures, calling out for Edward. Praying that I would hear his voice.

Instead, I found the baby. The little boy I saw in my dream so many nights ago, with his golden curls, bright green eyes, and his arms thrown open when he caught sight of me. _Mine_. I picked him up off the cold ground and held him to me, bringing his mouth to my breast.

"_Ouch!"_ He bit me.

"No, no," I cooed, and wagged my finger at him.

The boy turned from my breast and gazed into the gale, his expression too wise for an infant. Tears sprung to his eyes, and he let out a high-pitched wail as he stared at something behind me, something terrifying. His cry touched something deep inside myself, and I felt myself growing strong, fierce, defensive. Nothing would hurt this little one. I spun around to face his fear. The line of red capes was advancing, and then, through the swirling gray snow and ice, I saw a long line of wolves, growling, snarling and baring their teeth.

"No!"

*****

I woke with a start, blinking into the golden eyes of my husband.

"Edward!" I gasped. He was here. With me. It was just a dream. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes?" he smiled, his eyes sparkling in the bright light.

I was lying on the bed, in the blue room, on my honeymoon. Right. I looked down at my body, nearly naked in a see-through ivory negligee. I felt my face growing warm.

Edward's cold fingers brushed my cheek.

"I _will _miss that," he whispered, almost reverentially.

Wait, how did I get here?

"What happened?" I asked, still not completely recovered from my dream, and not yet anchored to reality. The last thing I remembered was… snuggling up to Edward in the den, watching… Blue Lagoon. How embarrassing! My cheeks burned hotter. It seemed so ridiculous in the light of the day.

"I thought you might be more comfortable sleeping in the bed. You fell asleep and saved me from having to finish that abominable film," he laughed gently.

I felt my ears grow warm. Edward kindly changed the subject.

"Would you tell me what you were dreaming of? What had you so upset?" Again, he brushed my cheek with his fingertips. It was like he'd struck a match. I was suddenly on fire at the same time I struggled to contain fear that I felt bubbling to the surface. I knew Edward and I were working on being open with one another. But there was something about that particular dream that I felt I needed to protect. From Edward? I knew it made little sense, but I wasn't ready to let go of this piece of my subconscious, yet.

"Why?" I asked, dreading what I may have let slip in my sleep. I snuck a look at Edward. He was still grinning at me, untroubled, but he had that look in his eyes that said he was trying to figure me out.

"You were tossing and turning and mumbling that… the fish were dying?" he answered, perplexed.

Ugh! I hid my face in my hands, completely embarrassed. That wasn't the frightening part of the dream, but I wasn't relieved either. I'd never confess that I had a subconscious fantasy where Edward was spearing fish a'la Christopher Atkins. Even worse, the thought of it had me tingling all over, and slightly damp between my legs.

"Oh. Just a dream about the fish we saw snorkeling," I half-lied, crossing my legs.

Edward pressed his lips together. "I'll have you know I didn't kill one of those fish. And I hope I didn't stoop to those depths in your dream. A fish, of all things…" But even as he joked, I could hear the change in his voice. His words had become clipped and his voice was deep and rough. He ran a cool finger along my thigh. He knew how I was feeling. I swallowed.

"You didn't kill them with your teeth," I admitted, looking out the window toward the water. In mind, I saw Edward out there, half-naked, a spear in hand and glittering in the sun. My body shuddered in response.

"Would you care to elaborate?" Edward asked, chuckling and turning my face to his. I saw the fierce need in his eyes, but his smile was genuine. It was too much, too overwhelming. I looked down at the blue satin sheets, embarrassed, happy, aroused.

"Bella?"

"So, is there _anything_ else you would like to do today?" I asked, doing a poor Edward impersonation, and trying to beat him to the punch.

He laughed out loud and playfully, and very gently pushed me back down on the bed. All of the sudden it wasn't so playful. Edward's eyes burned into mine, his lips parted just enough for the sunlight to glance off of his teeth. His one hand grasped the headboard above me and his other hand grabbed a fistful of my nightgown. He held himself above me, and the thought that he might devour me lodged itself in my mind.

I was frightened and aroused all at once. I wanted to move, to do something, but it was as if his eyes had me pinned to the bed. If I could just shimmy a little, his grip would tear the silk, and then maybe, maybe…

But then Edward's eyes softened and he broke into a smile. "Well, you said you'd like to see the tide pools."

I laughed nervously, and he joined in, lowering himself to the bed next to me, caressing my arm.

"I think I rather enjoy this emotional schizophrenia," he murmured, turning to his side. "Is it better for you, seeing more of how I feel, like you suggested yesterday?"

"I appreciate it. It seems more honest."

"But it appears as though I scared you," he said, gently stroking my cheek, a look of complete concern taking over his facial features.

"You looked a little like you wanted to eat me," I admitted, hesitantly.

His eyes smoldered. "Not in the way you're referring to."

I gulped. "What would you like to do today, Edward?"

"Lay here with you," he whispered.

"I think we could arrange that," I murmured, rolling onto my side to face Edward, trying to act bold. I hoped that I wasn't actually shaking with fear and desire. I definitely felt like I was.

Edward sighed and rolled to his back. "I'm afraid that's out of the question. For now." His voice was soft, and a little sad.

"Twenty-three days?" I asked, looking at the sheets.

"Yes." Edward covered his eyes with his arm.

"Right."

Silence fell over the room, heavy and stifling. I could hear my own heart beating. I rolled onto my back. We lay quietly, side by side, and I counted my breaths, something I knew Edward did from time to time. It was strangely comforting. After three hundred breaths, Edward clasped my hand in his and I could feel his eyes on me. I turned toward him, meeting his golden gaze, and he squeezed my hand.

"I'd like to make you dinner, properly. Something special."

I smiled. "You really can cook?"

"A bit," he admitted, trying not to grin.

"I know you. I know what 'a bit' means," I giggled.

"Perhaps," Edward allowed. "So first, tide pools, then dinner."

*****

I wasn't sure what happened this morning when Bella awoke, but I decided to accept it without agonizing. After the intensity of our discussion last night, after Bella falling asleep watching two nearly naked teenagers run around on a tropical island, I was ready for her to wake angry and frustrated. I wasn't prepared for Bella to be troubled, aroused, and dreaming of fish.

As we set out for the tide pools on the northern shore of the island, I hoped the walk would distract me from the burning need I felt in Bella's presence. The word 'need' didn't do the feeling justice; it was a weak approximation of the all-consuming hunger I felt for my wife. With each passing hour, each time I avoided Bella physically, the feeling grew exponentially.

Part of my mind tried to convince myself that I could relieve our mounting tension by allowing intimacy to a limit, like we had before the wedding. But I didn't trust myself, especially now, to draw a line and prevent it from becoming injurious. I wanted intercourse too badly, and I was dangerous and selfish. It was all I could do to keep Bella at arm's length, most of the time. Over the past two days I'd taken liberties and had gotten too close. One of these times I was bound to slip and give in, and then what? Then the days I'd fought for Bella to hold on to would disappear in my embrace.

So, today I was careful to keep space between us while we walked. I didn't hold Bella's hand; I didn't brush her hair behind her ear when she spoke to me. I didn't push her up against the trunk of a tree and tear off her clothes. But I thought about it. With nearly every trunk we passed.

On the way, we talked more about plans for Bella's transformation. She asked about Denali, the house there. It was the grandest house anyone in the family owned, with four large wings, and a large central living area where the family could gather. Although the whole family used the home freely, it was technically Rosalie and Emmett's house; it had been since 1937. Esme gifted it to the couple when Carlisle, Esme and I rather indiscreetly sent them away to work off their newly mated passion.

"Rosalie's house?" Bella sounded aghast. "I didn't know."

"We all use it. Rosalie won't have a problem with it," I assured Bella. One week ago I wouldn't have been quite so certain, but I wasn't willing to explain that to Bella just yet. Not with twenty-three days on the line.

"Are you sure? Maybe there's somewhere else remote we could go. Maybe here?" she asked.

"The island doesn't have all the advantages that Denali has. There's no large game here. In order to feed, we'd have to take you to the mainland and avoid the city. It wouldn't be nearly as convenient, for you."

"Oh, right," she mumbled, looking at her feet.

"Bella, the house is Emmett's too. You know he wouldn't object at all. We'll ask them together. If either you or Rosalie feels uncomfortable with the idea, we'll come up with another plan."

"Alright," Bella conceded warily. "And how long does it take to get there from Forks?"

"Just a day, if we drive quickly."

Bella raised her eyebrows and cleared her throat. "_Quickly_?"

I shook my head in frustration. Her fear of speed wasn't something I would miss. "The way you drive, Bella, it would take three days to get there. Why don't we compromise and say two days," I offered very generously.

I watched as Bella counted down the days in her head. "Less than three weeks," she murmured, a bit shocked. "Edward, I want to leave enough time to go back and say goodbye to Charlie. To spend some time with him."

"Of course. We could leave tomorrow, or even today if you'd like," I offered. I tried not to let the reluctance show through to my face, honesty or no honesty. Bella deserved as much time with her human father as I could give her.

"No! Please!" Bella clutched my hand, her eyes suddenly anxious, pleading. "I'm not ready to go. I don't want this to end, yet." Just the feel of her small, hot hand in mine, and my mind spun out of control. I scanned the ground for a place to lay Bella down; I looked for something soft I could place under her head. I pulled her body against mine and gazed into her deep brown eyes.

"I don't either, Bella," I replied huskily. But then I caught myself, smiled awkwardly, and took a step backwards.

"All right, then," Bella sighed with relief. She held my hand tightly and we continued on our way.

*****

We found the tide pools clustered on the edge of the forest canopy amid a rough volcanic outcropping that trapped and warmed the golden-hued water left behind at low tide. The pools were enormous, and if they weren't so shallow, a human could easily swim laps across them lengthwise. Colorful anemones, red and purple starfish and prickly sea urchins clung to the rocks in clusters.

"Wow, it's beautiful," Bella said, walking between two large pools. I only nodded, staring at Bella instead of the scenery.

"They're so much bigger than the ones at first beach in La Push. Do you think we could sit in them? The bottom looks really smooth and the water's so clear. Would it disturb anything?"

I knew from Carlisle and Esme's thoughts that bathing in the pools was definitely possible. But I was torn about whether or not to admit it.

"We didn't bring swim suits," I offered, in an attempt to indirectly dissuade Bella.

"Who needs a swim suit?" She asked, feigning innocence. I should have known better. I only raised my eyebrows in response.

Bella rolled her eyes. "We're wearing underwear. At least I am. And even if you're not, _I_ don't mind if _you're_ nude."

I was frozen with indecision, completely conflicted about what I should do or say. I knew I should stop her, but it was the last thing I _wanted_ to do. I reasoned with myself that I'd managed to spend the night with her while she wore nothing but a see-through nightgown. I could sit in a damned pool.

Bella stood before me blushing, her hands on the bottom edge of her tank top. "What do you say?"

I said nothing.

"Uh huh, I see," she giggled nervously. "I'm going in. Make your choice, Mr. Cullen."

With that she pulled her tank top over her head revealing a pastel pink lace push-up bra with a bow and a pearl at the clasp between her breasts. With her hands over her head I could see the top edge of each rosy areola. I balled my hands into fists and dug my toes into the rock under my feet. Bella shimmied out of her shorts, and her matching low-slung pink lace panties barely covered anything. Bella raised her eyes to meet mine, checking to see that I was looking, and then very slowly and very deliberately folded her clothing in front of me.

I held my breath and closed my eyes and waited, listening as she sighed and then tiptoed into the nearest pool.

"It's really warm," she said encouragingly. I heard her splashing a little as she walked to the far end of the pool.

"You're really not coming in?" Bella pouted. "Please?"

With my eyes closed I shrugged out of my T-shirt, pulled off my shorts and submerged myself in the water all faster than Bella could follow with her eyes.

"Thanks," Bella murmured from the other end of the pool, obviously nonplussed.

I turned my head heavenward and opened my eyes. The sky was bright turquoise and filled with large, white cumulus clouds. I felt my body warming to the temperature of the water, and a warm breeze blew through my hair. It was very pleasant. I looked across the pool at Bella, pink, wet, smiling seductively, the rise of her breasts level with the water. It was much more than pleasant.

"_Esme."_

"_Carlisle."_

"_Esme."_

The voices came from the trees behind us, shattering our silence. I spun around and scanned the forest. I hadn't heard any thoughts accompanying the voices.

"What was that?" Bella asked. I saw her trying to cover herself out of the corner of my eye. _Good luck._

"_Oh, Esme! Ack!"_

"_Oh, Carlisle! Ack!"_

I spotted a flash of blue and red, and heard rapid heartbeats and beating wings. A company of eight large parrots burst through the top of the tree canopy, alighting to the uppermost branches. Bella's laughter rang through the forest.

"Parrots?" she choked.

"_Oh, Esme."_

"_Oh, Carlisle."_

"_Yes, yes. Ack!"_

I couldn't keep the smile from my face. I turned to see Bella bent double with laughter.

"They have been coming here for twenty-five years," I reasoned aloud. "And these birds can live to be almost one hundred. They must be… acquainted with my parents."

"_Oh Esme."_

"_Oh, Carlisle."_

"_Ack."_

My laughter joined Bella's, finally breaking the tension.

"I guess my ideas aren't that original," Bella managed between laughs. "I almost feel like we should leave." She looked around her, as if she were surveying the site for evidence of my parents' activities.

"Funny, now I'm more willing to stay," I mused.

In just a couple hours we managed to teach the parrots a few other choice phrases, including, "Not tonight, Carlisle," and "Oh no, you didn't". We also taught them to say Bella and Edward for good measure. By that time the wind had picked up and gray clouds covered the sky. I felt the air pressure dropping and calculated that we had little more than an hour before a storm front passed over the island.

By human standards we hurried back to the little house. I was very aware that Bella's wet bra and panties were slung over her shoulder and I tried not to sneak glances at her trembling breasts and the way her nipples rubbed against her cotton tank top. Nevertheless, I held her hand to help her along so that we could beat the storm. I hoped we could make it back without having to carry her. I likewise hoped we were caught in the rain. I was an emotional mess. Bella glanced up at me and squeezed my hand, her lips pressed together in a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry, I won't try anything. I promise," she assured me.

"It's not you I'm worried about, Bella."

We made it back to the house with the first drops of rain.

*****

I actually requested that Bella take a shower when we returned, and asked her to take her time getting ready. I wanted dinner to be a surprise. As I pulled the ingredients from the refrigerator, I idly wondered if she was taking another cold shower, and smiled at the prospect. I hoped so. I hoped she thought of me as much as I did her when her body was naked and wet under the stream of water. How I wanted to push her up against the cool tiles, soaping her body… every inch of her body.

I took a few breaths to calm myself. I turned my thoughts to the sound of the rain against the roof tiles and the task ahead of me. Cooking didn't come naturally and it was going to take some concentration. It was actually one of the hardest things I'd tried to master as a vampire. I found the smell and the taste of human food revolting, so I was left to sight, measurement, and Seth Clearwater. I doubted the boy had the most discriminating taste, but he was, after all, at least half human, and he had an insatiable appetite. Seth had sampled this meal on six separate occasions.

Bella knocked on the kitchen wall just as I was lighting the candles. I turned and took a deep, involuntary breath. She was wearing a navy strapless sundress that brushed against her thighs and had her brown hair was piled on her head, showing off her shoulders and her long neck. A few loose tendrils framed her face. Her lips glistened, her eyelashes stood out against her pale skin. She smiled shyly and her stomach rumbled. My beautiful human wife.

"It smells amazing," she gushed, taking a deep breath.

I smiled as I took Bella's hand and led her into the kitchen. I'd set the kitchen table with good china and crystal. Bella glanced at the bowl of breadsticks, the two glasses of Coca Cola, and the plate of ravioli, and then looked quizzically back at me.

"You made this?" she asked, taking the seat I held out for her.

"From scratch," I admitted, sitting across from Bella, waiting for her to put something in her mouth. I could watch Bella eat for hours.

Bella took a bite. "Oh my god. How did you do this? It's perfect."

"I'm afraid I did a little dazzling in order to acquire the recipe from the chef at Bella Italia."

"How much dazzling, exactly?" Bella asked coyly.

"It was all very innocent. I promise," I smirked. I had no interest in middle-aged men.

"I couldn't believe I was sitting there with you that night," Bella said in a hushed voice, her eyes clouded over, lost in her memories.

"I'd seen many beautiful women before, Bella, but up until that night, no one had ever effected me like you did."

Bella smiled and looked down at her plate. "Really?"

"Of course."

"I couldn't tell. I thought you were angry."

"Not at you."

"I'm so glad you're more willing to tell me how you feel these days," she said, popping ravioli into her mouth. I watched, mesmerized.

"Mm hmm," I murmured, waiting for her to take another bite.

"Like, if I asked, would you tell me how you were feeling when we were having sex? Why it scares you so much."

I sighed impatiently. It was as if everything came back to sex.

"Bella, it's because I don't want to hurt you. You know that. We've been over it many times."

"Right, I understand that. But, I mean, how you _felt_."

I paused and tried to gather my thoughts, attempting to translate everything from that experience into a coherent stream of words.

"I was working so hard to be careful, and to do things… well. To keep track of the list in my head, but I couldn't. At a point, no matter how I tried to hold on, my mind let go and my body took over. There were just feelings, overwhelming, amazing feelings."

Bella cocked her head to the side. "The list?"

The list. I hesitated a moment too long.

"What list?" Bella asked in a firmer voice.

"Not a list, exactly. Just advice, things to remember to keep you safe."

"From who? Carlisle?"

"No, umm… Tanya pulled me aside before we left the reception."

Bella's eyes went wide and she put her fork down. "You talked to Tanya about having sex with me?"

"I didn't say a thing, Bella. Tanya surprised me. She knew I'd never approach her. She was just trying to help."

"Why would she try to help? She can't stand me."

"She didn't know how I felt about you, Bella. Marriage means nothing to Tanya, and she couldn't understand that I'd feel this way for a human. She never has."

"What way, exactly?"

"Bella, I told her, in no uncertain terms, that you are my mate."

"When?"

"While you were dancing with Jacob Black."

"Oh." Bella paused, things suddenly a little less black and white with Jacob in the picture. "So you were thinking about Tanya's list while we were having sex?"

"No! Not _Tanya_'s list. Bella, I was doing everything I could to keep you safe, while I tried to keep our bargain, and to make things… enjoyable for you. Tanya knows I couldn't live with myself if anything had happened to you; how it would feel if I let anything happen to my mate."

"And she wouldn't want to see you hurt like that, if anything happened to me?"

"Right," I agreed.

"Right. Hmm."

Bella was quiet for the rest of the evening. She wasn't exactly angry, but more contemplative. After dinner, she excused herself to get ready for bed. I sat on the bed and wondered what her silence meant. I decided to come out and ask her, we were being honest with one another, after all. If she was upset about Tanya it was best to get things out in the open.

*****

As usual, I was completely unprepared for Bella's reaction to our dinner conversation. She walked boldly into the bedroom wearing a black teddy that left nothing to the imagination. I was shocked, floored, enamored and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was not what I expected at all.

"What do you think?" she asked, staring me in the eye.

"You look beautiful. You always do," I managed. My words sounded strangled. My eyes didn't leave Bella for a second as she walked over to me and sat down next to me on the bed.

"I thought you were angry," I almost stammered.

"I realized something, Edward, when we were talking at dinner." Bella grazed her fingers along my arm and I nearly jumped out of my skin. It took all of my willpower to keep my hands off of her.

"It's really so simple. I don't know why I didn't think of it earlier."

"What?"

"But, I'm just learning about all of this, really. What it's like to really be with you."

"What Bella? Please, you're… driving me crazy."

"I personally think Tanya would like nothing more than to see me dead and buried, sooner rather than later."

"Bella, that's --"

"Please, let me finish. But even though she can't stand me, she couldn't live seeing the pain that caused you. She couldn't let you get hurt that way."

I saw where she was going with this, or I thought I did. But, why the lingerie? I was lost. "Bella, I didn't know. She never said, never even thought as much around me. She's never really cared for any man. I didn't imagine --"

"Edward, I'm not angry that Tanya cares for you… so much. All right, maybe a little. It would be worse if I didn't know how you felt about me. How we feel about one another. I am completely attached to you, Edward. Like I'm part of you. It's like I can't stay away from you. I can't stop myself from acting like a fool and trying to get you into bed. We're bound, right?"

I nodded my head.

"And you feel this too?"

I nodded again.

"Then make love to me, Edward. Please."

"Bella, you can't have it both ways. You can't ask me to be more myself with you emotionally, but then ask me to sleep with you, putting you in more danger because of what I really am."

"But that's it, Edward. It's because of who you are. You can't hurt me, because you're a vampire. Because I'm your mate. No matter what, you cannot hurt me. It's so silly. I always knew that. I've always said you couldn't hurt me, and you can't. You can't because we belong to each other."

"But Bella, I did. Just look at your bruises."

"Edward, stop being such a perfectionist. I'm human. Having sex with me is different than a math problem, or a difficult piece of music." Bella stopped abruptly and sighed, shaking her head.

"Don't you see, Bella? I tried so hard to do things right and it didn't work."

"Don't try then. It's when you weren't trying anymore, that's what I really loved about that night. I loved you, when you were being you."

"I can't, Bella. Not if it means you could get hurt."

"Edward, think about me. Tanya doesn't know what she's talking about. She's never had a human… mate, right? Don't think of a silly list. Think about me, your wife. Just think about me. I love you, Edward Cullen. You and I are going to be together forever. Because I am yours. You know it. I am yours. I am your mate."

"But --"

"Sshh." Bella put her finger to my lips. The woman I loved. The forceful and brave woman I married, so nearly naked, confident, warm.

She let her finger trace the outline of my mouth, and then trailed it down my neck and over my chest. I didn't stop her. Then she brought her lips to mine. My body shook, my hands found her shoulders and I struggled not to crush them with the force of what I was feeling. I felt her breasts heaving against my chest through the flimsy lace. She pressed her body against me, pulling at my shirt. I let her pull it off; I let her run her hands across my chest, down over my abdomen.

"I love _you_, Edward. Not some pretend human. _You_. And you're the one that's going to protect me."

I felt her little hands at the button of my pants. I was so hard that my erection was getting in the way, making it difficult for her. But Bella's voice and her hands didn't falter.

"I love your eyes, the way they flicker when you're excited. Like they are right now. I love your hands. Your fingers, what they do to a piano, what they do to me. They're so long, so refined, and so strong at the same time."

Bella had my pants undone, her hot hand searching, reaching, caressing, until I felt myself naked and in her grip. A voice in the back of my head commanded me to put an end to this, immediately. But I didn't. I didn't want to. I buried my fists in the bedding. I moved my lips to Bella's ear, and then to her neck, freeing her lips and allowing her words to caress me.

"And I love how cold you are when you want me. How cold you were inside of me. I don't want anything but this. I don't want to pretend you're human. I…"

I looked at Bella, barely covered in black lace, and then at me, topless, my pants undone and my erection bulging. I shouldn't have let it get this far. Even if what she was saying made some sense. I couldn't.

"Bella, I'm sorry. But, please, listen to your own words. I can't hurt you. I can't let us do… this."

With those words, the spell was broken and Bella pulled abruptly away. "Will you listen to me for once, please? I'm making sense. And I want this. I want you. And I know you want me. Can we please try again?"

"No." I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and held my head in my hands. "No," I whispered into my hands. My brain was continuing where my body had left off. I was ripping the lace from Bella's body, she was sitting in my lap and I had her impaled on my penis, her breast in my mouth. "No," I whispered.

"I got it. No," Bella said, resigned. "I'll go change. This was stupid."

"No, Bella, please. It wasn't stupid. You just have too much faith in me. I'm dangerous. You don't know what I want to do."

"Bite me?"

And pound her, and grab her and… I didn't answer.

"I'll go change."

"You don't have to, Bella."

"I don't _have_ to?"

"I don't want you to."

"Why?"

I pulled my pants up, and leaned against the wooden headboard.

Bella hesitantly swung her legs onto the bed and rolled to her side, her hands under her head. Her hair tumbled over her shoulder, her breasts were pressed together, her hip jutted into the air, and swept down to her tiny waist.

_Hold her. Pull her to you. _

"You know I've never wanted anyone else, Bella. I didn't understand this in some ways, especially in the beginning, when I was young. I saw what Esme brought to Carlisle, how their love changed him. I wanted that for myself, but it was like my body wasn't interested. Everyone else around me, human and vampire alike, dated. But I couldn't. At the same time I thought it might help temper my nature, I had no desire.

"I could have laid in bed with a beautiful woman in lace lingerie many times over my existence, Bella. But I never did. I didn't want it. And over the years I began to think that was just who I was. I was complete in myself. I'd mastered abstinence as far as drinking from humans, and this other abstinence was natural. I would live unobtrusively, walking through the world like I wasn't there, leaving it untouched.

"But now, Bella… My body waited for you, for this moment. I want you with me, in this bed, nearly naked. I want it completely, utterly. I know you don't want me setting the boundaries. I know that maybe it's not fair. But do me the honor of lying here with me, knowing that I really want that garment lying in pieces on the ground and myself buried deep inside of you."

"There were other women that wanted you?"

"That's what you heard? Bella, there has never been anyone but you. Not even close."

"Oh."

"I don't want to pretend, Bella. Out of everything you've asked of me, it's the one thing I can actually do. I want my wife in bed with me. I can't pretend I don't want it, I don't want to anymore."

I hazarded a glance at Bella. She was now sitting, shaking, biting her bottom lip, her hands around her waist. Her head darted up as I turned to her and her eyes caught mine. I didn't need to read her mind to see the pain, the desire, and the need, each fighting one another for dominance. She looked how I felt, how we both felt. I had to stop discounting the depth of her feelings because of her humanity.

"Edward, I don't know how much longer I can do this."

"Do what?"

"Stay away from you. Maybe twenty-three days is too long. Maybe we should just call this what it is. A failed experiment, like you said. Go home, go to Denali. Maybe there's no reason to wait."

"What? No! I won't change you for sex."

"It's for you, Edward. Because, now, I need all of you. If there's no other way, then let's stop torturing ourselves."

"No."

"Why not? What difference does twenty-three days make?"

"As much as I want you forever, Bella, I value your humanity too. This is the end of your life, and it's too soon. Please, give yourself the time. Give me the time."

"Think about it, Edward. Let's just go, get it over with. This island is beautiful, and I love spending this time with you, but we can come back again, when we can enjoy it completely."

"Bella, please. Please don't push me to end your life any sooner that I have to."

Bella turned away from me and looked at the floor.

"You've always wanted more than I can give, Bella. I'm trying so hard to do this right. For you, and for me."

"You should stop trying so hard. Just let it happen."

"Please don't push me to change you sooner. We can leave; we can go wherever you want. But please, twenty-three days. I don't want to lose this time with you."

Bella sighed. "Okay, we'll leave. That sounds fair. It will give me time to say my goodbyes, to get ready for Denali." She looked up at me, resigned, hopeful, and disconsolate. I'd failed her. I felt my eyes burning, and blinked to ease the pain.

"Would you let me hold you?" I asked, desperate to make up for the pain I'd caused her. Part of me wondered which was worse, the physical damage I'd done, or the emotional turmoil I'd been causing ever since.

Bella's eyes were glassy, glistening in the moonlight, deep pools of chocolate. "I love you, Edward," she whispered, her voice cracking. She moved closer to me and nuzzled her head against my chest. "I don't want to make this hard for you."

"I'm sorry, Bella. I want to give you everything, but I can't."

There was nothing left to say and we fell into silence, listening to the waves crash against the shore, listening to raindrops patter against the roof. Within minutes, her body fell into mine, her head grew warm and heavy, and her breathing became steady and deep.

I looked down at Bella, and my body shuddered. To say that I wanted her was a gross understatement. My body needed her, my hands went to stroke her, but I pulled them back. I shifted my body so my erection didn't touch her, but I was on fire at every point of contact where her skin met mine. I felt my own breath coming faster and I slipped my body out from underneath hers, not trusting myself to hold her the entire night. I moved to the edge of the bed, and fell into stillness as I watched Bella breathe. We were leaving. It was done. We tried. I couldn't be trusted.

After an hour I noticed a glimmer of sweat on Bella's brow. Of course, she'd be too warm if we weren't touching. I was quickly up and out of the bed, turned up the air conditioning, and returned to the bedroom. I knew something was different as soon as I entered the room. Bella's scent. There was a bold, musky undertone to her floral scent. She was aroused.

"Bella?"

The only answer was her deep and steady breathing. I perched on her side of the bed, drawn to her, desperate to be near her. She rolled from her side to her back, and I could see all of her lying before me, just a thin veil of lace between her and I. I watched her rub her thighs together in her sleep, watched her nipples harden on their own.

"Ooh," she sighed.

I reached out to touch her waist, but drew my hand back. Even her subconscious was tempting me.

"Yes," she murmured.

I held my breath and closed my eyes. It wasn't good enough. Her hot breath found its way to my skin and my body vibrated with the beat of her heart. Bella moaned softly and each of my hairs stood on end. I knew that I needed to leave the bedroom, but I HAD to hold her; I had to press myself against her. Instead of either action, I sat frozen, on the edge of the bed. Close enough to feel Bella's heat, far enough to cause me pain.

After three quiet minutes, I allowed myself to open my eyes to look at Bella's face. Just her face. It was the wrong decision. Her skin was flushed and dewy with perspiration, her lips were full and glistening, parted almost as in an invitation. I had to touch my wife.

I trailed my fingertip along the gentle curve of Bella's naked thigh, to her knee and back. She sighed in her sleep and rubbed her legs together again. My finger traced the same path, but continued past her knee, over her calf, then to her ankle and back. The gentle, graceful curve of her silhouette had me in awe. I let my eyes wander over the rest of Bella's body. Her rosy nipples, her breasts full and flat as she lay on her back, her taut abdomen shaking with her pulse, and the soft curling hair of her sex, quivering as Bella's hand drifted between her legs in her sleep.

"Yes," she moaned, louder this time.

It would take nothing to rip the lace away.

"_You can't hurt me, because you're a vampire. Because I'm your mate."_

Part of me said that Bella didn't know what she was talking about. She couldn't understand what it took to keep myself from breaking her beneath me, from ending her human life naked, in my arms. Hadn't she heard when I said I couldn't concentrate, that I couldn't hold on to my mind?

"_Don't think about those things. Just think about me."_

Just think about Bella: beautiful, trusting, brave, good, _mine_. She was mine. Completely. Forever. Almost without thinking about it, my pants were undone and I was rubbing myself, thinking about Bella. Our first kiss, our second, the first time I'd touched her breasts, the first time I let her feel me, the first time I'd let myself come in front of her, the first time I let her touch me. And more than that, not just our bodies, everything. She was mine to confide in, and I was hers to teach openness, honesty, and acceptance.

"_Just think of me."_

My breathing grew heavier, my hand moved faster. I thought of Bella. All of the things I'd like to do with Bella in the future. All the ways I'd hoped to love her, all the ways I could after she was turned.

Bella sighed, moaned a little, and made little muffled noises. I kissed the soft, fragrant spot behind her ear.

With my touch Bella's eyes shot open. "OH!" She blinked, startled. "Oh." She looked around her and her eyes fell on me. "Oh." With that look, her expression changed from one of surprise to one of sadness. "Oh," she sighed.

"Bella?" I choked, burning with need. "What's wrong?"

Her eyes welled with tears; she blinked hard and looked away from me. "Ooh." I saw her wipe her eyes. "It was only a dream." She sounded desperately disappointed.

I brushed her cheek and I was on fire. My throat closed up; I was choking on her scent. "It's all right, love. You're here in bed with me," I managed to rasp hoarsely.

"I know. That's what's wrong. I'm _here._ I'm in _bed _with you_._ I was just sleeping," she replied through tears, still not looking at me.

She was despondent because she was in bed with me? "Bella, please, what can I do?"

Without another word, she spun around and her lips met mine. My hands responded instantly, cradling the back of her head, still warm and damp with sleep, carefully pressing her to me.

"I'll agree to the syringe, I'll go to college, anything, please," Bella words were rushed. She breathed them into my mouth through kisses.

"Sshh," I forced my mouth more completely over hers, silencing her with my kiss. My hands were between her breasts, and with a quick move the top of her lingerie was torn, her breasts were in my hands, and Bella gasped against my mouth.

"Isabella," I growled under my breath.

She made a little noise, a whimper, and I felt its vibration in every cell of my body, like I was attuned to her. I pulled Bella onto my lap, sliding one hand between her legs.

"Ahh!" she hissed.

She was impossibly warm, already wet, and with another pass of my hand I'd torn the bottom of the lace lingerie in two. My finger ran along her folds, soft, warmer and wetter with every stroke. She responded, moving against my hand, pressing harder, searching out my erection. With that subtle move, my finger was inside her, her walls encasing me in fiery silk. I heard myself moan into her mouth. Bella rolled her hips again, and finger was deeper within her. She moved rhythmically on top of me.

"Edward, I'll do anything, I'll stay h --"

"Shh." I didn't want a bargain, I didn't want promises. I wasn't doing this for any other reason than because I should. I wanted to. She shouldn't be upset to share my bed. Bella was …

"_MINE."_ It came out louder and rougher than I'd intended.

"Yes," she agreed, her face buried against my shoulder. Her body vibrated, her muscles clenched at my finger, and warm silken wetness flowed around my finger and coated my hand. Yes, she was mine.

I tossed Bella on her back a little harder than I'd intended. I was on top of her, my clothing on the floor. Her nipple was between my thumb and forefinger, still wet with her arousal. Bella moaned and arched her back. I pressed myself against her and went in for a kiss. Bella placed her hands on either side of my face, catching my eyes, stopping me.

"Edward," she said evenly. It wasn't a plea, not a question. It was a statement.

I wound my arm around Bella's waist and pulled her body against me.

"Just look at me. I'm Bella. I'm yours. I'm human. I'm yours, now do what you wa-"

With Bella's hands on my face, her eyes piercing into mine, claiming me, reminding me of what was important, I took a leap of faith and let go. In one swift move I was inside of her, fire, flames, my body was taken over, my mind was lost.

"Yes!" I growled.

"Edward." Bella's hands were on my face. "Look at me, yours, your mate."

"Bella," I growled, holding her gaze. I could see my eyes reflected in Bella's, they were glowing yellow orbs of fire. "Bella," I begged, my mind suddenly fighting its way back to the surface. Could I do this? Would I hurt her again?

Bella looked at me, determined and strong, and held my face so close to hers. "You won't hurt me. I am yours. Now take me."

She rolled her hips underneath me, rocking me inside of her. I growled, and then I saw Bella's eyes light up. And that was it, Bella was my world and I lost myself in her. Moving against one another, with one another, deep swift strokes, filling her, pressing my body flush with hers, reaching my hand under her thigh, my eyes on hers, Bella, my mate, one hand around the back of her head, holding her face in front of mine. My love, my life, I was hers; I'd keep her safe, human.

"Mine," she whispered urgently, softly, and sweetly. My body ignited with cold fire, burning from deep within. I twisted my hands in her hair. "Isabella," I rasped, "don't worry, my love."

"Mine," she said firmer, louder.

*****

Edward's growl tore through the air, it tore through me, exposing me and making me feel raw. In one swift and graceful move, his hand went from behind my head and he reached for something behind and above me. His other arm held my body to his, his cold skin rubbing against mine, as he drove himself into me over and over. I clutched his back, his backside, and I worked against him, moving my hips in time with his. The rumble in Edward's chest shook my body, shook the bed. My eyes never left his, and I saw golden sunbursts, flicker, glow, and burst over and over. I was shaking, the bed was shaking, wood was cracking, and the world went yellow.

"Edward!"

I was carried over the edge on a wave of grunts and growls, my body cold and on fire all at once, pushing my hips into Edward's, pushing him impossibly deeper with every wave of heat that coursed through my body. And then I was so cold, from the inside out, from my core, then my sex, then my inner thighs. It was over. I was still shaking. Edward was gasping, his head lying next to mine.

"Wow," I breathed.

I heard a quiet chuckle. Edward pulled my body flush with his as he rolled to his side to face me. His eyes glimmered softly, his nose brushed against mine, a smile played at the corners of his lips. He was breathtaking. Edward ran his hand languidly through my hair.

"I'm sorry," he breathed.

"Shh! Do_ not_ apologize."

"That was … rough. Too quick. I've wanted you so badly."

He kissed me tenderly, gently, full on the lips. I felt my body turning to liquid. Edward's hand trailed from my face, to my shoulder, to my breast.

"Ahh!" I gasped into the kiss. Edward pulled away from me so he could look into my eyes. He let go of my nipple so he could rub my cheek with his thumb.

"That's not how I intended to make love to you… _yet_."

"How did you intend?" I asked, surprising myself with my low and sultry voice.

Edward's eyes looked deep into mine with that same fiery and all-consuming burn. His words were a hushed deep rumble. "Very slowly, and very intentionally." His hand left my face to caress my breast again, and then moved it to my hip. He looked over my body slowly, intently, and I ached, filled with desire all over again.

"Are you hurt?" he whispered, almost reluctantly.

I shook my head, but Edward's eyes weren't on my face. "No," I managed, as he surveyed every inch of me.

"You're sure?" Edward actually squeezed my arms, my hips. I played along gamely, flexing my arms and legs.

"Edward, I feel… great, really. That was… a lot, but you weren't rough."

Edward looked back at my face. He looked practically giddy, overjoyed.

"Then it worked?" I asked.

"It was different this time," he conceded, gazing into my eyes. "Are you… sore?" he asked, his eyes changing right in front of me. Growing hotter by the second.

"I… I don't know?" Edward pushed the length of himself against me, and I could hear a purr deep in his chest.

"Again?" I asked, disbelieving. One of Edward's hands was on my lower back, pushing my body into his cold, granite erection; his other hand stroked my cheek as his eyes blazed brighter than the sun.

Edward brought my leg over his hip so that I was pressed against the length of him. His stroked the tender spot behind my ear. He gazed into my eyes, and spoke very slowly and deliberately, to make sure that my human ears could hear, I think. "The feel of you against me, around me, Bella… words can't do it justice. It's like I've been set on fire, like I was made for this …for you. And if you're not hurt, and you're not sore or tired, I will make love to you for as long as you will let me."

I struggled to remain coherent, to concentrate, to look into his eyes in order to keep him focused on me like I did just before. But, what his hands were doing to my bottom, and his words, his words! I was drowning.

"Let me show you how I wanted to make love to you the second time."

"Okay," I whispered.

Before I could see what he'd done, Edward tore the lace of the negligee completely from my breasts, straps and all. He held my breasts in his hands, and kissed them tenderly, reverentially, circling each areola, before moving in to my nipples, licking and sucking so slowly that I moaned with impatience and arched my back into his mouth. But Edward smiled up at me, and gently pressed me back down to the bed. "Patience, love," he purred.

And slowly this time, so that I could see it, he gently tore the negligee down the midline, just a centimeter. His mouth followed the tear, and he kissed and licked and sucked at the skin between my breasts, glancing up at me every so often to make sure I was watching. And then centimeter by centimeter, he continued to tear at the lace, his mouth following his hands, over my abdomen, pausing to flick his tongue over and around my navel, continuing until the garment was torn in two down the front and Edward's mouth was there.

He took his time with my clit, slowly kissing his way around it before he even touched me there. And when he did, he didn't want to leave it alone. I squirmed and rocked my hips, breathing like I couldn't get enough air, biting my finger, mumbling something, I think. Edward pulled my legs over his shoulders, wound one hand under my bottom and grasped my hip, holding me to the bed. And then, without warning I felt an ice-cold finger deep inside me at the same time he flicked my clitoris with his freezing tongue. I whimpered and moaned and Edward moved his finger and his mouth in time.

I looked down and his glowing eyes met mine. "Come for me, Bella," he rasped at the same time he found my sweet spot with his fingers. His breath washed over me, and the world exploded around me, over and over.

I'd clenched my eyes shut, lost in sensation, in this feeling I'd needed for days, forever. It was like my body was singing, my mind was empty, I was pure pleasure.

And then icy hands were underneath me, on my back, the world spun and I was sitting on Edward's lap, straddling him. I opened my eyes, and he was right in front of me leaning against the headboard, his white skin nearly glowing in the moonlight, his eyes triumphant like I hadn't seen since the wedding.

I smiled uncontrollably. Finally. _Happy_.

Edward pulled what was left of the lace away and I pressed my naked body against his. I would never have the time to get enough of this. His hands were all over me, gently touching, caressing, exciting, and too quick for it really to register.

And then his hands were on my backside, and he pushed me into him, against him and I felt his chest vibrating. It was like the time in the meadow all over again, except this time we were naked and we were going to have sex. Right now. I felt myself getting lightheaded, and I clung to Edward's shoulders for support. The look in Edward's eyes changed to one of concern, and he brushed my cheek with his fingers.

"I'm okay," I whispered.

He kissed me very gently, taking my bottom lip between his, lightly sucking, and holding the back of my head with one hand.

"I love you, Isabella," he whispered back.

I found my bearings, opened my eyes, and moved my hips. Edward growled in response. We both moved a little awkwardly, wriggled, angled. I sat up and found him with my hand and pushed myself against him. My body shook with Edward's groan, and his hands quickly left my body. One clutched the mattress and the other the headboard behind him. What happened to the headboard? It was nearly torn in two.

I shook my head a little and looked back at Edward. His eyes were flashing, but they weren't consumed like they'd been before. I could see both sides of him somehow, like the human Edward was underneath those golden eyes. He was both. He was everything. I knew my eyes were tearing a little, but how often do you get everything all at once?

Edward wiped the tear from the corner of my eye, and I brought his finger to my lips and licked it off of him. He pulled my head to his and kissed me again, a long hard kiss, and I gradually settled down, until he was inside of me. We rocked against each other slowly, working so that I could gradually find my pace and figure out what felt right. He moved his hand to my bottom again, moving me in time with him. I held my arms around him, held his face in front of mine. His eyes glistened and glowed, his one hand gouged the headboard, and too soon, I felt a slow burn building inside of me. I moved faster, my breath came harder, and I tried to keep my eyes open to keep Edward focused. Edward must have seen something in my face. "It's alright, Isabella, just let go," he growled. And I did.

* * *

**I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know what you think. You know I love hearing from you! m**


	11. Faith and Consequences

**I don't own Twilight, etc. etc. etc. **

**There are some references to Prelude in this chapter. Prelude is the first story in this little series of mine. I know that all of my new readers are brilliant enough to follow along, but for more background, consider giving Prelude a whirl while you wait for the next update!**

**I'd like to thank Jamie, Lindz and Jess. A Brown... I couldn't write this without you guys. Thanks! And thanks to all the readers that have reached out, and reviewed and PM'ed. Thank you! I read each and every comment. **

**Also, sadly, my Portuguese beta is missing somewhere out there in Portugal's cyberspace. If you know Portuguese and would like to give me a hand, please feel free to drop me a little PM. Your services would be greatly appreciated! (Wow, ask for a Portuguese-speaking beta and one drops in your lap! Many thanks to Linnamedeiros!)**

* * *

The first thing I consciously felt on waking was cold. Like I was wrapped in a sheet of ice. I went to pull a blanket around myself, but instead of a blanket I found Edward's hand wrapped around my waist. My eyes snapped open and I was completely awake. Everything that happened last night passed before my eyes in a flash, a wonderful, unbelievable, body-quaking flash. And now… I took a minute to let reality set in, this _was not_ a dream… now Edward and I were naked in bed, and he was pressed up against my back, his body wrapped around mine. My breathing came faster. Half of me wanted to bolt from the bed. What if I was bruised all over again? What would happen then? I wouldn't be able to take it.

But last night, afterward, I felt fine, I silently reasoned. So much better than fine. I closed my eyes to better remember how Edward's eyes looked last night, glowing and flickering and warm and gentle, all at the same time. Last night I could almost see the human in them at the same time they were so very vampire. And then, at the end, he told me I could let go, and I did, and so did he, and we were both all right. Better than that. Edward was glowing afterwards. He was so happy, and he was still breathing hard and gently laughing. He tickled my nose with his, and kissed me so sweetly on the lips. And then he tucked my body into his, and I snuggled closer, before I fell asleep.

God. If I was bruised I might run out of the room crying.

"Bella," Edward whispered in my ear, making my entire body tingle. "Love?" He tenderly kissed my ear, and pushed his body into mine a little more purposefully.

I was too scared to speak. I tried to inconspicuously look down at my body without moving my head to check to see if there were any new purple splotches.

Edward chuckled and pulled his arm a little tighter around my waist, leaving no space between his body and mine. "What are you doing?" he purred.

I squeezed my eyes shut. "How do I look?"

"What?" he almost laughed.

"Just tell me."

"I don't know if I have adequate words. Does delicious sound wrong? I _would_ like to taste every inch of you."

I hadn't expected that. I opened my eyes and looked my body over. Nothing! No new bruises to speak of! I couldn't help smiling. I'd been right, I was right! I wanted to shout it out at the top of my lungs, but I didn't.

"Inventory complete?" Edward asked, tickling my ear with his lips.

"I'm okay," I squeaked. Immediately, I wished I had better control over my voice. Where was that sexy voice when I needed it? I'd just sounded like a mouse.

"Not quite," Edward purred, smoothly moving his hand from my waist to my breast. I jumped, surprised, excited, confused. I wasn't okay? I felt Edward press himself against my backside. If I wasn't okay, Edward was taking it remarkably well.

I felt his cool lips on the back of my neck. I hated to ask. I had to ask.

"I'm not okay?" I managed, and I quickly felt myself falling to pieces as Edward licked the little spot behind my ear where it felt so good, as he rolled my nipple between his fingers.

"No, you need to take a shower, Bella."

"What?"

Edward moved his hips and my body burned, suddenly consumed with desire. "You're not okay. You need a shower, right now," he lightly growled in my ear.

"Oh!" I certainly did.

*****

Within a minute I had Bella's back pressed against the cold tile wall of the shower, warm water streaming over both of our naked bodies, clouds of steam billowing in the warm air. I heard my breathing coming hard and heavy, and my arms were actually trembling as I held Bella off the ground. I'd waited years for this. It was overwhelming, to put it mildly.

I tried to steady myself. I was too excited, too wound up, and I didn't trust myself to move the way a human would, or to use human force. I looked to Bella's eyes for support. That's when I saw I'd already made a mistake. Bella looked confused, nearly frantic. I realized I'd moved too fast and she was disoriented, bordering on frightened. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, another, and another, and placed Bella gently on the ground. I carefully squeezed her shoulders, then ran my hands down her sides and let them rest on her hips. I was about to apologize, but Bella interrupted.

"Hi," she whispered. I smiled at the sound of her voice. It grounded me better than any amount of deep breathing could, and I was able to slowly open my eyes and gaze at Bella. She'd recovered. More than recovered. Bella was radiant, her skin pinking with the warmth of the water, and she was smiling brightly up at me. She reached her warm fingertips toward my face and brushed my cheek. I went to turn my head to kiss her hand, but she pulled it quickly away.

"What?" I asked, gently catching her hand, intertwining our fingers.

With the touch of my hand to hers, she took a sharp breath. "Force of habit," she smiled shyly. "I stopped touching you there, for a couple of days."

I brought her hand back to my face, rubbed it against my cheek, and kissed her fingers, still interlaced with mine.

"Is this real?" she asked.

"What?" It was as if it I were only capable of uttering one syllable at a time.

"I've wanted this for so long. I… I can't believe it. This is all right with you? I mean, what can we… What's supposed to…?" Bella's breath was coming faster and she looked nearly panicked again.

"Shh," I hushed, bending my head closer to hers. "We'll take it slowly, Bella. But, this is certainly all right with me," I added grazing my lips along her jaw, kissing slowly down her neck.

"It's not too much for you?" she asked, her voice suddenly lower, almost sultry.

"It's always too much for me, especially when you ask like that," I whispered, brushing my lips along her collarbone. "But I'm willing to endure it, if you are," I murmured, touching my nose to hers and looking into her bottomless brown eyes to make sure she saw my sarcasm.

Bella grinned back at me. "If I have to," she joked. But her eyes darkened, and she looked up at me through her long dark lashes, her mood suddenly turning serious, as she ran her hands over my chest, down my abdomen, lower.

Our lips met, and for a moment I was lost, gone, my body moved against hers, water cascading over us. Bella's scent filled the air, and the steam gave it weight so that it coated my skin, my mouth, my throat, my lungs. Bella pushed herself into me, trying to tug herself upwards, grabbing my shoulders, and automatically I wound my hands around her, ready to pick her off the ground again, but then I stopped. Intentionally slowing down. I'd waited this long and I was determined to do it right.

I placed my hands over Bella's, and interlaced our fingers.

"Would you let me wash you?" I asked in a rough whisper.

Bella's eyes grew wide and she bit her bottom lip in that way I adored, before shyly nodding her head and looking toward her toes. I kissed her cheek as I took great care to lather soap in my hands. As a vampire, I'd never cared about more than rinsing dirt and blood off of my body with water. There was no need for soaps, oils, washcloths, brushes, sponges, and various other tools that hung on hooks on the wall next to me, whose purpose remained a mystery.

So, for now, I stuck to soap and my hands and I took great care to gently rub Bella's shoulders, her arms, taking her breasts carefully into my hands, then down her stomach, her hips, and I went to my knees to lather her thighs, her calves, her feet. From the floor, I looked up at Bella, still gazing at her toes, and now at me. She smiled shyly, closed her eyes and bit her lip again, melting my heart in much the same way the stiff sudsy peaks were dissolving and cascading down her warm, wet body. I moved my soapy hand between her legs, and rubbed gently, tenderly, and Bella pushed against my hand and leaned her head back against the wall.

I wound my arm around her waist and kissed her flat abdomen, pulling her body against me as I continued to very meticulously bath between her legs. I could feel her legs going weak, and I used my arm to support Bella, and her breathing came harder, her hands tugged at my hair. But I kept my touch soft, gentle, tender, nearly innocent, as I trailed my lips to her waist, her hip.

I felt tension building in Bella's body, her hip jerked against my mouth, her little hands tried to push my head ever downward. I was quickly on my feet and pulled her under the stream of water with me. I watched the soap slide down her naked body; so wet and clean and shaking with desire. I put my finger under her chin and lifted her head so I could look into her wide chocolate eyes. "My God, Bella, you're beautiful," I murmured before kissing her hard on the lips, and her hands knotted in my hair. "I love you," I nearly growled.

Those words didn't do justice to my emotional state this morning. But I didn't have the patience to belabor my feelings. It felt too good simply being with my wife. Feeling her instead of thinking about feeling her, instead of agonizing over it. Last night I'd discovered that there was something within myself that I could trust. And while it wasn't easy to hold Bella, to take Bella this way, it was possible, if only because we both believed it was possible. Maybe it had been that simple all along.

I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and cupped her backside in my hands, and picked her up off the floor, pulling her against me. Bella automatically wrapped her legs around my waist. I held her against me firmly, as we kissed, her soft warm lips pressing against mine, moving along my jaw line, to my ear. I felt my chest vibrating against hers, her breasts pillowed against me, her center becoming warmer, her silken wetness pooling with shower water where our bodies were pressed firmly together.

And then, the same flash of hot primal fear coursed through my body with the knowledge that my mate was in danger. And self-loathing that came with it, because she was in danger because of me, because of my own ignoble desires. But I stopped myself from that train of thought and instead forced myself to think of last night: how my body responded to Bella's, how I made the effort to protect her without willing myself to. How I held back almost naturally, how I knew, somewhere deep within myself, how a human would do this, and how my human would want it. Nevertheless, I gulped reflexively, and my dry throat scratched uncomfortably with the needless movement.

"Edward?" Bella whispered. It was the only encouragement I needed.

I moved myself under Bella, pressed her back gently against the wall for leverage, pulled her body a bit higher. I held my breath; Bella put her hands on my face and looked into my eyes, to try to keep me focused. I wasn't sure I needed that any more. My body knew that she was mine and that there was something bigger than me that would help keep me from hurting her. But I'd take it; I wanted to look into her eyes as I entered her, as I made love to my wife.

I pushed myself gently against her. Bella gasped and wrapped her hands around my head, and I let her pull my head to hers. Her lips were so soft, swollen from last night, wet and slippery and I breathed her hot breath in, warming my mouth, my throat.

But I stopped, pulled my head away and clenched my jaw in frustration. Suddenly, all of my careful consideration turned to smoke, like so much steam in the shower stall. Why had I taken things so slowly?

"What is it?" Bella asked, taken aback. I saw the foreboding in her eyes, the fear that I had begun denying her again.

I set Bella on the ground and held her cheek in my hand. "I hear a boat docking. The cleaning crew must be here."

"The cleaning crew? Oh." Bella slumped a little against the tile wall and crossed her arms in front of her, and looked at the shadows of the trees through the glass block window. "Sorry, I'm being silly," she allowed, her lips pressed into a pout.

"You couldn't be more disappointed than I," I whispered, pushing her wet hair behind her ear.

"I doubt it," she harrumphed, pressing her cheek against my hand.

"I'd wager a bet. Do you know how many of your showers I've patiently waited through? How many nights I longed to slip into that tiny stall at your house in Forks? How many things I'd dreamed of doing with you in there?"

I was pushing things, but I couldn't leave Bella upset. I pulled her away from the tiles and held her loosely in my arms, trailing my fingers along her spine, over her bottom, holding her. Bella let her forehead fall into my shoulder.

"How much time do we have?"

"Right now, we have about three minutes. I can hear them disembarking from the boat."

Bella sighed.

"I promise I won't let you leave this island until we finish what we've started here," I assured her with a kiss.

But then Bella's eyes flickered and she took a step so that she was directly under the spray, pulling me to her, wrapping her arms tightly around my waist. "And I promise _you_ that I won't go to bed with you again until you finish what you started here." Her taut nipples rubbed against my chest, her hand caressed my backside, she wound her leg around mine and pressed her body into me, and I lifted her off the ground, and I used the next two and a half minutes to make sure I could at least get myself back into bed with my wife.

*****

I was carelessly dressed, damp and smiling when I met Gustavo and Kaure at the front door. I'd heard their nervous thoughts as they walked up the sandy path to the house and I knew I'd have to do my best to put their minds at ease, but truthfully, I didn't want to be bothered with that at this moment.

I could still smell Bella, wet and warm in the shower where I'd left her. I'd helped her to the shower bench, her legs had been weak afterwards, and she'd pressed her head to my abdomen, not wanting to let me go. The feeling was more than mutual. I needed to feel her skin against mine, and leaving her felt like I'd torn something vital, and that only her touch would allow the healing to begin. I reasoned that if I sent the humans quickly to work, telling them exactly what we required, they would soon be on their way.

Carlisle and Esme had made it clear that allaying their suspicions was my responsibility. Gustavo and Kaure's family had helped to maintain their dwelling and the surrounding island since it had been purchased twenty-five years ago. While they had their misgivings, Carlisle and Esme had been overly kind and non-threatening, which flew in the face of their fears. The family had gradually become comfortable with my parents, and my brothers and sisters had only visited for a few odd days here or there, their presence going unnoticed by the caretakers.

However, my trip with Bella required some arrangements. Human food, for one, and the then there was the request about the indoor heat. I could hear that those changes hadn't gone over well with the humans, as they spoke to one another in hushed tones in their native Portuguese.

"A son? What kind of son could that man have?" the woman asked her husband under her breath.

"So, the doctor has a family. It's not a crime, Kaure."

"Not yet, it isn't! What about the food? What is he planning?"

"Oh, woman, be quiet! They have been nothing but generous to our family."

"It's like living with a man wearing blinders," Kaure grumbled.

I took a deep breath, did my best to concentrate on the two humans at the front door and to ignore the sounds of Bella padding nearly naked from the bathroom to the bedroom to dress. I arranged my facial features into my most non-threatening look of welcome, and swung the door open.

Gustavo stood with his hand poised to knock on the door; both he and Kaure wore shocked expressions. In my haste, I'd forgotten to let them knock, as humans were wont to do.

I paused a beat, and then smiled warmly at the stout couple. "Bem-vindos, senhor, senhora. Vocês devem ser Gustavo e Kaure. Meu nome é Edward Cullen, filho de Carlisle e Esme."

They shook their heads in the affirmative, their faces impassive.

"_Another handsome American with perfect Portuguese!" _Gustavo thought.

"_His eyes are wrong, like the others. Perhaps this one is not as dangerous as I suspected_," Kaure mused.

"There isn't much for you to do," I explained in my 'perfect Portuguese.' "The kitchen and bathroom, and then in the large bedroom, I'm afraid we may have gotten carried away with… feathers one night," I managed with a small smile, stepping back and motioning for them to enter. Both pairs of eyebrows were raised with mention of feathers, and both hearts beat frantically as they walked into the house.

I could just make out the sound of linen against skin coming from the blue bedroom. I closed my eyes and clutched at the wall for support, trying to anchor myself to the spot and the task at hand, while every cell of my body felt like it was being pulled toward my mate.

Gustavo cleared his throat. I remembered to open my eyes, to smile politely.

"My wife is in the small bedroom, we won't need your help in there." I had no intention of letting the pair see the headboard I'd turned to splinters the night before.

They nodded. I smiled. I wasn't used to human help, and I felt a bit stiff. "I'll be preparing my wife's breakfast if you need me."

"_Breakfast… does he think I'm dense? No wife of his would eat food," _Kaure silently accused.

They smiled, small tight-lipped smiles, and then Gustavo tugged Kaure towards the white bedroom at the back of the house, nodding his head to me in parting.

"Mue Deus!" I heard Kaure murmur under her breath as they entered the bedroom.

"Quiet, Kaure! It's none of our business. We are here to clean, not to judge the man's sexual proclivities," Gustavo hissed.

"Yes, and he can probably hear everything we whisper. We shouldn't anger him. Perhaps we would end up as his wife's breakfast," she said a bit dramatically, in almost a stage whisper. I had to smile. Even Bella might have heard her voice.

Gustavo chuckled. "Silly woman." But I could hear the man's thoughts continue where his words left off. "_I pray to The Lord she isn't right_!"

Satisfied that it could have gone worse, I turned my attention to Bella's breakfast. But before I had a chance to crack an egg, Bella came skipping into the kitchen. I'd never known her to skip before. I turned to her and she threw her arms around me smiling, her eyes glittering, her wet hair cascading around her face.

"How was the remainder of your shower?" I asked, holding her in a tight embrace.

"Lonely," she cooed. She was wearing a short white linen sundress, which contrasted nicely with her new light golden tan and freckles. I idly wondered if they would still be there in twenty-two days, if she would have them forever.

"I promise to rectify that as soon as possible. No more short, lonely showers for you for the remainder of our stay. In fact, I don't know if I'll be able to leave you alone like that for quite some time." I pulled Bella's body flush with mine. It felt better like that. If only there were no clothing in the way, and I could feel the way her soft human skin tickled the smooth surfaces of my body.

Bella smiled impossibly wider. "I was only in the other room."

"I know."

"You could make up for it now," she suggested, tightening her hold on me, rubbing her body against mine, her warm breath wafting over my collar bone, that she was standing on tip toe to kiss. I picked Bella up off the floor and set her on the countertop besides me, fitting myself between her legs. I held Bella's face in my hands, kissing her eyelids, her nose, her lips. She seemed impatient, wrapping her hands around my back, trying to pull me ever closer, and then reaching down and patting my backside. She been doing that quite a bit since last night, not that I minded in the least.

"We have guests, my love," I reminded her.

"Fine, fine," Bella mumbled, pulling her hands from around my waist and melodramatically twiddling her thumbs in her lap and looking at the ceiling. She was adorable. I peered down at her small little fingers longingly; I wanted to feel her fiery finger pads against my skin.

"I don't think it would be improper for you to touch me. It is our honeymoon," I suggested.

"If I touch you, I won't want to stop," she pouted. I smiled, placed one hand gently on Bella's hip and the other behind her head, bringing her lips to mine. I listened to Bella's heart stutter, and smelled her scent intensify as I traced her lips with my tongue. "I understand all too well, Isabella. And when our guests are gone, you won't have to stop touching me until they return next week," I whispered in her ear, finishing with a trail of kisses along her neck.

"Ah! Mue Deus!" Kaure exclaimed from behind Bella and I. Bella jumped, and I pulled her into my arms, and swung her gently to the ground at my side.

"_It's just as I'd suspected. He's taken a human. This woman, she must run! I'll get Gustavo, we'll take her, somehow_." Kaure's mind continued on like this as Bella blushed deep crimson and clutched at my hand. Kaure took two unintentional steps backwards, colliding with the kitchen wall.

"Com licença, senhor Cullen," she mumbled, concentrating on the tiled kitchen floor.

"Kaure, gostraria introduzi-lo a minha esposa, Isabella Cullen," I said, choosing a very deep, warm voice that I reserved for soothing humans. I turned to Bella, and wrapped my arm around her waist. She blushed an impossibly deeper shade of red. "Bella, this is Kaure. Her and her husband have taken care of our property for many years."

"_He calls her his wife? The monster! The poor, beautiful girl. So misguided!_"

Bella smiled at Kaure. "Hola," she mumbled.

Kaure nodded and bustled past us. "_I must tell Gustavo immediately._"

"I don't think she liked me," Bella offered after the woman disappeared into the bathroom.

"It's not you she doesn't approve of. She's quite superstitious."

"She knows about you?"

"She has her suspicions, and your presence seems to confirm everything for her."

I saw Bella's mind working. "So she thinks you're one of the… the Lobisomem?"

I was caught off guard, and stood still with surprise. "You know about that legend?"

"When I was trying to figure you out junior year. I looked on line, and found that website with all the vampire myths, remember? It's where I read about Carlisle, before I knew he was Carlisle."

"It's good you'll be one of us soon. You know far too much for a human. But, about Kaure, I didn't hear her think that exact word. However, I suppose when she saw you in my arms... The Lobisomem _are_ supposed to prey on beautiful women…"

"_I'm_ the beautiful woman you're preying on?"

"Please don't tell me you still doubt your own beauty."

Bella smiled shyly. "I know _you_ think I'm beautiful." She paused and laughed a little. "You and Kaure, I guess."

"Do I have to remind you how many other men admire you?"

"I only care about one man."

I growled and pulled her into my arms, and decided to let the help think what they would. I had a wife to kiss.

*****

Somehow, I managed to eat a few bites of cereal and pop a few grapes in my mouth. But my stomach was doing flip-flops every time I stole a glance at Edward. And, well, since I was sitting snuggled up against him, we looked at one another a lot. And touched quite a bit. And then, when I knew that any more eating was going to be impossible, Edward lifted me in his arms and brought me to the den where we could stay out of Kaure and Gustavo's way, and supposedly watched a movie.

I don't know which film Edward put on. It was black and white and I might have recognized Marlon Brando, but that's all I could say for sure. I was just stunned, still disbelieving that I could run my hands under Edward's snug white T-shirt, over his rock hard abs, and he'd let me. Better than that, he enjoyed it, and well, I didn't have to beg him to reciprocate. Astonishing. It took my breath away. Suddenly I felt like a regular girl, sneaking around in the den, trying not to get caught, turning up the volume on the movie, to cover up the sounds of our giggles and sighs. Except we weren't really kids, and we were married. But maybe it made up for all those years we _hadn't_ been doing this.

Finally, we could hear the two housekeepers walking toward the front of the house. Of course Edward heard well before I did, and it took me a couple of seconds to understand why he was tugging my dress down and tucking in his shirt. Gustavo stood near the front door with Kaure and both had their lips pressed together in awkward smiles. I noticed that Gustavo had a large plastic bag of feathers in his hand, and I could immediately feel my cheeks turning red. Sure, we were married, but there was something quite embarrassing about two people old enough to be my grandparents cleaning up after sex with my vampire husband. I think anyone might blush a little.

When I looked back up from the floor, Edward was saying something in rapid Portuguese. I'd taken high school Spanish, but I couldn't follow a word. All I knew was that, with every word he uttered, my body tingled a little more and I couldn't wait for us to be alone again. The seconds ticked by like days. And suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the woman, Kaure, eying me intently. It seemed almost like she was motioning for me to leave with them.

I felt that little crease forming between my eyebrows as I tried to make out what she wanted. But Edward turned towards her rather abruptly, and she quickly turned away and found something very interesting to study on the blank wall to her right.

With that, Gustavo said something in parting, and tugged Kaure out the front door by her arm, as he waved to me and nodded his head.

"Adios," I mumbled.

Edward smiled and waved and said something in Portuguese that sounded somehow polite and very sexy all at the same time, before shutting the front door behind the couple. And before I could blink, I was back on the bed in the blue room, bright midday light streaming through the window.

Edward smiled at me, and leaned his head down to kiss me. My body tingled all over, and Edward's kiss quickly became more intense, as he trailed his lips down my neck, then across my shoulder, pushing the strap of my sundress out of his way.

It felt so good, so normal. Well, as normal as a girl can feel with her sparkling vampire husband. Okay, it was better than normal, much, much better. When I say _normal_, it was the normal of knowing that you wanted to have sex with your husband, and you were going to have sex with your husband. That this kissing would definitely lead to removing one another's clothing. The kind of normal where your husband unties the straps of your sundress, pulls the dress down a bit, and has his ice-cold hands on your breasts. The kind of normal where he moves his enormous, cold erection against you instead of hiding it from you, and then hitches up your dress, and rips off your panties and presses himself against you again. The kind of normal where I had to close my eyes for a second because it just… Felt. So. Good. The kind of normal where I almost hyperventilated, because I'm not used to normal at all.

And then a low purr rumbled in my vampire husband's chest, vibrating against me, making my nipples tingle and sting. I tried to keep my head enough to unbutton Edward's pants, and he didn't pull away, but instead I could see the anticipation in his amber eyes as they flickered and glowed into mine. The normal way that Edward helped me along and kicked off his pants faster than my eyes could see. And I finally knew about my husband's underwear! (Edward preferred boxer briefs.) How refreshingly normal! I reached to pull them off, and Edward let me, and he was finally, beautifully completely naked and sparkling on top of me in the broad light of day. I could understand why there were legends about someone like this, he was gorgeous and unbelievable and fantastic all at once. And he was mine. Mine!

"You're mine," I whispered.

Edward growled and carefully pressed his hard naked body against me, and I tried to wriggle to pull my dress the rest of the way off, and Edward simply tore it away. He carefully held his body against mine so that it felt like a wall of cold flames was searing my skin. My whole body became electrified as I felt Edward push himself into me, gently, carefully, then harder, completely, over and over again, as he held my face in one of his hands so that he could look into my eyes to help him remember that I was his. We were bound. I was his mate, and he wouldn't hurt me, even though his mind changed and he couldn't think anymore in the same cold and calculating vampire way of his, because of what I did to him. And what he did right back to me. His hands moved over my body faster than I could follow, exciting me before I knew what was happening, so that my whole body was buzzing, and Edward was breathing hard and whispering in my ear, but too quickly for me to hear. I could only pick out the words, "I love you Isabella… You and I forever."

That was enough, more than enough, for me. I heard Edward growling, as he moved faster. "Edward!" Icy. Cold. Heavy. Hard.

"Edward, I… I…"

Sparks. Flames. Fireworks. His body trembled against mine, his forehead pressed against mine.

"I love you, Edward."

Days and nights bled into each other. We made love until I was tired. Edward, of course, was never tired. I felt asleep in his cool arms, and I woke up with him pressed against me, naked, waiting, I think. Then it would start all over again, with scarcely a word spoken, until my stomach reminded us both that I was human.

Then Edward would wrap my in the sheets and bring me to the kitchen where he would dazzle me again, with food. He was dedicated to feeding me well. I think he was counting down my meals, and he liked to watch me eat. I could see that. Everything: eggs, omelets, frittatas, French toast, pancakes, steaks, pasta; the list went on, endless, always something different. I felt his eyes on me as I brought the food to my lips, as I licked the fork or licked my lips, in a way that made me wet with desire. It was all he could take to allow me to clean my plate, and then I was back in his arms. Sometimes we didn't make it back to the bedroom, and he'd place my bottom on the countertop and he'd press himself against me, unwrapping me, smiling fiercely, his eyes on mine. And he'd effortlessly lift my body up and lower me onto to him, very, very carefully. And I'd gaze into Edward's topaz eyes until my vision blurred and that feeling came over us, leaving us both shuddering and panting in its wake.

Finally, the reality of having a vampire for a mate had become quite clear. What was night? What was day? Did it matter? Did anything matter except Edward's body and mine, and his whispered words of love, his cool, sweet breath, in my mouth, against my ear, the feel of his tongue, so strong and rough, all over me?

And finally, Edward had let me see him, and begin to understand him. He'd lay so still under me as I traced all of his secret planes with my hands, and my mouth. I'd watch what made him purr, trying not to smile like a fool at my incredible luck. I would get to do this forever. This beautiful, amazing, sexy man, struggling to stay still beneath me, would be mine forever.

When I did this, I knew it was a struggle for Edward. I could see it in every tensed limb and in the set of his jaw. I was grateful that he let me see. And I was overcome, what would it be like when he didn't hold back?

I would find out. Not soon. I didn't delude myself into thinking that I would be in any way ready for this right after I was turned. I'd heard about newborns. Would I even want Edward for sex? Would I attack him instead? Would I need him there to restrain me from killing humans? Would he have to bribe me with hunting trips in order to get me to bed? I hoped not. I didn't know.

But it was something I worried about more and more as the days tumbled by in a sex-fueled haze. I knew this time with Edward was quickly coming to and end, and all of the sudden, I wanted more. I wanted my husband as a husband. Finally, I felt what it was like to really be with Edward. And finally, I felt like I really knew him. And I could see that he was happy, so happy. Why was I pushing this to end? What did turning nineteen years old really mean? I certainly felt better now than I did a year ago. And when I looked in the mirror, even I could see that I was more radiant than I'd been just a month ago. What if I let this birthday pass? Edward _was_ one hundred and five.

*****

Bella and I were lying on the floor in a tangled heap of blankets and sheets, my body curled around hers, my fingers running through her hair. We'd made love on and off for seven days and nights, and it was the most exquisitely beautiful torture I'd ever endured. Every moment next to her naked body was like a moment in heaven, or what I imagined heaven must be like. The loss of my soul meant less lying next to Bella, because if I could have this on earth, what did it matter?

I kissed the back of her neck, and Bella sighed. I hadn't tired of her in the least; in fact, with each moment I only wanted her more. And with each release my love grew, for only Bella could bring me to this place where I could trust myself, even love myself, and the world around me. If she hadn't been so persistent, I would never have known this. I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her closer, and taking her earlobe between my lips.

"Hmm," Bella sighed and wriggled to turn to face me. How was she more beautiful today than she'd been yesterday? Maybe it was the way she held herself now, more relaxed and more confident all at once.

"Hi," she grinned.

I smiled and pulled her lips to mine. "Why say hello? You haven't left my side in a week," I chuckled.

"I don't know if we've really talked in a week, either."

"That's not quite true. Do I need to remind you what I was saying to you just twenty minutes ago?" I asked, running my hand along her ribs, holding her waist.

"Then we'd go right back to not talking again, I think," she giggled, squirming a bit with my touch.

"Maybe that was my goal," I offered, sliding my hand from her waist to her backside.

Bella pulled herself away from me and sat up. I felt the absence of her touch instantly.

"Please, Edward, I'm being serious."

"So am I," I admitted, using all of my strength to keep myself from reaching out to caress Bella's breasts. She needed to say something. "But I'll wait. What did you want to talk about?"

Bella reached out and held my hands in hers and my body relaxed with her touch. "I want more," she said quickly, as if she were trying to get the words out before she lost the nerve.

I laughed gently, "I'm quite sure that's not humanly possible, Bella. After you're turned…"

"No, umm, that's what I mean."

I had no idea what she meant.

"Edward, when I'm a vampire, I'm not going to want you in the same way."

I thought about the way I wanted Bella. She could have no idea what she was talking about.

"Bella, just wait. The way I feel for you… just wait. I have nothing to compare it to as a human, but, believe me when I say that being with you is the most exquisite thing I have ever experienced."

"But, that's after eighty-eight years. At first, that's not going to be what I want, is it? I've heard all about it. From everyone in your family. More than anything, I'll want blood."

"At first. That will pass."

"When? When will it pass?"

"It's different for everyone."

"Years?"

"Bella, I don't know." I tried valiantly to stay out of the sex lives of my family members.

"What about Emmett?" she asked. "He had Rosalie right after he was turned."

I couldn't imagine Bella's newborn thirst would resemble Emmett's and I was loath to make the comparison. I had to grit my teeth in order to steel myself to answer her. "It didn't take years, but yes, he would have left Rosalie's side in an instant if the opportunity for a meal arose."

"For how long, Edward?"

"Emmett is a different creature than you are," I tried to explain.

Bella shook her head in frustration. "What about Esme?"

"My mother? I don't know, Bella. I don't know. Not as long as Emmett. Six months, perhaps." Talking about my parent's sex lives while I was sitting on the floor naked with Bella made me suddenly uncomfortable, and I wrapped a sheet snugly around myself.

But Bella surprised me by moving quickly closer and stroking my chest. That hadn't been where my mind was headed at all. "I'm not done with this yet, Edward. I want more time with you while I'm still human."

"What?" I was more than shocked. I couldn't quite comprehend the words in the order that she had chosen to string them together. What had she said?

"What?" I repeated, dumbfounded.

"I want to stay human a little longer."

I couldn't move. I'd longed to hear her say those words for so long. I couldn't think past them. She wanted to stay human for a while longer.

"You're upset?" Bella asked, clutching my hand tighter.

I forced myself to move. To blink. To focus on Bella, in front of me, naked. "Startled," I somehow managed to say.

"I want more of this. Much more. I thought maybe if we went to college, then…"

"What?" I asked in a sharp enough voice that Bella jumped. "What?" I repeated, softer this time.

"I thought maybe we could go for a semester. We could have a few more months of… this. Just you and I together. We could get our own place."

"But you've never wanted college," I reasoned. I was out of my depths. When had everything changed? As I'd become more and more accepting of Bella's transformation, she'd decided to stay human a little longer. Even better, to attend college!

"I've always wanted you. And now I have you, and it's better than I ever thought it could be."

"You want to go to college?" After all of those admissions packets I'd forced her to fill out against her will. All of those course catalogues I'd left hidden in little places in her room.

"For a semester. Then I could come home and see Charlie for Christmas, for one more Christmas. And then, when I went back to school, well, really we could go to Denali. I'd have a whole semester to figure out what I'd say to him, to Renee. I'd need an excuse about spring break, but we'll figure that out. I'd just need to find out if it's too late, because…"

Two sets of emotions hit me suddenly and simultaneously, when I was finally able to process the fact that Bella wanted to remain human and attend college for the next four months. By making this decision, Bella was giving me everything I could ask for and I was elated, relieved, excited, and my body begged for me to start celebrating with my wife. But I was horrified. Bella had to be a vampire before the end of the year; otherwise Emmett and Rose were property of the Volturi. Christmas in Forks, a drive to Denali, three days to change… It left only hours before the end of the year. And what if she wanted another semester?

"Bella, wait!"

"What?"

But I couldn't tell Bella. But… I had to tell Bella.

Bella looked at me, expectant, glowing, slightly confused.

"Can we?" she asked, breathlessly.

"Of course," I murmured. I couldn't take her humanity from her now that she finally wanted to keep it a bit longer.

"Oh, Edward, thank you!" Bella nearly dove at me and threw her arms around my neck. I held her to me tightly, suddenly very scared.

*****

It was the first shower we'd taken apart in a week. I told Bella I wanted to surprise her with dinner. I did want to surprise her; it wasn't a lie. I'd planned on recreating the meal I'd made her at my parents house our last night together before the wedding. It was a silly little meal, but it held sentimental significance for the both of us. I saw that as the real beginning of our life together.

But I needed to call Alice. Bella wanted to wait until the very end of the year. What about Aro, what about the Volturi? Did they care about the difference between December 31st and January 1st? I needed Alice more than ever.

I dialed her cell and it went straight to voicemail. That wasn't like Alice at all. I tried again. Voicemail. I tried Jasper. Voicemail. I resisted the impulse to bash the cell against the railing. I felt my anger mounting - irrational but present, nonetheless. I tried the house phone, hoping against hope that I wouldn't get Carlisle or Esme.

"Hey, Edward!" Emmett answered. "You so bored playing Monopoly on your honeymoon that you've gotta call home?"

"Very funny, Emmett," I sneered. I caught myself, Emmett had done nothing but help Bella and I. I took a deep breath. "Listen, is Alice around?" I asked in a smoother voice.

"Nope. Not even close," he answered, obliquely.

"She's not picking up her cell. Neither is Jasper. I need to speak with her, Emmett."

"Dude, they're not here. I can't help you."

"What do you mean?" My frustration was rising again. Emmett was being anything but helpful.

"Well, uh, you know, Edward. Jasper and Alice were apart for almost a month, and they wanted some time alone. Or maybe you don't get that, seeing as how you're on the telephone with your brother on your honeymoon. Do I need to give you a little talk about the birds and the bees?"

I rolled my eyes and reminded myself to make sure Bella wrestled him to the ground when she was finally turned. Which sent me into a tailspin of sorts. What if Emmett wasn't around when Bella was turned? When exactly would Bella be turned? I needed to speak with Alice.

"Emmett, please, when will Alice be back?"

"I don't know, maybe another week? Just send her a text. I'm sure she'll get back to you when her and Jasper come up for air."

Not good enough, I thought. I sighed, paced, ran my hands through my hair.

"Edward, what is it, man? Is something wrong with Bella?"

"She's fine," I admitted miserably.

"Things don't sound fine."

"Things are going well, Emmett. Really." That may have been the biggest understatement of my existence, but I was a gentleman, and I didn't plan on putting my marriage on display like Rosalie and Emmett had.

"So, that means you generally win when you guys play dominoes?"

"She enjoyed watching your copy of Notorious. Shall I tell Rose?" There was significant silence on the other end of the line and I chuckled.

"Truce?" I asked.

"For now," Emmett allowed, reluctantly. "Listen, Edward, you called for a reason. What's wrong? You can tell me. I can't see the future, but if you've got to talk, go ahead."

I sighed, confused, uncertain whether or not I should worry Emmett if there was a chance that everything was going to be fine.

"You're sure you don't know when you'll see Alice?"

"Edward, dude, what is it? Did you knock up your wife?"

That joke actually hurt. I'd never be able to knock up my wife, and Emmett knew it. Of course, he didn't know my feelings on the matter. I'd hardly acknowledged them to myself, and I planned on burying that particular longing deep inside. There was no use pining for something I could never have, when everything I'd ever wanted had fallen into my lap.

"Dude, why are you so quiet all of the sudden? I was kidding. I mean Bella's not pregnant, right? I'd kill that wolf."

A growl tore through my chest and Emmett was lucky he was several thousand miles away. I stopped myself from crushing the phone for the second time in five minutes.

"Edward?"

"Emmett, Bella wants to go the college," I blurted out, no longer feeling quite as protective of Emmett's feelings.

"This is why you need Alice?" Emmett laughed. "Bella spends almost as much time as you do with her nose buried in one book or another. And she sleeps! Dude, of course she's gonna go to college one day."

"No, Emmett, she wants to go to college next semester, as a human."

"Whoa! How'd you get her to change her mind? She's gonna be another year older than you! I mean, all she was waiting for was… You dog!" Emmett's laughter carried easily over the phone lines, nearly as loud as it would have been in person.

"I didn't change her mind, she brought it up to me this morning," I tried to clarify.

"Like hell you didn't. I didn't think you had it in you. You're playing dirty. It's the sex, isn't it? You did it! With a human. I don't even understand how that's possible, really. But, HO-LY! What was it like? I mean, how the hell?"

"Emmett, I didn't _use_ sex. I would never."

"Like hell you wouldn't. How bad have you wanted her human?"

"Emmett, you're missing the point." Leave it to Emmett to get sidetracked by intercourse. "Bella wants a semester in college. Then she wants to spend Christmas in Forks as a human. That's December 25th, Emmett. The very end of the year."

"Oh." Emmett paused for two entire seconds. I sighed. "I get what you're saying."

"It's why I need to talk to Alice. Bella's plan is cutting it too close. Even if we leave for Denali on the 26th…"

"Denali?"

"Things are more complicated in Forks: the wolves, her family. Denali's a better place for her to make the change. Emmett, I have to tell Bella. She doesn't know what she's asking by staying human this long. It's not fair to her, or to you and Rosalie."

"Wait a second, Edward, just stop. Rose and I knew what we were doing, and you know we can't tell Bella."

"She's my wife, she's part of this family now. She deserves to know."

"Don't you think Carlisle deserves to know?" he challenged.

"You're right. He does. Bella and I should come home. We have to have a meeting. This has gone on long enough."

"Edward, no! Number one: no one is here except Rose and I. Carlisle and Esme are still in Brazil somewhere, and Alice and Jasper are frolicking in Ireland, where apparently there's no cell service to speak of. Number two: Alice has seen that we can't tell Carlisle yet. If we do, she says everything goes wrong. We lose. I don't aim to lose when I finally face those bastards. Number three: Rose and I knew what we were doing when we agreed to this. Number four: Even with Bella's timeline, we've got time."

"It's too close."

"Christmas in Forks, then we could get to Denali in about a day." I thought about Bella's fear of speed, and then considered that my brother and sister's lives were on the line.

"Let's just say thirty-six hours."

"To Denali?"

"Travel with a human. It complicates things."

"I don't know how you put up with that crap. Even so, three days, tops, for transformation. She'll be vampire before New Years Eve. It will be fine."

"That's cutting it dangerously close, and you know it."

"Rose and I talked about it. We're going to try to get some information out of Eleazar, to see how we could get away from the Volturi if we did have to go to them, but without telling Eleazar anything, of course. We have some ideas. We won't be gone forever, we'll be together again as a family."

"No. That's ridiculous and wrong. How could Rose live like that?" I thought about Rosalie who prided herself in never having tasted human blood. Rosalie, who despised being a vampire, living at the heart of vampire culture.

Emmett took a second to respond. "She knew what she was doing, Edward." But his voice was flatter and noticeably uncertain.

"You didn't answer my question."

"Listen, I don't know how she'll deal. But I'd be there to help her."

"No, I can't let you do it."

"We'll talk to Alice when she gets back. We have plenty of time to prepare. I'll see what I can find out from Eleazar, just in case. We'll make this work."

"Tell me exactly how you and Rose plan on making it work while you're living with the Volturi."

"Listen, Edward. You're getting your wish. Bella's gonna be a human for a little while longer. She's going to college. She still plans on changing before the end of the year. And I'm guessing Bella's a little better than 'fine' and things are going a little better than 'well' if your wife suddenly wants to spend a little more time in that cute little human body of hers."

"Emmett, you're walking a line here you don't want to cross."

"Good. Get angry with me because I saw your Bella's --"

"Emmett!"

"I did it to get your mind off that other crap. Go back to your wife. Stop dwelling on all the possible negatives and enjoy getting everything you've ever wanted. Okay?"

"Not when 'the negative' involves the lives of my family."

"I'm about to hang up."

"Emmett!"

"You're on your honeymoon. I got your message. I've got things covered here. Now get back to your wife."

"Emmett."

"Good-bye Edward. Say hi to Bella for me."

"Emmett, this isn't over."

"Bye, Edward. See you when you get back." And with that the phone went dead.

*****

"Who were you talking to?" Bella asked, sitting next to me on the steps of the deck, overlooking the silver-blue water. After the phone call, I'd gone still and I'd lost track of time. I'd hardly heard Bella as she'd approached.

"Emmett," I answered flatly.

"Emmett?"

"I called the house. I thought someone should know that our plans have changed."

"Of course. Now they don't all have to pack up for Denali right away, I guess." Bella said, trying to make some sense of my terse replies.

"They're all gone. Carlisle and Esme are away, and so are Jasper and Alice."

"Oh. Huh. I guess I thought everyone was just hanging around at the house."

"Me too. I suppose everyone needed a little vacation after everything that's happened recently."

"After the newborns, you mean?"

I nodded. That was certainly part of it. "Your family has done so much for me. And then for me to ask them to go to Alaska to help… Maybe it's too much," Bella sighed.

I smiled despite myself. She had no idea how much my family would do. "They'd do much, much more. Bella, you're one of us. They'd give their lives for you."

"I'd never ask them to."

"Then, can I ask you to promise me something?"

"What?" Bella looked suddenly wary. Perhaps she knew something was amiss. We were connected now, more than ever before.

"I'd like a promise," I asked, holding her hands in mine. The late afternoon sun was sinking lower in the sky, and its golden rays shined around Bella's darkening silhouette.

"That's usually my line, Edward," she said softly, smiling a little and squeezing my hand.

"Would you do something for me, Bella?"

"Anything. You know that."

"You might decide that you like being human, going to college, being with me. If you find yourself thinking that you need more time after this semester…"

"But I won't," Bella interrupted.

"Bella, you're human. You change your mind. I never thought you'd ask for more time. And now you have. Who's to say that after a month, you won't want another year or two?"

"A year or two of this, well, I can't even imagine it. But no, after the semester's over, I want to start the rest of our lives together. This is just a small, and very pleasant, stop along the way."

"Bella, just listen, please. I need _you_ to give _me_ time. Please, if you think you're going to want more than a semester as a human, please give me time to change things. I need some warning."

"I surprised you, didn't I?" Bella asked.

"Yes." As always, Bella managed to grossly understate her effect on me.

"Are you disappointed?"

"I could never be disappointed to hear that you want to remain human a bit longer."

Could I be disappointed? Was I disappointed? No. I was concerned about Emmett and Rosalie. If she changed her mind again, then I would do something. And the more advanced notice I had, the better. Until then, I would figure out a way to set things right if Bella was still human on January 1st.

"Edward, it's just a semester, that's all I want. I won't put off my life indefinitely. All I want is you and I, happy, together, forever.

"I… well… I want these memories to hold on to while I'm changing. Rose held on to horrible memories, and Emmett held onto the bear, and Esme, I think she thought of her son. I want to be able to think about this time with you. I want to make so many memories with you, that they fill three days. I want to think about this time, when I got to really know you. And I want you to read to me too, maybe, about all the other stuff. The things I wrote down for you, for the wedding. Maybe the things you wrote down too. I want to hold on to us, more than anything. So I just want a little more of you to take with me. Okay?"

"A semester?"

"Yes."

"And if you realize you want more time, you'll tell me immediately?" I asked, with a bit more intensity than I'd planned.

But she shook her head. "I won't."

"But if you do?"

"You'll be the first person I tell," Bella smiled, kissing me on the cheek.

"We're really going to college?"

"Not right now. First I think you should take me back to bed," she said, moving her lips to my mouth.

"No, not a chance," I corrected, pulling away from her.

"What?"

"I'm making you dinner, and then we're going out."

"Out? Why?"

"You've hardly seen any of the island, and apparently, we'll be leaving soon to pack for school."

"All I want to see is you," Bella countered, trying to move in for another kiss.

"Bella, there's been something I've wanted to do for quite some time, and I won't leave this island until it's done," I grinned.

"You're really making me leave the house?"

"I don't think you'll regret it."

* * *

**A/N: I'll try not to hold my breath while I wait to hear what you think!**


	12. Plans

**I don't own Twilight, and I also don't own "A Valediction Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne. But I like them both a lot.**

* * *

I was keenly aware of Bella as I prepared dinner: the easy way she touched me now, the way my body responded to her, no longer unchanging. As she stood behind me, her one hand over my chest, her other resting on my hip, her warm lips grazing my shoulder blades, my breathing changed, my vision changed, my thought pattern changed. She'd given me almost everything I could have asked for. Somehow, she'd punched through my hard, cold exterior, and now I could feel warmth, slowly moving deep within myself. I was more alive than I'd been in nearly ninety years.

Bella whispered in my ear, she pulled her body closer, and with that small gesture I knew there was nothing I wouldn't do for her. Nothing she asked that I would not pursue. And damn it if I didn't want to turn around and take her right here in the kitchen.

"Mm. Smells good. I'm so hungry," Bella murmured, her hot breath tickling my ear.

In that case, I'd let her eat. Then I'd get her out of the house, and take her down to the shore. I knew the spot from Alice's vision, just next to the outcropping of rock, near the submerged caves. But as I looked out the window, I noticed that the sun was quickly setting. The lighting was wrong. But Alice always said that the future could change.

"Then eat quickly, Mrs. Cullen. I have plans for this evening," I smiled, wrapping an arm around Bella's waist and picking her off the floor. In one swift move I'd deposited her in one of the stainless steel kitchen chairs, and a plate of grilled cheese and a bowl of soup sat on the table in front of her.

"Very smooth, Mr. Cullen," Bella giggled, her eyes twinkling.

"Mrs. Cullen," I replied, as I felt an uncontrollable smile taking over my face. My wife. And suddenly the enormity of the situation hit all over again. Bella was my wife, in every sense of the word. We'd tried, we'd made it work, and now she wanted to remain human. I'd find a way to make this right for us. Emmett said I shouldn't say anything to Bella. The Volturi said I couldn't say anything to Bella. I wouldn't risk us; I wouldn't risk her life. I'd make it work.

*****

I knew I'd been wrong about changing the future as soon as Bella and I took to the beach. We walked along the shoreline hand in hand. Silence hung in the humid air around us, weighty and significant. While I tried to keep myself focused on my more immediate plans, lying Bella on the shore, the waves lapping at her feet, my mind wandered elsewhere, surprisingly leaving my earlier train of thought behind.

There was so much we needed to discuss, and so much we couldn't discuss; the mixture of urgency and secrecy had me unbalanced and left me reticent and ill at ease. My mouth seemed somehow hardwired to my brain, and I was afraid if I began talking I wouldn't be able to hold anything back from Bella. I wondered if it were even possible. Could a vampire keep a secret from his mate?

Just then a breeze blew from off the water, carrying the scent of something large, shark perhaps. Venom dripped from my teeth, and I swallowed and looked away from Bella, slightly ashamed. It had been nearly two weeks since my last feed. I'd needed to leave for days now, but hadn't been able to tear myself from Bella's side. I hadn't even spoken about it with her, unwilling to hear her tell me that I should go.

Perhaps one day we'd hunt together. One day four months from now.

I sighed, and shook my head, somewhat disgusted. Bella wanted to stay human. That was always my goal. I shouldn't want to hunt with her, to watch her take down her first kill, to see the predatory glint in her eye, to watch her gracefully tear into some beast's flesh. The venom was flowing again, filling my mouth. I took a step away from Bella, and looked out at the water as I swallowed.

But in one of those instinctual moves of hers that always endangered her life, Bella moved to close the gap I'd created between us, pulling her arms around me, her full breasts pressing just below my chest, distracting me yet again. Over the past week, I'd had the opportunity to watch her long lines soften, her curves fill, as I memorized her body while she lay naked in my arms. Her breasts had swelled, her nipples were more sensitive to the touch, her abdomen had a slight feminine curve just below her navel. Each subtle change was cause for silent wonder, as I relearned the texture and terrain of her body that waxed and waned with the changing moon.

And then it struck me: tomorrow night would be the new moon. It was time for Bella's monthly cycle. In the past it was a time when I often hunted, when I'd had trouble simply touching her. We'd never spoken about it, but I assumed that my hunting trips spoke volumes on the subject.

My body stirred as I contemplated Bella at this time of the month; her blood where my body desired her the most: my mouth, my lips, my tongue, Bella's blood. I shuddered and Bella pulled her arms tighter around me. Her instincts were so completely opposite to what they should be, I could have laughed. It was right to leave.

And tomorrow Gustavo and Kaure would be back. There was no need to endanger those humans, whose blood still smelled delicious and warm and extremely drinkable. If I left tonight to hunt, Bella wouldn't have to be alone tomorrow.

"You're so quiet, Edward," Bella murmured.

I looked down at Bella and noticed how the delicate buds of her eyes had opened, blossoming over the past week. I saw how unprotected and vulnerable she was in my presence, and the trust that this implied. My heart warmed, my head drooped. I wasn't running away, I reasoned. The timing was right. It had been nearly two weeks since I'd fed. Whether or not I thirsted for Bella's blood, I knew that the hungrier I was, the more danger my presence put her in.

"What is it?"

"I have to hunt."

And something light moved in Bella's wide eyes, like petals fluttering in a breeze. "You've stayed here too long. I didn't even think. You should go."

Those were the words I'm been avoiding. Bella telling me I should go. It was ridiculous. There were bigger issues at hand. But it hurt, nevertheless.

"I'll leave after you're asleep."

Bella nodded, smiling supportively at the idea of her husband running off into the rainforest to drink blood; so absurd and endearing all at once.

"I'll be back after dark tomorrow."

"Is that why you're so quiet?"

"It's part of it."

"What else?"

We were at the spot from Alice's vision. The tide was out, though, and there would be no water at Bella's feet. The sun was at the horizon, coloring Bella's cheeks orange, half-hiding her new freckles instead of bringing them out the way the full light of day would. It wasn't just the lighting; it was the wrong time.

"It turns out that the future doesn't change as easily as I thought it might."

Suddenly, none of this felt right. I didn't feel honest. I wasn't in the right place to open myself up to Bella physically. I couldn't say one thing with my body and another with my mind. I had to figure out a way to reconcile keeping Bella human while also keeping Emmett and Rose's secret.

"Edward, you're being cryptic. Can you just tell me what you wanted? What you're thinking?"

"Alice showed me this spot in a vision. It was something she thought might calm my wedding night jitters, I suppose."

The light in Bella's eyes danced, flower petals blowing in the wind.

"When I thought about us having to leave, I wanted to make sure this one wish came true."

Bella looked up at me through her long lashes, her eyes heavy lidded, but playful just the same. She melodramatically threw herself onto the damp white sand. "Well, then, take me now, husband," she said in a mock-sultry voice.

I sat in the sand next to her. "Today's not the day Alice told me about. And it's all wrong. The lighting, my mood. Another time?"

"When?" Bella asked, raising herself on her elbows, looking at me quizzically. I hadn't turned her down in seven days.

_Two and a half weeks away. _That's what Alice had said at the reception.

"Very, soon," I assured Bella.

"What's with all the fortune teller talk tonight? I could just call Alice after you leave, you know."

"I don't think you'd reach her."

"Yeah, that's right. I stopped trying a while ago. But, you know, in a way I liked that better."

"What do you mean?"

"I kind of like that Alice isn't around to help. It's more normal. Sure, it was nice having her tell us where to go, showing up with a space heater at just the right moment. But when things didn't work out here at first, we got through it without her. That was nice. It made me feel strong enough to do this a little while longer as a human. Maybe I relied on her a little too much, and didn't think enough of myself."

"You've never thought enough of yourself," I agreed.

Bella shook her head, but didn't bother to argue the point. "Do you think we could ask Alice to butt out a little?"

I thought about how badly I needed to speak to Alice, how I'd give almost anything, besides my mate, to hear her reassuring words about the future. How I wished I could swim to Ireland and back tomorrow, instead of to the rainforest. My need to speak with Alice seemed to grow with each minute that passed. "You could ask. I don't know if she'd agree to it, of course. I've never known Alice not to meddle, it's almost like she was made to pester others with her help."

Bella sighed, crossing her legs in front of her and looking out towards the calm silver sea.

"But there's nothing stopping _you_ from asking, Bella."

There was no way I was asking Alice to stay out of things. Suddenly I wished I'd taken my cell on the walk, just in case Alice called back.

"And if I asked her to let me shop for college myself?"

The words were no sooner out of Bella's mouth than I laughed long and hard, enjoying the way in which the tension that had taken hold of my body dissolved into the warm evening air. "Not a chance. I'm sure she started shopping for you months ago, as soon as she knew college was a possibility."

"I don't know. I don't think so. I never would have considered staying human and going to school, until… after we'd..." The warm, soothing feeling of relief stayed with me and grew into something different: adoration, as I watched Bella's cheeks grow pink while she concentrated a bit too intently on the sunset over the water. I loved the way that sometimes she was still too shy to look at me as she thought about sex.

I turned her face toward mine, her eyes were like warm embers reflecting the evening light, and I kissed her lips softly. Her scent hung in the thick air around us. I noticed the air condensing on my cool arms, and suppressed the impulse to taste it, in order to see if Bella's essence had somehow coalesced there.

"If sex was the key then, I'm sure Alice hasn't wasted any time on such short notice. I'm sure she's spent the day scouring all of Ireland for an outfit for you to wear on your fist day of classes, and the perfect coat for your first real winter in Hanover."

"In Juneau."

Hanover and Juneau were spoken simultaneously.

What?" we asked, once again in unison.

"Dartmouth is in Hanover," I remarked, confused.

"Dartmouth?" Bella sounded surprised.

"What am I missing, Bella?"

"Uh, well, I never really considered actually attending Dartmouth. It was a decent cover story, but I didn't think I was going to school there."

"But why not? It's an excellent school, the variety of courses open to a freshman Literature major alone…"

"Whoa, there! Now I'm a lit. major? Hey, I'm going for a semester. I want to enjoy myself, not stress about failing out."

"I'd tutor you."

"_That'_s not how I planned to spend the next four months with you." Bella wriggled closer to me, her leg brushed against mine, her finger traced a pattern on my thigh. "Me, you, _alone_ in our little apartment together, _all_ night, _tutoring_?"

She had a point. I wouldn't push the tutoring angle. "We wouldn't need an apartment in Hanover. We have a home right off campus."

"_We_?"

"It's been in the family for years. We settled there after World War II. That's where Alice and Jasper found us."

"So you and I would have to live in the garage?" Bella said sarcastically, referring to the story of how Jasper and Alice met the rest of the family.

"I think I may be able to get my room back, now that I have a wife." It still felt so good to call Bella my wife. I smiled easily as I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, the worries of the day subsiding a little more each time we touched.

"But Edward,_ I_ didn't get into Dartmouth."

"You have an acceptance letter in your bedroom at Charlie's house that says something entirely different."

"_You_ got me into Dartmouth. _I _got into the University of Alaska, Southwest."

"But Dartmouth…"

"Edward, if I'm going to be human, I want to do it my way; a normal human way. I got into the University of Alaska. I have forever to go to Dartmouth. We could go there next time we go to college, or the time after that."

"I think humans pull strings more than vampires do when it comes to the undergraduate admissions process."

"This human doesn't." I could see Bella's mind was made up. She pulled away from me and gave me that look of hers that was supposed to be intimidating. Her eyes narrowed, her lips were pressed in a thin line; the look that always made me want to laugh. I worked to keep a straight face. She'd made her point; she was serious about attending the University of Alaska.

"Juneau, Alaska?" I asked.

"We could get an apartment, and I could drive a normal car. The Volvo's fine. But maybe I could leave the tank in Forks?"

"How about a house? Real estate is a good investment. It could be something of our own… something of yours." I chose to ignore her objections to her new automobile.

"And then I'd come home from a long day of classes, and we could cuddle in front of the T.V. and then, I'd get so sleepy you'd carry me to bed, and well, I wouldn't fall asleep right away. Our bed, in our own little apartment somewhere so far north that you could be outside almost anytime because the sun doesn't come out much there in the fall."

"If you're counting on polar night, we'd have to go farther north than Juneau."

Bella rolled her eyes. "It rains there a lot in the fall. Maybe more than Forks."

"You've done research?"

"I'm not the only one in this relationship with tricks up their sleeve," Bella smiled slyly, looking at me out of the corner of her eyes. "And then I could take a few classes, maybe get a part-time job, or work study..."

I chuckled. "Bella, you don't need to work. And I hardly think we'd qualify for work study."

Bella's shoulders fell a bit. "Oh. I guess I just always saw myself working in the campus library. Or a bookstore, or something."

"A librarian?" I grinned.

"Is there something funny about that?" Bella asked, suddenly defensive.

"I could get used to the idea. But I may end up haunting the library. Has my company been so intolerable that you need to get away from me?"

Bella rolled her eyes. "Of course not. But isn't it healthy to do things separately once in a while?"

In my mind I could see passages from psychology texts about co-dependency. Perhaps, for a human, spending every moment together was wrong. But for a vampire? A new couple? I might really haunt Bella's place of work if she got a job.

"What is it?" Bella asked.

"I don't know if I could keep myself away from you like that. It's different for vampires. We're made to exist together eternally with our mates. There's no need to separate for periods of time. I have to remember that you're human."

"You're telling me that vampires want their women to stay home?"

"No. But if you were vampire, I don't believe outside employment would cross your mind, yet."

"Really?"

"Really. Emmett and Rosalie scarcely spent three hours away from one another for the first ten years they were together. That was excessive, and revolting at times, but not entirely outside of the normal for two mated vampires."

"So I shouldn't get a job then?"

"You should do whatever you want. My primary goal now is to make you happy and to give you what you want. But on a certain level it makes this much more confusing. You want things that might take you away from me, things that go against my instincts."

"Does staying human a while longer go against your instincts? Is that why you've been a little sad since we talked this morning?"

"Yes, and no. But I could never be sad to hear you say you were choosing humanity."

"Maybe that's the wrong word."

"The real world is edging in, I suppose. I wish I could keep you and I here, forever. It's been too good, better than I knew it could be."

"That's why I want things between you and I the same for now. This past week is the closest thing to perfect I've ever known."

"And going to school in Juneau would make you happy?"

"More than anything."

"Then it's done."

*****

We walked slowly home, talking about timelines and course offerings at the University of Alaska. We discussed the merits of renting versus purchasing a home. I didn't see a single advantage to renting, but Bella felt it was a more normal thing for a college freshman to do. I reminded her about Gustavo and Kaure, and she reminded me that she didn't need babysitters. All the same, I felt better knowing she wouldn't spend the entire time alone on the island.

Bella changed into her worn T-shirt, while I finally made the bed. I met her at the door, kissed her gently, and felt my body fall into hers. Still kissing, I took her in my arms, and we were quickly lying in the bed. And without saying anything, Bella knew that tonight I needed to simply lie with her and hold her close. Tonight was about two people trying against the odds to do what was right for one another, even when it didn't feel right.

I cradled Bella in my arms; I looked deep into her bottomless eyes. I held her head in my hand, traced her lips with my fingertip.

Bella tucked her head into the crook of my neck, and my body pulsed with her pulse, moved with her breath, the motion of her living body animating my own, warming my body where she touched me, her sweat permeating my skin. I pressed myself against her gently, shuddering with the thought that something living was bleeding into my own rocky exterior. Bella was literally my life, she came so near to bringing me to that place, so that now I felt like I was hovering in between the worlds of the living and the undead, a different creature entirely.

Bella's breathing slowed, her limbs relaxed, and she gave herself up to unconsciousness, to her own in between world, a place I wished I could go with her, a place I longed to find for myself. Maybe, given four more months by Bella's side, _maybe_ I could get there.

I stood carefully, after delicately disentangling myself from her, walking noiselessly around the room, dressing, writing a brief note. But I lingered, unwilling to leave my mate. I stepped to the bedside, kissed Bella's cheek, and rubbed my nose along her neckline and through her hair, so soft and fragrant. Bella mumbled something in her sleep, turning over so that her hair brushed along my face as she moved. In a flash of inspiration, I took a small lock of her hair between my teeth and bit down, and then pressed the baby-soft strands into my palm. With this small piece of Bella, I found the will to leave. I'd be back shortly.

*****

In my mind, this honeymoon could be chronicled by how I felt when I woke up. I was so excited that first morning, and then so destitute. I don't know if I'd ever felt so high and then so low in such rapid succession. The next three mornings I'd woken feeling anxious and uptight. And after that, finally, I opened my eyes feeling satisfied, exultant, half awake and half dreaming, cool and naked in Edward's arms.

Today I woke feeling alone. I felt empty and incomplete. I didn't like it at all. The small beach house seemed too big for me, the food I found in the refrigerator looked unappealing, none of the thousands of DVDs held any interest for me. Co-dependant. The word was like a bright red warning sign in my mind. This wasn't healthy.

But part of the reason I felt the way I did this morning was because of who Edward was. This feeling would be normal for a vampire couple. It wouldn't be cause for psychoanalysis or prescription medication. I figured that Edward must have been feeling worse. I was still human, after all. I could be strong and independent if I tried. It was one day apart. Just a day.

I forced myself to eat something and it didn't sit well. I felt bloated and uncomfortable. I took a shower, taking deep breaths, hoping to catch a trace of Edward's scent lingering in the shower stall. I smiled as I gazed at the wall he'd pushed me against, at the bench where he'd pulled me onto his lap. The water started to go cold, and I realized I'd been staring at a bench for far too long.

I dressed, still not feeling like myself. My clothing felt all wrong. I paced through the little house, with no desire to go outside. Then I found Edward's note, propped up on his pillow. Somehow I'd missed it.

_Bella,_ _No matter how far my body is from yours, please know that I could never actually leave you. - Edward_

_Our two souls therefore, which are one, _

_Though I must go, endure not yet_

_A breach, but an expansion, _

_Like gold to aery thinness beat._

_If they be two, they are two so_

_As stiff twin compasses are two; _

_Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show _

_To move, but doth, if th' other do._

_And though it in the centre sit, _

_Yet, when the other far doth roam,_

_It leans, and hearkens after it, _

_And grows erect, as that comes home._

_Such wilt thou be to me, who must, _

_Like th' other foot, obliquely run; _

_Thy firmness makes my circle just,_

_And makes me end where I begun._

I read and re-read the poem until I noticed my own tears wetting the paper, blurring the ink. I was crying! I laughed despite myself, tears still flowing down my face. Maybe I really did need some psychiatric care.

I was still laughing as I tried to imagine what I'd tell a psychiatrist. "_I can't seem to get a grip after finally having sex with my vampire husband. You see, it means we're bound for all eternity, but I'm still human, so it's very confusing. Once I'm a vampire too, then it should sort itself out. But the sex is just too good to give up_." I think the doctor would want to give me a little more than Prozac.

At the bottom of the note, Edward left the web address for University of Alaska Southeast, their course catalogue and registration information. I found the laptop in the den and looked through the catalogue, but quickly got bored.

Then, on a whim, I started playing around, Googling the various Cullens. I couldn't find a thing. They were remarkably absent from the Internet. Of course. For the fun of it, I searched for Stregoni Benefici. He still held his legendary status on the one vampire website. I read through the different legends again, including the one about my own husband, the supposed Lobisomem, and chuckled a little under my breath. "_Rumored to turn young women into nymphomaniacs_." I felt my face turn red. I could see how that legend may have gotten started.

That's when I heard three quick knocks at the front door. I jumped, upsetting the laptop, and it tumbled to the floor. I cursed under my breath, hoping I hadn't done any permanent damage and went to go open the door for the housecleaners.

I smiled awkwardly at the little couple. They were both so tan, and so round, and they each looked as uncomfortable as I felt.

"Senhor Cullen gone today?" Gustavo asked in halting English. "He telephone. Said you alone."

I nodded my head. "Si." I didn't know any Portuguese to speak of, but I figured I'd try to make due with what little Spanish I remembered from school.

"Bem, bem... Uh, good," Gustavo replied, nodding his head. I disagreed that it was 'good' that Edward was gone, but didn't feel compelled to try to set him straight on the issue. Instead, I stepped back and motioned for the couple to enter. Kaure smiled shyly at me, ducking her eyes when she saw me looking.

Instead of proceeding into the house, though, they lingered in the entryway. Kaure nudged Gustavo in the ribcage.

"Não, mulher! Olha para ela. Ela está bem! Não é necessário falares com ela."

"Agora é a nossa oportunidade. Agora podemos levá-la daqui para fora!"

I had no idea what they were saying, but I had a sneaking suspicion that I wouldn't like it at all if I could figure it out. The two of them continued to argue back and forth, and I could have sworn that they'd forgotten that I was even there.

"Excuse me?" I tried in a small voice, but they continued speaking like they hadn't heard a thing. "Umm… con su permiso?" I tried. I wasn't sure I was even making sense in Spanish, let alone Portuguese.

But this time, both of the caretakers stopped abruptly, and turned to regard me with obvious curiosity.

"I'll be in the den while you clean," I said, making a walking motion with my fingers, my hand moving toward the den.

Gustavo nodded and smiled. He looked completely embarrassed. "Si, si, Senhora. Excuse us. Sorry."

"Uh, okay. Adios," I replied, wondering if adios was as universal as I imagined it to be.

I wandered back to the den and the two caretakers fell into silence as they bustled into the kitchen. Eventually, I heard Kaure hum tunelessly under her breath as I tried to focus on the movie I'd popped into the DVD player. But my mind wandered back to Edward, and what he must be doing right now. Was he running after a puma? Maybe a lynx? I searched the Internet for a list of wildcats of Brazil as I listened to Kaure and Gustavo move to the bathroom.

Wait! Would they go into the bedroom next? I couldn't let them see the headboard! I ran toward the bathroom, crashing into Gustavo as he was leaving.

"Oh, excuse me, Senhora," he apologized.

I stepped backwards, colliding with the bedroom door, grateful that Edward had hung it back on its hinges.

"Uh… No limpie… uh… el dormitorio," I stammered in broken Spanish, and nodded toward the bedroom, waving my hands in a gesture that I hoped showed that the room was off limits.

Behind Gustavo, Kaure was eyeing me intently, one hand held over her mouth.

"Please don't go in there, okay?" I nearly begged.

Gustavo just smiled. "Si, Senhora. We not clean there. Mr. Cullen say so on the telephone."

I sighed. I should have trusted Edward to be thorough.

"Gracias," I murmured, relieved. But as I turned back towards the den, I heard Kaure frantically whispering behind me. I knew she was talking about me and I hoped I didn't seem too crazy. I blushed a little again, wondering what they thought might be behind those doors. Sex toys? Shackles? More feathers? I hoped I could just camp out in the den and they would forget all about me: the crazy white girl with the sex fetish.

But I wasn't so lucky. I heard footsteps padding behind down the hallway, quickly catching up to me.

"Senhora Cullen! Senhora?" It was Kaure. She sounded desperate.

I took a deep breath. I couldn't imagine this was good.

"Yes?" I asked, turning around to face her. She was at least three inches shorter than me, and she looked up into my face anxiously as she wrung her hands. Gustavo was sheepishly walking towards us.

Kaure whispered to him and he shook his head, reluctantly meeting my eyes. "My wife, she want me to… warn you."

I felt my heart begin to pound through my chest, and my breath got caught in my throat. _Breathe, Bella!_ I commanded myself. _Play it cool._ Edward knew they had suspicions. _Prove that you can be his wife and deal with this!_

I managed to laugh a little, but the sound my voice made was far from amused. I watched Gustavo and Kaure both jump. Kaure quickly shook her head and they began arguing back and forth again in rapid-fire Portuguese. I couldn't follow at all.

Kaure abruptly stopped and crossed her arms across her chest, scowling at her husband.

Gustavo turned back to me. "I very sorry. My wife, I cannot go home if I not speak to you." Gustavo looked at me balefully, as if he was waiting for permission to continue. I wished I were sitting. I felt sweat soaking through the armpits of my T-shirt. How did the Cullens deal with this on a regular basis?

I leaned against the wall for support. I could be strong. I forced myself to stare the two caretakers in the eye. "It's okay. Go ahead," I nodded in encouragement.

Gustavo sighed. "Dr. Cullen very nice. He good."

I smiled. That was easy. Carlisle was one of the best men I knew. I relaxed a little, going limp against the wall. "Yes," I agreed. "Si."

"But, my wife say…" Gustavo's voice trailed off and he turned to his wife and began arguing with her. She stomped her foot, pointing to the door, her voice changing from a frantic whisper to an urgent command.

"Excuse me!" I broke in. I wanted this over with.

"No, excuse me, Senhora. My wife, she say that Senhor Cullen, the son of the doctor…" Gustavo took a deep breath, "He give you a baby and then he kill you. I very sorry," he muttered, looking at the floor.

This time my laughter was for real, but it startled the two caretakers, nonetheless. I felt relieved that Kaure was a little crazier than she was well informed. I'd just been reading about the Lobisomem, and there was nothing about giving me a baby. Getting me into bed, sure. Getting me into bed a lot? Definitely. Did she mean she thought Edward was going to get me pregnant? Then he would kill me?

"A baby?" I asked, making the universal sign for a baby bump with my hands.

"Si, si!" Kaure readily agreed.

There was another legend I read about the Boto, but that was a river dolphin that turned into a human and impregnated women. Edward was obviously no dolphin. Everyone knew vampires were infertile. Well, everyone that knew about vampires, anyway. Kaure didn't know, then, and it made me relieved.

"No, no, no," I corrected. How would I explain? "No conseguimos hacer un bebé," I attempted in Spanish.

"Si, si," Kaure insisted.

"No," I shook my head. "No puedo quedar empreñada." I hoped I'd said what I thought I'd said. I couldn't get pregnant. Wow. There it was. Suddenly Edward and I were like one of those infertile couples you heard parents whispering about.

"Si, si, bebê," Kaure seemed to argue. She turned to Gustavo and began another tirade.

I wanted them out of here. I wanted to scream and cry. My emotions seemed so out of whack all of the sudden. And why was I discussing whether or not I could have a baby with the Cullen's caretakers? Hell, why did they have caretakers? When would they leave?

"We leave soon," Gustavo said, answering my unspoken question.

_Oh, thank god_, I thought to myself.

"Kaure says you come too. To be safe," he added.

What? I started walking slowly back towards the front of the house, keeping my eyes on Gustavo and Kaure. She was crazy. Were they going to try to kidnap me? I struggled to remember where I left my cell phone. It was still in the white bedroom. I hadn't looked at it in days. I hoped it was still charged.

"Por favor!" Kaure begged. That much I understood.

"No, you please! Please leave! If not, I'll tell Carlisle. I'll call Dr. Cullen right now! I'll get Edward back here!"

Gustavo pulled Kaure toward the front door by her elbow.

"Sorry, Senhora. So sorry," he mumbled.

"Por favor, venha connosco. Nós a manteremos salva. Ele é um monstro. Por favor!" Kaure called out to me.

"Kaure, cala-te!" Gustavo admonished his wife. "Sorry. Please, sorry," he repeated, stealing a glance in my direction.

After they were out the front door I rushed and slammed it shut and locked the deadbolt. Then I ran to the bedroom. Just as I feared, my cell was dead; I had to search through my luggage to find the charger. But, by then, I heard the boat leaving the dock. They were going. I looked at the phone in my hands. What would I do if I got Edward on the phone? It was a sunny, cloudless day. He couldn't come back until the sun set. He'd be stuck in some rainforest somewhere, worried about me. And Alice, well Alice was M.I.A. It's not like I could call my mom or Angela.

I plugged in the phone, checked to make sure all the doors were locked again, and threw myself down on the couch. I checked the time. Two p.m. Edward couldn't even start back for another four hours. I checked my emails. There was one from my mom telling me what a wonderful time she had at the wedding. She wrote about how handsome Edward was, how much she could see that he loved me, and how happy she was for me.

And just like that, I was crying again. I turned off the computer and curled up on the couch. As I lay there, I let my mind replay the last time I'd shared this couch with Edward, what we did, how we'd ended up on in the bedroom. And before I knew it, I'd drifted off to sleep.

*****

I was in the rowboat again; sleet was pelting my skin and chilling me to the bone as I watched the sun skirt the horizon. Polar night, that's what Edward had called it; I must have been winter either really far north or south, near one of the poles. Suddenly, I felt colder and more comforted all at once. I turned around and Edward was staring into my eyes with such love and concern that I felt warm, despite the freezing rain. He pulled my body close to his.

"It's okay, I'm here now Bella. I always was, even when I didn't know it," he murmured in my ear. I relaxed against him, relieved. This was the dream I knew well, and I looked eagerly over the bow, waiting to see the path in the ice leading us to the shore. And just like always, the ice broke in front of my eyes, and making our way to land suddenly very simple.

But as I stood to my feet in the rocking boat, something was very different. I couldn't get my balance and Edward had to help me. I hobbled to the bow and struggled to swing my leg over the low wall of the boat. Edward caught my hand to steady me. "Careful, dear," he murmured in my ear.

I looked up into Edward's face, searching for answers. He smiled lovingly, his eyes lit with those stars that made me all tingly inside. It meant he was happy. "Your cartilage gets more relaxed at the end, and it makes it easier to sprain an ankle, or put your back out," he explained. It meant nothing to me.

Edward must have seen my confusion. "Carlisle can explain better than I can. We'll be there soon."

I turned back toward land and saw a low, brick building where there had been only snow and ice a minute before. "What's that?"

"The hospital, of course."

And in that surreal way people can move in a dream, or if you're a vampire, I was suddenly in a hospital bed wearing a nubby cotton gown, hooked up to all manner of machines, needles taped to my arms, and a quick echoing beat sounded in the background. I was hurt. Carlisle leaned down so that I could look directly into his eyes. But he wasn't worried; instead he was glowing, overjoyed like I'd never seen him before.

"It's almost time now Bella. When you feel the urge, you can push."

"Push?" I asked, bewildered.

"There's nothing to worry about. Just do what your body tells you to do."

And that's when I looked around the room and saw them all. My new family was there: Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, Esme. Charlie sat in the corner, anxiously tapping his heel on the floor. Renee held his hand, and smiled and waved when she saw me look at her.

"Everything is going smoothly, then?" a velvety voice asked from just behind my head. I turned to see Edward worried, clinging to the bed rail.

"Everything is fine, son. It won't be long now."

And that's when the pain hit, the overwhelming, body-wracking, mind-altering pain. I screamed.

*****

When I woke up, the sun was slanting all orange and gold through the window, hitting me in the eyes, and the large flat screen on the wall was glowing bright blue. My stomach hurt a little and I was bathed in sweat. I knew I was upset, but it took me a second to remember why: Gustavo and Kaure. They said Edward would get me pregnant and kill me. And then, that dream. A dream that was so far from what could ever really happen.

An overwhelming wave of sadness hit. Even though Edward only brought up parenthood once, I knew a vampire's feelings were a permanent kind of thing. If Edward thought he'd wanted a child two weeks ago, he certainly still wanted one now. It hurt that I couldn't, that we couldn't.

Kaure had seemed so certain; she had no doubt, really. I wished she could be right. But then I caught myself. What the heck was I thinking? I was eighteen, I just got married, and here I was hoping I could be a teen mom. I'd spent most of the spring worried that people would think Edward had gotten me pregnant, and now I wished he had? I must have been out of my mind. Maybe all the sex and the tropical weather had finally gotten to me.

But then I thought about Edward's eyes, and how sad he looked when he talked to me about never having children the night before we got married. It would make him so happy if I were somehow pregnant. I remembered what Edward said to me yesterday: _My primary goal now is to make you happy and to give you what you want. _As Edward's mate, I wanted what was going to make him happy, not just because it would make him happy, but because it would bring me joy too. I was slowly starting to understand what it meant to be a bound to a vampire. Our feelings were so interconnected, and our desires, as a matter of course, had to overlap.

And because of all that, I wanted Edward to get me pregnant. Huh. If only it were possible. Just for the hell of it, I counted off the days between my last period and the first time Edward and I had sex. It seemed entirely possible that we'd had sex right in the middle of my cycle. I was pretty sure that's when you got pregnant. Suddenly, there was a little voice inside of me, whispering, _maybe, maybe, maybe_. I was getting excited despite myself. When would I know? There were no pregnancy tests here. Could I find one at the airport? Would I have to wait to get back to Forks? I shuddered at the thought of buying a pregnancy test at the pharmacy there. All of the women that worked at Rite-Aid knew Charlie well.

My abdomen gave another little twinge of pain. And that's when I knew. Reality bore down on me like leaden weights, pulling my mind back down from the clouds. I went to the bedroom, went through my toiletries and rushed into the bathroom. I made it to the toilet just as the first drops of blood leaked through my panties to my shorts. Not pregnant.

I'd been bloated and emotional and slightly nauseous because I'd had PMS. I started crying for the third time that day as I looked for bleach to clean the blood from the bathroom, trying to make it easier for Edward when he came back. For a second there, I'd thought maybe Kaure was right.

But maybe, maybe there was an outside chance that she could still be right. Just because I wasn't pregnant this first month, maybe it could still happen. Maybe I could find out what Kaure was talking about. I had four more months. I could take vitamins, track my cycle, and make sure to have lots of sex. Maybe I'd ask Alice.

No, on second thought I wouldn't ask Alice anything. I didn't want Edward to know any of this. There was no use getting his hopes up if it wouldn't work. And I should face the facts: it probably wouldn't. And after four months, if I wasn't pregnant, well it just wasn't meant to be. But I'd know that I tried. I'd tried to give Edward everything that he'd ever wanted. Just like he'd do for me.

* * *

**A/N: I have a feeling I'm going to get messages... Since Prelude, I've had two camps of readers, those that begged for no pregnancy and those that hoped I didn't change the pregnancy. I couldn't make everyone happy, so I'm going with my gut. For all of you that have recently written telling me how much you wanted Bella to get pregnant on their honeymoon like in the original, try hanging in there. You might just like it. **

**Bella is speaking bad Spanish, so the mistakes in the story are intentional.**

**Also, I really wanted to sort out the Libishomen/Lobisomem controversy. Libishomen don't seem to really exist in Brazilian lore, at least not to the best of my research. Lobisomem legends do exist. They are rumored to prey on (not impregnate) young women. They are also very similar to werewolves. There is an Amazonian legend about Boto, the river dolphin that turns into a man and impregnates women. No one could mistake Edward for a river dolphin, though. So I plan on working something slightly different into this story. **

**Lastly, thank you so much for your reviews! I love hearing what you like and what you don't, and even just the "wows". They're great too. xxx, m**


	13. Possibilities

**A/N: Part of this chapter deals with a big piece of a vampire's life: blood. If you're not comfortable with the idea that Edward likes blood a lot, you might want to skip this chapter and wait for the next. **

**Furthermore, this story is intended for a mature audience. I've had a couple of reviews that have objected to the material because it's too adult. Please, if you're not comfortable with mature subject matter, consider reading something else. **

**To everyone else, thanks for your patience in waiting for this update. m**

* * *

After I hung up the phone, I felt like a very weak man. I recalled Bella's words from the morning after we'd first made love:

"_Experiment! Is that what this was to you? Something you could report back to Carlisle about?"_

That very night I'd called Carlisle to ask for advice. And here I was again, running to meet my father. Of course I didn't think of Bella and I as an experiment. I know what I should have said in response to Bella's question that morning, because it was the same way that I felt right now: I felt blind and weak, like I didn't know what I was doing. I was scared and the future was uncertain, and all I wanted was some assurance that Bella would be safe, and that we had eternity together. I needed someone to tell me that I was doing the right thing, or at least to tell me what the right thing was. Over the years I'd pined for my lost humanity, and now I had it in spades. Suddenly, the future was unknown, and one way or the other, I risked losing those closest to me.

Of course, there was so much I couldn't tell Carlisle, but I needed guidance nonetheless. I'd spent the better part of a century asking the man for advice, heeding his words, trying with little success to be like him. There was no one else I would have gone to.

I'd counted myself as lucky that I caught Carlisle just as he and Esme had returned to Rio, a day before their flight left for Seattle. As always, he was selfless and offered to take time from his vacation to meet me, and Esme was gracious enough to give Carlisle and I the time together.

*****

Carlisle didn't try to contain his smile when he saw me, but he knew me well enough not to say anything out loud. However, I couldn't escape his wordless observations, and saw myself through his eyes. He noted the subtle differences in my appearance and mannerisms: I was lighter on my feet, although my eyes were near black, they burned brighter than he'd ever seen, and my smile came so much easier than before. The fact that my hand was clasped around something that I held tightly in my palm also wasn't lost on Carlisle, but again, he kept his questions at bay.

"Father."

"Son," Carlisle replied with pride, smiling wider. "I'm happy to see you."

"Thanks for meeting me." Carlisle waited for me to continue, he knew me well enough to know that today I needed to be the one to initiate the conversation. "Can we hunt first?" I asked. Now that we were on the mainland, I was acutely aware of my thirst, and how the forest nearly quivered with life and warm blood. With just a nod from Carlisle we were off.

We may have been on an entirely different continent than our home back near Forks, but the rainforest in Brazil was remarkably similar. The world around me was saturated by the color green, and towering trees blocked most of the light from filtering down to the understory. Ferns sprung from the ground and from the trunks of trees, as did colorful orchids and thick, broad-leafed plants. The earth was rich, dark and pungent, and a thin veil of mist drifted through the canopy over our heads.

But the life that sprung from the forest was altogether overwhelming and alien. My senses were overtaken with the sheer diversity of what hid in the foliage around me. There were several thousand more animals to choose from than there were in Forks, and thankfully, there wasn't a whiff of white-tailed deer, the bane of my North American existence. My nose sorted through the scents, looking for the one I desired more than any other. But then I stopped in my tracks. There was a reason I subsisted more on deer than any other animal; they overpopulated most of the continent. What I thirsted for was endangered.

I spun around to face Carlisle. "Neither Esme or I have taken one down since we've been here. We knew you'd have to feed, and it is _your_ honeymoon."

A quick nod was all the thanks Carlisle would get right now. The onus of moving at human speed for two weeks fell like shackles from my body as I accelerated through the trees, vaulting into the braches, then diving out over streams, tumbling through the air, all the while my nose kept searching for one particular scent. I wanted a jaguar, desperately.

The giant cats tended to stalk through the jungle alone, and almost always lingered near the water. So I kept within range of the Amazon, enjoying the feel of moving through the air, so heavy that it seemed alive. There were living creatures all around me, from howler monkeys to three toed sloths, but I was willing to wait for the perfect meal.

And then the scent hit me full in the face, so rare and so welcome, like sunshine in Seattle. I paused for half a second, my body and my throat on fire, my lips suddenly wet with venom, before I took to the trees. The cat couldn't make it as high as I could in the forest canopy, so I'd be at an advantage in the air. Carlisle hung behind; this animal was mine, a gift from my parents. I felt my mind changing, my thoughts turning predatory, as I surveyed the dense forest around me. Jaguar never backed down in the face of a vampire. They fought tooth and nail each time. My body tensed in delighted anticipation as I listened to the soft padding of large paws in the underbrush. The cat was moving closer, circling in on me.

I could almost feel it's hot breath on my neck, and I swallowed and tried not to swoon as the enormous animal came into view. It was the largest cat I'd ever seen, it's amber coat mirroring the color of my own eyes, its black spots and stripes serving as camouflage in the dark shadows of the forest. But this cat couldn't hide from me. I saw her immediately, and I felt a rumble deep in my chest. Its brown eyes surveyed the forest, and then she peered up into the trees and let out an earth-shattering snarl as she reared on her haunches. It was an invitation to fight.

That was all I needed. I leapt from the branch where I'd been crouching, flying through the air, straight for the cat. She stood on her hind legs, and her paw swatted my face, my hard skin breaking her claws like toothpicks. The weight of my body sent the cat flying backwards, and her paws tore at the air, as she worked to right herself and fight me off at the same time.

We were well matched; she was at least a foot taller than I was and weighed possibly twice as much. But I admit that I let our struggle go on longer than I had to. After weeks of holding myself back, throwing my muscle into a fight was a heady release. The jaguar and I tumbled through the underbrush, knocking into trunks, sending branches crashing to the ground from hundreds of feet over our heads, and forcing exotic creatures to take flight to safety. I made sure not to torture her, but I angered her enough to make the fight exciting.

Finally, I felt her muscles tiring, and my thirst had grown overwhelming. Without further hesitation I thrust the cat's jaw heavenward and sank my teeth into the buttery flesh at the hollow of her throat. She fought for another minute, and I was forced to lay my full weight on top of her, and hold her limbs to her body with my arms and legs until she went limp and fell lifeless against the forest floor.

Once I drained the large cat, I carefully lifted myself off of her, feeling calmer and more at peace than I had since Bella had asked for more time as a human. And quite suddenly, thoughts of Bella grew to overtake my mind. I found myself wishing that she could have been with me. I wanted her to see how beautiful the hunt could be, I needed her to see this part of me. But I knew that thought was dangerous, and I shook my head and forced those ideas from my mind. I attempted to straighten my clothes, but quickly realized that the prolonged fight had uncharacteristically left them in tatters.

Carlisle walked out into the clearing. "That was… something," he chuckled.

"I needed that," I agreed.

"I could tell. You look better already. But perhaps you should hunt down something else before you go. I think you need it."

"I thought I might find a caiman or an anaconda on my way back to Rio."

"Maybe one of each," Carlisle laughed.

I just shook my head, allowing his amusement at my expense. The two of us settled into outward silence, and Carlisle looked off into the distance, his mind a dull and unsteady hum. He knew instinctively why I needed the fight. The scientist within him had many questions, as did the minister's son. But, just as plainly as Carlisle's thoughts, I heard echoes of Bella's voice in my mind. "_Experiment! Is that what this was to you?_"

"She's fine," I offered, answering only the most basic of Carlisle's unspoken questions.

"Fine?" he chided. I remembered our conversation after Bella and I had first made love, and immediately hung my head, embarrassed.

"You were right, Carlisle. About everything."

"I see… I'm glad for you." Carlisle's voice was warm and sincere, but his thoughts were garbled and choppy, like I had a bad cell phone connection. He was trying desperately not to mentally pry, but I knew that a physical relationship with a human was unprecedented.

Carlisle stared intently into the shadows. "I want you to know that I honor your relationship with your mate. Even though there are a thousand questions in my mind, you know that I'd never ask even one."

"Thank you."

"Of course, if you needed to talk about anything, I'd listen." I heard the faint hint of hope in his voice and smiled a little.

"Bella wants to attend college as a human, for a semester."

Carlisle spun around to face me. That clearly wasn't what he expected me to say. "That doesn't sound like Bella. That sounds like you."

I laughed a little and shook my head.

"Perhaps, now that you're mated… she wants what you want?"

"In some ways, yes. I would have never believed this bond was possible while she was still human. In fact, I don't really know if I believed in it at all. I didn't know, I didn't imagine it was like this. But Bella is still human. And while I can only think of holding her for eternity, she wants college and a job."

"I don't understand. She could eventually have both as a vampire."

I hesitated, completely unaccustomed to talking to Carlisle about sex. "Bella wants more time because she doesn't want to… upset what we have right now. She doesn't want her desire for blood to get in the way of… anything else."

"Oh… _Oh_!" Carlisle smiled gently, knowingly. "I see." Pictures filed rapidly through his brain, images I sought to filter out of my thoughts, but he was able to bring his mind back to singular focus within a second. "Perhaps you'd like Esme to speak with Bella?"

I hadn't thought of that. Esme had been very young when she married Carlisle. But I wasn't here searching for ways to try to dissuade Bella. No.

"No," I repeated out loud. "I don't want to change Bella's mind. This is what I'd always hoped she would ask for."

"Then, what's the problem?"

"I don't know, Carlisle. I don't know what I want anymore. I'd finally accepted that Bella wanted to be with us, with _me_, forever. In fact, I looked forward to it. Finally, I'd be able to share everything with her. When I look at Bella, I can see her afterwards, and it's almost like I can't breath. The vision is truly breathtaking."

"So, you were disappointed when you found out she wanted to remain human?"

"A small part of me," I admitted. To myself, I acknowledged that it was actually a much larger piece of myself that longed for Bella's transformation.

"Son, there's nothing wrong with that."

"Carlisle, you're the best man I know. When you found Esme in the morgue, when she was human…"

And then, before I could finish my question, the story how Carlisle found Esme played itself out for me again in Carlisle's mind. It was a story I'd seen and heard so many times before. But this time, when I saw Esme through Carlisle's eyes, I noticed the way she appeared to him, her near-dead body shining like a star in the dark hospital morgue. I noticed how his hands subtly trembled as he reached out to touch Esme's cheek. I heard how his breathing immediately ceased when he touched her faintly warm skin, and I saw the delicate way he grazed his thumb along her jugular to an attempt to detect a pulse. Through his mind's eye, I could almost hear his heart sing, and now I understood. My question was moot.

"What did you want to ask, son?" Carlisle inquired, after laying his heart bare before me.

"You didn't hesitate to turn her, then?"

"No, I didn't. Not even for a second."

"But isn't it selfish for me to want this existence for Bella?"

"That's one of the great mysteries about love, Edward. It's simultaneously very selfish and the most selfless emotion in the world. But Esme had no choice about whether to choose a human's or a vampire's life. Her human life was over. The only choice I had was death or undeath. You and Bella have been given the gift of choice. No matter that it is a gift, it is still a difficult one to accept. I can't say what I would have done in your shoes, or in hers."

"Until now, I didn't know what it meant when I said I couldn't leave her. But the way I feel now, the idea of her death…" I couldn't finish, filled with sudden fear and grief. I stood still, studying the ground, humbled by my own emotions. Everything I felt up until my honeymoon seemed a gray shadow of what had taken hold of my heart.

"In her own way, she's choosing you, Edward. A semester, it's not so much to ask."

Carlisle had guessed my underlying emotional state better than I had. It wasn't just disappointment and fear that I'd been feeling. I recognized the sting of rejection immediately.

Silence fell around us again as I tried to sort through my emotions. I was relieved to know that they were partially irrational. Bella certainly wasn't rejecting me by asking for more time as a human; she appreciated me more than I could have hoped. While I stood in contemplation, Carlisle managed better control of his thoughts. I watched the highlights of his vacation with Esme, the safe for work version. I was about to make small talk and ask after their friends Zafrina, Senna and Kachiri, when I reminded myself that there were more pressing issues that I'd come to speak about.

"What is it, Edward?" Carlisle may not have been able to read my thoughts, but he knew me better than anyone on earth. I looked up and he pressed his lips together in a tight smile. He would do anything to help me.

"Have you ever purposefully kept something from Esme?"

I saw a memory flash through Carlisle's mind. He was working in a hospital. From the way the people were clothed and the machinery that surrounded him, I guessed that it was sometime between 1920 and 1930. But then the vision went black.

His eyes were bright as he peered across the clearing at me. "Only once."

"It's possible, then?"

"It was only because I thought the information might have hurt Esme. She was in so much pain as it was. I needed to be strong for her." And in Carlisle's mind I saw Esme, gray and weak, lying in her bed with deep purple rings around her eyes.

I looked into Carlisle's eyes, and I saw the pain there, brought to the surface as if it had all happened only yesterday. My breath caught in my throat and I grasped a tree trunk for support. I realized that whatever it was, it happened after I'd left them in 1927.

"Oh," I whispered.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Did you eventually tell her, whatever it was?"

"Only when I was sure it wouldn't hurt her."

"After I returned?"

"Much later. After you met Bella."

I saw a teenager lying on a stretcher in a hospital hallway, his skin was pale blue and clammy, his deep brown hair was plastered to his sweaty skin. He was in shock. Carlisle grasped his hand and the boy opened his eyes. They were bright green, glassy and bloodshot. Faster than the boy's eyes could track, Carlisle left him and ran out into the cold night.

"That's when I knew I could never replace you. I spent nights when I should have been at work walking the streets, mourning. But I never told Esme. I spent each day with her, being strong, giving her a reason to go on from one day to the next. If I ever let her know how weak I actually felt… Now with years of hindsight, I see that we might have found strength in one another. But then I thought she might have given up, or done something foolish while I was away. So I never told her how I spent my nights, how I felt. I've never kept anything else from her."

"You did it to keep her safe."

"Yes."

"So it's possible to keep something from your mate?"

"It is, but I never felt completely right about it. I certainly won't ask whatever it is that you're keeping from Bella. For if it's something you'd keep from your mate, it's something I certainly shouldn't know. But son, consider your actions carefully. Even if you think it's for Bella's good, a secret will only put space between you. It's a difficult platform to build a life together on."

I nodded, "Thanks." The word was woefully inadequate. He'd just opened his soul up to me to reveal some of the most intimate moments of his recent history. I tried to convey what it meant to me with my eyes. Carlisle quickly closed the space between us and pulled me in for a hug, something rare enough that it caught me by complete surprise.

"There's no blueprint for your relationship, Edward. But you and Bella were meant for one another; otherwise you would never feel the way you do right now. You worry too much. Enjoy one another, take this time together and treasure it. Know that you've found your other half, and that everything is perfect because you're with her. Have faith that you will be together forever."

"_Forever; one way or another, either as vampires on this earth, or you'll follow her into the afterlife. Because I'll be damned if don't believe that she's reawakened your soul_."

I staggered back from Carlisle's embrace, more at a loss for words than I was before, if possible.

Carlisle smiled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I should get back to Esme. Our flight leaves this evening."

"Right. Bella and I will be getting in sooner than I thought. Classes begin next week." I ran my hand through my hair and mentally ticked off everything we'd have to do in the next ten days.

"Send your flight information and someone will pick you up. Possibly everyone. They're all going to want to see you two."

I had no doubt about that. "Then maybe we'll just surprise you all and show up on the doorstep."

"Are you forgetting about Alice?"

Actually, it had been so long since I'd heard from her, I had forgotten that my sister would be there. "At least try to keep some of them at home, for Bella."

"I make no promises, but I'll try. Enjoy the caiman, or the anaconda."

"Send my regards to Esme. And Carlisle, I really appreciate this. Thank you."

*****

On my way back to the island, I allowed my mind to fall into its natural, multi-layered thought pattern. Half a dozen trains of thought simultaneously took off in different directions. Most dominant in my mind were thoughts of Bella, indeed her presence on Isle Esme was like a magnet, pulling me back. I considered what it might be like to actually go to college with her, to live with her as man and wife. If she were changed right after the honeymoon as we'd originally planned, there would be no way we could live far from my family. They would need to be nearby to keep her safe from hurting others. But as a human, it could just be her and I, and this idea was enough to make me feel slightly light-headed. Yet disappointment and fear still consumed a good deal of my brain and body. Carlisle said that I should enjoy this time with Bella, but the danger that this put Emmett and Rose in made that nearly impossible.

Half way back to the island I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was a text, from Alice. _Alice_!

_Emmett called Jasper. Don't worry. All is good with A & V. Bella is safe. Plan intact._

I immediately called Alice, and again, her cell went straight to voicemail.

"Alice, call me, please," I growled.

After the frustration wore off that, yet again, I couldn't reach my sister, I sighed in relief. _Bella was safe_. Perhaps this plan of Bella's would work after all. _Plan intact_. That must be what Alice was referring to. That could mean that I didn't need to tell Bella about the Volturi. I could tell her after she was turned, like I'd always planned. _Bella was safe_. Thank god.

Finally, I began to feel real happiness about Bella's decision. We had four months: four months to enjoy one another, four months to make this impossible relationship work. I had four months to spend with my human wife. _My wife_. I was practically giddy as the house came into view, I could almost smell Bella's scent on the breeze.

She'd left the porch light on, and it shown like a beacon burning yellow in the black night. I quickly moored the boat and I walked around to the back of the house, stripping off my torn and bloody clothes and showering under the spigot next to the porch. I noticed that the air was warm as I slipped quietly into the house. Bella, expecting me home, had turned up the heat. I grinned at the easy way we'd been able to make this work… a little over a month ago I'd been consumed with simple things like the difference in our body temperature. But we'd only had to turn up the heat. I surprised myself by chuckling out loud.

I followed Bella's scent to the blue bedroom. The door was ajar, and the light on the nightstand cast a dim orange glow about the room. Bella lay curled up on the bed, a copy of _Tess of D'Urbervilles_ lay open at her fingertips. It must have fallen from her hand as she'd fallen asleep. I chuckled a little at Bella's choice of light summer reading.

She wore only her tattered T-shirt, but even half naked, she was sweating in the still heat of the house. She was beautiful, mouthwateringly so, her intoxicating scent waking my body, reminding me that I'd been dead the past twenty-four hours. Only her presence brought me to life.

I was quickly at her side on the bed, carefully winding my body around hers, cautious lest I wake her. My love for her human body consumed me and I felt like it tore something deep within. I gasped and kept purposefully still as love and contentment forced their way through the breach, and my breathing came hard and heavy. She was so warm, dripping with life and potential. I held her carefully, mindful of my mouth, my teeth, waiting in case the venom started to flow. And after an hour or two, I felt safe knowing that that other desire was long gone, no matter the time of the month. I'd simply been hungry two days ago. Bella wasn't my meal, she was my mate, and I would never hurt her.

Bella snuggled unconsciously closer to me, and her foot worked its way between my calves, but she didn't open her eyes until much later, when the sun was high enough in the sky to bring the full light of day into the bedroom. I breathlessly watched her eyelids flutter, and then her body went rigid before she rolled over to face me.

"Edward!" she gasped.

"Love."

Our lips met and it was almost like our first kiss all over again. The electric charge that came with her touch lit my body so I though it should glow orange or blue. But this time, instead of tearing myself away, I pulled her body against mine and Bella gasped and shuddered as our kiss built in intensity. My face was suddenly warm and wet, and I could smell the salt of Bella's tears. I wiped them away with my thumb.

"Bella?" I murmured, my lips brushing hers.

"I missed you. It's so stupid. It was just a day, but…"

"But what?"

"I got my period," she cried quietly.

"Of course." I was confused and stroked her hair from her face, trying to piece together the cause for her grief.

"But, but…"

"Shh," I whispered, peppering her face with kisses. "I'm back, I won't leave again until the next time I hunt."

"I wish I could have gone. Things were really weird here," she whispered in an uneven voice, attempting to pull herself together.

"So do I," I admitted.

"What?"

"I wanted you there with me. I can hardly wait. But until then, I'm blessed with you. Warm, alive, and so… tempting." My breathing was off; my lungs were drumming out a slow syncopated jazz rhythm, perhaps something by Monk. My mouth was at Bella's neck, moving along with the beat of her heart, which was driving my desire, relentlessly pulsing, shaking my lips. My fingertips found the edge of Bella's T-shirt, and they trembled as they skimmed the impossibly soft skin of her abdomen, and the warm swells of her breasts.

Bella sighed and shuddered in my arms, her excitement piercing the air, mingling with the freesia and the… "Bella, I want you… so much it hurts." And I pulled myself on top of her, my body electrified as I watched her eyes rake over me. I let her arms pull my body against hers and I felt her hips, so fragile but so sure pressing up to meet me.

But then Bella's body seemed to seize and her eyes faltered. "But I can't. My…" Regret pulled down the corners of her mouth, her eyes dim and disappointed, but when they met mine, her eyes went wide with shock. I immediately felt torn in half, and with the two sides of my being hanging apart, I was immobilized. I realized I was holding my breath. My mind immediately registered the loss of her scent and I took a deep gulp of air, tasting Bella, needing more.

I leaned carefully into her, my mouth on hers, tender, but urgent, my fingers running through her long hair, winding it around my hand, pushing her head against mine.

"I want you more than ever, now," I rasped between kisses as I pushed Bella's T-shirt up over her breasts, teasing her nipples gently, remembering they might be more sensitive at this time of the month.

"You want this… you want …oh…" Bella was panting, pressing her body against mine, and it took all of my willpower not to tear her underwear out of the way. Something dimly fought at the back of my vampire mind, pushing aside the haze of lust and need.

I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath again.

"Bella?"

"Uh huh?"

"Do you feel okay? Do you want to? Would you?" They were the only words I could muster. Uttering them had forced me to take another breath and, with her scent in my mouth again, it was like a curtain closed over the rational part of my mind. My mouth was on Bella's neck, her collarbone, the hollow between her breasts, and I pulled her T-shirt over her head. Bella gasped, arching her back, pressing her breasts against my mouth, my hand. My hand moved to her panties. Something told me I was supposed to stop, to wait for something.

"Okay, okay, yes, please. But… wait, wait a minute."

My head snapped up and I held completely still. Bella said to wait.

She shook her head. "Is it safe?" I struggled to string words together, but my mouth wouldn't move. I knew that I must have looked like a stone carving to Bella, frozen and unspeaking. _Say something, Edward_!

"I would never hurt you," I managed.

She sighed and I watched her body instantly relax as her eyes bored into my own. "I know," she whispered breathlessly, leaning in to brush her lips over mine.

"And the bed?"

The bed? Who cared about the bed? But before I could figure out how the bed was suddenly on par with Bella's safety, the sun came out from behind a patch of clouds, lighting Bella's face. Her eyes sparkled in the light and I turned to peer at the sun hanging in the sky. "We won't be in the bed."

"Oh," Bella breathed. I struggled to find the meaning in her voice. She pulled her head away from me, biting her bottom lip, her eyes wide. And then my mood came crashing down as Bella hastily tried to disentangle her limbs from mine before jumping to her feet.

"Give me a human minute. No, just a human thirty seconds, I think," she said, walking quickly out the door, sneaking glances at me over her shoulder.

It took less than one second for me to don a pair of swim trunks, and Bella left me exactly forty six seconds to doubt myself. I'd fed enough to keep the venom at bay, but what was I thinking? I hadn't been thinking at all. Yet, as I looked outside at the sun climbing in the sky, there was no doubt that this was the day and time from Alice's vision.

Bella walked into the bedroom in a tiny midnight blue bikini and all thought was rendered impossible. I was immediately across the room and took her in my arms, folding her warm body against my chest, burying my nose in her hair. I noticed that my breathing changed to mirror hers, and my feet seemed to move to the thumping of her heart, and within seconds we were at the spot Alice had shown me on the beach.

I waded into the water, until I felt it's gentle waves splashing around my waist. Bella glanced around her and I saw uncertainty creeping into her eyes until they locked with my own. I grasped her hips and pulled her body against mine. Bella wrapped her body around me, pressing herself against me until her heat and the sun made me feel like I was drowning in warm light: the light of her eyes, the light of her smile as she pressed her lips against mine. Everything was warm, wet, salt and copper, as my lips sought Bella out, drinking her scent like it was life itself.

My hands rested on the ties of her bikini bottoms, and I carefully tugged and let them fall away into the water. I pressed my eyes against the crook of Bella's neck, breathing in the scent from her flesh, letting her human warmth bleed into my eyes, warming them in their sockets.

Salt and copper warmth lapped at my waist, Bella's legs pressed themselves tighter around me, her breasts rubbed against my chest through the fabric of her swimsuit. I took half a second and focused on Bella's eyes. The sun blazed behind her head, and glittering golden rays burst around her. The water sparkled as the light glinted off of my skin. My heart was airborne, my stomach in my throat, and in another second Bella's back was on the wet sand where the water met the shore.

Bella smiled at me, her eyes flashing, and my fantasy and Alice's vision and the present all coalesced into something even more amazing than I ever dreamed. I felt the growl in my chest before I heard it, and my body hesitated for just one second, checking myself to make sure I wanted only one thing: my wife. And one by one the pieces of the world around us fell away until all that existed was my body and hers.

I didn't think it could ever get more intense, amazing, and all consuming than the second time I made love to Bella in the blue room. But now, I saw lights. Bella's body shimmered in the golden sun, and the rays that scattered from my body landed on her, casting rainbows on her skin that shook with every movement. I felt my body dimly, but it was borne away, lost in sensation. Everything I loved and needed was combined in the most intimate, joy-filled coupling; bound by our bodies and Bella's blood. The salt of the seawater and the salt of Bella's sweat mingled with the heady aroma of her cycle and her desire, and it was as if my purpose on this earth was finally realized. Every movement of mine was filled with certainty and gratitude and overwhelming passion. I couldn't say where my hands were, or how Bella was wrapped around me, only that I was there, and so was she, and it was the most profound and awesome experience of my long existence.

Afterwards I fell onto the sand by Bella's side, gasping. Bella lay on her back, her limbs moved languidly, intertwining her legs with mine, grazing her fingertip along my jaw. Her eyes were heavy-lidded, sleepy and I couldn't guess her mind.

"I missed you," I murmured.

She smiled. "You don't know how much I missed you too."

"Was this too --?"

But Bella placed her finger over my lips, silencing me. "Shh. Don't say anything. That was life changing."

I didn't know what to say. Indeed, speech was still difficult. Instead I just gazed at Bella, admiring the way the sun had changed her skin: it was almost the color of an almond, with tiny freckles that I absentmindedly began to count. Her chestnut hair had golden highlights now; little individual strands were bleached gold and shined in the light.

"Did you like, go read a book yesterday?" she asked, a playful smirk on her lips.

"What?"

"That was incredible."

I couldn't contain my smile, and kissed the tip of her nose. "I was afraid I was taking advantage of you. That you wouldn't…"

"Because I have my period?" Bella asked in a near whisper. I was embarrassed suddenly, and didn't want to answer. "Edward, if it's going to be like _that_, then, believe me, I don't mind."

"No pressure, then?"

Bella giggled, but her mood turned suddenly serious. "But… what about you? Every other month we've been together you've conveniently had to hunt."

"Isabella, I only want you one way," I carefully pulled her body flush with mine for emphasis. "I've come to realize that you knew that better than I did."

"You'll keep me safe," she murmured, repeating the words I'd uttered so many times over the past two weeks.

"But, even so, I wouldn't do anything reckless."

"Reckless? Like --"

"I want to be careful about… where I put my mouth."

Bella's eyes went wide and she immediately blushed deep crimson. "You'd want to?"

"I know enough not to try." Bella raised her eyebrows. I hadn't answered her question, but I didn't think I could. Just the thought of her blood on my lips was awful and wonderful and dizzying.

"Sorry, that was a stupid question. And to think I was so upset that I got my period."

"Why?"

Bella simply shook her head and pressed her eyelids closed.

"Are you okay?" I asked, pushing her hair behind her ear.

"Mm hmm, I think." I felt like there was something she wasn't telling me, but I didn't want to press the matter. She'd tell me in time. Bella nodded toward the water. "I should wash off, I think. Umm, where's the rest of my bathing suit?"

"The ocean," I replied apologetically.

"Oh. There's no one around, right?" she asked raising herself on her elbows.

"I could get you something from the house."

"No!" Bella nearly shouted. She blushed again, this time just a pale shade of pink. She seemed as shocked by her sudden outburst as I was, and looked toward the ground, embarrassed. "I don't want you to leave again, yet. Even if it is just to go to the house."

I felt the grin growing on my face.

"Don't laugh at me, Edward."

I sat up and wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "I'm not laughing, Bella. On the contrary, I'm blissfully happy. When Carlisle and Esme were first together, they held hands for three weeks straight. You've heard about Emmett and Rosalie. As far as mated vampires go, you're quite restrained."

Bella raised her eyebrows. "Would you like me to hold your hand for the next three weeks?"

I pulled my arm tighter around her shoulders and rubbed my nose along her neck, ending with a soft kiss just behind her ear. "Hardly," I whispered.

"Thank god," Bella giggled, turning towards me and pressing her lips against mine.

"I'll leave my trunks on the shore in solidarity," I offered.

Bella's eyes glittered in the late morning sun. "Well, if we're going to do this, let's not do it half way." She untied her bikini top and threw it towards the water. Within a second I had her on her feet, in another second we were waist deep in water. We eventually made it back to the house.

*****

Bella and I sat in the den huddled around the laptop, picking through the University of Alaska's course catalogue, looking over a list of homes for rent that the realtor sent over, reading the Wikipedia entry about Juneau. And as easily as that, we pulled our dreams from out of thin air, and our perfect lives materialized before our eyes. Bella registered mostly for literature classes, along with one or two freshman requirements that couldn't be waived. I would have gladly taken all of the same courses, but Bella rolled her eyes at the suggestion. Instead I enrolled in Tligit and Haida language courses, two of the native tongues that I'd always meant to master, as well as Animal Behavior and Shakespeare.

Finding a home proved slightly more challenging, and we scrolled through countless houses in Juneau and the surrounding countryside.

"We need a fireplace," Bella mumbled, moving back to the top of the list.

"Do we?" I chuckled.

Bella turned to smile at me, her eyes sparkling. "I want to lay in front of it with you."

"You're right, we _need_ one. And maybe a bearskin rug."

"We could have Emmett get us one," Bella laughed, before giving me a quick kiss.

Emmett… a twinge of guilt shot through my body, and other thoughts tried to fight their way into my mind. It was astonishingly easy to push them away, though.

"What?" Bella asked, pulling away enough to look me in the eye. She'd sensed that something was wrong even though I was sure I'd kept the guilt and fear from my face.

I tried to smile reassuringly. "I think it might take longer than four months to go from bear to rug. Here, let's sort out the ones without fireplaces," I said, adjusting the search criteria.

"And neighbors," Bella added.

"Neighbors?"

"All that growling at night, they'd think there were wolves around."

I dove at Bella faster than her eyes could follow, and playfully pinned her beneath me. "Compare me to a wolf again and I'll --" I growled.

"You'll what?" she challenged. I took several minutes showing her exactly what I might do. Of course, I don't know if it would actually deter her. Afterwards, Bella lay on top of me, wrapped in a lightweight blanket, her head resting on my chest. The computer had fallen to the floor

"What else do you want in a home?" I asked as I traced her lips with my fingertip.

"You," she cooed, and I kissed the top of her head.

"What else?"

"A bed."

I chuckled. "You'd like a fireplace, a bearskin rug, a bed and me?"

Bella giggled and nodded her head, wrapping her arms around my chest.

"I can do that, Bella. Let me find the house. I'm sure Alice will have you out shopping from dawn to dusk when we return. Let me get our home."

"A rental."

I rolled my eyes.

"Something reasonable," she added, arching her neck so her eyes could meet mine. "Maybe two bedrooms, something collegey."

"_Collegey_? You'd like beer soaked carpets and unidentifiable stains on the ceiling?"

"Something _clean_, and collegey, close to campus."

"With a bed and a bearskin rug and a fireplace?"

Bella's teeth sparkled as she smiled. In my mind I saw a flash of Bella as an immortal, but I quickly pushed the vision aside.

"Would you like just one bed? Or perhaps one in each room?"

"I don't need a bed in each room."

"You certainly don't. I notice you're open to improvisation," I joked, carefully rolling us both onto the floor.

"Can we really do this, Edward?"

I laughed, enjoying the way the movement shook Bella's body against mine.

"I believe we've proved it's possible thirty-three times."

"That's not what I meant. Can we have a life together before I'm changed? There's something about it that feels too good to be true."

And I knew that this was the moment when I should tell Bella everything. It _was_ too good to be true. This was borrowed time, time that would be stolen from Emmett and Rosalie if this perfect life didn't end by the December 31st. But I wanted to make anything possible for Bella. And Alice's text had assured me that Bella was safe. The only thing that mattered was that she was safe. There was no need to say anything, I reasoned. I'd give Bella the fairytale.

"Of course it's possible. Whatever you want, Bella. One house, two bedrooms, a bed, a rug and me.

"Can I have something else?"

"Anything."

"I want to prove that we can make this work thirty-four times."

I growled as I pulled the blanket out of the way, thankful that there were no neighbors that might confuse me for a wolf.

* * *

**A/N: So here's the deal... we're getting to the end of the honeymoon, but this story has become a little out of synch with The Necklace (which is the story of what Alice and Jasper are up to.) I need to finish The Necklace before I can bring Edward and Bella home in order that I don't give anything away. So, either I could put Polar Night aside while I focus all of my attention on getting to the end of The Necklace, or, the other possibility is that I may publish a few Polar Night out takes while you wait for me to finish The Necklace. I'm all ears.**

**I appreciate all of the support I've gotten so far. And I'm a little surprised that people wrote in overwhelmingly asking for Bella to get pregnant. Honestly, I was surprised. And thanks for the input.**

**xxx, m**


	14. Hanging

**A/N: Thanks to all my readers for waiting patiently while I work to finish up The Necklace. I wanted to put something out there to hold you over while you wait. **

* * *

There are no adequate words to describe the feeling of a woman's body whispering over you. The infinitely soft impression of a female form, the barest brush of soft hair, the thrill of tight nipples ghosting over your chest, the tickle of a hot finger running across your abdomen. The fragile desire and the delight that came with it was mesmerizing, and I was always caught like a creature of prey, stunned into stillness as Bella touched me.

Even though her body was so light and soft, her strength was infinite. Her scent hit me with the force of a landslide, her vision stilled the breath in my lungs, and the sound of her heart reverberated deep within my body in a way that I still couldn't understand. And that was only her physical presence. The strength of her conviction was boundless.

Without her vehement faith in me - in us - we would never have been here, enjoying this languid tropical afternoon, lying in a hammock behind the beach house, naked. Bella was curled on top of me, her nose against my cheek, her soft hair blowing across my face, as her fingers traced the contours of my chest, ran along the lines of my stomach, lower, until I had to force myself into stillness in order not to hurt her.

It was our last day on the island, and we'd spent it watching the sun find its peak in the sky, wavering there, before making a lazy descent towards the western horizon. If not for the sun, I would have wagered that time stood still today, for us.

"We won't get to see Kaure again," Bella murmured between soft and slow kisses to my chest.

"No," I whispered. My voice was lost in the sound of a gentle wave crashing on the shore.

"Hmm," Bella sighed, and her breasts vibrated against me. I purred in response and Bella pressed closer.

"That's too bad," she murmured.

"What is?" All that I could think about was the way her warm nipples were quivering against my chest.

"That I'll miss Kaure."

"Really?" I tried to catch the look in Bella's eyes. She'd said things were uncomfortable the last time Gustavo and Kaure were at the house, so it was strange that she had been looking forward to seeing them again. But Bella seemed to look away from my questioning eyes purposefully.

"Yeah, I… umm, had maybe a couple of things I wanted to ask?" Bella said almost like it was a question, finishing by biting her bottom lip. She began lightly stroking my hip and I was momentarily lost in the sensation. When her fingers ran over my skin, it was almost like the hint of a touch, rather than a touch itself.

Bella's hand stopped moving and I regained the ability to form a coherent sentence. "I didn't think Kaure spoke English."

"No, uh… Gustavo translated last time." Bella's eyes looked wistful, but then she ducked her head and kissed a line from my shoulder to my hip, and I let thoughts of Kaure drift to a place far in the back of my mind. Her body shimmied downward. Her feet tangled with mine, her hip ran over my erection, and I shuddered and held myself still. It was torture, and it was perfect.

"Have they worked for your family the whole time you've owned the island?" Bella asked, pausing as her lips trailed from one hip to the other.

"Who?"

"Gustavo and Kaure?"

"Oh. Umm, yes. I believe so."

Bella's ability to talk about the caretakers was impressive. Yet I had the sudden need to see if I could wipe thoughts of anything, except my body and hers, from her mind. I unlaced my fingers from Bella's tangled hair and trailed them slowly along her spine. My hand paused to rub slow, tiny circles against the small of her back, before lightly dipping between her cheeks, and then brushing against her lips from behind. Bella gasped and pressed herself against me. I could feel her face getting warmer where it lay against my abdomen.

I contemplated taking her to bed, or at least moving to the sand, because I'd likely break her or the hammock or both if we tried anything too strenuous while we lay in it.

"Do they live in Rio?" she gasped.

I chuckled as I lightly trailed my fingers back and forth across her moist folds. When Bella set her mind to something, she was unstoppable. But what was it about the caretakers?

"No, just outside the city, to the south."

Bella knit her eyebrows together and stared out at the ocean, her hands moving absentmindedly along my thighs. I could feel her warm breath against me, and I trembled in response.

"You wouldn't be able to see them from here, love. Not even I can," I managed, in a rough whisper.

"Very funny, Edward." Bella tried to pinch my backside, but my skin didn't give under the human force of her slim fingers. I suppressed a chuckle as she sighed in frustration. I brought my hands back to her waist, and turned her body so that she had to face me. I ran my finger along her jaw, and then tipped her chin up so that her eyes met mine.

"What is it about Gustavo and Kaure?"

"Oh, umm… just some things Kaure said while you were gone. They didn't make any sense. I don't think she suspects you're a vampire, but maybe something else. I don't know. I thought maybe I'd get the chance to ask her when she came back."

I sighed, disappointed. I hadn't wanted to complicate matters for Carlisle and Esme by coming here. I hoped the damage wasn't irrevocable.

"No, it's well that we'll be gone when they return, then. Kaure has worked for our family for a good portion of her life. I'd imagine she would suspect something, but it's unfortunate. I'll ask Alice about it when we get back to Forks."

Bella raised her eyebrows at me, and I knew what she was thinking. She'd mentioned more than once that she wanted Alice to stay out of our relationship, in order for us to figure things out on our own. It might work, if we explained to Alice that it was what Bella wanted. Okay, Alice was more likely to leave Jasper for Aro, than to leave Bella and I alone. It was her nature to try to help, and honestly, I was grateful for it. I just hoped it wouldn't upset Bella too much.

"Bella, this is not just about you and I, it involves the family. We need Alice, especially in situations such as these."

"Okay," she mumbled, lying her head on my chest. But her mood had changed, and instead of exploring my bare skin, she folded her hands under her head.

"Bella, what is it? Alice? Kaure?" I ran my hand through her hair, and then down her slender back and across her side. I loved holding the spot where her waist flared to meet her hip. My hand fit perfectly there, and she was thin enough that I could feel each contour of her pelvic bone, so graceful in its curves, and fragile under my fingertips.

"What do you want, Edward?"

"You," I answered without thinking, my hand tracing upwards along her ribs, counting as I went.

She glanced up at me, her eyes wide, wet, questioning. "What else?"

"Hmm?"

"What else do you want? Besides me."

I'd been planning on moving my hand to Bella's breast, but I held her shoulder instead. I couldn't follow her train of thought. My actions may not have been distracting Bella, but I was distracting myself. There was obviously something she needed besides my touch.

I smiled down at her and attempted to collect my thoughts. "Well, my family, of course."

"Right." I knew from the tone of her voice that she was unsatisfied with my answer.

"What is it, Bella?"

"I just want you to have everything you want."

"I do."

Bella sat up quickly and the hammock swung beneath us so that she had to push her hands against my chest and press my hips between her thighs in order to steady herself. I sucked in a quick breath of air and closed my eyes. If we were going to have a conversation, I shouldn't focus on the way Bella's golden and freckled skin looked as it crushed against mine, or her damp heat against my belly.

I opened my eyes to see Bella blushing furiously, and I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my face. I watched the delicious red hue bleed from her checks, down her neck and over her chest. I fought the desire to pull her breast to my mouth to taste her, as half-formed dreams about my teeth breaking her skin floated through my mind.

"Do you see how much I want you?" I murmured moving my hips against her.

"Always," Bella whispered. Her eyes glittered under heavy, half-closed lids and I felt her fingertips pressing into me harder, her heartbeat accelerating.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, and gently pulled her down on top of me until her breasts brushed against my chest. I tried to suppress a groan, but didn't quite manage it.

"You have nothing to worry about, Bella. You've given me everything I could ever wish for. More."

"I wish I could believe that."

"Do you remember our talk the night before the wedding?"

Bella's teeth flashed in the sunlight as she giggled. "Among other things. You were quite seductive that evening, Mr. Cullen. If your brothers hadn't come..."

Anger came on in a wave and I dropped my hands from Bella's shoulders as a snarl erupted from my chest. Bella jumped and shifted her body backwards, grazing the length of me; and like she'd struck a match, I was burning with desire. But the sudden fear I saw in Bella's eyes left a simultaneous bitter pang of remorse. I was awash with emotion and grabbed the netting of the hammock in my fingers, unintentionally breaking through knots in the rope.

"I'm sorry," I stammered.

"What --?" Bella shook her head, and I knew she was searching her mind for what she had done wrong.

"You mentioned my brothers," I tried to explain.

"That they interrupted us?"

I didn't answer. I was always protective of Bella, but the possessiveness that had come over me since we'd first made love left me wanting to fight my brothers for what they'd done. As it was, it would be hard seeing Emmett when we returned home. I hoped to god he kept his thoughts to himself.

"Edward, it's nothing. They're not here now," Bella said soothingly, interlacing her fingers with mine over the torn netting of the hammock.

"Thank god," I murmured, trying to soften the edge in my voice. The idea that Emmett had seen Bella, heard her… I pried my fingers from hers, not trusting myself to control my grip on her fragile bones.

Bella traced the line of my cheek with her fingertip. It was something I'd seen Jasper do with Alice in the past, and it always calmed her down. Of course, I'd assumed Jasper had other tricks at play besides his touch. But, oddly, the movement of Bella's warm skin across my face helped to cool my emotions, and I felt the fire dissipating from within.

I watched a slow smile spread across Bella's face.

"How did you do that?" I asked.

"What?"

I wrapped my arms around her again, and pulled her body flush with mine, pressing my lips against hers, very carefully flicking my tongue into her mouth. "You know exactly what you did. Thank you."

"And _you_ changed the subject. What about the night before the wedding?"

"You looked beautiful that night. You were so warm and damp from the shower. Even the air smelled like you. We'd spent so many nights in that little bed, but that night… Leaving would have been impossible if it weren't for --"

"Shh," Bella pressed her warm finger to my lips. "Let's not go there, again. What about that night, Edward? It's important."

"That night I told you what I wanted, Bella. And now, we have it. You and I are living together like man and wife. I didn't think it would be possible. You made it happen." I ran my hands from her waist to her back side and gently squeezed. "What could I ever do to thank you?" And while my tone was light, the words were as true as any I'd ever spoken. I began to pick Bella up, shift her over me, but she put her hands over mine and I allowed her to stop me.

"No, that's not all, Edward."

"Bella, I don't need the bear rug, or a house, or a fireplace, or a bed. I only need you. Today I have you, naked, on top of me, in the sunshine. And tomorrow we'll go see our family, who love us and support us."

"But it's not everything. You want more."

My mind ranged wildly in an attempt to figure out what she was referring to. Did she suspect that I looked forward to having her after she was vampire? Or perhaps she meant that I wanted the Volturi to leave us alone. I certainly did. More than she knew. With those thoughts I was plunged into momentary uncertainty, and I had to use all of my willpower to hold myself back from admitting the tenuous situation we were in.

Bella was looking at me expectantly, biting her bottom lip again, and wrapping her arms around her waist. No, it didn't make any sense. I hadn't alluded to anything like that the night before the wedding. I'd told her what I loved about her and about what I wanted: to marry her and to give her everything she might have with a human: my body, a home… a child.

"A child?" I whispered to myself.

Bella's eyes popped open, her mouth puckered, forming a little 'o'.

A child. I'd told Bella that I wanted a child. That night I'd worried that she would become a vampire before she'd considered having offspring. It was a longing that I lived with vicariously through Rosalie and Esme for many years, one that had never crossed my mind. Until Bella. Until I'd begun acting more human than vampire in her presence. Until Renee had begun dreaming about grandchildren, and Phil had begun dreaming of having his own child with Renee.

The desire had come on suddenly; I wanted that for Bella and I. It was an idiotic and futile desire, and one that had nearly convinced me not to marry her. Her words and her body had managed to sway me, though.

"Bella, I was nervous."

"No, that's not it."

"This is a useless conversation. I can't change who I am."

"But what if there was a way?"

"There's no way, Bella! Isn't it a little late for this? If you wanted a child, you had other choices." I recalled one of Jacob Black's daydreams: Bella glowing, her hands on his head as he bent to kiss her belly. I clenched my jaw and stared at the sky. I hated that boy, and I hated the knowledge that there were still things he could give her that I couldn't.

"That's a despicable thought, Edward. I only want you. You know that." I jumped as Bella spoke. It was almost as if she'd heard my thoughts.

"Then don't mention this again. The idea is dangerous for a vampire. You know what happened to Tanya's mother. Anything besides an immortal child is impossible for me."

"I know how it feels to want something that seems impossible."

Bella had repeated her words from the night before the wedding. She began rubbing my arms, my chest. God, if she wanted a child, if I'd robbed her of that… But there were other ways while she was human; and my mind ranged through the various fertility treatments I was aware of. She could find a sperm donor. The idea of someone else's sperm inside of Bella left me feeling slightly sick. But I could live with that, if it's what she wanted.

Then, in my mind I saw a little girl with pink cheeks, chestnut hair and bottomless brown eyes. I smiled despite my misgivings when I thought of Bella's child.

"We can talk to Carlisle, we could see a fertility doctor. Anything you want, Bella." In the back of my mind I knew there was a problem with what I was saying. None of this could be done before the end of the year. I would cross that bridge when we came to it. I could never take this from Bella. A child, a baby. I would raise her child.

"What?" came Bella's incredulous reply.

I'd been so caught up in my daydreams that I hadn't been looking at Bella. Her eyebrows were furrowed together and her mouth was hanging open.

"_You_ could have a child, Bella. There are donors. You're young and healthy. It wouldn't take much, I'm sure."

"No!" Bella scrambled backwards, away from me. I reached out and grabbed her wrist to steady her, worried that she might fall off the hammock.

"I don't understand."

"I don't want _any_ baby, Edward. I want _your_ baby. Otherwise, I don't want one at all. It's not a child I need. It's you."

"But, _I _can't."

"Just talk to me, like you did the night before the wedding. Remember?"

Of course I remembered what I'd said, but I couldn't talk about it. Not again. As much as Bella claimed to love the vampire side of me, this was just additional evidence that I was different: dead, damned, less than human. And I was condemning Bella to this future. "We can talk for eternity, Bella. It won't change anything. I wish you'd thought about this before…"

"Before what? Before you slept with me? But then I wouldn't want this. It's only now that we're… bound, mated… whatever you call it, that, that I..." But Bella didn't finish, and opted instead to jump down off of the hammock and walk toward the water, holding her arms around herself. The breeze picked up and I watched goose bumps tremble to life on her bare flesh.

I walked quickly to her side, and she jumped a bit when she suddenly saw me there. "You _are_ everything, Bella. My only reason for existing."

Bella huffed and pulled away from me, and leaned against the trunk of a palm tree, with her back partially to me. I saw a flash of lightning out over the water and felt the urge to protect her from the oncoming storm.

"Bella, believe me. I'll do anything for you, and I'll do everything I can to keep you with me, forever. You. Only you."

"But if there was a child…" she murmured, her voice breaking, as she kicked at the white sand.

"There is _no_ child, Bella. There can't be. Not mine."

"I'm sorry," she sniffed.

Leave it to Bella to feel guilty about my own shortcomings as a monster. "_You_ have nothing to be sorry for. It's me; it's always me that fails you," I said, gently stroking her shoulder.

"Oh, Edward. No…" Bella swung around to face me, her cheeks wet with her tears.

"Yes. And I won't do it anymore. Whatever you desire, Bella. If you want a child --"

"I want you."

I took a cautious step towards Bella. Then another. I felt my body responding to her proximity, and the air around us was heavy with electricity. A fat raindrop splattered on Bella's nose, and then another landed on her shoulder. Green-tinged lightning flashed in the sky. "Then you have me. Everything I can give."

Bella's back was pressed up against the palm. I slipped my hands behind her back, lifting her off the ground. "You have me, Bella."

"Am I enough?" Bella stared into my eyes, her legs reflexively wrapping around my hips. Raindrops steadily pattered on our heads, onto her breasts, and the water dripped in warm rivulets onto my chest.

"You are everything."

Bella shifted her hips, angling against me. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"I love you. If I could, Bella..."

Her eyes lit up. "If you could?"

"I would, Bella. Of course I would."

Bella crushed her lips against mine, pressing her center against me. And before she could blink, I'd thrown open the doors to the white bedroom, and she was lying underneath me, mosquito netting draped around our damp bodies. Warm rain pattered into the room, and thunder rumbled in the distance.

I pushed Bella's hair from her face and cradled her cheeks in my palms. "Oh, Bella."

A flash of lightning lit the world in yellow-green, catching the love and desperation in her brown eyes. "Edward, I love you more than anything."

"I know." I did.

And Bella and I made love slowly and deliberately that afternoon, to the sound of the rain and the ocean as the tide came in. If I were human, she would have my child. The knowledge stunned and humbled me before her. This knowledge changed everything and nothing at all, as I pressed my lips to hers, as I slid inside her warmth. I couldn't give her a child, but I could want to. I could take her like it was possible, like two humans giving more than their bodies, making a promise for the future. I hoped it was enough.

I wanted it to be possible as I wound my arms around her back, and pressed my mouth against her breast, as she trembled and gasped and arched and murmured my name.

"If I could, Bella. I would."

"Shh."

"I love you."

"Edward."

Bella and I mumbled words of love and devotion as we moved against one another, bathed in the stormy gray light of the late August afternoon.

*****

Edward lay next to me on the white bed, his arm across my waist, his eyes closed, almost like he was sleeping. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, though. I could almost believe that if Edward and I had met when he was human, that is what it would have been like between us. This afternoon there were no growls, no blazing eyes, no need to claim me as his over and over. And now, afterwards, there were no shredded pillows, no broken headboards.

He loved me.

His eyes had been full of pain and love and devotion, I could see everything in them. Edward had held nothing back; his soul was bare before me. He loved me. And he wanted me to have his child. I knew it now with certainty.

I ran my fingers through his messy bronze hair, so worried that I'd hurt him. I couldn't help bringing it up this afternoon. When I realized I wouldn't see Kaure again, I'd felt desperate. If I was going to go try to get pregnant, I needed to know how Edward felt. But I hadn't guessed how much it would hurt him. I regretted my questions as soon as I saw his eyes, so hard and angry and sad. The emotion that he'd let through the night before the wedding had shaken me to the core, but it was just a shadow of what he'd shown me today.

Now that he'd let me in, the intensity of his feelings was staggering.

But his touch was soft, and his eyes were warm, and he knew my body so well. Making love seemed effortless for him as his amber eyes looked deep into my own. As he'd whispered how much he cherished me.

I would give this man, this vampire, everything I could. If there was a way to bear his child, I would do it. I knew instinctively that I would have to figure it out on my own. Something deep within told me that no one would support my quest. Perhaps it was the horror stories about immortal children that the Cullens had told me. Or maybe it was just that I was asking too much. I was pushing this faerie tale into dangerous waters. But I wouldn't chance letting anyone get in my way.

As I lay by Edward's side in the darkening light, I made silent plans. I decided to speak to Carlisle in a way that wouldn't raise any suspicions. I would simply ask about the technicalities of vampire mating. It would be an obvious topic of conversation, given, well, the honeymoon and all. It would certainly be awkward. I'm sure I would blush the entire time.

And I would write to Kaure. I'd get her address from Esme under the guise of sending a thank you letter. I wouldn't write anything suspicious, but I'd make sure to leave a return address. If I knew anything about Kaure, I had a feeling that she wouldn't let the matter go.

And, so far, that was the extent of my plan. Unless you count intercourse. That was obvious, I guess.

I ran through my plan over and over in my mind. I didn't want to write anything down because I didn't want Alice to know what I was doing. She might see my actions, but she couldn't read my thoughts. I worried that she might see my pregnancy in the future; I just hoped she would come to me first.

My mind worked overtime, thinking through each step of my plan as Edward began to lightly stroke my shoulders and my back, peppering tiny kisses along my neck, humming something soft and sweet under his breath. It was a melody I almost recognized, something simple and slow, and before I knew it, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

*****

I awoke to the smell of bacon. For a minute, I had trouble remembering where I was. It was dark and the world was all gauzy and white. I was lying on top of a white comforter, pillows scattered around me, completely naked.

I blinked my eyes, and Edward was in front of me, holding a tray of pancakes, bacon, tropical fruit, and an enormous fuchsia flower that I'm sure he'd picked himself. Right. I was in the white bedroom. Edward smiled and his eyes twinkled as they roamed over my bare body. He, unfortunately, was completely clothed.

He quickly propped up pillows behind me, and indicated that I should scoot back and eat.

"But, I'm naked." I felt the warmth from my face bleed into my ears.

"I don't mind. Especially if you blush."

I sat up and shifted backwards and didn't miss the fact that Edward's eyes never left me. I was a little relieved when he placed the tray over my lap. "Now you eat the food, and I'll feast my eyes on you," he murmured.

"Umm, thanks," I smiled shyly.

All insecurity soon went by the wayside, though, as I dug into the meal. I hadn't eaten much yesterday, with all the lying around, then the intense conversation, and then… everything else.

I felt a cool finger on my knee and jumped. Edward's eyes caught my own, and there was a question there. Something uncertain.

"Do we need to talk?" he asked.

"Do we?"

"I don't want you to think that I was angry with you." There was so much pain in Edward's voice that I almost wished he would hide it from me. I didn't like to think that we'd end our honeymoon on such a sour note.

"I didn't think you were angry… with _me_. Edward, what we have is perfect. Don't you think so? Wasn't it perfect last night?"

"It was."

"I know," I smiled timidly. "_You_ are perfect. I don't want anyone else. And if there's anything you want… we'll figure it out. I'm going to give you everything, Edward. As much as you've given me. Don't be sad."

Edward gave a weak smile. I reached across the tray to rub his cheek, and the tip of my breast brushed into a puddle of syrup on my plate. Of course, it didn't escape Edward's gaze.

"You even make human food look delicious," he rasped as he leaned over and licked the tip of my breast clean. It was all so quick, I would be hard pressed to prove that it actually happened, except for the odd grimace on Edward's face, and my one hard, glistening nipple.

I knew my eyes were wide with shock and sudden desire. Edward looked away and wiped his mouth on his sleeve. "You may have changed my impulses… maple syrup of all things… but it doesn't change what I am. You make it easy for me to forget that I'm still a monster inside. Can you imagine if I could have a child? What kind of child would that be?"

"It would be perfect, just like you are."

Instead of smiling, though, Edward's eyes dimmed and he looked at the floor.

"Okay, enough." I popped the last piece of bacon in my mouth before pushing the tray aside and climbing onto Edward's lap. "You've saved my life, you protected my virtue, you've catered to my every need since we've been married, and you make me feel… amazing. Over and over." With each point I made, I kissed a different place on Edward's hard face, ending with his lips.

"There's a human in there, along with the vampire. One doesn't cancel the other out, Edward. I've seen both sides of you now. Last night, it was so different, in a good way. I didn't know it could be like that. I can't believe my luck that I get it all. And it's all you."

As I spoke I became more and more aware that I was naked in Edward's lap. I pressed my body against him as I murmured into his ear, and I could feel the effect my words and my body had on him. I just hoped that I was reaching his heart.

I ran my hand over his chest and tugged at his shirt. I knotted my other hand in Edward's hair and tugged in a way that I knew he enjoyed.

"Bella, we don't have time. You need to get dressed and we need to leave if we're going to catch the plane before sunrise," he said, even as his arms wound around me, holding my body against him.

"I'm sure there's something I can do for you, quickly." Edward's jaw was still set, but his eyes glittered, and I knew I'd won.

"Bella." I'd managed to get my hand under his shirt, and I ran it greedily over his cold chest. He trembled with my touch, and I responded by moving purposefully against him.

"Lie down, Mr. Cullen. Your honeymoon isn't quite over yet."

"Bella, please." I'm not sure if he was begging me to stop or continue. I wondered if Edward knew. But he let me push him down onto the bed, and he didn't stop me as I began to unbuckle his belt. Human or vampire, he was definitely a man, after all.

* * *

**A/N: I want to thank Jess Brown for being my faithful beta for months now. Jess has been really sick, so this chapter was written without her eagle-eyed review. Get well soon, Jess! **

**And can you believe that Bella was naked for the entire chapter? I didn't plan it that way, I swear. It was all Edward's fault. **

**Thanks for reading! xxx, m**


	15. Back to Reality

**A/N: Thanks for your patience guys. Now that The Necklace is complete and I've updated The Newborn, you can expect regular updates of Polar Night: at least twice per month. This chapter's dedicated to the hubby, who puts up with my fan fic job after I come home from the real one. Thanks, baby!**

* * *

**EPOV**

Our flight was scheduled to leave before dawn. So we had to rush, and with a human that was no easy feat, but we'd made it to the gate just as they were announcing the final call for boarding. Bella rubbed small circles across the palm of my hand as the flight crew prepared for take-off, with a content, and dare I say it, proud smile on her lips.

"We're going back," she murmured. I found it hard to judge her mood, aside from the fact that her recent lack of sleep was beginning to take over. Her eyes were heavy lidded, and her head looked as if it were a bit too much of a burden for her slender neck to support.

"Sad?"

"A part of me could have stayed with you on that little island forever."

"And the other part?"

"That part feels like I should try living with you a little before…" Bella's voice trailed off and her eyes flashed chocolate brown in the dim light of the airplane. "I just want to enjoy us, the way we are right now. Does that make sense?"

"It's only what I've been asking you to consider for months."

But even as I smiled and kissed Bella's temple, my mind wandered to places I wished it didn't have to go. I'd begged Bella to remain human before I found out about the Volturi's deal with Emmett and Rosalie: the bargain that threatened to tear my family apart. I would not let that happen.

"You still agree to give me some warning, though, in case you decide to finish off your freshman year, or complete your degree."

"I won't," Bella replied, looking around for the airplane pillow.

"Please just say you'll tell me in case you change your mind?" I couldn't hide the urgency from my voice, and Bella stopped looking for the pillow long enough to eye me suspiciously.

"Edward, my mind is made up," Bella grumbled as she kicked off her sandals.

"Just tell me you'll give me notice. Please?" I handed her the pillow that she'd been halfway sitting on.

Bella rolled her eyes and yawned. It was still before six and half the people in the first class cabin yawned along with her. I was one of the few that didn't. "I would let you know, Edward. But my mind is made up," she mumbled, as she plumped the pillow and placed it on my lap. It all seemed so natural, and so right, as Bella casually made herself comfortable, placing her head in my lap and curling her knees to her chest.

"Thank you, love." As I gazed down on Bella, cuddled like a kitten in my lap, I was thanking her for so much more than for simply giving in to my request.

Bella wound her hands behind my knees, clutching my legs as she settled her head comfortably in my lap. "Mm hmm," she yawned again. Her heart shook her small body, and I brushed her hair back from her face, so that I could study her profile while she passed into sleep. The other passengers in our cabin also thought about sleeping, and tried to avoid the long lists of things they needed to accomplish after they arrived in the States.

I had my own list:

* Pack for college (which would take all of five minutes),

* Find a home for Bella and I in Juneau,

* Speak with Alice, Emmett and Rosalie about our new plan,

* Find a way out of the time limit for Bella's humanity,

* And then there was another list of things I'd like to accomplish in Forks, things I'd almost never dared to hope for, but that were very real possibilities now that I was a married man.

Bella's breathing was deep and even, and her head was incredibly warm in my lap. The dreams of the other passengers began to surface, shimmering and gossamer, beautiful impossibilities. Dreams set humans apart from vampires. It was more than the fact that I could never sleep; my vampiric brain could never replicate the unlikely trajectory of the human subconscious. The closest things I had to dreams were glimpses of childhood seen in a watery reflection: a hat blowing through the air, light reflecting through canisters on a kitchen counter, small hands on piano keys.

But I could wish. And as I gazed down at Bella, surrounded by hundreds of fitful fantasies and magical, yet haphazard yarns, I counted her eyelashes and I _wished_ fervently. I let my mind roam freely and added my desires to the thoughts of the other sleeping passengers. No matter how unlikely or how outlandish, I gave my wishes up to whoever might be listening.

Bella was now my family, and I wanted her safe. I wanted her whole. And I wanted her human for as long as she desired. I wanted her so many ways… both innocent and otherwise. My mind ran away from me, stuck on thoughts of Bella, until my desire threatened to wake her, and I forced my brain to move on. I wanted the rest of my family, safe, whole and happy as well. And I had one other desire, one that I wouldn't add to the list, one that I wouldn't give up, one that I wouldn't name, even for myself.

**BPOV**

"Did Emmett ever tell you the story about the air marshal?" I giggled. We'd been traveling for about twenty hours, and now that we were just a few hours from home I was feeling kind of giddy.

"He didn't have to tell me anything. It's one of his favorite recent memories," Edward sighed, shaking his head. But then he looked down at me in a way that made me shift a little in my seat, and seriously consider what had gotten Emmett and Rose into all that trouble in the first place. Edward and I had been together for the better part of a day, completely clothed. It was frustrating and inconvenient, to say the least.

But even as I glanced around to see if all the passengers around us were sleeping, I noticed something change in the way Edward was holding himself. Seriously, his emotions could turn in a nanosecond.

"Emmett told you that story? When?" Edward's voice was clipped as he struggled to hold his mounting anger in check. I couldn't imagine what he was angry about.

"It was when Emmett and I were dancing at the reception," I explained somewhat impatiently. "We were talking about long plane rides. It was a funny story."

"He was talking about _sex _while he danced with you at our reception?"

"No! He didn't talk about sex! Mostly what happened after the sex. Really, Edward, you don't have to protect me anymore, you know."

Edward eyed me quizzically. "I have no choice but to try to keep you safe."

"That's not what I mean. I'm married and I'm a part of your family. There's no need for you to try to keep things like the air marshal story from my virgin ears."

"Emmett and Rosalie have never been good at respecting boundaries. Just because we're married, it doesn't mean I'd like to emulate either of them."

I balked. What was Edward thinking? That I'd actually want him to take me against the door of the cockpit? That I was going to start bragging about our sex lives like Emmett and Rosalie?

"Edward, please… I just thought it was a funny story."

Edward's eyes were trained on the window, and he didn't look in my direction. I hoped he wasn't planning on talking to Emmett. Who was I kidding; of course that's what he was planning.

I searched my mind for a way to tactfully change the subject. "I know what you mean about feeling like you have to protect me. When we were walking through the airport, I actually found myself looking out for _you_."

That did the trick. Edward glanced over at me with twinkling eyes, trying not to laugh. Good old Mr. Mercurial. "Excuse me?" he asked.

"What if someone suspected something? What if you were caught in a stray patch of sunlight?" I know it was a ridiculous compulsion, I mean, how could _I_ do anything to protect _Edward_? But this feeling was completely new and impossible to ignore. Like it or not, and as stupid as it might seem, I'd be watching Edward's back.

"First of all, the sun hadn't come out yet. And secondly, I've done just fine for nearly ninety years," he chuckled.

Well, I'd succeeded in turning Edward's mood, but did he have to come out and laugh about it, even if it was absurd? I folded my arms across my chest and huffed. "It's not silly. What if something happened and then you were gone? What would I do then?"

Edward placed a cool finger under my jaw and tilted my head so that I was staring defiantly into his suddenly serious eyes. My breath caught in my throat. He was disarmingly beautiful, and I wondered whether I would ever get used to having him so close, gazing into my eyes. I felt myself tearing up just because of his proximity, and because he loved me, and because he was mine.

"Of course I understand, Bella. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have laughed."

But then Edward's eyes began to twinkle anew, and I saw the corners of his mouth pull upward, despite his contrite words. "I thought you were grabbing at my hand because you were intimidated by the crowd in the airport. I had no idea it was for my protection." Apparently, Edward just couldn't help himself, and his subtle grin turned into a huge smile. I gave him my best menacing glare. Edward's laughter filled the cabin.

"Maybe after I'm changed you'll take my anger more seriously," I huffed.

Edward was instantly quiet. "I'm sorry. Please, let's not argue."

"It _wasn't_ funny. I can't lose you."

"I know, now that we're married --"

"It's more than being married. What we have now is more than that."

"Not the way I see it. Marrying you was everything to me. I could have been happy forever just being able to call you my wife. _My wife_," Edward repeated in a reverent tone, his eyes sparkling like sunbursts as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. It was hard to stay angry with so much of my body against his. It was like little bursts of electricity were going off wherever we were touching, and I was getting all hot and cold at the same time.

"Oh please… Are you trying to tell me you don't need any of this, Mr. Cullen?" I asked, running my finger from the inside of his knee up his inner thigh, like I had when we were on our way to the airport after the reception. I watched the effect my fingertip had on him with delighted confidence: the way he went still all over, the way his eyes turned hot and yellow, the set of his jaw.

I let my finger linger, feeling icy coolness emanating from him, letting me know that no matter what he said, he liked this as much as I did. And then I very purposefully took my hand from his thigh and rested it in my lap and shifted in my chair so we were no longer touching.

It took Edward a few seconds to collect himself and move again. "Well, that is an added bonus. But I would have been happy without it. Did you see me at the reception?"

And all over again, I saw Edward, triumphant, euphoric, as I whispered 'I do.' The way he placed his hands so gently on my face as he leaned in for our first kiss. My body tingled all over again with the memory and I squirmed in my spacious leather seat. "I'll never forget, Edward. Even afterwards, that's one of the memories I'll take with me. I'm sure of it.

"But this," I grabbed Edward's hand and all of those tingly feelings were magnified exponentially when the bare skin of his hand touched mine, enough to make me nearly jump, "this is more."

Edward blinked rapidly, and he gently wrapped his fingers around mine. "It is. It reminds me of something Jasper mentioned once, about how he'd never dreamed he'd be blessed with both a mate _and_ a wife. He said it was more than someone like him deserved."

I shook my head in dismissive exasperation. "You and Jasper deserve _each other_, sometimes. Of course you deserve this. It's just me."

"_Just you_? Just _everything_. You're all that matters to me, Bella."

I rolled my eyes. Edward could be so dramatic. But deep down, I knew it was very close to the truth. And before I knew what was happening, my seatbelt was unfastened, and I was on Edward's lap, his arms around me.

"It's like being in love with a flame: so powerful that you've consumed me, yet so vulnerable that a little change in the wind might take you from me forever."

"Four months," I whispered, leaning up against his chest, my ear over his unbeating heart.

"Yes. And then I can stop tilting at windmills, trying to keep you whole."

"And then you could kiss me, and I could kiss back."

Edward didn't respond_ verbally_ that time.

"And sex would be… different. Right?"

"I'd imagine."

I was goading Edward, and I knew it. But he was the one to deposit me into his lap, for goodness sakes. I wiggled a bit. "See, you do like the sex, as far as I can tell."

"I never said I didn't," he smirked.

I'll admit, I resisted the urge to straddle him right there in first class. The other passengers seemed like they were asleep, but, well, it just wasn't me, no matter how much I wanted this man. Instead, I settled for snuggling my body against his, letting my soft curves mold into his hard, unyielding skin. And, okay, I may have settled myself a little more vigorously than was necessary. Edward found one of the courtesy blankets and threw it over us.

"Thanks," I murmured, shifting again.

Edward groaned and bit his bottom lip.

"You got that from me," I giggled. Edward looked momentarily confused. "The lip-biting thing, I mean."

He grinned. "Right. Of course, the 'lip-biting thing.'" This time Edward was the one to shift underneath me. I felt my cheeks go red. "Not the only thing I got from you."

"Watch out, Mr. Cullen, or they may need to summon the air marshal, after all."

I watched the slow golden burn in Edward's eyes, the look that said he wanted to own me, in many, many ways. Now, after three weeks, I could finally meet that look head on, but it still turned my insides to liquid and I heard myself whimper, embarrassingly, out loud.

"Wait until tonight, Bella." Edward's voice was low and almost sinister, his cool breath blowing over my ear. And then he slid his lips slowly from just behind my ear to my shoulder, gently running the surface of his teeth over the bone there. I was afraid I might be getting Edward's lap damp.

"Tonight?" I asked.

"I've been waiting for this night for some time. I didn't know if I'd ever have the chance." Edward gently rubbed my knee under the blanket.

"_This_ night?" I suspected what he was getting at, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"Having you in my room. In _our_ room," he whispered, pulling my earlobe between his lips.

"How long is 'some time?'"

"Long enough to nearly drive me mad."

I searched my mind, trying to think of an instance, for the moment things changed. He told me when he bought the bed that it was only for me to sleep in. Did he want me then? "Since you bought the bed?"

I felt Edward's smile against my neck, and his hand trailed higher on my leg.

"Longer?"

"Perhaps."

And then it dawned on me. I knew how long. I knew when everything changed, and how all that sadness, that darkness had all been necessary in some ways. "I know when!" I was so excited I spun around in Edward's lap so I was facing him. His eyes were that white-hot amber that I knew so well, and his mouth was slightly open so the edges of his teeth caught the light.

"You do?"

"Since you came back with me from Italy. I didn't think you even wanted me around at first. But you did. You wanted me completely then."

Edward smiled a bit, but his eyes dimmed and he looked away. I hated that he still beat himself up over all of that.

"Before that time I'd never let myself consider it," he whispered so low that I almost couldn't hear. I don't know if the words were even meant for me. We'd talked ourselves to death about Edward leaving and what it did to us. How we felt about it. I didn't want to belabor it, and suddenly, I felt all kinds of wrong for bringing it up.

"Well, you _know_ I've always wanted that too. _I_ never tried to convince you otherwise."

"You weren't only one I was trying to convince, Bella."

But the spell had been broken, and I rested myself against Edward and it felt more familiar than sexy. It didn't mean my mind didn't pick up where we'd left off, though.

Tonight we'd stay in Edward's room. He'd actually called it _our_ room! We'd close the door… and then… oh so many possibilities. I'd wanted him on his couch long before he ever got the bed. And now that I thought about it, he did too! He'd mentioned something about the couch when he brought me up to his room a couple days before the wedding. I didn't really get what he was saying then, but now… Well, I couldn't get back to Forks soon enough. But we had at least another hour left in the air. And then we'd have to endure his family… his family of _vampires_.

"We can't," I murmured, upset beyond measure.

"I thought we'd settled that once and for all," Edward rasped in my ear. God, how did he know what I was thinking?

"What's wrong, Bella?"

"What about your family?" I asked, searching his eyes, trying to figure out if this was just par for the course with the Cullens.

"What about them?"

"They're all vampires."

"You finally figured it out," he chuckled.

"Are you going to make me say this? They'll all know. They'll all be able to hear and…" I couldn't bring myself to say they'd be able to smell. Ugh.

"They'll be gone this evening, Bella. Every night this week if we asked. You can count on it. They owe me nearly ninety years worth of discretion."

"I couldn't ask them to leave their home."

"You wouldn't have to. They just will. They've all been in our shoes once. Give or take a human."

Well, that was… considerate, I guess. I couldn't lie to myself. I was completely relieved.

"So, you've been waiting to use the bed?" I asked, letting my hand study the planes of Edward's chest through his thin cotton shirt.

"_Our_ bed," he corrected. He spoke in a way that made me have to look him in the eye. I shuddered with what I saw there.

"Right, _our_ bed."

"In _our _room," he added very quietly. I bit my lip in response. I wasn't sure if he was just making sure I knew he considered it our room, or if he was telling me he wanted me in our room. "Our room," I agreed.

Two could play that game. "_Our_ leather couch?"

Edward grabbed my hips and ground me into his lap. "Our bedroom door." The words were so low and deep I almost couldn't hear them, it was more like a vibration than a sound. I gulped.

"Our… door?" I squeaked, my mind attempting to picture what might be done against a door.

"Absolutely," Edward hissed, and I shook, overcome, still unable to look away. We sat like that for quite some time, making only the tiniest of movements that sent shock waves reverberating through my body, the lightest touches, subtle shifts of the hips, as my mind worked in overdrive just imagining what might be coming.

And then, just when I though it was too much, Edward 's cold lips crashed into mine, and he slipped his tongue into my mouth in that careful way of his, his hands were suddenly under my dress, and I was momentarily lost, cold and consumed. But then a man somewhere behind us snorted a bit in his sleep. I tried to pull away.

"Edward!"

"The attendants are in the back, and the humans in first class with us are all sleeping."

I glanced around nervously at the other people in the cabin. I couldn't see them all, some were hunched over, others were sprawled out. I guess Edward heard their breathing, or maybe the lack of thoughts, or…

"You can hear sleep." It wasn't a question. It was just something I'd never considered.

"In a manner of speaking."

I shimmied upwards a little, and placed my hands on Edward's shoulders, my mood completely changed yet again.

"What does it sound like?"

"Hmm?"

"When people sleep?"

Edward's fingertips continued to trace patterns on my thighs, but the touch had changed, and his hand moved in time with his voice. "It sounds human. When the human mind roams freely, it's something so unique that it's beautiful. Flowers bloom from moonstones, the wind turns a blind eye to sailors casting out over a sea of stars, an old woman is young again flying over a field of wheat chasing a sound that looks like a bird. There's no order or pattern; it's as unlikely and unpredictable, yet cohesive as the finest jazz improvisation. More so. It's everything that is unique about humankind, wrapped into one silent, nightly ritual."

Something about the timbre of Edward's voice made me long for my old pillow that I used to use when I wanted to feel safe. It was almost painful.

"It seems like it makes you sad."

"Wistful, perhaps."

I tilted my head to the side, trying to figure my husband out. "Because you can't dream?"

"No… maybe because one day you won't anymore. You know, that first night I came to your room, I hoped I might hear you dreaming. I thought maybe your conscious mind was blocking me, that when you were asleep I might hear you."

"And it didn't work."

"I wouldn't say that. I heard enough. Enough to fall in love. And now look where we are."

"It was my dreams?"

"It was everything. It was you."

**EPOV**

The closer we came to the house, the more unsettled Bella became. She fidgeted in her seat, pawed through her purse, and bit her bottom lip so much I was afraid and excited that she might make it bleed. Bella hesitated when the car stopped in front of the house and actually shrunk back when I held out my hand.

"There's no turning back now. They knew as soon as the car turned off the highway. Let's go meet our family. They're dying to see us."

Bella looked silently back and forth between the house and me, and I could almost see the half-formed words on the tip of her tongue.

"It will be your fault if Alice jumps out of her skin, Bella," I joked.

I'd intentionally invoked my sister's name. Bella and Alice had become so close, just as Alice had seen years ago. I knew Alice would be able to ease some of Bella's anxiety, and I was anxious myself: anxious that Bella should have someone to confide in. There was no precedent for our relationship, a vampire and a human, mated and married. I'd spoken to Carlisle and Emmett while on the honeymoon, and it had helped immensely, but Bella had been navigating this new relationship all on her own. That she'd remained so steadfast in her beliefs and so sure about us, even without outside support, reinforced for me how strong she was. It was a wonder she even wanted someone as weak as I was.

With mention of my sister, Bella smiled and finally offered me her hand.

"They'll know," she whispered, as I excitedly pulled her up the steps.

"Know?"

"They'll understand how I feel about you."

I stopped and held Bella's hips, staring into her eyes. "Is that what was making you nervous?"

"No, it's actually what gave me the strength to finally go in. Alice will get how I feel about you. I can be myself completely. I don't have to pretend or worry. It's really like a home."

"It is a home, our home."

"They're all waiting, aren't they?"

"Absolutely. Alice can hardly contain herself, and Emmett's about to break down the door. Let's go inside, for Esme's sake. She rather likes the door."

Bella stood on tiptoe and kissed me quickly on the lips. It was subtle, like a warm breeze, but it stilled the breath in my lungs nonetheless. "Yes, husband," she whispered, wrapping her arms around me, and reaching out for the doorknob. But I couldn't let her lead me into the house. I swooped her into my arms, and carried her across the threshold, her heart pounding against my chest, her eyes bright with surprise.

"Thorough," I whispered in her ear, and she giggled as I set her back down on the landing. My family was poised on the stairwell, frozen and smiling. What they saw in us was enough to keep them still as their minds adjusted to the picture of Bella and I, mated and in love.

Bella's arm tightened around me, and I could feel her taking strength from me as we stood a little awkwardly in front of our family.

"_It's true."_

"_They did it."_

"_He's happy."_

"_She loves him so much."_

"_Look how it's changed them."_

I took Esme's silent advice and I looked at the way the weeks on the island had changed Bella; she stood taller perhaps, with an easy confidence, smiled more readily, her eyes sparkled, her skin was sun-kissed with little freckles across her nose, her hair had golden highlights with amber streaks a human might not have noticed. She held her arm around my waist so easily, so possessively.

But it was more than what I could see. There was something glowing from within her that connected us, one to the other. It made me a part of her, and in the process, nearly brought me back to life. Bella's gazed up at me, her eyes searching mine, before she pressed her lips together and shook her head a bit. I understood. She knew what I was thinking, and she agreed.

I wound my arms around her waist, so small, soft and warm. After all of these years of solitude, I was complete in a way that I didn't know I could be. I was finally home with my wife. Suddenly it seemed ridiculous to wait until the evening. My family would understand. I grabbed Bella's hand, ready to tug her up the stairs past the rest of the family, when I was interrupted by Jasper.

"It was worth it," he whispered to Alice.

My mind was quickly assaulted with pictures from Jasper and Alice's minds: electric green grass, a bright blue cloudless sky, a sandstorm in the desert, a scar on Alice's shin. Just as quickly, the thoughts were gone, sealed away. I was snapped out of my reverie, and my eyes locked with Jasper's.

"_Later, Edward,"_ he silently requested. "_You'll have to ask Alice."_

That's when I noticed that Alice's smile was unnaturally large, even for her. I watched her steel herself before bounding over to Bella and I.

"Bella, you look radiant," Alice exclaimed, stunned by the sight of my mate. _Of course_ Alice was stunned. It was almost as if Bella was lit from within; her eyes glowed, her cheeks were the most glorious shade of pink, her teeth gleamed, her sun bleached hair glimmered in the light.

"As do you, big brother. Marriage suits you, it seems. But, _I _never had any doubt that it would, thank you very much."

"You never did, Alice. Thank you."

And with my reply, Alice threw her arms around my neck, a gesture so spontaneous that I hadn't seen it coming. She may have been half my size, but she nearly knocked me over with her enthusiasm. "_I'm so happy for you, Edward. And for me too… we both get Bella forever now_." Alice's eyes danced with happiness, and immediately visions of Juneau streamed through her mind: Bella and I sitting in our freshman Shakespeare class, Bella working in the campus library, Bella and I lying on a couch in a large living room, reading and looking out over the Taku River and the snowy banks of Douglas Island.

"I should have known you'd get your way, Edward. You men get us every time. But the house… do you really think _that's_ the one?"

And I realized Alice had shown me a vision the house I would find for Bella and I. I wanted to ask more, but held back. It wasn't exactly to Bella's specifications.

"_Oh, you haven't found the house yet? Well, you better hurry up, the semester starts in days!_"

I glanced at Bella and she was eyeing Alice and I intently, that little wrinkle between her brows coming to life. I stooped down and kissed her forehead, trying to ease her concern about the silent conversation that was taking place in front of her.

But Alice wasn't so easily distracted. "Today I'll let you settle in, Bella. But that's it. I can't believe you didn't give me more warning! We have to purchase a complete college wardrobe _and_ furnish a home, all in a week!"

I could feel the air vibrate with Bella's tension. She detested shopping. "Alice, I don't really think--" Bella began.

I grasped Bella's hand, and she turned to look at me. I tried to silently reassure her that I'd speak to Alice. My sister and I had a lot to discuss; a request to curtail shopping would be the easy part. And amazingly, Bella seemed to understand; her shoulders fell and she leaned against me as the worry disappeared from her face. _My mate._

Alice got the hint as well. "Well, at the very least, be prepared for a trip to Seattle tomorrow. We'll leave at seven-thirty, sharp."

Bella jumped a little and let go of my hand. "Seven-thirty! Alice, please, I'm _still_ human. I need to sleep!"

"Alice," I began.

"_Please, Edward, she has all night_ _to sleep! There's not much time before…"_

I stepped towards Alice and silently planned to reprimand her in the future, a trick Alice and I had been employing for years. I chose the words that I wanted to say carefully. "_We have plans for tonight, Alice. You should understand. In the future, please think before you embarrass my mate in front of the entire family_."

Alice's eyes widened and she sighed in resignation, her hopes of an eight-hour shopping day dashed. "_Oh._ _Of course she doesn't have all night to sleep. Jasper was right: this will take some getting used to_."

"How does eleven sound, then?" she asked Bella out loud.

"Better," Bella breathed, relieved.

"Seriously, Bella. I hope you managed to sign up for all evening classes."

Bella giggled and hid her face against my chest, and I pulled her protectively into my arms, cradling her in my embrace, burying my nose in her hair. Was this over? Could we retire to our room?

"About that bet," Emmett laughed, slapping Jasper on the back. "_And to think Edward used to have such a good poker face. Guess those days are over_."

Jasper handed over a small stack of bills, faster than Bella could have seen, and I relaxed a bit more, glad that we were no longer the subject of a wager, and a little proud of the way it had turned out in the end.

"Oh for heaven's sake!" Esme exclaimed, finally rushing over to Bella and I, throwing her arms around the both of us with a little more force than she should have. I worked to shield Bella so she wouldn't be injured by my mother's overly enthusiastic love. Esme pulled back and beamed at the both of us. "_Finally_!"

"I can't wait to hear about everything! How did you enjoy the cottage?"

I felt Bella stiffen in my arms, warmth radiating from her face. Seriously, this was a bit too much. "_The cottage_?" Bella stammered.

"_Oh, I didn't mean…"_

"Everything?" I began. "Hmm, let's see… we met your parrots," I teased my mother.

Carlisle had been on his way over to greet us, but stopped in mid-step. Emmett and Rosalie roared with laughter. Apparently, we weren't the only ones that had discovered my parents' secret.

Esme covered her mouth with her hand, and reached for Carlisle's arm, but her eyes twinkled with mischief. "_So, did you enjoy the tide pools as much as we have?_"

I returned a wry smile. She'd never get it out of me. Emmett was on the floor by this time, clutching his sides.

Bella giggled and glanced between Emmett and me, before clearing her throat. "And we watched _Notorious_."

Emmett and Rose were immediately silent, and after a second, the rest of the family broke into nervous laughter.

"Emmett!" Rosalie hissed, crossing her arms across her chest. "_He knows how I feel about that woman!_"

Emmett was quickly on his feet, but Rosalie turned her back on him. "That woman!" she mumbled. The rest of the family tried to suppress their laughter, to no avail. Ingrid Bergman was dead and buried, for god's sake.

"Thanks a lot, Bella," Emmett laughed grimly. "The gloves are definitely off now, little sister. You best watch yourself."

Bella leaned against me, secure in my embrace, still laughing. She seemed finally, completely at ease. She was my mate, and my wife, and fit in naturally as part of the family.

Having no luck with Rosalie, Emmett bounded over to us and lifted Bella off the ground in a very big, yet very careful bear hug. "Thanks little sis, you won the bet for me."

"What bet?"

I growled and Emmett placed Bella back on the ground, without answering. Emmett and I would need to have a little talk in the not so distant future.

Eventually, we managed to make out way into the dining room, where Esme had an enormous breakfast spread waiting for Bella. There were eggs, pancakes, bacon, fresh fruit, toast, croissants, coffee and three different fresh squeezed juices. Bella tentatively picked at a croissant and ladled herself some fruit. Everyone was all eyes, watching for confirmatory signs that Bella and I were truly a mated couple, wondering at how exactly that was accomplished, and just generally curious what a human and a vampire might do alone together for such a stretch of time.

"We went snorkeling," I started.

"I almost saw some fish," Bella giggled. "But the coral and the anemones and stuff were really pretty. And the dolphins were amazing! I swam with them." Emmett thought wistfully about the delicate flavor of dolphin blood. The family had banned him from feeding from dolphins over ten years ago, much to his chagrin.

Carlisle patted my shoulder. "_You look happy, Edward. Did you discuss your issues with Bella_?"

"Later," I hissed, under my breath. Five sets of vampire eyes settled on Carlisle and I, and Bella glanced around, trying to gauge what she'd missed. Alice squeezed Bella's knee reassuringly.

"So, uh, Alice, where were you while we were gone? Your cell kept going to voicemail."

Alice jumped in her seat, and her mind closed like a steel vault. She managed to project nothing but white static, a new talent that she'd apparently picked up while we were gone.

"Last minute trip to Ireland," she answered, strangely nervous. "We hung out with the Irish coven for a little bit." Then I saw pictures of the Burren, Siobhan's little cottage, Siobhan and Liam, Maggie giving Alice a small gold necklace. Alice's mind snapped shut again and she sought out my eyes across the table. "_Later_," she thought. I was becoming a bit nervous at all the conversations the family was putting off until 'later.'

"The Irish coven?" Bella asked.

"Siobhan and Liam have been acquaintances of mine for many years," Carlisle answered. "Maggie is their newest addition. They live in Ireland outside a little village called Kinvara."

"But they weren't at the wedding, though?"

"We didn't invite anyone that doesn't adhere to our diet. There were too many humans about."

"Oh, right. I forget you have friends that don't live like you."

"Maggie's especially nice," Alice jumped in, smiling. "We all hung out a lot back in the day."

Emmett was suddenly more interested in the conversation. He smiled broadly, looking between Bella and I. "Alice says Maggie was kind of… _surprised_ to hear you guys were married." I shot him an evil look. He was trying to get back at Bella by making her jealous.

"It shocked her so much, I hear she gave back your necklace, Edward," Emmett continued.

"What?" Bella asked, staring between Emmett and I.

"Maggie lived with Edward, Jasper and Alice the summer after he graduated from medical school," Emmett informed Bella, still smiling. I was conflicted about whether to jump across the table at Emmett or try to explain things to Bella. I chose to stay by Bella's side, but didn't know where to begin.

"She _lived_ with you?" Bella demanded.

"It wasn't just Maggie. Tanya and Kate stayed with us as well," I explained.

"_Tanya?"_ Bella stood up and glanced around, looking for somewhere to turn. Everyone except Emmett and Alice where trying to make themselves scarce. Emmett was enjoying his game a bit too much and Alice was silently pleading with Bella.

"Bella, nothing happened," I began.

"How many other females have you lived with over the years, Edward?"

"How did Achiri take the news, Carlisle?" Emmett asked our father, laughing outright now. Alice beat me to the other side of the table and managed to tip over Emmett's chair. I finished by pinning him to the ground.

"This is not funny, Emmett," I snarled.

"Achiri?" Bella whispered. "Who's _Achiri_?"

Alice was instantly back at Bella's side. "She lives in Brazil. She's a friend of the family."

"Esme, I'm sorry but I'm not very hungry, right now. Thanks for the food," Bella managed, her voice cracking. She turned and tried to run to the stairs, but only made it halfway before tripping over an area rug. I managed to make it to her side in time to catch her.

"Here, let me help you."

"I need some time, Edward. But, it sounds like you should probably give Maggie a call. And Achiri. And I bet Tanya's still upset." With that, she turned around and marched up the stairs.

"_Bella_!"

"Leave me alone, Edward."

I spun around and glared at my brother, who was still looking pretty pleased with himself. "Emmett, you and me, outside, now!"

"Boys!" Esme reprimanded, stepping between us.

"_I told her to watch out after that _Notorious_ comment_."

"_Outside_, Emmett, or you're going to have to buy Esme a new table with your recent winnings," I growled.

**JPOV**

I paused at the door to Edward's bedroom, reacquainting myself with Bella's scent, with the way her blood pounded in her veins, attempting to build a tolerance. I'd mostly steered clear of Bella since her birthday. But it had been a year, and now she was my sister, and she was human. I'd have to get used to it. For now, at least.

I was actually pretty sure I could handle being alone in Bella's presence. My trip to Ireland with Alice had left me with a sense that everything had been set right, and I had faith that my family was on the correct path. It was a deep, settled peace that I had never known in all my years vampire. As soon as Maggie gave back that necklace, Alice saw that Bella was going to be upset; there'd been no way around that. But she also saw that I could help matters, something I was more than willing to do after all of the pain I'd caused.

So, I took a deep Bella-filled breath of air, closed my eyes, and knocked on Edward's door.

"Alice?"

"Uh, no."

"_Jasper_?"

Bella's voice was quavering and higher pitched than usual. At least I didn't hear sobbing. I could never handle crying women when I was human, and it was well over a century since I'd had to fumble through a situation such as that. "Uh, Bella, could we talk?"

Bella didn't answer, but I heard her walking towards the door. "I was unpacking. Did Edward send you?"

"Nope."

"Alice, then?"

"It's just me, Bella. Could I come in?"

Bella cracked the door open and peered into the hall, before glancing back over her shoulder. I worried she'd dumped a bunch of underclothes on the bed, or something else feminine and private. "I could come back," I offered.

"No, no, it's okay," she assured me, although I couldn't detect any assurance whatsoever in her voice, and she opened the door wide. "Come in, I guess."

"Thanks." Bella and I both looked askance at the broken bed, and chose to settle awkwardly on either side of the leather couch. Bella smiled and twisted her hands in front of her.

"Edward feels awful, you know," I started lamely.

"He should." I was impressed by the way the little human was almost able to growl.

"And you're jealous."

"Jasper, you don't have to be, well… _you,_ to have noticed that."

"Sorry, Bella… listen, I came to talk openly. No meddling with your emotions or anything, just to talk, I promise."

"But, why?"

"Well, I've got a bit more experience than you or Edward in these matters. I kind of knew I'd have to do this ever since Maggie gave back that necklace."

"Alice saw…"

"She saw there was no way it was going to go over well with you."

"He never even told me about someone named Maggie."

"What would he have said? She had a crush on him?"

"Yeah, and probably before I was born, even."

"1980."

"Uh huh, before I was born. And he's known Tanya _forever_. And who else? Who the heck is Achiri? How many other vampires out there want Edward? How many has he just let into his life? He let them love him while they _lived together_?"

"Bella, it's not like that. Edward kept to himself for over a century. He never really got the whole woman thing, until you. He didn't care about any of them that way. I would know. Your husband is a good man, and there aren't that many male vampires out there, good or otherwise… we fight one another off. And he's the kind of guy a female would notice."

Bella blushed a pretty shade of pink and I held my breath and clenched my hands, silently cursing the venom that began to flow in my mouth. I looked out the window and swallowed quickly, hoping that Bella hadn't noticed. I could feel her love for Edward simmering just beneath the surface, but she tried to suppress it with her waning anger.

"There's never been anyone but you, Bella. No matter how many women wanted to get into your husband's pants, you're the only one that's been there, the only one he ever considered.

"But he never told me about Maggie. Or Achiri."

"What was there to tell? That they liked him and he didn't return their feelings? He may read minds, but he's a bit thickheaded when it comes to women, Bella. I figured that by now you would have guessed."

Bella smiled a little and looked away, unwilling to speak poorly of her mate. I understood it as an agreement on her part. "He didn't care for them?"

"Of course he cared, but only as a friend. He's always meant well, but he's just not as insightful with females. Tanya's theory is that he was just turned too young to understand women. I don't know that that's an excuse. What I remember of my mama, she made sure I knew how to treat a woman from an early age. But I don't admit to being as much of a gentleman as Edward on all occasions, so I suppose it evens out some in the end."

"Is Maggie pretty?"

"She's a vampire."

"Right, got it, she's beautiful."

I didn't know about that. But I'd never had eyes for anyone else after I'd met Alice, so it was hard to say. "Red hair, freckles, that kind of thing. More cute than anything, if you ask me."

Bella inched closer to me on the couch, and I clutched my end of the seat. She truly smelled delicious, and I worked at containing my feelings of hunger so that Bella couldn't the emotion. I didn't know how that would go over. "Is there anyone else? Any other female that wanted Edward?"

"Well, uh, I believe you went to high school with us. Do you really want me to --"

"Humans don't count," Bella said rolling her eyes. I understood, and I was glad she did as well.

"Yeah, Edward was quite the fundamentalist in his day. That's part of the reason that _you_ were so surprising," I admitted.

"A fundamentalist?"

"Just cause we don't eat the cattle, it doesn't mean we've got the right to play with 'em."

"Huh." Bella eyed me uncertainly and I felt growing indignation on her part.

"It's not like I think you're cattle," I added quickly. "It was all a little while ago. Edward was pretty self-righteous back in the day."

"He _was_?" Finally, Bella was able to manage a strained smile, but it vanished almost as soon as it materialized. "Please, Jasper, I meant other female _vampires_. Were there others? You can tell me."

"I don't know. _Probably_. But I've only been here the past fifty-five years. And I couldn't say if say Edward even knows who all wanted him like that. God, Tanya loved him forever, and he thought she just wanted a roll in the hay."

"Even _I _knew that wasn't exactly right," she added with a confident nod. Females were females, I suppose, vampire or otherwise. Women had a way of knowing these things better than men. And that was partially my point.

"He wasn't keeping it from you, Bella. He didn't know. Tanya asked me not to say anything a long time ago. The only reason I told Edward before the wedding was because, with Tanya there at the wedding, it seemed like he should know. And who was I to continue to keep her confidence after her coven refused to help with the newborns?"

"But this vampire, Maggie, Edward liked her enough to give her a necklace. Why would he do that?"

In my estimation, Bella was off the mark worrying about Maggie. Tanya and Edward had a deep friendship that spanned nearly a century. Maggie was in and out of his life in a decade. But I certainly wasn't going to put in my two cents on the matter. I'd also let Edward find his way through the minefield that was his mother's necklace. I wasn't touching that with a ten foot pole. "Honestly, Bella, you'd have to ask Edward. I've got some ideas, but it wouldn't be right to speculate."

Bella shook her head and began pacing the room, all the while feeling more and more insecure. I watched her wipe her eyes with the back of her hand. Fuck. _Tears_. Suddenly the minefield didn't seem as threatening.

"Bella, Maggie was a devout Catholic when Siobhan found her, and she clung to those beliefs to help her through the change. It's still something that holds a lot of meaning for her, and you can imagine what a struggle that could be for a vampire. Especially one that lives on human blood. It's a struggle Edward naturally understood."

Bella stopped pacing, and gulped nervously. At least she'd stopped crying. Another tear and I'd have lifted her emotions one way or the other, no matter what I'd promised earlier.

"And he still didn't like her? _Like her_, like her, I mean? The way she must have felt, it's so much like Edward."

"You can't help who you're drawn to, Bella. Finding a mate's got nothing to do with religion as far as I can tell."

With the word 'mate' Bella's head shot up and she _really_ looked at me for the first time since we started talking.

"We use the word mate, but it's so small compared to what it actually means. Isn't it?"

Bella nodded a little and I felt her simultaneous understanding and curiosity.

"It changes you forever, Bella. It's big, really big. You know? I tried explaining it to Edward before you two, well… but there are no words for it, really, are there?"

"No. In a way, it feels like we're two pieces of the same whole. But that's the best I've got."

"That sounds about right. The way I see it, finding your mate gives you some flexibility. It allows you to better exist in the world. I mean, the world changes all the time, but as vampires, we don't change. Having that other person helps to stabilize us. Otherwise, you just eventually shut down and you might as well be stone."

"Really?"

"It may take a while, but sure. There are vamps out there like that today. Don't hardly move, even. No one can exist unaided in this world, especially not forever. And once you find your mate, and uh, _cement_ the relationship, that's it. The past doesn't matter. It can't.

"Bella, all of those other vamps know _you're_ the one. Edward's mated and the past is over. I suspect it's one of the reasons Carlisle chose to vacation in Brazil, and Alice and I had to go to Ireland."

"Now that they know, are they going to try to hurt me? Should I be scared?"

"If they cared for Edward, they'd never injure his mate. They know that if they killed you, it would kill him too."

"But Victoria, the Volturi…"

"They've got nothing to do with love."

"Hmph. It certainly doesn't feel like being mated has made _me_ so much better. I kind of want to kill Maggie right now, and I've never even met her."

I couldn't help but chuckle, and Bella's eyes went wide, her alarm at my reaction to her violent confession filled the room. I worked to keep a straight face. "Someday you've got to get Alice to tell you about the last time we bumped into Maria."

Bella's faced blanched. "Alice?"

"My woman can really throw a punch; it's one of the things I like about her… But, Bella, it's not that being mated makes you better; it's a little different than that. It just helps you to exist. And you're human, that's different in ways we can't even begin to understand. I couldn't have even said if it could have happened between you two, before you were turned. Until I saw you today."

"You could tell?" Bella looked incredulous.

"Are you kidding? You may be human, but what you feel for my brother astounds me, pure and simple. I've never felt anything like it. No way you're not mates. And you've got to know what you've done for Edward… I mean, we all have our issues, but Edward was so sure he was just bad, through and through. You helped him see there was good in himself."

"Is that what Alice did for you after you two were mated?"

"Well, Alice is the only good part about me, with everything else I'm a work in progress, I suppose."

"You and Edward _do_ deserve one another."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, count this conversation as a step in the right direction. A non-Alice good thing."

I wasn't sure what to say to that, and immediately thought to excuse myself. Edward and Bella had been together barely three weeks and here I was talking to his mate, unsupervised, in their bedroom of all places. While he was trying to take down Emmett in the back yard. No, clearly it was time to go.

"Can I ask you something else, Jasper?"

"Uh…"

"About biting?"

"_What_?" I quickly moved to the door and cracked it open, trying to breathe some fresh human-free air. Jesus, she wanted to talk to me about _biting_.

"How is umm, biting different than being mated? I mean, Edward couldn't… and well, me…"

I desperately wanted to leave the room. God, I wished Alice hadn't left with Emmett and Edward. I thought about calling for Esme, but would Bella want to talk about this with Edward's mom? But Bella kept right on talking, somehow ignoring the feelings of indecision that were filling the air around us.

"So you can be mated without the biting part?" she asked.

"I guess, uh, marking someone, or biting them is like a wedding ring, you know. A sign that you belong to the other person. Their venom will always be part of your skin; their scent is on you permanently. You can be mated without it, but one generally goes hand in hand with the other. It's uh, natural, I guess."

"Can I tell you something?"

"I don't know, Bella. I think maybe I should go."

"I want it too. I want him to bite me."

"Well, then, umm… why not, if you don't mind me asking?" That little desire of Bella's could solve quite a few problems that were brewing.

"You know what newborns are like much better than I do. I just want to focus on Edward a little longer. I don't want to give that up so soon, you know? Before I turn into a bloodthirsty monster."

Well, if that was all… "I'll help you, you know. I've got plenty of experience with newborns, like you said."

"Really?"

"You're my sister now. Of course."

"You're ruining your own rep here, Jasper. That's the second Alice-free good thing you've done in less than an hour." Bella's smile was genuine, her relief rolled over me like a soothing balm. If that's all that was keeping Bella human, I felt certain we could make this happen before the deadline. The feeling that all had been set right returned, and I smiled right back at Bella.

"Well, you know, Bella, there's a theory going around that maybe you make us_ all_ a little better."

But just as I was feeling more comfortable, I heard Edward making his way up the path from the river. Bella turned towards the door. "It's him, isn't it?"

He was still too far off for a human to be able to hear. "How'd you do that?" I asked.

Bella shrugged, "What?" And just as I thought I'd done what I was supposed to, that I'd smoothed it all over, I felt anger bubbling back to the surface under a thin veneer of nervous tension. It wasn't just Bella. The closer Edward got, the more I knew I should go, and the more anxious I became.

"Just remember that he loves you, Bella, more than anything else. You're luckier than a whole pack of female vampires. You've got nothing to worry about. Do you need a little help, maybe? Some confidence or serenity, or something?"

"No. I'm sure I'll be just fine," she sighed. "I appreciate you coming up here and talking. Not just about all the women, but everything."

I turned to leave, but thought of something as I reached the door.

"And, uh, would you give Edward a chance and hear him out? He's pretty upset and he was, uh, really excited to get you here. Don't make too much hell for him… for me?"

I didn't want to think about Edward's mood if Bella threw him out of the bedroom.

"Just a little hell?" Bella grinned mischievously.

"I wouldn't respect you half as much if you didn't give him _some_ trouble."

"All right then. If you say so."

Bella took a cautious step in my direction, but then thought better of whatever she'd intended. My brother married a smart girl. And by the state of Edward's bed, she was also remarkably tough, for a human.

"Listen, I should probably go before Edward tries to take me out back too."

"We're just talking, for god's sake!"

"Don't forget we're vampires, Bella. We may play human for the neighbors, but Edward's still got a hundred years of territoriality to get out of his system."

"Really?" she asked rolling her eyes again.

"Just ask Emmett later," I chuckled, and high-tailed it out of there to go find Alice and see if I'd helped things any.

* * *

**A/N: The newlyweds have a lot to pack into just a week's worth of time in Forks... Edward's got a list, and he'll be checking it twice. I'm open to suggestions about that last bullet point on the list. Send me your wish lists in the form of a review and I'll try not to disappoint! xxx, m**


	16. Making Up

"_Outside_, Emmett, or you're going to have to buy Esme a new table with your recent winnings," I growled.

**EPOV**

Emmett was out the back door quickly, but not so quickly that I didn't see his challenging grin. He thought this was a joke.

"Edward, just take a moment and…" but I ignored my mother. This had nothing to do with her. I rushed past what remained of the family gathering, and chased after Emmett, out the doors, down the steps, over the river. It didn't take long for me to catch up with him and tackle him to the ground.

Emmett was laughing, but I snarled as I pinned him to the down by his throat.

"What the hell were you thinking?" I demanded.

"Bella was the one that thought making Rose jealous would be funny."

I saw Emmett's plan to roll on top of me and I braced myself. But his heft was too much and he managed to turn onto his side and partially pin me to the ground. I spotted a steep drop-off just behind Emmett, and taking my brother by surprise, I used his weight and pushed off, and we went careening down the incline, deeper into the forest. Emmett grabbed at the trees that flashed by us in at attempt to stop, but he only succeeded in pulling them up by their roots or snapping them in two. I saw he was distracted; so I spun into our trajectory in order to jump to my feet, still clutching Emmett by the neck.

"What the --"

Before he could say anything else, I threw him up against the rock wall we'd been swiftly approaching. Gray granite crumbled to the forest floor.

"There's a difference, Emmett. Ingrid Bergman is dead. You don't even care for her." I stood tall, my eyes never leaving his, only three feet between us. He'd have to fight me if he wanted to get past.

"It wasn't any different to Rose," Emmett grumbled, keeping his eyes on me while he wiped the dust from his clothing.

"Then hide your DVDs better. You were asking to get caught."

"And so were you, Edward. I didn't know you never told her about them."

"Told Bella _what_, Emmett? Nothing happened with those women."

"And you're supposed to be so smart. I think Rose made it pretty clear that it doesn't matter if anything actually happened." And I knew Emmett was right. Somehow I should have found the time to at least mention their names. Maggie and Achiri simply hadn't meant anything compared to what Bella meant to me. But right or not, this wasn't the only bone I had to pick with my brother.

"That's not the only reason we're here, Emmett. The air marshal story, the bet you had with Jasper… I won't put up with it."

"Put up with what?" he laughed.

I took a step closer, daring Emmett to try to get away again. "Put up with _you_, talking to my mate about sex."

"Jesus! Really? Get a hold of yourself. You know Bella's like a little sister to me. And she's human, for god's sake. Its not my thing."

"And stop goading me about what you saw the night before the wedding," I continued. "I swear to god, if you ever even think about…"

"Edward, enough, okay? When you called the house that day, you were upset. I mentioned what I saw to distract you. Please, it's not like you've never seen Rose in a… compromising position." I hadn't realized I'd been moving, but suddenly I was within inches of Emmett's face, his back against the granite wall.

"The different is that you and Rosalie put yourselves on display, I never snuck up to a window to get an eyeful."

"And believe me, I definitely hadn't thought that you two, had uh, come so far," Emmett practically laughed, pushing me backwards, his hands on my chest. I gave a warning growl, but he continued. "I underestimated you that night. Who knew it just took the right human and then you'd be off and running." Emmett worked to suppress a smile, and pushed past me, but I grabbed his wrist with just enough pressure that he'd feel some pain.

"Goddammit, Emmett. My relationship with Bella is just that. Mine! So, keep out of it. Stop trying to rile us up. Stop trying to push the envelope. Things are hard enough already. This isn't easy. She's human… there's so much we have to figure out for the first time."

Emmett's mind took off with that statement. Of course, he'd be focused on figuring sex out for the first time. His thoughts bore a striking resemblance to what he'd walked in on the night before the wedding.

"Emmett McCarty Cullen," I growled.

"Stop sounding like my mother, Edward," he said, pulling his arm free.

"Then stop thinking like a child."

Emmett growled and stalked over to the river, where he splashed water on his face to wipe away the dirt. "You've got to know I'm happy for you two."

"I do. You've also got to understand how I feel. Don't you remember in the beginning, just after you were turned, when you were jealous of _me_, even though it was ridiculous."

"It didn't seem so ridiculous. I couldn't believe that you didn't find Rose attractive. That you hadn't tried something."

"And what if I'd started talking to her about sex? What if I went out of my way to catch Rosalie topless? How would that have gone over?"

Emmett went completely still and didn't verbally reply. But I saw what he would have tried in his mind. It made our little wrestling match look tame. I couldn't help but snicker. "Perhaps it would have gone like that," I answered his silent thoughts, "but I think I still would have bested you."

"Like hell," Emmett growled, but when he turned, he was smiling. "Point taken. I would have wanted to rip you limb from limb."

But then Emmett and I both turned towards the house as the scent of wildflowers and rain moved quickly in our direction.

"Got that out of your system, boys?" Alice chirped.

I was surprised to see my sister. "Alice, I thought you'd be with Bella."

"No, uh, there's someone else that she needed to talk to. I came to bring you guys back. You both have some explaining to do to your mates."

"Alice is right. They always want to _talk_ about stuff like this," Emmett agreed.

"Yes, Bella and I should talk." Talking wasn't the only thing I wanted to do. I hoped I hadn't put an end to that possibility.

"_Nope_," Alice silently thought. "_But you've got some explaining to do_."

I sighed as the three of us made our way back to the house. "Yeah, I've got to go find Rose and make her feel better about that movie," Emmett grumbled. "You guys know where she is?"

"No, but she's planning on coming back to the house soon," Alice offered.

"Why don't you just tell her it's got nothing to do with Ingrid Bergman?" I asked. "Are you really that embarrassed about having a thing for sappy love stories, that you'd make Rose jealous instead?"

"What?" Alice asked, giggling. "I thought it was the Nazis."

"Them too," I offered.

"If I told her, then I'd be giving up the jealous make-up sex. Ingrid Bergman's about all I've got. I've been with Rose since I was turned."

"But there were humans, before, right?" Alice asked.

"Humans don't count," he scoffed.

"They do to me," I replied, thinking of Mike, Tyler, Eric and Jacob Black. No matter the dog was only part human.

"Well, that's obvious," Emmett laughed. "Listen, Edward, sorry. I'll be more careful. It's just hard to think of you guys like, together. I mean, she's a human. It just doesn't follow."

Alice slapped Emmett on the back of the head. "Get used to it, big brother."

Emmett spun around and threw Alice over his shoulder. "Or what, Alice?" he laughed, as Alice kicked and tried to struggle free.

"Or else I'll tell Rose where all the other DVDs are hidden."

Suddenly Alice's feet were firmly back on the ground, and we'd arrived back at the house.

* * *

I stood outside of the bedroom door, my hand on the knob. I could hear Bella's heart inside, I could smell her scent, and it steadied my nerves. I could tell that Jasper had been here recently, and I suppressed the urge to leave and go after him. It would be counterproductive, to say the least. What I needed right now, more than anything, was on the other side of the door.

But I wasn't even sure how to go about opening the door to the room. I knew I should knock, but I was afraid that if given the chance, Bella would tell me to leave. Visions of our second night on Isle Esme filtered through my head and I stifled a groan, unwilling to replay that scenario and wait in the hall for hours. For a second, I struggled with the idea that our marriage shouldn't be as hard as it was. Bella and I were made for one another. But I knew from eighty years of listening in to the thoughts of others that human relationships took work.

"Bella?"

On the other side of the door, Bella stopped breathing and her heart stuttered in her chest.

"Can I come in?"

"It's _your_ room, Edward," she snapped.

On the surface, Bella's voice was hard as nails. But there was something else underneath her swagger, the flicker of hope and longing. She wanted me near, even as she'd carefully chosen her words to sting.

When I opened the door, Bella was sitting with her knees pulled to her chest, her arms wrapped around her legs, her eyes peeking over her knees. They were bloodshot and puffy. And although I wasn't convinced that I'd done anything wrong, exactly, I was nevertheless filled with regret.

I still hadn't crossed the threshold. "Can I come in?"

Bella shrugged and closed her eyes. I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and entered the room. I thought better of sitting on the bed, and chose the couch instead. "We should talk, I think."

"Is Emmett okay?" she asked without opening her eyes.

"Emmett," I snorted. "Emmett can take care of himself. This isn't about Emmett."

"No, it isn't." Bella opened her eyes and they glowed with displeasure, her jaw was clenched and her little hands balled into tight fists. This was not how I imagined it would be when I finally got her into the bedroom.

"Jasper was here?" His scent was especially strong from where I was sitting.

"This isn't about Jasper," Bella countered, before turning to look out the window.

"Fair enough. Bella, what do you want me to say?"

"It wouldn't mean as much to me if you just repeated what I thought you should be saying." She was still looking out the window, and I resisted the urge to turn her head in my direction to make her look at me.

"That's not what I meant."

"You've been around quite some time, Edward. And apparently you've known many women. I'd like to think you could come up with something on your own, without my prompting."

I wouldn't take the bait. I was here to end an argument, not to prolong one. "Of course I've _known_ women. But I've never had a _relationship_ until ours, Bella. I can't help that I've existed as long as I have. No more than you could resist the way half of the male population of Forks High School thought of you."

"I didn't live with half of Forks High School."

"Nor did I."

"It still doesn't make us even. You've had this enormous life, and we've talked and talked, but in two years I've never heard the name Maggie. How many other Maggies are there? Is there, like, one on each continent? We've covered North and South America and Europe with Tanya, Achiri and Maggie. Who are the other four?"

"Bella, please stop this! You know I've never cared for anyone except you. And what kind of person would I be if I laid bare other women's hearts?"

"I'm not talking _hearts_. I'm talking living situations and necklaces, Edward."

"I _am_ talking about hearts, Bella. Maggie wanted a piece of my heart that I couldn't give. I gave her the necklace instead."

"Why was she living with you, though?"

"Alice made quite a deal of my graduation from Oxford. She invited everyone we knew: our family was there, the Denali clan, Carlisle's friend Alistair, and Siobhan sent Maggie as their coven's representative. It was unique gathering of vampires, because it was large and peaceful, something you don't see very often. Alice invited everyone to stay over at our flat for the summer. It turned into a meeting of minds, of sorts. But in the end, it was just the six of us: Alice, Jasper, Tanya, Katrina, Maggie and I."

"And Maggie liked you?"

I didn't respond. I could have said yes, but it would have been one third of the truth and we were supposed to be clearing the air.

"And Tanya," she added, understanding my silence.

"Tanya would have killed Katrina if she tried anything," I added.

"Mm hmm, I see. You had a harem." Bella jumped to her feet, and stomped over to the window.

I couldn't help grinning at the absurdity of the idea. Certainly, Bella was angry, but you could only take it to a point. I'd been a virgin for over one hundred years. It was about as far from the keeper of a harem as one could get. I tried not to smile as I gazed across the room at Bella. She seemed to sense my eyes on her, and glanced over her shoulder at me. Bella's eyes locked with mine, and the space between us sizzled to life.

I saw the glimmer of a smile on her lips, even as she struggled to keep her facial features in check. "A harem?" I half-laughed.

"They _lived _with you," she replied, finally turning around, and stepping tentatively back towards the bed.

"For a summer. It was two months out of one hundred and five years."

"Achiri?" she asked, sitting cautiously on the edge of the mattress.

"Never lived with me. Not part of the harem," I chuckled.

"Stop it."

"No. You're the one that brought up the harem," I teased.

Bella's hand closed around a pair of balled up socks that she'd unpacked earlier. She quickly (for a human) picked them up and lobbed them at me. Of course, even with the best aim, there wasn't a chance that she could hit me. But she was entirely off the mark, and the socks fell about a foot to the right of me on the couch. I knew well enough not to laugh at her attempt.

Bella and I both gazed at the socks. If they were human, they would have blushed scarlet under our combined scrutiny. I finally looked back at Bella. She was trying not to grin.

"I was just surprised," she explained.

"I hadn't thought to say anything because there's never been anyone but you."

"I know," she said, scooting backwards on the bed, holding my gaze. After weeks on the beach, the golden comforter enhanced Bella's tanned skin and auburn highlights. She was beautiful.

"And I love you. I've never loved anyone but you."

"I know," she repeated, keeping her eyes locked with mine. Quicker than she could track, I crossed the room and turned on the stereo, and then settled tentatively on the edge of the bed. The gentle strains of Barber's Adagio for Strings filled the room.

"And I want you, Bella. So much. I've never wanted anyone but you."

Bella gulped. "I know." And in one remarkably fluid motion she was on her knees next to me, on the bed.

"Don't hate me," I asked, my hand on her cheek. She leaned into me, her warmth heating my skin, blazing a path down my arm, threatening to devour the rest of my body.

"I can't." Bella toyed with the top button on my light cotton shirt.

"I promise that I'll tell you everything, Bella. I'll just need some time."

"Not now," Bella pleaded as she inched closer, the warmth of her body bleeding through her lightweight sundress.

"Only because you asked so nicely," I teased, my lips finally against Bella's, as I gently pushed her head back onto the pillows, holding myself above her, so my body just barely brushed against hers, my lips whispered over hers, so soft and warm. I pinned her hips between my legs in an attempt to pin down my flame, press too hard and she'd be gone.

"Your family?" she whispered, our lips still grazing against one another's.

"Stop worrying, Bella. They saw me coming upstairs. They know that we just fought."

"Past tense? Have we made up yet?" Bella asked, grinning.

"Not quite. Let me show you how vampires make up."

I pressed my lips against hers, letting the warmth of her fevered lips bleed into mine. I kissed her slowly, carefully, savoring the feel of hot satin against cold steel, the feathery lightness of her touch, as I allowed only the slightest touch of my body against hers. Her nipples, her hip, her inner thigh, one spot at a time, so that it was like random sparks igniting, then going cold. Her neck, behind her knee, the hollow of her throat; random caresses so that she didn't know what would come next.

I felt my own breath coming harder, watching the way her body reacted to my touch. The way tiny beads of sweat broke out on her skin. The way her breath felt like fire as it swept across my face. The way she trembled in my arms: the rhythmic trembling of her heart and lungs, and the unsteadier trembling of her nerves. How I envied her trembling and wished for a release for the intense energy that built inside of me every time Bella and I came together. That energy had almost no outlet in the cautious realm of our physical relationship.

Instead, I fed off of the beautiful torment, and felt Bella's own frustration building as she clenched her arms around my waist and tried to pull me closer. It built until my own body actually quivered, until my eyes burned, until I was forced to bury my hands in the mattress to make sure I didn't crush Bella. I forced myself to stay still, to stay gentle, to make sure that Bella was fulfilled and satisfied.

She was. She was glowing, breathing deeply, her chest rising and falling, the peaks of her nipples pressing against the thin fabric of her dress. Despite my cool temperature, she was perspiring, her face flushed and her eyes bright. She pulled at my shirt, fumbled with my fly, but I pulled away, sitting back on my heels to marvel at the sight of her.

"Always so eager," I murmured, as my fingers toyed with the straps of her dress.

"You're being a tease," she breathed, pulling herself to sitting, bringing her lips to my neck. And then something else, smooth, hard and warm ran across my collarbone. I froze. My mouth began to tingle, my mind reeled, my body was instantly electrified. "No teeth," I murmured, remembering the venom that had coursed into my mouth the last time Bella used her teeth.

"Something to look forward to, then," she cooed, licking the spot where her teeth had been, almost as if she knew how it was done. "Think about where you want me to --"

But I didn't let her finish. The image of Bella marking me was immediately burned in my brain, and I was completely overcome. Before I consciously knew what I was doing, Bella's back was pressed against the headboard, her dress was torn down the middle, then torn off her shoulders, and the shredded cotton fell around us. She was as delicate and dangerous as a flame in my hands. Her skin was glorious: pink, perspiring, and warm. My lips were at her ear, licking, sucking, teasing.

"When you're vampire?" I choked, my arms encircling her.

Bella didn't answer, only shook her head and shivered in my arms as my fingers skimmed the seam of her panties.

"You've thought about what you'll do? What we'll do?" Dangerous fantasies raced through my mind as the last remaining garment was torn and pulled out of the way.

"Have you?" she asked. I didn't answer. I couldn't. I didn't know how to explain the way I longed for her to remain human, and the way I couldn't wait until she was turned. How the idea of her strong and permanent, dangerous in a different way, was more than exciting.

"_I _have." Her answer was barely a breath. "A lot."

My hand ghosted its way from Bella's inner thigh, over her flat stomach, between her breasts so quickly that it was like a pale glittering flash in the dappled sunlight falling through the window. Until I held Bella's face in both my hands, stared deep into the chocolate pools of her eyes, and I planted my body before her so that I knew I was all she could see.

She gasped and bit her bottom lip.

"Tell me what you fantasize about." My request gave no room for disagreement. Bella's chest heaved, damp with sweat, her heart pounded. My teeth still tingled. I had to have her tell me her vampire fantasy.

Bella's eyes ducked toward the bed between us, but then they flashed and she looked back at me, staring me down, confident. "I'd pin you down, underneath me. I'll be stronger than --"

"Do it," I interrupted.

"Take off your clothes first."

"Of course." And I worked quickly, but somehow Bella was there when the last piece of clothing hit the floor, her hand held firmly against my chest, scorching. This time I was the one to shudder with her touch. I let her push my back to the bed, as she climbed on top of me, her hand never leaving my bare skin.

"I'll hold your wrists with one hand, and keep your legs between my thighs so you won't be able to move. I felt Bella's thighs pressing against mine as she glanced back and forth between my hands. I quickly brought them together in front of her. And in one seamless movement, she grabbed my wrists and pushed. I let my hands collapse above my head, and Bella was on top of me, her body pressed against mine. Glorious, triumphant. I couldn't wait. Her breasts brushed against my chest with each breath, her eyes were barely a centimeter from mine, and her hair was like a silken curtain hiding us from the world. Rays of light made their way through the strands of her hair, and rainbows danced in the space between us.

"My love," I whispered, seeing her simultaneously human and vampire. It was all I could do to keep my eyes open.

"Edward, I…I --"

"And then what?" I prompted.

Bella moved against me, a trace of a touch that still managed to overwhelm my senses so that I couldn't help but take a sharp intake of air. Bella's eyes glowed and the hint of a satisfied smile played at her lips. I pulled her bottom lip between mine, ran my tongue along it. "An then?"

And then Bella angled and pulled back slightly, the absence of her touch left me momentarily wanting, until I was inside her, encased in soft fire, and Bella lay against me again, her lips parted, her eyelids fluttering.

"When you're all the way inside… then you'll feel my hips like I feel yours now… so hard. The impact when I come down on you… you'll feel it, we'll hear it… I'll finally pinch you… your nipples… and…" Bella paused to catch her breath, moving her hips, still holding my hands over my head, her impossibly soft skin sliding against mine, her heart racing, and her face turning a beautiful shade of rose, as she closed her eyes. "And I'll pinch your gorgeous… ass," she whispered, ending in soft giggles.

Bella sat up, smiling and let go of my arms. I immediately moved my hands to her hips, and the light from the window streamed around her body, all orange and gold. I took a moment to savor the sight of her, so feminine and so sure, before pulling her down so that I could kiss her again. "I'll hold you to that."

"That wasn't all," Bella replied, as her breath came harder and she arched her hips and moved at a slightly faster pace. I worked to stay focused, to hold on, not to let my mind go.

Bella could sense that I was on the edge. She held my gaze, her hands held my face so that I was encased in flames as she whispered, "And then, I'll lean over and whisper in your ear." My eyes fluttered closed.

I felt Bella's lips barely touching my ear, her little tongue tracing it's curves.

"I'll ask where." It was a spoken in a breath so quiet, that it was almost a thought.

The picture my mind conjured of Bella asking where she should mark me took me out of my mind, and I was borne away, lost to sensation, consumed by heat and hints of a touch, and the sweetest, gentlest, sexiest voice whispering between deep sighs and sultry moans… "Think about it. Back here?" Something hot and warm flicked behind my ear. "Or here, or here…" her mouth never tired of finding tantalizing possibilities, until I had to reach behind me and grab the iron of the headboard, my hips meeting Bella's once, twice, three times, and her teeth were at my collarbone, and the world exploded, consumed in fire, gold and orange, soft pink, and chocolate brown.

* * *

**BPOV**

I awoke wrapped in a soft, warm comforter, and pressed against something hard and cold. Edward. I felt the smile on my face, and then strong arms tightened around my waist.

"Love," he whispered, his delicious breath bringing goose bumps to life on the back of my neck.

"Edward," I hummed out loud this time. I rolled over so we were face-to-face, nose-to-nose, and then opened my eyes to see two beautiful amber orbs glowing in front of me, full of love. But that's all I saw. The room was dark. "What time is it?"

"Just after two. You fell asleep just before sunset, but I didn't want to wake you. You looked exhausted," he smirked.

My mind quickly replayed all of the things that had tired me out before dark. "We never made it to the couch," I whined playfully. We hadn't even made it off the bed.

"We have a week. Good thing I'm a patient man." Edward laughed quietly. His kiss was quick and soft, but my breath caught in my throat anyway. Maybe it was the way his very hard, very unclothed body was pressed against me.

"Have we made up, now?" I asked.

"You've finally accepted the harem?" he chuckled.

"Edward!" I playfully smacked his shoulder. Oh! It smarted. Sometimes I forgot.

Edward seemed to be able to read the pain on my face, and he rubbed gentle circles over my palm. His cool touch made it immediately feel so much better.

"Perhaps you should get back to sleep. You and Alice have a big day tomorrow."

"Shopping, right." I shifted in the bed, and disappointment managed to work it's way through my happy and satisfied haze.

"Alice just wants to spend some time with you."

"I want to see her too, it's just…"

"Give her this day, Bella. It will mean the world to her."

"But if she sees the future, couldn't she just go ahead and order whatever will fit, whatever I'll like?"

"It's not the shopping, Bella, it's spending time with you, doing something she loves. Torturing you is just an added bonus. We'll get the rest of the week ironed out, to minimize the torture," he promised, gently stroking my shoulders.

"I know," I admitted, snuggling into Edward's embrace.

"You know?"

"Isn't that what you were trying to tell me earlier? Back when we were talking to Alice, right after we came home."

"You knew." Edward's voice was filled with awe, I think. And I had known. I wasn't sure how. "And what will you be doing while I'm gone?" I asked, turning to face my husband again. I felt the length of him pressed against my belly and squirmed.

"I have my own list to work my way through before we leave for school. Christening this bed wasn't the only thing I had planned for our stay. Today I'm going to try to find our home in Juneau."

"We're really going, then." It was still hard to believe we'd have our own house. That we were married. That we could do whatever we wanted inside that house. I pressed myself purposefully against my husband.

"If it's what you want," Edward murmured, pushing my hair behind my ear.

"Well, I'd do about anything, as long as I could do it with you." Edward's eyes flickered in the dark, and although he was so cold where his skin touched mine, the heat from his eyes was scalding. I shivered.

"In that case, as long as you're awake, I have something else in mind for the immediate future." I felt Edward's icy fingertips running down my spine, over my bottom, across the back of my thigh. He gently grabbed the back of my knee and hitched my leg up so that I was pressed against his naked body, then rolled me over on top of him, his eyes flashing mischievously.

"The last time I tried that, you were wearing entirely too much clothing," he rasped, pressing my naked body against his.

"I tried to undress you, but you wouldn't listen to reason," I joked, letting my hand wander.

"Was waiting so bad?"

"It was torture," I replied, my hand finally finding what it had been looking for. Edward very purposefully grabbed handfuls of comforter and bit his bottom lip. I loved that he'd taken on my habit. It was endearing and somewhat human.

"It was," he agreed, his voice clipped. "And it was perfect all at the same time."

"Only _you_ would call something that was so frustrating wonderful."

A shadow momentarily flickered across Edward's face, and even in my sleepy haze, I understood immediately: his delight and pleasure as he tortured himself not to kill me.

"Will you miss this after I'm turned?"

Edward looked away, and his face immediately changed into that impassive mask.

"No, Edward, don't leave. Come back and tell me. I can take it. I'm stronger than I seem."

With those words, Edward smiled and his dim eyes flickered back to life. But he still didn't look at me.

"Do you remember what I told you about time? I can't ever leave this time behind; I'll always remember it, perfectly. I'll hold it forever and cherish it." Edward finally turned to me and smiled. He looked happy and determined, I think. His arms were quickly around me, drawing my body back down to his. His eyes blazed. "I'll always have this, Bella. You. Human. You've given me the most wonderful gift. But I can't lie. I want you forever."

"You want me forever." I knew that. But it wasn't exactly what I'd asked.

"Yes," he agreed before kissing me. But I pulled away.

"But do you want me as a vampire? To be like you."

"When you're ready."

"Say it. Put the words together and say it for me," I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

"I want it."

I felt the smile on my face, the hint of tears in my eyes. I blinked rapidly, feeling pretty sure that tears wouldn't help anything at the moment.

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"For finally admitting it to me, out loud."

"And then we'll be together, forever," he murmured as he rolled his body on top of mine.

"Forever," I agreed.

* * *

After we had re-enacted and, um, enhanced certain old memories we'd shared in the bed before the wedding, I'd lied awake in Edward's arms. We agreed to talk more about my transformation. To plan for it, so that it was something we were both as comfortable with as we could be.

And then, after that, I asked Edward to start telling me everything, like he'd promised. I wanted to know him completely, and to be ready the next time I bumped into one of the vampires that had a thing for him back in the day. I hadn't been prepared for Tanya at the wedding, and I certainly hadn't been prepared for Emmett's prank. So, Edward started by telling me about the first time he met Tanya in 1919. We talked until just before dawn.

As a result, I was still groggy when Edward and I made it downstairs by ten thirty. Esme had another gigantic breakfast spread set for me. It seemed that Edward wasn't the only Cullen that had taken to cooking. Esme and Alice smiled brightly in our direction from their seats at the breakfast bar.

"My goodness, Edward, she looks like she hasn't slept in a week! I gave you extra time this morning for _sleep_!" Alice cried in mock-horror. I couldn't be sure, but I think I saw Esme give Alice a little kick to the shin. I wouldn't have noticed at all, except Alice jumped in her seat.

"Thanks for the food, Esme. But it's too much. And I can cook for myself. I've been doing it for years."

"I'll try to reign myself in, dear, but it's so much fun experimenting. And we only get you for a week before you're off again."

Esme's smile was warm as she looked between Edward and I, and then at the feast on the counter. So I decided to just go with it, and I piled my plate high with food. "I might end up napping in the car after all of this," I commented to Alice.

"Do humans sleep after _everything_?" she giggled.

"Only when overly attentive vampires over-do things," I replied. Everyone went silent for a second, before Edward, Esme and Alice all laughed out loud. I'd only been referring to Esme's cooking, and I felt my face getting hotter by the second.

But then I looked between the three vampires in front of me, and for the first time, I noticed a subtle difference in their reactions. While Alice and Esme's faces betrayed a little strain around the eyes and they held themselves very carefully, Edward's eyes sparkled with delight, and he leaned in to kiss my temple. It had never been as obvious to me before how much he'd changed. I cuddled into his arms, feeling safer and more secure than ever, and sad that I'd have to let him go for the day.

But then, his very human reaction to my blushing skin reminded me of my own list for while we were back in Forks.

"Um, Esme, I was wondering if you had the caretaker Kaure's address?"

"Kaure?" she asked, taken by surprise.

"Well, I just wanted to send a thank you note. She kept everything so nice for us. And she kept me company while Edward was gone."

I made sure to keep my mind focused on a very plain thank you letter. Alice couldn't read my thoughts, but she could see the future. I would just write a note. I had to count on Kaure to do the rest. Esme jumped to her feet, a bright smile on her face. "Of course, dear. How sweet. I'll write it down for you and leave it with Edward."

Alice eyed me curiously. "Alright, Bella, are you ready? If we don't start getting you ready for school soon, you won't have a thing to wear come winter time."

"I wouldn't mind," Edward whispered in my ear. "I've already ordered the rug."

Alice smirked at Edward and Esme tactfully excused herself from the table.

"You _would_ mind, Bella. You think winters here are cold. Wait until Juneau."

* * *

**A/N: Happy Mother's Day! Both of my betas are moms, so I gave them the day off. Hopefully, this chapter isn't swimming with typos. But if it is, it's all a testament to the wonderful skills of Jess Brown and Lindz. Enjoy your day, muchachas!**

**I received many, many suggestions for Edward's list. Don't loose hope that they don't make it off the bed in this chapter. They have a whole week in front of them. But a little vampire role-play sealed with a bite made things very special for Edward. I couldn't pass it up. And if you get a chance, feel free to do a read-through while listening to Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings, op. 11. **

**As always, thanks for reading, and for your reviews, and for your inspiring ideas, and for telling your friends, and for just all around rocking! xxx, M**


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